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BDSM is not abuse

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I am getting a little fed up with the fact so called dom / Bull fabbers belive submission is about abuse and pain.... Grrrrr *rant* it is about control, respect and trust. A submissive is the powerful one in the dynamic they calls the shots they determine the level of the session.... by how well they can submit depends on a connection so all you want to be doms please show respect and converse to establish a relationship it makes all the different xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I blame popular fiction- you know the book!

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By *olgateMan
over a year ago

on the road to nowhere in particular


"I blame popular fiction- you know the book!"

Sleeping Beauty?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In all my years on fab I have never heard anyone call it abuse.

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By *iamondjoeMan
over a year ago

Glastonbury

Self abuse?

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By *ikeC81Man
over a year ago

harrow


"I blame popular fiction- you know the book!

Sleeping Beauty?"

Bambi?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"In all my years on fab I have never heard anyone call it abuse. "
i have.

and it annoys me when people confuse the two..

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By *GHertsCouple
over a year ago

North Herts

Sadly the previously mentioned popular fiction and the plethora of sites/videos on the net that to the uninitiated portray BDSM as "powerful Dom/weak submissive" are all to blame.

The majority of those purporting to be Doms (and I'm ashamed to admit it they're mainly males) see BDSM as being about the Dom telling the sub what to do, and the sub blindly obeying.

Have said elsewhere that I view Dom/mes and subs as being two sides of the same coin with each complementing the other and holding equal power, and have yet to see a compelling argument to suggest otherwise.

Mr G

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I am getting a little fed up with the fact so called dom / Bull fabbers belive submission is about abuse and pain.... Grrrrr *rant* it is about control, respect and trust. A submissive is the powerful one in the dynamic they calls the shots they determine the level of the session.... by how well they can submit depends on a connection so all you want to be doms please show respect and converse to establish a relationship it makes all the different xxx"

I would argue that it depends if they are a Dom or a Dom wonnabe, I know some who have just seen the title Dom as a way of being abusive and getting away with it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you met some of the submissive women that I know, you would be shocked how powerful they are in everyday life, I don't know one single submissive who has "doormat " written all over them, one in particular is a quite intimidating young lady, who commands a lot of respect in her chosen (male dominated) field.

I used to get angry about how bdsm is portrayed in film and the media, but now I just think fuck it, it was around before that bloody book came out and it will be around a long time after it's been forgotten

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By *olgateMan
over a year ago

on the road to nowhere in particular

It's a power thing. Often powerful people relinquish control, hence high court judges being walked over by dommes in stilettos

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not a subject that I know much about, but I am puzzled how it fits into a NSA Swingers life, as surely the trust needed between the 2 requires knowledge of each other and time to build a relationship of trust?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

Have said elsewhere that I view Dom/mes and subs as being two sides of the same coin with each complementing the other and holding equal power, and have yet to see a compelling argument to suggest otherwise.

Mr G

"

^ agree with this.

Plus safe words give the submissive the means to stop play immediately.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Not a subject that I know much about, but I am puzzled how it fits into a NSA Swingers life, as surely the trust needed between the 2 requires knowledge of each other and time to build a relationship of trust?"

So does having a good mechanic, but I'm not marrying gaz any time soon

It is about trust, but it's also about having an open mind, and a swingers site is a much more open minded place to find like minded people than a dating site, so some of us perverse kinksters lurk about in the forums, being all domly and shit

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"In all my years on fab I have never heard anyone call it abuse. i have.

and it annoys me when people confuse the two.. "

So have I. Usually from people who have no interest in listening to why it isn;t

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Not a subject that I know much about, but I am puzzled how it fits into a NSA Swingers life, as surely the trust needed between the 2 requires knowledge of each other and time to build a relationship of trust?

So does having a good mechanic, but I'm not marrying gaz any time soon

It is about trust, but it's also about having an open mind, and a swingers site is a much more open minded place to find like minded people than a dating site, so some of us perverse kinksters lurk about in the forums, being all domly and shit "

Gaz is devistated, he kind of suspected it, but you could have let him down gently

I know several people in to BDSM and they people they play with tend to be at least long term a quaint ancestors (was supposed to be aquantences, but auto carrot is so good on that one I will leave it in!)

guess what I m getting at is anyone who let's a complete stranger act as Dom, is chancing it almost as someone who let's a stranger be sub...

myself, I am a slightly bossy passive...

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By *ovely kinkyCouple
over a year ago

Cardiff


"I am getting a little fed up with the fact so called dom / Bull fabbers belive submission is about abuse and pain.... Grrrrr *rant* it is about control, respect and trust. A submissive is the powerful one in the dynamic they calls the shots they determine the level of the session.... by how well they can submit depends on a connection so all you want to be doms please show respect and converse to establish a relationship it makes all the different xxx"

Well said

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I am getting a little fed up with the fact so called dom / Bull fabbers belive submission is about abuse and pain.... Grrrrr *rant* it is about control, respect and trust. A submissive is the powerful one in the dynamic they calls the shots they determine the level of the session.... by how well they can submit depends on a connection so all you want to be doms please show respect and converse to establish a relationship it makes all the different xxx"

Thank you!! Xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That book is a how to guide to an abusive relationship and bears no resemblance to an actual dominant submissive dynamic.

Fortunately the 'dominants' who model themselves on the grey douche are easy to spot of you do understand the D/s dynamic however the worrying thing is that there are so many little Anastasia's who are enamoured with the ideas in the books that it's easy prey for the wannabes...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I know of swingers who look down on kinksters and vice versa. The thing is that being involved in either lifestyle is that you're supposed to be open minded and respectful of each others desires and fantasies. Sadly this is not the case. And both communities have their own version of dom and subs and blah blah blah.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Have said elsewhere that I view Dom/mes and subs as being two sides of the same coin with each complementing the other and holding equal power, and have yet to see a compelling argument to suggest otherwise.

Mr G

"

Not everyone is looking for equality. Some people like to play differently.

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By *thwalescplCouple
over a year ago

brecon


"I blame popular fiction- you know the book!

Sleeping Beauty?"

No, more apt would be Beauty and the Beast lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Not a subject that I know much about, but I am puzzled how it fits into a NSA Swingers life, as surely the trust needed between the 2 requires knowledge of each other and time to build a relationship of trust?

So does having a good mechanic, but I'm not marrying gaz any time soon

It is about trust, but it's also about having an open mind, and a swingers site is a much more open minded place to find like minded people than a dating site, so some of us perverse kinksters lurk about in the forums, being all domly and shit

Gaz is devistated, he kind of suspected it, but you could have let him down gently

I know several people in to BDSM and they people they play with tend to be at least long term a quaint ancestors (was supposed to be aquantences, but auto carrot is so good on that one I will leave it in!)

guess what I m getting at is anyone who let's a complete stranger act as Dom, is chancing it almost as someone who let's a stranger be sub...

myself, I am a slightly bossy passive..."

You'd be suprised, plenty of us are willing to play with almost total strangers! That doesn't mean we're chances, it means we enjoy casual encounters.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I get so irritated when people say I'm being brain washed

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

I think some people hide behind BDSM when in fact they are abusers.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I get so irritated when people say I'm being brain washed "

I tell Mrs to think this as well

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By *GHertsCouple
over a year ago

North Herts


"Have said elsewhere that I view Dom/mes and subs as being two sides of the same coin with each complementing the other and holding equal power, and have yet to see a compelling argument to suggest otherwise.

Mr G

Not everyone is looking for equality. Some people like to play differently."

Of course and if that is how they agree to play consensually then that is of course their prerogative. Although it could be argued that by agreeing to inequality there has to have been an element of equality to begin with.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think some people hide behind BDSM when in fact they are abusers."

Like anything in life. Abusers can be anyone. Ive chatted to as many that I thought were abusers in the swing scene as I have in the link scene.

Abuse isn't all about hitting people.

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound


"I think some people hide behind BDSM when in fact they are abusers.

Like anything in life. Abusers can be anyone. Ive chatted to as many that I thought were abusers in the swing scene as I have in the link scene.

Abuse isn't all about hitting people."

Abuse is rarely about hitting people, at least at first.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Not a subject that I know much about, but I am puzzled how it fits into a NSA Swingers life, as surely the trust needed between the 2 requires knowledge of each other and time to build a relationship of trust?

So does having a good mechanic, but I'm not marrying gaz any time soon

It is about trust, but it's also about having an open mind, and a swingers site is a much more open minded place to find like minded people than a dating site, so some of us perverse kinksters lurk about in the forums, being all domly and shit

Gaz is devistated, he kind of suspected it, but you could have let him down gently

I know several people in to BDSM and they people they play with tend to be at least long term a quaint ancestors (was supposed to be aquantences, but auto carrot is so good on that one I will leave it in!)

guess what I m getting at is anyone who let's a complete stranger act as Dom, is chancing it almost as someone who let's a stranger be sub...

myself, I am a slightly bossy passive...

You'd be suprised, plenty of us are willing to play with almost total strangers! That doesn't mean we're chances, it means we enjoy casual encounters."

I am not surprised, but those that submit to or dominate a stranger are really pushing the limits of trust.

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By *ymph and ManicCouple
over a year ago

North East

Pure ignorance of mainly men thinking they are "dom" .. .. they plainly haven't induldged in a bdsm scene or munch or anything a that remotely resembles bdsm scenario .. .. when they say ignorance is bliss .. there is a lot of very blissful "doms" on here .. and I use that word loosely .. .. .. ..

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By *eavenNhellCouple
over a year ago

carrbrook stalybridge


"Pure ignorance of mainly men thinking they are "dom" .. .. they plainly haven't induldged in a bdsm scene or munch or anything a that remotely resembles bdsm scenario .. .. when they say ignorance is bliss .. there is a lot of very blissful "doms" on here .. and I use that word loosely .. .. .. .. "
commonly known thoughout the scene as "dimdomms "most can usualy spot them a mile off its the new nieve and vulnerable they prey on

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By *ohnaronMan
over a year ago

london

As a sub guy who's fantasy is a beautiful sadistic bitch who gets off on inflicting pain and is totally uninterested in safe words and who is a total stranger means I am much out of step with the above posts.

I await her invitation...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Is there a sub dom handbook one can purchase?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Pure ignorance of mainly men thinking they are "dom" .. .. they plainly haven't induldged in a bdsm scene or munch or anything a that remotely resembles bdsm scenario .. .. when they say ignorance is bliss .. there is a lot of very blissful "doms" on here .. and I use that word loosely .. .. .. .. commonly known thoughout the scene as "dimdomms "most can usualy spot them a mile off its the new nieve and vulnerable they prey on "

So to be a real dom or sub you have to be part of "the scene" and go to organised events?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Pure ignorance of mainly men thinking they are "dom" .. .. they plainly haven't induldged in a bdsm scene or munch or anything a that remotely resembles bdsm scenario .. .. when they say ignorance is bliss .. there is a lot of very blissful "doms" on here .. and I use that word loosely .. .. .. .. commonly known thoughout the scene as "dimdomms "most can usualy spot them a mile off its the new nieve and vulnerable they prey on

So to be a real dom or sub you have to be part of "the scene" and go to organised events? "

Of course not. But just because you fuck really hard and like to spank bottoms and pull hair, that doesn't make you a dom either.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Is there a sub dom handbook one can purchase?"

Aye there is actually. Loads on amazon.

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