FabSwingers.com forum: Social Meet Before Fun Commences.

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Please may I ask is it wrong to ask politely for a social meet without any pressure first to get to know someone before any fun commences?

I just want to feel safe and get to know someone before I invite them to my home jump into bed with them, it is different if you go to a club or if you are a couple but being on my own I do feel a little vulnerable.

This morning I was really badly insulted because a guy said I was being too awkward. I feel I am right in asking for a social beforehand but I would like to ask you for your advice.

Thank you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Social fine by me. Not being awkward at all.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

not being awkward at all sweetie, your well within your rights for social first, I prefer this also xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think it's the only way to go tbh unless it's an impossible ask because they are miles away.

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By *r.GenuineMan
over a year ago

Birmingham

Social is fine with me too

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By *GHertsCouple
over a year ago

North Herts

No absolutely it is not wrong to want that, and anyone that doesn't respect your wishes is obviously sadly somewhat deluded about swinging and this site generally.

Why on earth would you just want to pretty much jump straight into the bedroom with someone you've only just opened the door to? It's only natural you'd want to get to know them and feel comfortable with them a little first.

Yet again a case of people thinking this site is a licence to shag!!

Mr G

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It makes total sense, why would anyone object??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

even I used to ask for a social, and I let the woman decide where so that she felt safe,sometimes after a lengthy chat on here or phone I would be invited round to house. then asked to play...but always the womans choice and I usually asked them if they had a buddy to watch out for them ......safety everytime

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Always social first, and in a public place. Play may happen same day, but it's a lot easier to walk away from someone who isn't what the profile age / pictures / perceived personality from a starbucks than from your front door.

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By *ollymopWoman
over a year ago

liverpool

I alway have a social first I'd never meet anyone without one, then if we want to play arrange another meet. If I don't want to play it's far easier to walk away. If they want to just play think that says far more about them!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You aren't awkward. He's being a ****. Apart from anything else, it feels safer to have a social first.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Because I state on my profile I want a social first I gotten messages where I get abused for it! Nothing wrong with having socials

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By *ire_bladeMan
over a year ago

Manchester

It's normal to me so don't see the problem. Guess people are strange

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There is no right or wrong about socials. We have socials first usually, it's good to be able to relax and get to know people, just like you do at clubs, if all are comfy you can play straight away or make another date.

However some people like to jump straight in which is what they like so that's great for them.

Whatever people choose that should not get abuse for it as it's personal choice.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I used to have on my profile as 'social first a must', then I changed it to 'social prefer_ed', and now I have that I'm 'happy to have a social' mainly because as a man I have a better chance of getting out of a dodgy situation. If I was female it'd be social first every time no contest.

Not saying that as a sexist thing because in my karate years I've had my arse kicked all over by women; I mean in general that women are far more likely to be an underdog strength-wise, and lets face it men are far more likely to be weirdos.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The best meet I've had, we met for a few drinks first, really settled any nerves. Loved it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I insist on a social meet first, need to see the guy in the flesh to decide if anything else is going to happen.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I used to have on my profile as 'social first a must', then I changed it to 'social prefer_ed', and now I have that I'm 'happy to have a social' mainly because as a man I have a better chance of getting out of a dodgy situation. If I was female it'd be social first every time no contest.

I had a weirdo once, left the meet and got home 30 mins later to 7 messages and 8 texts.......wanting a repeat next day....but to clingy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Cant beat a jolly spiffing social before you meet some one more intimately.

Its also a safety thing for you ladies and us chaps.

If you cant click and have a giggle socially then the chances are it wont be fun for sex

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Its very rare i make an exceptuon my general rule is coffee meet first xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A social meet is essential for us first.

Then we can go home and make 100% sure we want it to go any further. Better than making a knee-jerk reaction fuelled by wine, then regretting it later.

Safety is paramount. Especially for people who are meeting alone.

NEVER compromise your rules. If someone thinks youre being awkward...kick em to the kerb!

xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Because I state on my profile I want a social first I gotten messages where I get abused for it! Nothing wrong with having socials"

Ignore the rude and abusive messages. Your in charge of how you meet and your profile.

Btw the unwanted messages get eliminated so makes it easier for you to find compatible people that accept your profile as it is.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I had a weirdo once, left the meet and got home 30 mins later to 7 messages and 8 texts.......wanting a repeat next day....but to clingy"

I'm still waiting for a reply

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Whether were meeting seperately or together we always insist on socials first if their not prepa_ed to meet for a social first then we just thanks but no thanks. For a single woman any respectable guy would respect you and meet for a social first I know I would, just block and move on plenty more fabtastic people for you to meet on here

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By *ikeC81Man
over a year ago

harrow

I quiet like socials and I have had some really good ones that have led to play that day or at a later time

For me if it was someone new that I hadn't met from club scene then I would probably do a social first

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By *andaCouple
over a year ago

co down

Think your experience this morning says more about the other person than yourself. Your profile says you prefer to meet socially first and that should be respected. If not there's always the block button / option to report the pushy so and so!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think a no pressure social meet first is best. If it progresses then great but if not no harm done.

Why commit to more, turn up and find there is no chemistry.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A social makes perfect sense. If you click then the proper meet will be worth the wait

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By *edMan
over a year ago

cambridgeshire

Costa Coffee (other expensive noisy coffee outlets available) make 34.2% of their profit from swingers meeting socially first, so it's quite normal.

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By *ENDAROOSCouple
over a year ago

South West London / Surrey

"Please may I ask is it wrong to ask politely for a social meet without any pressure first to get to know someone before any fun commences?

This morning I was really badly insulted because a guy said I was being too awkward. I feel I am right in asking for a social beforehand but I would like to ask you for your advice.

Thank you.

No one is right and no one is wrong as such. Some people choose to do things different ways. That's fine.

It's just a case of finding those who share your approach.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Costa Coffee (other expensive noisy coffee outlets available) make 34.2% of their profit from swingers meeting socially first, so it's quite normal.

haha made me laugh that. They should have signs on the comfy seats at the back 'reserved for swinger socials only'

Make life a lot easier...

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By *iamondjoeMan
over a year ago

Glastonbury

"Please may I ask is it wrong to ask politely for a social meet without any pressure first to get to know someone before any fun commences?"

Whatever works for you.

The guy is clearly an asshole

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No. You aren't wrong to ask for a social first. Just as I'm not wrong for never having a social first. Just as there is no wrong way to do things.

Some just like to tell others how they should do things and that any other way is weird or wrong. I don't let them interfere with my enjoyment of the site. It's their issue and i will continue doing things how i want while i carry on in my merry little way.

Stick to your guns chick, and ignore everyone else.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was accused of being a prick tease and told I should be on a dating site, all because I wanted to get to know a guy a little and then meet for a coffee before any play to make sure I felt safe and it felt right. OP, never do anything that you are not comfortable with. If a guy cannot understand your request for a social, or gets pushy, then he is not right for you. You need to think of your safety before anything else. There are good guys on here who do understand and don't just think with their cock! I wish you all the best sweetheart x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

they don't want a social, they don't even care what you want.

by telling you there is something wrong with you for wanting a social it's manipulation and trying to make you feel bad about having needs that don't match up to what they want from you.

avoid men ((and women) like this like the plague.

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By *lanemikeMan
over a year ago

Bolton

"I think a no pressure social meet first is best. If it progresses then great but if not no harm done.

Why commit to more, turn up and find there is no chemistry."

Sounds fair enough to me....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A social is a very good way to find out whether or not there's chemistry between all parties. It can and does work both ways.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You make your own rules dont let anyone sway you from them and if it feels right for you then thats the way to play xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You make your own rules dont let anyone sway you from them and if it feels right for you then thats the way to play xx"

Agree

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By *oxyvixen99Woman
over a year ago

Newtownabbey

I usually have a social first

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By *ngel n tedCouple
over a year ago

maidstone

We met a lady on here, chatted and got on. Went straight for the old come over to ours and stay the night. It was decided that she would get a train and we would pick her up from the station. First impression upon seeing her at the station was...shit she's seen us. Now i don't know how other people get dressed and do their hair, but her routine looked like jumping out of bed and running the length of her washing line and seeing what sticks. Since that, frankly awkward night, angel always insists on a social first.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Unless it's a club I never ever play without a social first.

I've had grief over it before but I don't care.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"they don't want a social, they don't even care what you want.

by telling you there is something wrong with you for wanting a social it's manipulation and trying to make you feel bad about having needs that don't match up to what they want from you.

avoid men ((and women) like this like the plague."

Exactly this

If he can't respect your wishes pre-play meet, it gives you a good indication of how attentive to your needs he might be later if you ever get to that stage. It's clearly all about him and he doesn't give a damn about what you are happy with.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Conduct your fabbing life as you want to, if others have a problem with it, then they're pretty clearly not someone you would want to meet.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Tell him to sling his hook. As an attractive lady on here you will not go short of offers....with his attitude I doubt he will ever get any!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Tell him to sling his hook. As an attractive lady on here you will not go short of offers....with his attitude I doubt he will ever get any!"

PS.....as a bloke it is rare I would play without an initial social meet (there are some munters on here after all).....not unusual for a social meet to develop further tho lol!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"not being awkward at all sweetie, your well within your rights for social first, I prefer this also xx"

As above

We are all here for different reasons, like you it has to feel right before I bare all to anyone regardless of it just being "sex".

He clearly didn't deserve your time anyway xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No, it's simple. If he doesn't respect your wishes at this stage he's not worth meeting. Your life, your fun, your choice how you meet people.

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By *awty_MissDynomiteNo1Woman
over a year ago

No idea, I'm lost. Damn Sat nav!

"Please may I ask is it wrong to ask politely for a social meet without any pressure first to get to know someone before any fun commences?

This morning I was really badly insulted because a guy said I was being too awkward. I feel I am right in asking for a social beforehand but I would like to ask you for your advice.

Thank you.

"
no its not and it all adds to a nice experience if all goes well at the social stage it makes the sexy flirting more exciting leading up to a fun meet too in my books

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By *aeBabeWoman
over a year ago

London

"Please may I ask is it wrong to ask politely for a social meet without any pressure first to get to know someone before any fun commences?

This morning I was really badly insulted because a guy said I was being too awkward. I feel I am right in asking for a social beforehand but I would like to ask you for your advice.

Thank you.

Socials are perfectly fine beforehand. If you do get on and the chemistry is right it can lead to more. A potential meet who doesn't respect that, can move on. Use that as a filter. Xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We would never invite anyone straight round to ours(have done it in the past and it was a disaster). We would always meet for a drink first, if the chemistry is there then game on and lets all go back and get naked... If not we have possibly pleasant evening out... Socials are a must.....

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By *lighty1Woman
over a year ago

You Dont Need to Know, right now

"Please may I ask is it wrong to ask politely for a social meet without any pressure first to get to know someone before any fun commences?

This morning I was really badly insulted because a guy said I was being too awkward. I feel I am right in asking for a social beforehand but I would like to ask you for your advice.

You are DEFINITELY right to expect a social first. I'm sure 90+% of single females would expect a social first. We have to think of our safety, and Fab's guidance for newbies suggests meeting socially in a public place, in the first instance. Report him for the insults, then block him and move on. There are loads of lovely single guys on Fab who WILL respect your right to take care of yourself.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thank you so much I must admit I am glad I have sha_ed this because I was being made to feel as if I was wrong and I shouldn't be here. I appreciate your time that you took to help me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's not awkward at all, some guys are just too eager to get to the sex, I like socials, you get to know the other person without any pressure of it going anywhere, and you can have a right laugh too, plus I can't just do the sex without some sort of social interaction first, how are you suppose to know if you like them enough to go that next step?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

if i was a single fem id do social first - maybe with an option to play if happy etc

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thank you so much I must admit I am glad I have sha_ed this because I was being made to feel as if I was wrong and I shouldn't be here. I appreciate your time that you took to help me."

As an adult, you should be aware of your own boundaries and able to tell when people have no respect for them.

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By *oxy_minxWoman
over a year ago

Scotland - Aberdeen

I always do a social first, if someone thinks I am just going to let a complete stranger come to mine, they can think again!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Social always for us.

Flirting, teasing and more.

Plus it gives all involved a safety net

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By *thwalescplCouple
over a year ago

brecon

Your profile, your sex life, your rules, any guy who decides to play his face if it doesn't go his way has just talked himself out of some fun.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Personally I prefer a social meet before hand....... I have played on first meet but it's my preference to meet in a neutral place socially

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I absolutely insist on a social, at least one first ! Kick this arsehole to the kerb ! What a knobhead

Your body, your preference, your rules. Those who disagree can "do one" x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Please may I ask is it wrong to ask politely for a social meet without any pressure first to get to know someone before any fun commences?

This morning I was really badly insulted because a guy said I was being too awkward. I feel I am right in asking for a social beforehand but I would like to ask you for your advice.

Thank you.

No one is right and no one is wrong as such. Some people choose to do things different ways. That's fine.

It's just a case of finding those who share your approach.

If anyone makes me feel bad about the way I choose to meet I just don't meet them. Whatever the reason, no matter how insignificant it may seem to anyone else. My happiness and wellbeing are a million times more important than some stranger on the internet.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thank you so much I must admit I am glad I have sha_ed this because I was being made to feel as if I was wrong and I shouldn't be here. I appreciate your time that you took to help me.

As an adult, you should be aware of your own boundaries and able to tell when people have no respect for them."

Make sure you make it clear what your boundaries are.

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