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The best thing to do...

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Slight dilemna!

I have an ex who I don't particularly like at the minute as he behaves like a twat and does stupid things, but I do feel a certain amount of compassion towards him as I'm naturally a compassionate person.

It's the second death anniversary of a close friend of his on Saturday, something that I know really effected him and I'm one of the few that he opened up to about, and I want to message him at the weekend to see how he's doing... but we've not been in contact since we last saw each other a couple of months ago, though when we last saw each other we parted on good terms, we've just not talked since! Should I bother getting in touch or just leave it?!

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By *neeyedpirateMan
over a year ago

ask!

Personally I would

Leave it especially having not talked in so long

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd get in touch.

It's a nice thing to do.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I'd get in touch.

It's a nice thing to do."

I'm leaning towards that too - it's like, what would I prefer in that situation?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Let him know you're thinking off him at that sad time x

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

2 months isn't that long ago in the grand scheme of things. I would send him a message. I would appreciate it if it was me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'd get in touch.

It's a nice thing to do.

I'm leaning towards that too - it's like, what would I prefer in that situation? "

Exactly, I'm sure he'd appreciate it too xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"2 months isn't that long ago in the grand scheme of things. I would send him a message. I would appreciate it if it was me "

That's a point... now the whole thing is bringing on a slight fear of "what if we never talk again and HE drops dead tomorrow"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No harm in sending a nice message of support to remind him you're still there for him for that certain thing. I've got a group of "friends" who I haven't spoken to since August. We lost a very dear friend at school and now every year we send a wee message of support asking how each is doing. I haven't seen any of them in about 3 years and don't intend on doing so but I like that for this circumstance we can be there for each other it'll be 9 years this year we lost her and she's in my thoughts every day.

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By *heBirminghamWeekendMan
over a year ago

here

do you want to contact him for you, so you feel you are being compassionate, or because you think he might need support?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"do you want to contact him for you, so you feel you are being compassionate, or because you think he might need support?

"

To support him

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I'd get in touch.

It's a nice thing to do.

I'm leaning towards that too - it's like, what would I prefer in that situation?

Exactly, I'm sure he'd appreciate it too xx"

Hopefully!

To be honest it's a poignant time for me too, as we got close cos we were both going through a rough time... but after some time apart I've learned to separate any feelings I might have for him & the pratical friendship side.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Send him a text sayn ur thinking about him. See if that gives him the incentive to ring u. If no reply then let him go. X

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Send him a text sayn ur thinking about him. See if that gives him the incentive to ring u. If no reply then let him go. X"

Ahhhh, I like that x

I just don't want him to think I'm offering him a shoulder to cry on as an excuse to get close again as I just can't be doing with that

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By *ubbykittenWoman
over a year ago

Kent

My personal opinion....

I think that sometimes important events in life force us to take stock of what is really important in life. Holding on to resentment and anger or upset in our hearts only causes us to suffer more in the longterm.

Maybe this is the time to reach out as a friend. Maybe a card with a few kind words to let him know that you are thinking about him at this time.

There is nothing to lose if you always come from a place of kindness. If he pushes you away then respect that. But you will have peace in your heart knowing you were kind which is very healing. X

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

I'd not get in touch as he has been a bit of a twat.

What you have give him will be strength that he will always have. Our memories are always there. He knows that you understood and allowed him to reach within and do that opening up, partly as you cared.

His poorer side coupled with your sweet willingness to put others a little too much in front of your own needs means that I'd like to keep you well and not vulnerable to being pushed to give even more.

Relationships and boundaries need a little housekeeping when major things have changed. And our habits may resist that to some extent.

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By *ce WingerMan
over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ


"I'd not get in touch as he has been a bit of a twat."

I think everyone of us has been a bit of a twat at some point in our lives, but that is probably why he is an ex. Kind words and compassion do not necessarily mean a recuperation of their previous relationship is on the cards.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Broke up with my ex two and half years ago but I still message him every year on his dad's death anniversary cos I know how hard it was for him and he only opened up to me about it all...

It's a nice thing to do and I would message him

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Slight dilemna!

I have an ex who I don't particularly like at the minute as he behaves like a twat and does stupid things, but I do feel a certain amount of compassion towards him as I'm naturally a compassionate person.

It's the second death anniversary of a close friend of his on Saturday, something that I know really effected him and I'm one of the few that he opened up to about, and I want to message him at the weekend to see how he's doing... but we've not been in contact since we last saw each other a couple of months ago, though when we last saw each other we parted on good terms, we've just not talked since! Should I bother getting in touch or just leave it?! "
I would send a message just saying hi, thinking of you and leave it at that. it shows you care but not opening up dialogue if he knows you well he,ll know what you mean.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

You say you're a compassionate person, do the compassionate thing.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Right... so I spent him a very brief message earlier, something along the lines of "hi, I know we've not talked much recently but I know it's the second anniversary of her death coming up. Just to let you know you're in my thoughts at this time. X"

He's read it, no reply, but I know he'll appreciate the thought as it didn't really require a reply.

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By *ubbykittenWoman
over a year ago

Kent


"Right... so I spent him a very brief message earlier, something along the lines of "hi, I know we've not talked much recently but I know it's the second anniversary of her death coming up. Just to let you know you're in my thoughts at this time. X"

He's read it, no reply, but I know he'll appreciate the thought as it didn't really require a reply. "

That was a really kind thing to do. No he doesn't need to reply but that's ok. As you say, he will appreciate the gesture. You carry on with your life now. I think you did the right thing. Xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Right... so I spent him a very brief message earlier, something along the lines of "hi, I know we've not talked much recently but I know it's the second anniversary of her death coming up. Just to let you know you're in my thoughts at this time. X"

He's read it, no reply, but I know he'll appreciate the thought as it didn't really require a reply. "

That was a lovely thing to do xxx

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Right... so I spent him a very brief message earlier, something along the lines of "hi, I know we've not talked much recently but I know it's the second anniversary of her death coming up. Just to let you know you're in my thoughts at this time. X"

He's read it, no reply, but I know he'll appreciate the thought as it didn't really require a reply.

That was a really kind thing to do. No he doesn't need to reply but that's ok. As you say, he will appreciate the gesture. You carry on with your life now. I think you did the right thing. Xx"

Thank you x

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Right... so I spent him a very brief message earlier, something along the lines of "hi, I know we've not talked much recently but I know it's the second anniversary of her death coming up. Just to let you know you're in my thoughts at this time. X"

He's read it, no reply, but I know he'll appreciate the thought as it didn't really require a reply.

That was a lovely thing to do xxx"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If was him I would've really appreciated that message.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"If was him I would've really appreciated that message."

And I hope he did

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