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Sad birthdays

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Tomorrow is my son's 15 birthday. He passed away peacefully at birth due to numerous complications. Every year I find myself in a depressive state at his grave side. I think it's more the 'graveyard' scene that depresses me. My life has changed in so many ways in 15 years and instead of going to the crematorium I was wondering if any of you had any other ideas for something to do other than visiting a crematorium.

Bizzarly enough it's my daughters birthday in 11 days so I need to have my happy head on.

Both conceived on the same date 2 years apart

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Tomorrow is my son's 15 birthday. He passed away peacefully at birth due to numerous complications. Every year I find myself in a depressive state at his grave side. I think it's more the 'graveyard' scene that depresses me. My life has changed in so many ways in 15 years and instead of going to the crematorium I was wondering if any of you had any other ideas for something to do other than visiting a crematorium.

Bizzarly enough it's my daughters birthday in 11 days so I need to have my happy head on.

Both conceived on the same date 2 years apart "

I know your pain...What I do is daft, to some, I go to a zoo or something similar, a museum, some place I would have taken them and I spend that day with them......

May you find peace x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm sorry for your loss and can imagine it will be a hard day tomorrow.

Could you write him a letter and place It with some flowers and go somewhere there is a stream or river to place it in the water. Then it will float down stream.

Sarah X

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By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

i do ceremony..its small, its personal and its anywhere i am..sometimes its a pit fire sometimes its a candle..it doesnt matter the place, its the remembering in your heart xx hugs to everyone on this thread x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just happened across this thread. Very sorry at your story.

As a stranger, wouldn't it be better to have a quick grave visit then something that makes you and your family happy?

Take daughter for a meal and dont dwell?

Easy for me to say mind. Hope it goes ok

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry for your pain, You need to create a new space where you can go each year that is not the crematorium.

I have a similar dilemma each year, PM me if you want more I can't put it on a public forum.

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By *cduck and Blue eyesCouple
over a year ago

nr chester

Ah bless well i will start with a huge hug, it's so hard and it never gets easier but I know exactly what you mean about wanting to something different, so I have a favourite little village where I go for icecream, I have my favourite and their favourite then I light a candle, I have found candle jars with an initial carved out of them, they are very lovely and around in most places, then I just sit and have a think about how things would have been, usually someone will pass and smile or say hello, this is turn will encourage you to smile and before you know it, you are feeling like its a positive experience, so if you have a somewhere nice you perhaps would have taken him, that you can go and have a sit and get a double icecream, a flavour for both of you, light a little candle and have peace with your thoughts, hopefully you will feel like you have remembered him in a different way, I am sending the biggest hugs and thoughts with whatever you choose, Mrs blue eyes

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Thank you. Im going to give it some thought tonight on what happens in the morning and thank you for the PM's xx

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By *cduck and Blue eyesCouple
over a year ago

nr chester


"Thank you. Im going to give it some thought tonight on what happens in the morning and thank you for the PM's xx"
xxxxxxxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My friends son was stillborn.

They light a Chinese lantern on his birthday and let it float into the sky.

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

I am sorry to read about your loss; I can't know what you are going through as each of us experience this in a different ways.

My son would have been 24 this year. His birthday is two days (although many years) apart from a child (almost adult) I know and love dearly as my own.

I take myself away each year, after the birthday of the living child, and do something slightly different each year.

This W.B. Yeats poem speaks to me of that loss and I find comfort in it:

Has I the heavens' embroidered cloths,

Enwrought with golden and silver light,

The blue and the dim and the dark cloths

Of night and light and the half-light,

I would spread the cloths under your feet:

But I, being poor, have only my dreams;

I have spread my dreams under your feet;

Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.

I hope your heart and soul find some peace.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hello x

I am so very sorry for your loss , I cant even contemplate why your going through.

You will be in my thoughts tomorrow.

I know its so easy for me to say , is there some where else you can go place a candle or flowers . Some where special to you .

Maybe after take your daughter out for a lovely pre birthday treat. Something for you both .

Taff x x x x

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I write poems aswell.

I did this a couple of years ago

I cant believe the years have passed

Since that tragic day

And how I come to understand

The pain never goes away.

How can I put pen to paper

And say whats on my mind

When all I want to do

Is hold you all the time

You'll never be forgotten

You're always on my mind

You're in my heart forever

Until It's my time.

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound


"I write poems aswell.

I did this a couple of years ago

I cant believe the years have passed

Since that tragic day

And how I come to understand

The pain never goes away.

How can I put pen to paper

And say whats on my mind

When all I want to do

Is hold you all the time

You'll never be forgotten

You're always on my mind

You're in my heart forever

Until It's my time."

That's lovely. I know from previous threads like this that many others know the feelings set out in your poem.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I write poems aswell.

I did this a couple of years ago

I cant believe the years have passed

Since that tragic day

And how I come to understand

The pain never goes away.

How can I put pen to paper

And say whats on my mind

When all I want to do

Is hold you all the time

You'll never be forgotten

You're always on my mind

You're in my heart forever

Until It's my time."

Beautiful

You have all my love today.

Knitter

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I have a file full of poems I've written..

I think another will be written tomorrow

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By *alcon43Woman
over a year ago

Paisley

I'm sure you will find the right thing for you to do.

But this just shows how much support fellow fabbers can give.

x

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I find it bizzar that I've never shown anyone any of my poetry and now I've just shared one on here

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

Hugs ... Enjoy your daughter s birthday in a few days time .. Reflect on what might have been today ...

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

Go to the beach instead of the grave. He'd rather you were happy. You don't have to forget him, just remember him in a more pleasant surroundings.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

I know your pain...What I do is daft, to some, I go to a zoo or something similar, a museum, some place I would have taken them and I spend that day with them......

May you find peace x"

Its not daft at all and it sounds like it would give you peace, its a good idea

I am sorry for the loss people endure, it fills hearts with sadness

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I write poems aswell.

I did this a couple of years ago

I cant believe the years have passed

Since that tragic day

And how I come to understand

The pain never goes away.

How can I put pen to paper

And say whats on my mind

When all I want to do

Is hold you all the time

You'll never be forgotten

You're always on my mind

You're in my heart forever

Until It's my time."

Lovely words...x

Just do something a 15 year old kid would love. Get down the pleasure beach and go on all the rides.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I know what your going through, my son would turn 18 this year, it's the one that I've been dreading.

There are no words to describe the pain, and every year it takes the love of my other two kids to stop me ending my life to be with him they say it gets easier with time, but I think it just gets different

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can't even begin to understand the pain of your loss. I just have a simple suggestion though. Do you have a garden? If so have you considered planting a special plant, or tree? One just for your son. That way you needn't go to the crematorium you could just be near your special plant in your own garden. Then maybe do as others have said take yourself out and do something special. Get the family involved in the planting of the tree/shrub. Put lights on it? I know ive waffled but was just an idea. Big hugs to you. Xx

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By *edheadsruleCouple
over a year ago

lancashire

On my godson and nieces anniversaries we light a candle at home, a special one each, we tend to go for a meal with loved ones, let of a Chinese lantern or balloon, my own daughter is watched in her milestones so much, my niece and her were born weeks apart , sadly my niece passed at 2 , my godson passed at 3 and was a year younger than her , always a hard time

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

I got a tattoo to remind me of my baby that never made it into this world....I think about that child everyday and 5 and a bit years still not fully got over it but I have to live I can't let it consume me but every time I am a bit up I look at my tattoo.

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By *aucy tiggerWoman
over a year ago

Back where I belong


"I write poems aswell.

I did this a couple of years ago

I cant believe the years have passed

Since that tragic day

And how I come to understand

The pain never goes away.

How can I put pen to paper

And say whats on my mind

When all I want to do

Is hold you all the time

You'll never be forgotten

You're always on my mind

You're in my heart forever

Until It's my time."

I to lost a child and it doesn't matter how many years pass the pain remains. Your poem is beautiful. Knowing other people understand helps and you're not alone xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Tomorrow is my son's 15 birthday. He passed away peacefully at birth due to numerous complications. Every year I find myself in a depressive state at his grave side. I think it's more the 'graveyard' scene that depresses me. My life has changed in so many ways in 15 years and instead of going to the crematorium I was wondering if any of you had any other ideas for something to do other than visiting a crematorium.

Bizzarly enough it's my daughters birthday in 11 days so I need to have my happy head on.

Both conceived on the same date 2 years apart

I know your pain...What I do is daft, to some, I go to a zoo or something similar, a museum, some place I would have taken them and I spend that day with them......

May you find peace x"

My heart goes out to you both!

You do what is best for you!

What you do isn't daft it is nice and special and a way that you cope!

I've got 6 angels up above and I miss and love them all, however 3 were miscarriages so I just think about them don't really do anything to remember them, however my daughter was passed away at 12 days old, I do lots of special things to remember her. Go out for the day,go for a meal, I do take flowers to the grave but that's only because her dad and I split up and I'm the only one who remembers her that is local, my family don't bother but my friends light a candle each year on her birthday.

Lots of love to you all xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

its going to be hard to break the tradition for want of a better word - as others have said maybe go somewhere you might have gone with him - have a huge cuddle xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hi ...so sorry for your loss and everyone's loss whose posted on here ... I have children with me and I really can't begin to think how you feel losing a child! !!

I have a friend who buys herself flowers and lights a candle on the birthday of her lost child. ...I just don't know how I'd cope xxx hugs xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I know this costs, why not look at getting a bench in a park somewhere.

There is a park close to me all the benches are dedicated to loved ones, when the anniversary of the persons passing you often see flowers and candles on the bench.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I'm looking at getting a bench sorted out.

And I've already got a tattoo of him.

Thank you to you all. Today is tough

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