FabSwingers.com forum: Pretending.

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

So I've spent my whole weekend running around after other people. I'm always there if someone needs me and I'll bend over backwards to help others. I'm sat here exhausted and a bit emosh and I've got absolutely no one to talk to (you guys can get ignore my call!!)

I don't do things for others to repay me. But when I do need a shoulder everyone is horrified that capable, reliable me isn't that at all. So I shut up and keep pretending I'm fine.

I'm not sure if there's a question buried in here but anyone else feel the same way? What do you do?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Expand your circle of friends, preferably with less needy ones

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

U have to learn to be a bit selfish sometimes...look after number 1 first

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh yes, been there, done that, got the t-shirt. The best advice I got was to start saying no to people if taking on that extra thing was going to be difficult and to explain to those who are closest to you exactly how you feel. Sounds simple but getting my parents to understand when I needed a bit of extra support after years of being the strong variable one was hard work!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm also the strong *capable one!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Been there done that, there comes a point when you simply have to say no, genuine friends do eventually understand that you need your own time and space, it's hard but doable x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *oxy_minxWoman
over a year ago

Scotland - Aberdeen

I've learnt to just cut these type of people out of my life, as harsh as that may seem.

Do I have anyone to unload on? Nope, but I am used to it, so only me looks after me, but like I said, I'm used to it

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *km45Man
over a year ago

UTTOXETER

I know the feeling. You look after everyone else before yourself. A few years ago I went through depression and when I needed a friend. They were all busy. I'm still there if needed but I also know I have to look after myself. Though not in my nature I have learnt to say no.

You say you are exhausted, so in future make time for yourself and take good care of yourself .

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"So I've spent my whole weekend running around after other people. I'm always there if someone needs me and I'll bend over backwards to help others. I'm sat here exhausted and a bit emosh and I've got absolutely no one to talk to (you guys can get ignore my call!!)

I don't do things for others to repay me. But when I do need a shoulder everyone is horrified that capable, reliable me isn't that at all. So I shut up and keep pretending I'm fine.

I'm not sure if there's a question buried in here but anyone else feel the same way? What do you do?"

The squeaky hinge gets the oil! Balance in all things of course, but we need to be able to express our needs if we want other people to support us, you can't blame them if they don't know!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thanks for your replies, I think maybe saying it out loud just makes it a bit better

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *om and JennieCouple
over a year ago

Chams or Socials

I had a conversation with my mum about 2 years ago - I literally begged for helped, felt I was in the same position as you. My mum said that my family & friends were always there for me but I never asked for help so they all wrongly assumed I was ok.

Now I make a point of asking for help if needed. It's not easy....

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *akedninjaMan
over a year ago

edinburgh

You dont know how strong you are till being strong is the only choice you have,I can totally relate to your situation in so many ways..keep your head up

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Just a little following on... I asked for help (yay) which turned into a huge argument in which I'm a terrible person and lots of 'well don't help me anymore then' and going off in a strop. Super. I'm wondering how long it will last given Im picking her child up for the next two days and her horses still need doing.

*sigh*

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *km45Man
over a year ago

UTTOXETER

Deep breathes. I'm was not surprised to see you write this ended in an argument. The people that take you for granted only see one side. Let her cool down and I'm sure she'll come running back to you.

And don't forget look after your self xxx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *een_VoyeurMan
over a year ago

Lanark and Surrounding

Think they have a cheek if they still expect you to run round after them. Look after oneself first. Good luck.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Definitely learn to say no. Only take on what you want to take on happily, with no thanks or anything in return.

You have to look after you, ironically you can't expect friends to do that for you.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

Post new Message to Thread