FabSwingers.com forum: Shit happens

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Hey peeps

I've recently had sex with a rather raunchy Crimson haired lass. The fantastic things we did last night were things of biblical legend, my dick is still sore as fuck.

However to my fucking shock horror to clean up the two tingle and one extra safe condoms from the floor, I discovered beside one of the tingle condoms a massive fresh shit parked unceremoniously on the carpet by the bed. I don't suffer from IBS or have any pets... So it's arse of origin is a thing of mystery. Is there anything I can do to find out if my sex partner pebble dashed my carpet or should I just let it slide as she was a very passionate lover.

Ps what do you recommend to get rid of the stain.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Gulp

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Try licking the stain to clean it...

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Unless you have a phantom defaecator there's only two possibilities it was you or her. I'm amazed you had to see it to notice it for it surely must smell

. I would mention it myself and the stain is probably there for good but can be minimised with a good carpet shampoo and a scrubbing brush.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Try licking the stain to clean it...

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Damn. I just checked your veri's to identify the culprit.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sounds like it was left by someone with an enematic personality

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Try licking the stain to clean it...

Well, you know if you just hold your nose & pretend it's chocolate Angel Delight

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wouldn't let someone shit by my bed.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *erdita Von TeaseWoman
over a year ago

nottingham

And I'm stepping away from my chocolate brownie

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *aturelover2016Man
over a year ago

London

"I wouldn't let someone shit by my bed. "

I agree. It's one of the few rules I live my life by

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Damn. I just checked your veri's to identify the culprit. "

Haha, me too!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is why people keep dogs, they'll eat anything.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dude, you literally fucked the shit out if her

*high five*

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Try licking the stain to clean it...

Well, you know if you just hold your nose & pretend it's chocolate Angel Delight

Go away lol

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Try licking the stain to clean it...

With your shit eating grin on loolool

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Try licking the stain to clean it...

Well, you know if you just hold your nose & pretend it's chocolate Angel Delight

Go away lol

Sorry!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Try licking the stain to clean it...

Well, you know if you just hold your nose & pretend it's chocolate Angel Delight

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *inaTitzTV/TS
over a year ago

Titz Towers, North Notts

It could have been worse, you could have been at the bottom of a 69

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It could have been worse, you could have been at the bottom of a 69

Pmsl

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hey peeps

I've recently had sex with a rather raunchy Crimson haired lass. The fantastic things we did last night were things of biblical legend, my dick is still sore as fuck.

Ps what do you recommend to get rid of the stain.

Sniff it. If it is yours, clean it up.

If it is hers, get her to clean it up.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Stain devil might shift it.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It could have been worse, you could have been at the bottom of a 69

Tinaaaa! Don't be so disgusting

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So there was only you and her there, it wasn't your shit, so guess what, it was hers not rocket science.

You had a great time, she shit herself end of .

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hey peeps

I've recently had sex with a rather raunchy Crimson haired lass. The fantastic things we did last night were things of biblical legend, my dick is still sore as fuck.

Ps what do you recommend to get rid of the stain.

Sniff it. If it is yours, clean it up.

If it is hers, get her to clean it up."

send a sample off for DNA testing, can tell you sex and if its human or not.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Rub her face in it so she thinks twice next time.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So there was only you and her there, it wasn't your shit, so guess what, it was hers not rocket science.

You had a great time, she shit herself end of ."

Lmfaooooo This forum is to funny

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *erfectman122Man
over a year ago

from somewhere nice

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Dude, you literally fucked the shit out if her

*high five*

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This is why people keep dogs, they'll eat anything."

My puppy eats his poo and tries to lick my face.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You forgot the

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You should message her and ask if she forgot something.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This is why people keep dogs, they'll eat anything.

My puppy eats his poo and tries to lick my face. "

Its not your face i would be licking.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This is why people keep dogs, they'll eat anything.

My puppy eats his poo and tries to lick my face. "

Case closed.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just pull a rug over it lol

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think the questions are these.

Did she leave before you woke up?

Was she d*unk?

Could she be a sleep walker?

Is this her marking her territory?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *izzy.Woman
over a year ago

Stoke area

"Rub her face in it so she thinks twice next time."

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ipsxxCouple
over a year ago

Did you giver her anal?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

of course it could be too much lube and she is really really really embarrassed about it.

Ask her for a second meet and if she declines or blocks you then she knows and is upset about it.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Hey peeps

I messaged her and she denied all knowledge. Totally mind boggling

close examination shows that there was corn and some sort of noodles consumed, as all I had yesterday was a red bull and tomato soup. I'm 92% sure it wasn't me.

Oh and I tried googling how to clean the carpet using that pancake cif lemon stuff. My carpet smells like shit with a zest. Any other suggestions?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I wouldn't let someone shit by my bed. "

Hark at little miss fussy pants.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hey peeps

I messaged her and she denied all knowledge. Totally mind boggling

close examination shows that there was corn and some sort of noodles consumed, as all I had yesterday was a red bull and tomato soup. I'm 92% sure it wasn't me.

Oh and I tried googling how to clean the carpet using that pancake cif lemon stuff. My carpet smells like shit with a zest. Any other suggestions?"

Noodles would be digested. Are you perhaps lying?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I wouldn't let someone shit by my bed.

Hark at little miss fussy pants. "

I've lost many a chance with my impossible standards.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hey peeps

I messaged her and she denied all knowledge. Totally mind boggling

close examination shows that there was corn and some sort of noodles consumed, as all I had yesterday was a red bull and tomato soup. I'm 92% sure it wasn't me.

Oh and I tried googling how to clean the carpet using that pancake cif lemon stuff. My carpet smells like shit with a zest. Any other suggestions?"

white wine vinegar

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is a great laugh

In all seriousness hit the pet shop for some proper shit cleaner

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ce WingerMan
over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

"Sniff it. If it is yours, clean it up.

If it is hers, get her to clean it up."

Are you a professional shit sniffer

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"And I'm stepping away from my chocolate brownie

That's what she said

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"Hey peeps

I've recently had sex with a rather raunchy Crimson haired lass. The fantastic things we did last night were things of biblical legend, my dick is still sore as fuck.

Ps what do you recommend to get rid of the stain.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hey peeps

I messaged her and she denied all knowledge. Totally mind boggling

close examination shows that there was corn and some sort of noodles consumed, as all I had yesterday was a red bull and tomato soup. I'm 92% sure it wasn't me.

Oh and I tried googling how to clean the carpet using that pancake cif lemon stuff. My carpet smells like shit with a zest. Any other suggestions?

Noodles would be digested. Are you perhaps lying?"

She might have worms

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hey peeps

I messaged her and she denied all knowledge. Totally mind boggling

close examination shows that there was corn and some sort of noodles consumed, as all I had yesterday was a red bull and tomato soup. I'm 92% sure it wasn't me.

Oh and I tried googling how to clean the carpet using that pancake cif lemon stuff. My carpet smells like shit with a zest. Any other suggestions?

Noodles would be digested. Are you perhaps lying?

She might have worms"

funny i thought that too, lol.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *llie RoseWoman
over a year ago

By the seaside

92% sure it wasn't you

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It could have been worse, you could have been at the bottom of a 69

Smsl

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh my God! If she peeks in the forums, and sees OP's post, she's going to die!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Also, after greenarrowing the OP, I think it might be best to not take this seriously

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *uxom redCouple
over a year ago

Shrewsbury

Carpet shampoo or the stuff you get from pet shops preferably with anti bac in it.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Also, after greenarrowing the OP, I think it might be best to not take this seriously

Bloody hell, did anyone take it seriously???!!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hey peeps

I messaged her and she denied all knowledge. Totally mind boggling

close examination shows that there was corn and some sort of noodles consumed, as all I had yesterday was a red bull and tomato soup. I'm 92% sure it wasn't me.

Oh and I tried googling how to clean the carpet using that pancake cif lemon stuff. My carpet smells like shit with a zest. Any other suggestions?"

I can't wait to read the veri's from this meet.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Also, after greenarrowing the OP, I think it might be best to not take this seriously

Bloody hell, did anyone take it seriously???!!"

Well...

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think the op is telling prokies

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Oh my God! If she peeks in the forums, and sees OP's post, she's going to die!

Could be worse,she might shit herself

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Also, after greenarrowing the OP, I think it might be best to not take this seriously

Bloody hell, did anyone take it seriously???!!"

Well as the saying goes "shit happens".

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Oh my God! If she peeks in the forums, and sees OP's post, she's going to die!

No shit?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Also, after greenarrowing the OP, I think it might be best to not take this seriously

Bloody hell, did anyone take it seriously???!!

Well..."

You didn't?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thread of the year contender right here......

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thread of the year contender right here......"

Nah it's shit

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Also, after greenarrowing the OP, I think it might be best to not take this seriously

Bloody hell, did anyone take it seriously???!!

Well...

You didn't?

Because I regularly suggest that people lick shit stains up? What kind of a sick bitch do you think I am?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

that made me LOL, sorry but I love toilet humour.... If she was that good, I'd let it slide, as she's maybe so embarrassed, that if you mentioned it you wouldn't see her for dust... (or a cloud of fart)

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Also, after greenarrowing the OP, I think it might be best to not take this seriously

Bloody hell, did anyone take it seriously???!!

Well...

You didn't?

Because I regularly suggest that people lick shit stains up? What kind of a sick bitch do you think I am?

damn i was sooooo hoping, sigh.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why does this remind me of that old joke:

What do you do if a bird shits on your car bonnet?

Make her walk home...

...I'll get my coat...

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My puppy eats his poo and tries to lick my face. "

There is something wrong with your puppy's diet.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've done many, many terrible things but shitting in another person's bedroom is not one.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My puppy eats his poo and tries to lick my face.

There is something wrong with your puppy's diet. "

The vet said it's normal and he should grow out of it. He eats everything.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Also, after greenarrowing the OP, I think it might be best to not take this seriously

Bloody hell, did anyone take it seriously???!!

Well...

You didn't?

Because I regularly suggest that people lick shit stains up? What kind of a sick bitch do you think I am?

Errrr one who suggests licking shit stains up

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My puppy eats his poo and tries to lick my face.

There is something wrong with your puppy's diet.

The vet said it's normal and he should grow out of it. He eats everything."

He's eating a coat-hanger at the moment.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

tried to PM you, but can't.. your puppy MAY grow out of it, but it may also become a habit. If it becomes a habit, it is very hard to stop, it's not needed for digestion, usually it's caused by feeding a diet that is not suited to the dog, and something is lacking. By changing to a better food or going to a BARF diet this should stop. Vets know very little on diet, and tend to ignore things that they can't treat. By eating poop, this could make your pup ill, as he could be eating worm eggs, unless you know who's poop he's eating.... apologies for going off topic.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

by the way it's called Coprophagia

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *obbytupperMan
over a year ago

Menston near Ilkley

"Hey peeps

I messaged her and she denied all knowledge. Totally mind boggling

close examination shows that there was corn and some sort of noodles consumed, as all I had yesterday was a red bull and tomato soup. I'm 92% sure it wasn't me.

Oh and I tried googling how to clean the carpet using that pancake cif lemon stuff. My carpet smells like shit with a zest. Any other suggestions?

Noodles would be digested. Are you perhaps lying?"

Perhaps they look like noodles but are actually tape worm?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

Are you looking for a sympathy shag, after extolling the incredible sex you can be involved in as well as the carpet pile dilemma?

Shit happens. Get an industrial cleaner in if it's too much to handle.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hey peeps

I messaged her and she denied all knowledge. Totally mind boggling

close examination shows that there was corn and some sort of noodles consumed, as all I had yesterday was a red bull and tomato soup. I'm 92% sure it wasn't me.

Oh and I tried googling how to clean the carpet using that pancake cif lemon stuff. My carpet smells like shit with a zest. Any other suggestions?"

Try using CIF mousse. Even if it doesn't work you'll think it's a lemon meringue

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In the original Little Red Riding Hood book the wolf asks riding hood to come to bed and shit in it.

Maybe the op has been caught up in some sort of fairytale.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I pooped on a guys head once completely by accident as we was licking my pussy

PM her to say she dropped (£100, gold ring, earing, something nice) and can you send it to her

Then send her the poop

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I pooped on a guys head once completely by accident as we was licking my pussy

PM her to say she dropped (£100, gold ring, earing, something nice) and can you send it to her

Then send her the poop "

Blimey, was it a regular or one night stand ?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Omg ..think I've just shit myself laughing ...

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Omg ..think I've just shit myself laughing ...

So it was you then?????

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ancyDrewWoman
over a year ago

Glasgow

"Sounds like it was left by someone with an enematic personality"

genius!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

Get a cup ...and two more girls... if you want to spend the rest of your life with her ...plop the question

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Omg ..think I've just shit myself laughing ...

So it was you then?????

Friad not lol xx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

With friends like you who needs enemas

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I pooped on a guys head once completely by accident as we was licking my pussy

PM her to say she dropped (£100, gold ring, earing, something nice) and can you send it to her

Then send her the poop

Blimey, was it a regular or one night stand ? "

Was at OP4F I've not been back since

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ENDAROOSCouple
over a year ago

South West London / Surrey

This has got to be a wind up!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *lumsy colinMan
over a year ago

basingstoke

I think dry the shit and fashiin some sort of ornament as a reminder of an amazing night

Would certainly be a conversation piece

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"Hey peeps

I've recently had sex with a rather raunchy Crimson haired lass. The fantastic things we did last night were things of biblical legend, my dick is still sore as fuck.

Ps what do you recommend to get rid of the stain.

Oh my giddy aunt!!!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This has got to be a wind up!

Nope I'm sure he's not shitting us

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *xplorecpl25Couple
over a year ago

manchester

"I wouldn't let someone shit by my bed.

I agree. It's one of the few rules I live my life by"

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *thwalescplCouple
over a year ago

brecon

"Hey peeps

I messaged her and she denied all knowledge. Totally mind boggling

close examination shows that there was corn and some sort of noodles consumed, as all I had yesterday was a red bull and tomato soup. I'm 92% sure it wasn't me.

Oh and I tried googling how to clean the carpet using that pancake cif lemon stuff. My carpet smells like shit with a zest. Any other suggestions?

I can't wait to read the veri's from this meet.

Yeah...

"This guy fucked the shit out of me!"

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"I think the op is telling prokies

No shit!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ENDAROOSCouple
over a year ago

South West London / Surrey

"This has got to be a wind up!

Nope I'm sure he's not shitting us

I've just read the whole thread and I'm chuckling away at some of the replies.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've only ever had one woman shit herself whilst we were having a very rough session so I know it's possible, but this sounds like a wind up lol.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *olgateMan
over a year ago

on the road to nowhere in particular

"Hey peeps

I messaged her and she denied all knowledge. Totally mind boggling

close examination shows that there was corn and some sort of noodles consumed, as all I had yesterday was a red bull and tomato soup. I'm 92% sure it wasn't me.

Oh and I tried googling how to clean the carpet using that pancake cif lemon stuff. My carpet smells like shit with a zest. Any other suggestions?

Noodles would be digested. Are you perhaps lying?

Perhaps they look like noodles but are actually tape worm?

If it looks like noodles it's more likely to be round worm.

Note to self, don't shag burgundy haired shitters with worms.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Laminate flooring

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

"Hey peeps

I've recently had sex with a rather raunchy Crimson haired lass. The fantastic things we did last night were things of biblical legend, my dick is still sore as fuck.

Ps what do you recommend to get rid of the stain.

"
a Stanley knife?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *obitoutMan
over a year ago

somewhere in the middle

"You should message her and ask if she forgot something."

Yep... Toilet paper.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

This thread is hovering near the last thing you put in your mouth thread

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Hey peeps

Thanks for your help with the whole delicate situation, I got a message about 30 minutes from the lass who is still denying any knowledge of logging on my carpet. After trying a combination of cleaning mouses, 1001 spray and chipping away at the hardened Winnits with a flat screwdriver the smell has all but disappeared however there is still a slight discolouration patch on the carpet.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hey peeps

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Holy shit! The immaculate Crapception.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Who among us hath not sharted?

The poor lass was obviously caught short and decided to lay the cable on the bedroom floor, and why not? What's a turd between friends?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hahahaha

just had to laugh sorry

i know thats its disgusting but the look on your face when you found it must have been priceless

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sounds like you took her to heaven and she experienced asstral projection.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Les Dawson song to a medieval tune

"There's something nasty in the castle yard,

We know what it is and who did it,

But for God's sake,

tell us where it is."

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ancyDrewWoman
over a year ago

Glasgow

"With friends like you who needs enemas

more genius!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Must make a mental note to spike the aperitif with imodium.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *amissCouple
over a year ago

chelmsford

Stories and fantasies

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

some of the comments made laugh out loud for real

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I hope this thread doesn't max out, I can bump it in a years time for the new generation of forumites to enjoy

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

some of the comments made laugh out loud for real"

Funniest thread I've read in a while.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Pick out any un chewed peanuts.. Wash em and put in a bowl for guests

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Enter said stain into the Turner Prize and buy a new scotchgarded carpet with the winnings.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *lectrumMan
over a year ago

south shields

Maybe the sex was shit for her

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Stain devil might shift it.

It sounds like it was the stain devil that left it.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Luckily she didn't triple herself

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thats your fault OP, maybe you should have installed that toilet in your shed instead of only having an out house!!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Or maybe start lining the floor with news paper

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Nobody has run out of shit jokes yet?? Haha

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

One mate... Told me a story the once, had me fookin howling for ages at work. Cut the story short, he took a woman out, had a curry, both went for a drink and got smashed... He took her back to his place, he was grafting on her (snoop doggy doggystyle), what he thought was a fart turned out to be quite worse. Yes, shat himself on his bed, he told me he carried on and turned a blind eye to it cause he was so fucked. Woman smelt what he had dealt... He said she screamed and ran out of his house, clothes in hand

Ill always remember that story. Was even more funny cause he didn't care one bit about what happened. Didn't seem to be embarrassed or ashamed of himself, he wasn't phased at all.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

To the lady that he had that night

I don't mean to sound all snobby

Most people leave nice veris

You seem to have left a jobby

You could have said that the sex was shite

The descriptions could have been ample

Was it really apposite

To leave him with a sample

If you meet this man again

I'm begging you to please

Bring along some floor shampoo

And a boxful of fabreze

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eliciousladyWoman
over a year ago

Sometimes U.K

"Damn. I just checked your veri's to identify the culprit.

Haha, me too!"

I refuse to look..I refuse to look..i refus

Arrrghhh I have to go look!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

At least you didn't tread in it

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ali 69Man
over a year ago

jersey

I think the government should hold an immediate public enquiry as to who left that steaming humungus Barry White on your carpet . If we , the fabbing community don't demand transparency on this shag pile shit gate " it will be covered up quietly and non of us will get to the bottom of this !

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Doesn't this already qualify as a Public Enquiry?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

"To the lady that he had that night

I don't mean to sound all snobby

Most people leave nice veris

You seem to have left a jobby

You could have said that the sex was shite

The descriptions could have been ample

Was it really apposite

To leave him with a sample

If you meet this man again

I'm begging you to please

Bring along some floor shampoo

And a boxful of fabreze

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"To the lady that he had that night

I don't mean to sound all snobby

Most people leave nice veris

You seem to have left a jobby

You could have said that the sex was shite

The descriptions could have been ample

Was it really apposite

To leave him with a sample

If you meet this man again

I'm begging you to please

Bring along some floor shampoo

And a boxful of fabreze

Loolool

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thanks everyone for the replies

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thanks everyone for the replies

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

"Thanks everyone for the replies"
I hope you liked my poem

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

I think considering that you liked her and the sex was hot - that it's a little disrespectful to refer to her as a massive shit.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *arnayguyMan
over a year ago

Durham Tees

Will you be seeing her again or have you been dumped?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *randMrsGrey51Couple
over a year ago

Ramsgate

Ohh i hope this wasnt her scorecard on your performance lmao xx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So there was only you and her there, it wasn't your shit, so guess what, it was hers not rocket science.

You had a great time, she shit herself end of ."

My thoughts EXACTLY!! God almighty

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *cottishsexgoddessWoman
over a year ago

Glenrothes

This made me laugh so much!

To the person who's pup eats his own poo, definitely change his diet. My Rottie did this and started again recently. He's 3 and a half now so shouldn't be doing it. Changed his dry food to one with no dairy, wheat, soya in it and all is well. Actually better than before. Just thought I'd mention it. Apologies to the OP.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *entaur_UKMan
over a year ago

Cannock

"Hey peeps

You need Barry Scott to come round, Cillit bang and the dirt is gone.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hey peeps

You need Barry Scott to come round, Cillit bang and the dirt is gone.

In this case, you need CLIT BANG...

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ecretlyASoftieWoman
over a year ago

Hull but travel regularly

"Hey peeps

You need Barry Scott to come round, Cillit bang and the dirt is gone.

In this case, you need CLIT BANG...

You mean SHIT BANG...

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Hi peeps

Arranging for my 'friend' to come over again, is there any precautionary measures I can take to prevent her from parking another crusty log on my carpet. I've only just got rid of the yellow stain.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *he Queen of TartsWoman
Forum Mod
over a year ago

My Own Little World

"Hi peeps

Arranging for my 'friend' to come over again, is there any precautionary measures I can take to prevent her from parking another crusty log on my carpet. I've only just got rid of the yellow stain."

Have you ever watched Dexter, where he plastic sheets the entire room?

Ok he is a serial killer but it should help with your situation.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hey peeps

I've recently had sex with a rather raunchy Crimson haired lass. The fantastic things we did last night were things of biblical legend, my dick is still sore as fuck.

Ps what do you recommend to get rid of the stain.

I'm so sorry, but this made me giggle

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I've done many, many terrible things but shitting in another person's bedroom is not one."

noted

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *oddyWoman
over a year ago

between havant and chichester

put cling film on the carpet if it happens again least you can roll it up

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

"Hi peeps

Arranging for my 'friend' to come over again, is there any precautionary measures I can take to prevent her from parking another crusty log on my carpet. I've only just got rid of the yellow stain."

put down newspaper

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ecretlyASoftieWoman
over a year ago

Hull but travel regularly

"Hi peeps

Arranging for my 'friend' to come over again, is there any precautionary measures I can take to prevent her from parking another crusty log on my carpet. I've only just got rid of the yellow stain."

Butt plug her and don't allow her to remove it until she's back home

Anyone would think she's been told don't shit on your own doorstep when some else's will do nicely

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

nice to see youre into repeat meets

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ask her to empty her bowels 1st...?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *enard ArgenteMan
over a year ago

London and France

Is this the same woman with the blue waffles and whose grandma's curtains you spunked on?

Will she be bringing the inflatable sheep?

And all the other nonsense?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hey peeps

I've recently had sex with a rather raunchy Crimson haired lass. The fantastic things we did last night were things of biblical legend, my dick is still sore as fuck.

Ps what do you recommend to get rid of the stain.

Did you find the culprit? ask your partner of the night in question? really really sorry (ok, I'm not really) but I love toilet humour, and that gave me a real giggle hahahahahah

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

Post new Message to Thread