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Can I please have

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

So I'm poorly and this is my second day sofa bound.

Can I please have tea, sympathy, silly jokes and antidotes to make me smile pretty please.

Hugs and Knitter kisses

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

Hugs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Shall we bring you tea,cake and a blanket.

I can bring a muscled guy to do a chest rub if that would assist. Tatum Channing do?

Sarah

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have really find memories of coming down with an awful cold.

My bet friend hauled me off to the pub, despite my protests and got me very d*unk on hot toddies, giving detailed instructions on how to make them to the poor barman.

It was a great night, and I woke up with a bit of a hangover and no cold.

OP, if you have a cold, I'd do the same for you.

Otherwise tea it is.

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By *ervent_fervourMan
over a year ago

Halifax

What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have the flu and in bed 2 nd day and not long been back from holiday .. hot and cold my heads hurting but fab stops me from feeling sorry as I love the forums and they make me smile .. Tea and cake would be nice . Hope you feel better soon. xxx

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By *onbons_xxMan
over a year ago

Bolton

[Removed by poster at 26/04/16 15:43:53]

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I have really find memories of coming down with an awful cold.

My bet friend hauled me off to the pub, despite my protests and got me very d*unk on hot toddies, giving detailed instructions on how to make them to the poor barman.

It was a great night, and I woke up with a bit of a hangover and no cold.

OP, if you have a cold, I'd do the same for you.

Otherwise tea it is.

"

Crazyhotwife I'm in

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By *onbons_xxMan
over a year ago

Bolton

Why did the orange get stuck up the hill?

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By *ames6ft5Man
over a year ago

North London / Herts

Given OP is poorly -

A man walks into the pharmacy and asks the pharmacist, ”Do you have any acetylsalicylic acid?”

“Do you mean aspirin?” says the pharmacist.

“That’s it, I can never remember that word.”

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?"

Or one with a spade?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?"

I don't know What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I stole this from another forumite...

There's this mummy balloon, this daddy balloon and this baby balloon, but the baby balloon always gets scared at night and creeps into his mum & dad's room.

So, the daddy balloon's putting the baby balloon to bed one night and makes him promise not to get up again... but of course the baby gets scared and creeps into his parents' room, and wiggles in between them, but he didn't have much room. So, he lets a bit of air out of his dad... still didn't have enough room. He lets a bit of air out of his mum... still didn't have enough room. So he lets a bit of air out of himself so he's finally comfortable enough to fall asleep.

So, his dad wakes up in the morning, and he's furious at his son's behaviour, and he says to his son... "You've not only let me & your mother down, but you've let yourself down too!"

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I have the flu and in bed 2 nd day and not long been back from holiday .. hot and cold my heads hurting but fab stops me from feeling sorry as I love the forums and they make me smile .. Tea and cake would be nice . Hope you feel better soon. xxx"

Oh dear you too lovely mwah.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Why did the orange get stuck up the hill? "

I don't know Why did the orange get stuck up the hill?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So I'm poorly and this is my second day sofa bound.

Can I please have tea, sympathy, silly jokes and antidotes to make me smile pretty please.

Hugs and Knitter kisses "

Aww get well soon pretty lady xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How about snuggling (sorry View for the S word) in your duvet on the sofa, set up a tray of snacky bits, a cuppa & pop on a girlie chick flick

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Given OP is poorly -

A man walks into the pharmacy and asks the pharmacist, ”Do you have any acetylsalicylic acid?”

“Do you mean aspirin?” says the pharmacist.

“That’s it, I can never remember that word.”

"

It's a good job your tall

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By *olgateMan
over a year ago

on the road to nowhere in particular

If you want sympathy, it's in the dictionary between shit and syphillis

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By *ames6ft5Man
over a year ago

North London / Herts

Knitter walks into the doctors and says "Doctor I'm not well".

"You seem to have a bad cough Knitter", says the Doctor.

"Bad you say? That's a shame I've been practising all night." says Knitter.

I'll get my (white) coat.

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By *onbons_xxMan
over a year ago

Bolton


"Why did the orange get stuck up the hill?

I don't know Why did the orange get stuck up the hill?

"

Because it ran out of juice!

(Is that tumble...)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I stole this from another forumite...

There's this mummy balloon, this daddy balloon and this baby balloon, but the baby balloon always gets scared at night and creeps into his mum & dad's room.

So, the daddy balloon's putting the baby balloon to bed one night and makes him promise not to get up again... but of course the baby gets scared and creeps into his parents' room, and wiggles in between them, but he didn't have much room. So, he lets a bit of air out of his dad... still didn't have enough room. He lets a bit of air out of his mum... still didn't have enough room. So he lets a bit of air out of himself so he's finally comfortable enough to fall asleep.

So, his dad wakes up in the morning, and he's furious at his son's behaviour, and he says to his son... "You've not only let me & your mother down, but you've let yourself down too!""

Haha haha I love that one

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"How about snuggling (sorry View for the S word) in your duvet on the sofa, set up a tray of snacky bits, a cuppa & pop on a girlie chick flick "

Sounds like a plan

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I stole this from another forumite...

There's this mummy balloon, this daddy balloon and this baby balloon, but the baby balloon always gets scared at night and creeps into his mum & dad's room.

So, the daddy balloon's putting the baby balloon to bed one night and makes him promise not to get up again... but of course the baby gets scared and creeps into his parents' room, and wiggles in between them, but he didn't have much room. So, he lets a bit of air out of his dad... still didn't have enough room. He lets a bit of air out of his mum... still didn't have enough room. So he lets a bit of air out of himself so he's finally comfortable enough to fall asleep.

So, his dad wakes up in the morning, and he's furious at his son's behaviour, and he says to his son... "You've not only let me & your mother down, but you've let yourself down too!"

Haha haha I love that one "

Shit jokes always make me laugh

(Credit to Old Toshy!)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Knitter walks into the doctors and says "Doctor I'm not well".

"You seem to have a bad cough Knitter", says the Doctor.

"Bad you say? That's a shame I've been practising all night." says Knitter.

I'll get my (white) coat."

Yeap tall works well for Id stick with tall

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Why did the orange get stuck up the hill?

I don't know Why did the orange get stuck up the hill?

Because it ran out of juice!

(Is that tumble...)"

I liked it

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By *ames6ft5Man
over a year ago

North London / Herts


"Knitter walks into the doctors and says "Doctor I'm not well".

"You seem to have a bad cough Knitter", says the Doctor.

"Bad you say? That's a shame I've been practising all night." says Knitter.

I'll get my (white) coat.

Yeap tall works well for Id stick with tall "

Got it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Nice hot chocolate,biscuits lots of cuddles a wipe of the brow and snuggling down with a nice romcom

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By *ames6ft5Man
over a year ago

North London / Herts

Another try (yes I'm still tall)

What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can do green tea and curvy cuddles under the duvet. Ooo. I might have some brandy somewhere too! I know ive Def got vodka!!

Get well soon hun. Xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh Knitter you're being well looked after so you will be better in no time.

I shall leave a bottle of chardonnay and a box of chocs for when you're feeling up to it.

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By *ames6ft5Man
over a year ago

North London / Herts

If you have bird flu, you need tweetment. If you have swine flu, you need oink-ment.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Another try (yes I'm still tall)

What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu?"

Oooeeerrr you are a big lad aren't you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"If you have bird flu, you need tweetment. If you have swine flu, you need oink-ment. "

*I have your coat.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I used to play the triangle in a Jamaican Reggae Orchestra, I has to stand at the back and ting.

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By *ames6ft5Man
over a year ago

North London / Herts


"If you have bird flu, you need tweetment. If you have swine flu, you need oink-ment.

*I have your coat.....

"

Perfect thank you. Wait... it has straps.... Hang on!!!!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Another try (yes I'm still tall)

What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu?"

Okay giant let have it

What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I can do green tea and curvy cuddles under the duvet. Ooo. I might have some brandy somewhere too! I know ive Def got vodka!!

Get well soon hun. Xx"

Ohhh yes please to curvy cuddles

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

Awww I hope you feel better soon. I'm at the arse end of a bastard chest infection

Hugs and kisses x

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Oh Knitter you're being well looked after so you will be better in no time.

I shall leave a bottle of chardonnay and a box of chocs for when you're feeling up to it. "

Thank you MrsMac

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Knitter, when you feel better I'll treat you to a beard ride

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"If you have bird flu, you need tweetment. If you have swine flu, you need oink-ment.

*I have your coat.....

"

Thank you RoxiAnne

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I used to play the triangle in a Jamaican Reggae Orchestra, I has to stand at the back and ting."

you can stay

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Shall we bring you tea,cake and a blanket.

I can bring a muscled guy to do a chest rub if that would assist. Tatum Channing do?

Sarah "

Suddenly I feel ill too- can you bring him here please?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Also, I'll let you play with and plait my hair.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"If you have bird flu, you need tweetment. If you have swine flu, you need oink-ment.

*I have your coat.....

Perfect thank you. Wait... it has straps.... Hang on!!!!"

okay you can stay for a bit

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I can do green tea and curvy cuddles under the duvet. Ooo. I might have some brandy somewhere too! I know ive Def got vodka!!

Get well soon hun. Xx

Ohhh yes please to curvy cuddles "

Jump on under then, there's plenty of room and it's all snuggly and warm. You ready? Xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Awww I hope you feel better soon. I'm at the arse end of a bastard chest infection

Hugs and kisses x"

Hugs back mwah

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Knitter, when you feel better I'll treat you to a beard ride "

I don't know what that is ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A man walks into a bar CLUNK it was an iron bar boom boom.!!

Get well soon my gorgeous chum. Tea and sympathy from Wales xx

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By *odareyouMan
over a year ago

not far from iceland,,,,,, tescos is nearer though :-) (near leeds)

Guy goes to the Dr s ..

Dr asks " what's seems to be the problem.?"

Guy replies " I can't stop singing the green green grass of home.!!"

Dr says "ahhh you've Tom Jones syndre"

Guy asks "is it rare??"

Dr says "its not unusual."

My last girlfriend broke up with me , she said it was because of my obsession with the monkees..I didn't belive her...and then I saw her face..

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Shall we bring you tea,cake and a blanket.

I can bring a muscled guy to do a chest rub if that would assist. Tatum Channing do?

Sarah

Suddenly I feel ill too- can you bring him here please? "

You'll have to come here and play with him

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I can do green tea and curvy cuddles under the duvet. Ooo. I might have some brandy somewhere too! I know ive Def got vodka!!

Get well soon hun. Xx

Ohhh yes please to curvy cuddles

Jump on under then, there's plenty of room and it's all snuggly and warm. You ready? Xx"

Oh ready

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"A man walks into a bar CLUNK it was an iron bar boom boom.!!

Get well soon my gorgeous chum. Tea and sympathy from Wales xx"

Taff that was almost as bad as the tall guy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I can do green tea and curvy cuddles under the duvet. Ooo. I might have some brandy somewhere too! I know ive Def got vodka!!

Get well soon hun. Xx

Ohhh yes please to curvy cuddles

Jump on under then, there's plenty of room and it's all snuggly and warm. You ready? Xx

Oh ready "

Here goes. You dont mind if I stroke your hair do you. I'm not feeling 100% either.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Guy goes to the Dr s ..

Dr asks " what's seems to be the problem.?"

Guy replies " I can't stop singing the green green grass of home.!!"

Dr says "ahhh you've Tom Jones syndre"

Guy asks "is it rare??"

Dr says "its not unusual."

My last girlfriend broke up with me , she said it was because of my obsession with the monkees..I didn't belive her...and then I saw her face.. "

Haha haha I like

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By *iss AdventureWoman
over a year ago

Wonderland

Awww, Knitter you can have anything you want sweet cheeks x

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I can do green tea and curvy cuddles under the duvet. Ooo. I might have some brandy somewhere too! I know ive Def got vodka!!

Get well soon hun. Xx

Ohhh yes please to curvy cuddles

Jump on under then, there's plenty of room and it's all snuggly and warm. You ready? Xx

Oh ready

Here goes. You dont mind if I stroke your hair do you. I'm not feeling 100% either. "

Stroke away

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I have really find memories of coming down with an awful cold.

My bet friend hauled me off to the pub, despite my protests and got me very d*unk on hot toddies, giving detailed instructions on how to make them to the poor barman.

It was a great night, and I woke up with a bit of a hangover and no cold.

OP, if you have a cold, I'd do the same for you.

Otherwise tea it is.

Crazyhotwife I'm in"

I'm there.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call an invisible dinosaur,,,,, didyouthinkhesaurus

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Awww, Knitter you can have anything you want sweet cheeks x"

Oh Miss Adventure mwah mwah

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"What do you call an invisible dinosaur,,,,, didyouthinkhesaurus "

Much better Taff knitter kisses for you

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By *iss AdventureWoman
over a year ago

Wonderland


"Awww, Knitter you can have anything you want sweet cheeks x

Oh Miss Adventure mwah mwah"

Shall I bring you a fluffy unicorn?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I can do green tea and curvy cuddles under the duvet. Ooo. I might have some brandy somewhere too! I know ive Def got vodka!!

Get well soon hun. Xx

Ohhh yes please to curvy cuddles

Jump on under then, there's plenty of room and it's all snuggly and warm. You ready? Xx

Oh ready

Here goes. You dont mind if I stroke your hair do you. I'm not feeling 100% either.

Stroke away "

Thank you. Mmmm. Such soft.....

..... Hair.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"What do you call an invisible dinosaur,,,,, didyouthinkhesaurus

Much better Taff knitter kisses for you "

Yippie

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Knitter, when you feel better I'll treat you to a beard ride

I don't know what that is ?"

You sit on my beard and hold on tight

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By *erbyDalesCplCouple
over a year ago

Derbyshire


"So I'm poorly and this is my second day sofa bound.

"

Pffh

That's not poorly, this is the first day since last Wednesday my brain has been back on planet earth, and even now it seems to be floating an inch off the ground (cross-eyed smiley)

So I'm off to curl up into a ball, suck my thumb, and find a BOOBIES thread.

You can't look at boobs and not smile: fact)

Mr ddc

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So I'm poorly and this is my second day sofa bound.

Can I please have tea, sympathy, silly jokes and antidotes to make me smile pretty please.

Hugs and Knitter kisses "

Should you require a foot, or any other part of the body, rub I'm here for you.

Also available for bed baths.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Awww, Knitter you can have anything you want sweet cheeks x

Oh Miss Adventure mwah mwah

Shall I bring you a fluffy unicorn? "

Yes please a pink one

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Knitter, when you feel better I'll treat you to a beard ride

I don't know what that is ?

You sit on my beard and hold on tight "

Oh my goodness

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"So I'm poorly and this is my second day sofa bound.

Pffh

That's not poorly, this is the first day since last Wednesday my brain has been back on planet earth, and even now it seems to be floating an inch off the ground (cross-eyed smiley)

So I'm off to curl up into a ball, suck my thumb, and find a BOOBIES thread.

You can't look at boobs and not smile: fact)

Mr ddc"

Feel better enjoy the boobs

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"So I'm poorly and this is my second day sofa bound.

Can I please have tea, sympathy, silly jokes and antidotes to make me smile pretty please.

Hugs and Knitter kisses

Should you require a foot, or any other part of the body, rub I'm here for you.

Also available for bed baths."

Foot rub yummy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Personal delivery of Milk of Magnesia? Just shout ..

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Personal delivery of Milk of Magnesia? Just shout .. "

I don't like it but you could bring lemonade

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By *iss AdventureWoman
over a year ago

Wonderland

My cat just burpped .... That would have made you giggle (and no, it's not a euphemism for a fanny fart)

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By *erbyDalesCplCouple
over a year ago

Derbyshire


"

Mr ddc

Feel better enjoy the boobs "

Ty

(Although, as a relative newcomer to those threads, I was a little taken aback by the number of male appendages appearing. There need to be some better 'trades-description' mods.

It was all: ahhh, they're nice..., mmm, they're nice....followed by 'whoa! What are you doing with THAT )

Still, every day's a school day

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By *ervent_fervourMan
over a year ago

Halifax


"What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?

I don't know What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?"

Cliff.

Good, innit?

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By *ervent_fervourMan
over a year ago

Halifax


"What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?

Or one with a spade?"

DOUG!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"My cat just burpped .... That would have made you giggle (and no, it's not a euphemism for a fanny fart)"

That did make me lol

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"

Mr ddc

Feel better enjoy the boobs

Ty

(Although, as a relative newcomer to those threads, I was a little taken aback by the number of male appendages appearing. There need to be some better 'trades-description' mods.

It was all: ahhh, they're nice..., mmm, they're nice....followed by 'whoa! What are you doing with THAT )

Still, every day's a school day

"

Yes those male appendages have a way of popping up

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?

Or one with a spade?

DOUG!"

Oh dear longer go join the tall guy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hands you cupa and a choccy biccy

what does a penquin wear at the beach?

Flipper flops

what do you call a Frenchman in sandals?

Phileep flop

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Hands you cupa and a choccy biccy

what does a penquin wear at the beach?

Flipper flops

what do you call a Frenchman in sandals?

Phileep flop "

Jokes lol. Tea and biccy mwah mwah

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By *ervent_fervourMan
over a year ago

Halifax


"What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?

Or one with a spade?

DOUG!

Oh dear longer go join the tall guy "

I have a long one(fnar)about a mummy whale, a daddy whale, and a baby whale?

Can't remember how the punch line goes though..

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By *om and JennieCouple
over a year ago

Chams or Socials

I have cake??

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 26/04/16 17:57:24]

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?

Or one with a spade?

DOUG!

Oh dear longer go join the tall guy

I have a long one(fnar)about a mummy whale, a daddy whale, and a baby whale?

Can't remember how the punch line goes though.."

Take a seat hun it will come to you.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I have cake??"

Ahhhhh JP always a treat. Yeah and cake. Mwah mwah.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Polar bear walks into a bar.

say's to the barman a large rum and ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- please, Barman replies yes but why the large pause?

Polar bear replies I was born with them

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Polar bear walks into a bar.

say's to the barman a large rum and ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- please, Barman replies yes but why the large pause?

Polar bear replies I was born with them "

Giggles

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By *odareyouMan
over a year ago

not far from iceland,,,,,, tescos is nearer though :-) (near leeds)

Policeman knocks at a door... Lady answers and asks "yes..can I help you ?"

"Mrs Smith ?" Asks the policeman.. "yes" replies the lady.. Policeman shows her a picture and asks "is this your husband?"...

"Yes" replies Mrs Smith "why do you ask ?" .... "It looks as if he's been hit by a bus" replies the policeman...

"I know " she says "he's got a great personality though!!"

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By *obwithkiltMan
over a year ago

Belton

Paleontologists have discovered a dinosaur, female with an exceedingly large tounge...a Licksalotofpuss it is believed

Hugs x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Polar bear walks into a bar.

say's to the barman a large rum and ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- please, Barman replies yes but why the large pause?

Polar bear replies I was born with them "

I've never ordered rum in my life!!!

Get well soon Knitter, you need to be well for what I have in mind for you

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Policeman knocks at a door... Lady answers and asks "yes..can I help you ?"

"Mrs Smith ?" Asks the policeman.. "yes" replies the lady.. Policeman shows her a picture and asks "is this your husband?"...

"Yes" replies Mrs Smith "why do you ask ?" .... "It looks as if he's been hit by a bus" replies the policeman...

"I know " she says "he's got a great personality though!!""

This made me laugh

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Paleontologists have discovered a dinosaur, female with an exceedingly large tounge...a Licksalotofpuss it is believed

Hugs x"

The jokes Meh lover the hugs

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"

Get well soon Knitter, you need to be well for what I have in mind for you "

Of course

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By *otsoSnowWhiteWoman
over a year ago

My Ice Castle! South Wales

Hope you feel better soon x

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