FabSwingers.com forum: You know it's likely to be bad when...

By *yldstyle OP Woman
over a year ago

A world of my own

This is a bit of a tongue n cheek posting....

How do you know when you're about to have bad sex?

Warning signs for me are bad kissing, clumsy or non existant foreplay. Mr 2 Strokes.

However, move away from the physical signs and look at the profiles or the things your potential play mate says..

At the top of the avoid list are those people who boast about impressive sex skills. We have all seen those profiles that include classic lines such as

"I am a skilled lover"

' I can/I love to make you cum over and over again"

"Meet the real deal"

It seems to me, the more someone boasts about their skills the less likely you are to enjoy it at all!

Its a distraction technique from the awful time you are about to have. However you question yourself over the fact, they said it would be good. Therefore it must be something wrong with me!

Those pictures women put up demonstrating their cock sucking skills even though they are looking for a female.

I mean yes that makes a lot of sense.

So .. what things could you add to this list?

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By *JB1954Man
over a year ago

Reading

Female removes false teeth, wig etc

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The woman lays like a log lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't find bragging about anything attractive full stop.

I prefer a woman who is quietly confident in herself and that's what I personally find sexy.

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By *vbride1963TV/TS
over a year ago

E.K . Glasgow

I spent more time on my appearance than the lady I'm meeting

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

yeah I had one say "fancy a gum job". My reply "what's that?" (look I don't know everything ok? Lol). Reply was "I'll take my teeth out and suck you off". My reaction. Instant flop, got dressed and fucked off home. Such a turn off that night!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Those that say they want to perform oral 'on' you for 'hours'.

a) It's 'with' me and

b) I would be bored and possibly sore by then. If it's any good I will have cum and or progressed on to other things!

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

Similarly to others - when they've strayed beyond just being upbeat and positive about themselves into self-absorbed twat.

When they don't think they need your input, as they already know what you want.

They're the not quite dead version of a zombie, reliving something when they're with you - but it ain't sensuous nor erotic.

Their mental age is about four, irrespective of their birth year.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

men who insist they can make me squirt/gush

its never happened before so I don't see how it will suddenly happen with 'mr magic fingers'

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A few months ago I chatted to a woman in here who seemed lovely so wet met up. She proceeded to sit blowing incense smoke at me for about 10 mins saying "sorry, I can't have sex with you until our chakras are aligned"

I beat a hasty retreat.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"men who insist they can make me squirt/gush

its never happened before so I don't see how it will suddenly happen with 'mr magic fingers'

Mouthful of red wine.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When she says she wants to do anal. But when you get there she's wearing a strap on ...

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By *urvymamaWoman
over a year ago

Doncaster

When they like to act like a twat then try to fob you off that it's just "banter".

When they brag they are a god, no sorry you're just a person

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can only go from past experience (not from here)

Sloppy kissing & overly enthusiastic clit rubbing, not necessarily at the same time!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"When she says she wants to do anal. But when you get there she's wearing a strap on ...

And the problem is?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A few months ago I chatted to a woman in here who seemed lovely so wet met up. She proceeded to sit blowing incense smoke at me for about 10 mins saying "sorry, I can't have sex with you until our chakras are aligned"

I beat a hasty retreat....."

Sorry about the wait but I think our chakras are finally aligned

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When throws open the shower curtain, and stabs you in the heart.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I beat a hasty retreat.....

Sorry about the wait but I think our chakras are finally aligned

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"men who insist they can make me squirt/gush

its never happened before so I don't see how it will suddenly happen with 'mr magic fingers'

Mouthful of red wine.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I beat a hasty retreat.....

Sorry about the wait but I think our chakras are finally aligned

Oh well you know what this means then don't you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

She demands you bring a half bottle of Vodka

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"men who insist they can make me squirt/gush

its never happened before so I don't see how it will suddenly happen with 'mr magic fingers'

Mouthful of red wine.....

Hate to say it to be honest but my ex said the same thing until it happened. Not bragging or boasting when I say that but it worked not just the once either. Soaked the bed a few good times and she couldn't get her head around it as "it's never happened before". BUT having said that it's quite rare a woman can actually gush/squirt and it does take a bit of work to make it happen.

Can always try but give up gracefully if it doesn't work. Just making a woman orgasm should be enough to be fair to you all

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By *ervent_fervourMan
over a year ago

Halifax

"When she says she wants to do anal. But when you get there she's wearing a strap on ...

Keep it up!

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By *winny445Man
over a year ago

battersea

When they brag they are a god, no sorry you're just a person

lol yes something like that would be a red flag for me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

they turn up with wine....

at 9am

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"men who insist they can make me squirt/gush

its never happened before so I don't see how it will suddenly happen with 'mr magic fingers'

Mouthful of red wine.....

Tingles....

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By *ervent_fervourMan
over a year ago

Halifax

"they turn up with wine....

at 9am

Carbohydrates?

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By *ed LipstickWoman
over a year ago

Fucksville

"She demands you bring a half bottle of Vodka

Not a true vodkathlete

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"She demands you bring a half bottle of Vodka

Not a true vodkathlete

NO - She was a lightweight!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"yeah I had one say "fancy a gum job". My reply "what's that?" (look I don't know everything ok? Lol). Reply was "I'll take my teeth out and suck you off". My reaction. Instant flop, got dressed and fucked off home. Such a turn off that night!!"

Pmsl....Is that what us ladies have to say when the fella turns up looking nothing like his pictures!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"She demands you bring a half bottle of Vodka

Not a true vodkathlete

NO - She was a lightweight!"

Her flats that used to heels showed she wasn't THAT light.....

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

"She demands you bring a half bottle of Vodka

Only half?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"She demands you bring a half bottle of Vodka

Not a true vodkathlete

NO - She was a lightweight!

Her flats that used to heels showed she wasn't THAT light....."

Ooft!

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

"they turn up with wine....

at 9am

As long as they dont expect to share...

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By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

when you ask what they like and they say 'i dont mind'..sure sign they havent got a clue about themselves ( from my experience) i have walked away from these people before now..

if you 'dont mind', then you dont mind not getting anything, right?

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Some guy messaged me earlier to say he was going to blow my pussy out this world.

I imaged him turning up with a shotgun

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By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

"Some guy messaged me earlier to say he was going to blow my pussy out this world.

I imaged him turning up with a shotgun"

...

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By *ed LipstickWoman
over a year ago

Fucksville

"She demands you bring a half bottle of Vodka

Not a true vodkathlete

NO - She was a lightweight!

Her flats that used to heels showed she wasn't THAT light.....

Ooft!

Anybody that doesn't come with a litre of Smirnoff should be blocked.....instantly! Oooo or a Subway gotta have a post shag Subway pick me up x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The men who claim they can make me quirt

I don't want you to make me squirt, yuck all that pissy smell ruining my bed

Go and fuck off with someone who likes pissing all over you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This is a bit of a tongue n cheek posting....

How do you know when you're about to have bad sex?

Warning signs for me are bad kissing, clumsy or non existant foreplay. Mr 2 Strokes.

However, move away from the physical signs and look at the profiles or the things your potential play mate says..

At the top of the avoid list are those people who boast about impressive sex skills. We have all seen those profiles that include classic lines such as

"I am a skilled lover"

' I can/I love to make you cum over and over again"

"Meet the real deal"

It seems to me, the more someone boasts about their skills the less likely you are to enjoy it at all!

Its a distraction technique from the awful time you are about to have. However you question yourself over the fact, they said it would be good. Therefore it must be something wrong with me!

Those pictures women put up demonstrating their cock sucking skills even though they are looking for a female.

I mean yes that makes a lot of sense.

So .. what things could you add to this list?

Had to check my profile before posting to make sure it isn't too boastful!

Thinking about adding a bit about my big dumbo ears n how useful they are for breathing through

And I love giving oral so much I could stay down there for hours......in fact that's my ideal meet.....just to lick that pussy all night long! I'd be delighted to give head all night and not receive a bj or have sex.

Just thought I'd put that on the forums so all you beautiful ladies will know how unselfish I am

Aye right.....brown nosing lying fuckers!......I meant lickers not fuckers as they'd not be wanting to fuck anyway!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Pmsl....Is that what us ladies have to say when the fella turns up looking nothing like his pictures!"

Haha!!. It's an idea isn't it?. Just come out with the most outrageous thing you can think of and watch him squirm. Certainly worked for me that night. Put me off blowjobs for a while as well lmao!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Pmsl....Is that what us ladies have to say when the fella turns up looking nothing like his pictures!

Haha!!. It's an idea isn't it?. Just come out with the most outrageous thing you can think of and watch him squirm. Certainly worked for me that night. Put me off blowjobs for a while as well lmao!! "

At least she was only referring to a toothless blow job haha had she said a g.u.m job she could have meant u will leave needing a trip to the clap clinic!!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The men who claim they can make me quirt

I don't want you to make me squirt, yuck all that pissy smell ruining my bed

Go and fuck off with someone who likes pissing all over you

But it's not wee

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When guys say they're genuine.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Pmsl....Is that what us ladies have to say when the fella turns up looking nothing like his pictures!

Haha!!. It's an idea isn't it?. Just come out with the most outrageous thing you can think of and watch him squirm. Certainly worked for me that night. Put me off blowjobs for a while as well lmao!!

At least she was only referring to a toothless blow job haha had she said a g.u.m job she could have meant u will leave needing a trip to the clap clinic!!!!"

Fuck that for a laugh!. No bareback for me, always use summit!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

when a profile says he can lick pussy for hours

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By *yldstyle OP Woman
over a year ago

A world of my own

Ha ha ha I'm having such a giggle reading these. Thanks for sharing

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"when a profile says he can lick pussy for hours

Lmao sounds familiar!!

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By *ivemeyoursoulWoman
over a year ago

Easter just around the corner!

I beat a hasty retreat....."

That's funny!

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By *andaCouple
over a year ago

co down

Their playroom is a cold, smelly converted barn

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By *buse my girlfriendCouple
over a year ago

Derby

Usernames give it away, any with the word sexy in usually implies that they are from it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 23/04/16 08:42:58]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

**disclaimer-not on fab**

Her- 'I'm really dirty'

Me - 'interesting, tell me more'

Her - 'I have massive tits'

Me - 'And what has that got to do with being dirty? '

Her - 'ermmmmmm.'

********

Her- 'Can we do anal'

Me - 'Sure'

(After 2 mins of anal, she has a complete meltdown)

Me -'You ok? Whats up?'

Her - 'Its the anniversary of my ex raping me at knifepoint'

(Me beating hasty retreat as soon as polite. Block and delete..)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This is a bit of a tongue n cheek posting....

How do you know when you're about to have bad sex?

Warning signs for me are bad kissing, clumsy or non existant foreplay. Mr 2 Strokes.

what do u think of our profile huni

However, move away from the physical signs and look at the profiles or the things your potential play mate says..

At the top of the avoid list are those people who boast about impressive sex skills. We have all seen those profiles that include classic lines such as

"I am a skilled lover"

' I can/I love to make you cum over and over again"

"Meet the real deal"

It seems to me, the more someone boasts about their skills the less likely you are to enjoy it at all!

Its a distraction technique from the awful time you are about to have. However you question yourself over the fact, they said it would be good. Therefore it must be something wrong with me!

Those pictures women put up demonstrating their cock sucking skills even though they are looking for a female.

I mean yes that makes a lot of sense.

So .. what things could you add to this list?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Definitely agree about the kissing........my best meets are from those that can kiss......

Sloppy kisses no thanks ...........

I always love the ones where I call their bluff and try to set up a meet and they suddenly go very quiet ...........makes me chuckle every time........

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The men who claim they can make me quirt

I don't want you to make me squirt, yuck all that pissy smell ruining my bed

Go and fuck off with someone who likes pissing all over you

But it's not wee

It's piss

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"when a profile says he can lick pussy for hours

they forgot to add 'can lick for hours /but i won't/'

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When they are looking for an "older woman to teach them how it's done".

What's in it for me?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Those that say they want to perform oral 'on' you for 'hours'.

a) It's 'with' me and

b) I would be bored and possibly sore by then. If it's any good I will have cum and or progressed on to other things!"

I cannot agree with this more. I actually dislike prolonged oral and would given the choice between none and prolonged jump sky high for the none option

Very few men can do oral at all in such a way that i am comfortable with and yet they profess to be an expert. One springs to mind as bragging he "knows exactly how you will need it " ,this is the same guy who said he so mind blowing amazin he dont need to use his fingers at all during giving oral and so never will ....no prizes for guessing who absolutely needs a finger play to be anywhere near past bored .....meeeeeee.

Everyone is different and thier needs are unique,oral is something I absolutely adore doin to a guy but i dont pofess to be any good .i just really enjoy giving it and been told my oral is mindblowin etc ,but thats the mens opinions not mine and never will be

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"When they are looking for an "older woman to teach them how it's done".

What's in it for me?

teach them to lick pussy and make them practice for hours. weirdly it will be their best experience ever.

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By *earded blossomCouple
over a year ago

Glasgow

"When they are looking for an "older woman to teach them how it's done".

What's in it for me?

This! The other one for me is their looking for their first girl experience, no thanks I don't want to be anyone's teacher.

K x

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By *reakShow90Man
over a year ago

Manchester/halifax

( not on fab)

Says she's filthy kinky and such

Do anal?no

Oral?no

Spanking?no

Rough sex?no

Ahhh soo tell me again how you 'need a Mr gray in your life'

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When someone says they are going to XYZ to you..kind of implies that it doesn't matter who you are.

When someone says they can go for hours...well done, just means your technique might be crap if it takes you that long to get me off. Work better, not longer...

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By *ed LipstickWoman
over a year ago

Fucksville

"When they are looking for an "older woman to teach them how it's done".

What's in it for me?

This! The other one for me is their looking for their first girl experience, no thanks I don't want to be anyone's teacher.

K x"

Me too ??

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By *amslam1000Man
over a year ago

willenhall

"When she says she wants to do anal. But when you get there she's wearing a strap on ...

whats wrong with that lol

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By *ensualtouch15Man
over a year ago

ashby de la zouch

"This is a bit of a tongue n cheek posting....

How do you know when you're about to have bad sex?

Warning signs for me are bad kissing, clumsy or non existant foreplay. Mr 2 Strokes.

However, move away from the physical signs and look at the profiles or the things your potential play mate says..

At the top of the avoid list are those people who boast about impressive sex skills. We have all seen those profiles that include classic lines such as

"I am a skilled lover"

' I can/I love to make you cum over and over again"

"Meet the real deal"

It seems to me, the more someone boasts about their skills the less likely you are to enjoy it at all!

Its a distraction technique from the awful time you are about to have. However you question yourself over the fact, they said it would be good. Therefore it must be something wrong with me!

Those pictures women put up demonstrating their cock sucking skills even though they are looking for a female.

I mean yes that makes a lot of sense.

So .. what things could you add to this list?

Maybe he thinks he is right ?

Do you have data to prove his opinion is wrong

It is perfectly reasonabe as it is the unknown , to reason leaving Europe will be very painful

I really don't know the answer and I'm perfectly happy with anyone giving a view point in order to help make a reasoned hopefully good choice

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Those that say they want to perform oral 'on' you for 'hours'.

a) It's 'with' me and

b) I would be bored and possibly sore by then. If it's any good I will have cum and or progressed on to other things!"

I detest those !

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By *ensualtouch15Man
over a year ago

ashby de la zouch

"This is a bit of a tongue n cheek posting....

How do you know when you're about to have bad sex?

Warning signs for me are bad kissing, clumsy or non existant foreplay. Mr 2 Strokes.

However, move away from the physical signs and look at the profiles or the things your potential play mate says..

At the top of the avoid list are those people who boast about impressive sex skills. We have all seen those profiles that include classic lines such as

"I am a skilled lover"

' I can/I love to make you cum over and over again"

"Meet the real deal"

It seems to me, the more someone boasts about their skills the less likely you are to enjoy it at all!

Its a distraction technique from the awful time you are about to have. However you question yourself over the fact, they said it would be good. Therefore it must be something wrong with me!

Those pictures women put up demonstrating their cock sucking skills even though they are looking for a female.

I mean yes that makes a lot of sense.

So .. what things could you add to this list?

Maybe he thinks he is right ?

Do you have data to prove his opinion is wrong

It is perfectly reasonabe as it is the unknown , to reason leaving Europe will be very painful

I really don't know the answer and I'm perfectly happy with anyone giving a view point in order to help make a reasoned hopefully good choice

Scrub that ? No idea how that happened ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When ....

their car is filthy and smelly

their house is a tip and their sheets are dirty

they're just so excited they explode at first touch

They lean in and they havent brushed their teeth

they say "im sorry its not big"

So many !

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By *ed LipstickWoman
over a year ago

Fucksville

"When ....

their car is filthy and smelly

their house is a tip and their sheets are dirty

they're just so excited they explode at first touch

They lean in and they havent brushed their teeth

they say "im sorry its not big"

So many !

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