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Ridiculous instructions/warnings

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

When my children were small I purchased a pushchair. The instructions said 'not to be used while horse back riding'

What weird and wonderful pieces of advice have you been offered ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Where I used to live, there was a big zoo/animals in enclosures type of place. They had lions there.

There was a sign on the fence saying "Lions are dangerous".

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm a firefighter, our new uniform t-shirts say keep away from fire on the cleaning label!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Where I used to live, there was a big zoo/animals in enclosures type of place. They had lions there.

There was a sign on the fence saying "Lions are dangerous"."

I'm surprised someone didn't write underneath 'no shit?'

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I'm a firefighter, our new uniform t-shirts say keep away from fire on the cleaning label!"

Oh my

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By *ndrew1972Man
over a year ago

Roscrea

Milk bottles with "open other end" printed on the bottom.

Coffee cup lids in service stations "caution, contents may be hot"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A packet of peanuts. May contain nuts.

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

I'm sure I read a warning at a petrol station once that said 'use the nozzle'

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

American Airlines. A warning on their packets of peanuts...."caution, may contain nuts" . The two Ronnies couldn't write better!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Where I used to live, there was a big zoo/animals in enclosures type of place. They had lions there.

There was a sign on the fence saying "Lions are dangerous".

I'm surprised someone didn't write underneath 'no shit?' "

Lions do shit

Just as bears do in the woods

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I bought a lampshade from B&Q last week that read 'remove cellophane before use'

Really? I would never have thought to do that

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By *ellowbabesCouple
over a year ago

newport/cwmbran

On ironing instructions... Do not iron whilst wearing garment.....personally I think do away with instructions and let evolution do its thing!!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"On ironing instructions... Do not iron whilst wearing garment.....personally I think do away with instructions and let evolution do its thing!! "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Where I work (Bank), most of the U.K. People have been outsourced by Indians, in every toilet trap we have instructions to sit on the toilet and flush, not to squat and shove paper down to cover poo, at least 1 blocked every day

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By *ivnwcplCouple
over a year ago

liverpool


"When my children were small I purchased a pushchair. The instructions said 'not to be used while horse back riding'

What weird and wonderful pieces of advice have you been offered ?"

I bought I horse once and the label said not to be used with a pushchair

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Where I work (Bank), most of the U.K. People have been outsourced by Indians, in every toilet trap we have instructions to sit on the toilet and flush, not to squat and shove paper down to cover poo, at least 1 blocked every day "

Indians are not people??

You learn something new every day

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By *estmidscoupleCouple
over a year ago

West Midlands


"American Airlines. A warning on their packets of peanuts...."caution, may contain nuts" . The two Ronnies couldn't write better!"
Not quit eon topic but airline themed. Went to Singapore in the 90s and had to fill in a visitor visa form before landing with the belter question "Are you now, or have you ever been, convicted of international terrorism offences?" with a Yes/No box. At no point did I think "ooh I'll tick Yes for a laugh"...

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By *enard ArgenteMan
over a year ago

London and France

On packet of peanuts on an ( American) airline,

" Instrcutions;

1. Open packet

2. Eat nuts"

And a sticker on the rear view mirror on a hire car in the US;

" objects seen in this mirror are actually behind you"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Im on sleeping tablets. Side of packaging states "this medicine makes you sleepy"

No shit sherlock

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By *enard ArgenteMan
over a year ago

London and France


"American Airlines. A warning on their packets of peanuts...."caution, may contain nuts" . The two Ronnies couldn't write better! Not quit eon topic but airline themed. Went to Singapore in the 90s and had to fill in a visitor visa form before landing with the belter question "Are you now, or have you ever been, convicted of international terrorism offences?" with a Yes/No box. At no point did I think "ooh I'll tick Yes for a laugh"... "

They ask the same question in Australia on the entry form;

" have you been convicted of a criminal offence?"

The reply is " I didn't know it was still a requirement of entry "

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By *iss_Samantha_LovecockTV/TS
over a year ago

bmth /poole sometimes blandford

herbal sleeping products that may cause drowsiness

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

On bags of nuts in some supermarkets it says 'may contain nuts' - priceless!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"On packet of peanuts on an ( American) airline,

" Instrcutions;

1. Open packet

2. Eat nuts"

And a sticker on the rear view mirror on a hire car in the US;

" objects seen in this mirror are actually behind you""

OH HEAVENS that is hilarious

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Was using PVA glue and it said please do not drink.. haha

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Once seen on a old mattress. ...do not swallow

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"American Airlines. A warning on their packets of peanuts...."caution, may contain nuts" . The two Ronnies couldn't write better! Not quit eon topic but airline themed. Went to Singapore in the 90s and had to fill in a visitor visa form before landing with the belter question "Are you now, or have you ever been, convicted of international terrorism offences?" with a Yes/No box. At no point did I think "ooh I'll tick Yes for a laugh"... "

Similar story - my daughter was visiting Russia on a school trip and one of the questions on the visa application form was 'is your child trained in the use of firearms?'

Safe to say she struggles with a tin opener so they are quite safe there

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Once seen on a old mattress. ...do not swallow "

You can't be too careful with these things

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

On a set of kitchen knives:

"Keep out of children"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Once seen on a old mattress. ...do not swallow

You can't be too careful with these things "

Yep their sneaky

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"When my children were small I purchased a pushchair. The instructions said 'not to be used while horse back riding'

What weird and wonderful pieces of advice have you been offered ?"

I have one of those China travel coffee cups with a rubber lid which says "contents maybe hot"

If you can't work out if you put hot drinks inside it, the contents might be hot, then quite frankly you deserve to be burnt

Saying that, I might put the same warning on my boxer shorts

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


" Went to Singapore in the 90s and had to fill in a visitor visa form before landing with the belter question "Are you now, or have you ever been, convicted of international terrorism offences?" with a Yes/No box. At no point did I think "ooh I'll tick Yes for a laugh"... "

Haha I had that on the application form to join the Royal Navy. And Have you ever been involved in plans to overthrow or undermine this political government?

I didn't get in, so maybe they didn't believe my "No" ticks.

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By *iss AdventureWoman
over a year ago

Wonderland

Those big yellow triangle signs that say "Caution, men at work" but there's never a man working to be seen

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

Virgin Trains sold an orange with a serving suggestion - peel and eat. So helpful - I can imagine trying to force the whole unpeeled thing down the creator's mouth whole.

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By *olgateMan
over a year ago

on the road to nowhere in particular


"Once seen on a old mattress. ...do not swallow "
is gargling permissible?

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

The advice on a bunsen burner said " do not use as a hairdryer"

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By *r Stagger LeeMan
over a year ago

torquay

[Removed by poster at 22/04/16 09:59:35]

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By *r Stagger LeeMan
over a year ago

torquay

warning floor will be slippy when wet

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By *sh6866Man
over a year ago

halifax


"Once seen on a old mattress. ...do not swallow "

think my mrs saw that on our matress and took it literally

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I done a Pyrotecnics course about ten years ago and the instructor told us of some mental circus act (Circus of Horrors type of thing) that used to shove a specific type of 'rocket' up their Arse as part of the show - needless to say, it went wrong once and literally tore him a new one.

Company got sued, lost and had to pay out as they had no warning text on their product saying you could do that with them.

Guess what warning it now has!

F

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sign in a jewelry shop window;

Ears pierced while you wait.

Presumably because trying to do them while running for a bus proved too challenging.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Tractors also have, or used to, a sticker inside that says 'in event of overturning, hold tightly onto steering wheel'

Aye, ok then...

F

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Full face motor bike helmets that have a sticker on the visor with loads of text about its good features that says 'remove before use'.

F

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

On a pack of scissors "please you scissors to remove packaging"

On an iron "remove clothes before ironing"

-Ads

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By *oddyWoman
over a year ago

between havant and chichester

Makes me chuckle when i see the sign for heavy plant crossing never see any

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I tripped over once while I was reading the sign above my head that read "please mind the step" if I had not been distracted by the sign I would have noticed the step

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By *ty31Man
over a year ago

NW London

I always liked the warning you get on big fireworks: do not hold

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Curling Tongs have "not for internal use" on them.

Which one of you sick fuckers made that one necessary

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By *enard ArgenteMan
over a year ago

London and France

Microwave instruction books that tell you not to use it to dry pets......

Apparently because some daft twat actually did wash a small dog and put it in the microwave for 10 minutes to dry it.....

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"The advice on a bunsen burner said " do not use as a hairdryer" "

That made me literally spit my drink everywhere

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Sign in a jewelry shop window;

Ears pierced while you wait.

Presumably because trying to do them while running for a bus proved too challenging....."

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Tractors also have, or used to, a sticker inside that says 'in event of overturning, hold tightly onto steering wheel'

Aye, ok then...

F"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"On ironing instructions... Do not iron whilst wearing garment.....personally I think do away with instructions and let evolution do its thing!! "

Brilliant X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The information leaflet with Viagra is funny, one of the possible side effects is "sudden death" followed by the instructions "should any of the side effects become serious please contact your doctor "

Could be a possible new new tv show, zombies coming back to tell doctors they died taking Viagra

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"On ironing instructions... Do not iron whilst wearing garment.....personally I think do away with instructions and let evolution do its thing!! "

I was ironing my curtains once and ended up falling through the window

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By *ondonSwingSocialCouple
over a year ago

London

Egg crate box says:

Allergy Advice: contains egg

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 22/04/16 12:41:15]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Makes me chuckle when i see the sign for heavy plant crossing never see any "

What you mean you've never seen the armies of triffids crossing the A27 ?

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By *thwalescplCouple
over a year ago

brecon


"American Airlines. A warning on their packets of peanuts...."caution, may contain nuts" . The two Ronnies couldn't write better! Not quit eon topic but airline themed. Went to Singapore in the 90s and had to fill in a visitor visa form before landing with the belter question "Are you now, or have you ever been, convicted of international terrorism offences?" with a Yes/No box. At no point did I think "ooh I'll tick Yes for a laugh"...

Similar story - my daughter was visiting Russia on a school trip and one of the questions on the visa application form was 'is your child trained in the use of firearms?'

Safe to say she struggles with a tin opener so they are quite safe there "

Shit, so no family trip to Russia for us ffs!

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By *obletonMan
over a year ago

A Home Among The Woodland Creatures


"Not quit eon topic but airline themed. Went to Singapore in the 90s and had to fill in a visitor visa form before landing with the belter question "Are you now, or have you ever been, convicted of international terrorism offences?" with a Yes/No box. At no point did I think "ooh I'll tick Yes for a laugh"... "

similar to the question on the US visa waiver form

Do you plan to overthrow the United States of America?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

On a piece of clothing that has mixed dark and light areas. 'Wash dark colours separately'!

How?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We have a bearded dragon so we bought a book about them. While reading, it said that dragons open their mouths when they get too hot so we must take action to try to cool him down if needed. We had to laugh when we saw a caution underneath stating that whatever you do, do not place dragon in the freezer

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"A packet of peanuts. May contain nuts."

You would certainly hope so !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"American Airlines. A warning on their packets of peanuts...."caution, may contain nuts" . The two Ronnies couldn't write better! Not quit eon topic but airline themed. Went to Singapore in the 90s and had to fill in a visitor visa form before landing with the belter question "Are you now, or have you ever been, convicted of international terrorism offences?" with a Yes/No box. At no point did I think "ooh I'll tick Yes for a laugh"...

They ask the same question in Australia on the entry form;

" have you been convicted of a criminal offence?"

The reply is " I didn't know it was still a requirement of entry "

"

It used to be.

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By *ouplefunukCouple
over a year ago

North Bristol

There are passages in the manuals of RV's that describe in detail how "cruise control" does not mean "autopilot". Apparently some Muppet put "cruise control" on and then got out of the drivers seat and went to make a cuppa in the kitchen. Naturally it crashed.

Twat.

*Him*

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

On the packet of a tooth filling repair kit, 'Do not push nozzle forcefully into inner ear'

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

On a cage in a zoo .. These animals are dangerous .. I've never seen a dangerou before... On plastic bags .. To avoid suffocation keep away from children .. I've brought up three of my own and never been suffocated once

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

On my contact lenses pack leaflet it has the following wisdom.."Do not place lens on eye if eye closed".

WTF????

Well, i had no idea i could dematerialise the fucin thing thru my eyelid using The Force! Will have to try tho as it may take less time than tryin the normal way!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Tractors also have, or used to, a sticker inside that says 'in event of overturning, hold tightly onto steering wheel'

Aye, ok then...

F"

most peoples reaction is to try to jump clear when a tractor overturns most of those end up dead

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By *artytwoCouple
over a year ago

Wolverhampton

There was a 'beauty' shop in Worcester a few years ago that was advertising 'Chocolate Facials' on its frontage.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Tractors also have, or used to, a sticker inside that says 'in event of overturning, hold tightly onto steering wheel'

Aye, ok then...

F

most peoples reaction is to try to jump clear when a tractor overturns most of those end up dead

"

Same with forklifts

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By *ty31Man
over a year ago

NW London


"Tractors also have, or used to, a sticker inside that says 'in event of overturning, hold tightly onto steering wheel'

Aye, ok then...

F

most peoples reaction is to try to jump clear when a tractor overturns most of those end up dead

Same with forklifts"

Yes. The official advice (when I did my licence) was to remain seated, grip steering wheel and lean away from point of impact so your shoulder don't hit the deck before the machine does.

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By *enard ArgenteMan
over a year ago

London and France

Emergency safety procedures at a campsite

"In case of flood, proceed uphill. In case of flash flood proceed uphill quickly."

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By *ndrew1972Man
over a year ago

Roscrea

[Removed by poster at 23/04/16 15:44:44]

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By *ndrew1972Man
over a year ago

Roscrea


"On ironing instructions... Do not iron whilst wearing garment.....personally I think do away with instructions and let evolution do its thing!!

I was ironing my curtains once and ended up falling through the window"

Could have been worse, if your phone had rang you could have burned your ear....

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By *r and mrs sanddancerCouple
over a year ago

BOLDON COLLIERY


"Tractors also have, or used to, a sticker inside that says 'in event of overturning, hold tightly onto steering wheel'

Aye, ok then...

F"

most injuries from overturning are caused by instinctively putting your arm out

with rally cars you will find the front windows only open a few inches at the top to stop that happening.

so not as daft as it sounds

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I brought a new cooker few year ago, there was stickers on each ring 'Do not touch rings when in use. May become hot

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By *illwill69uMan
over a year ago

moston

Stop sign at the top of some ladders...

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By *lighty1Woman
over a year ago

You Dont Need to Know, right now

T.V advert for a well-known hair product brand says "it is not recommended to shampoo eyeballs" Presumably badly translated from a different language. Or am I the only one who wouldn't dream of shampooing my eyeballs?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Sign in a jewelry shop window;

Ears pierced while you wait.

Presumably because trying to do them while running for a bus proved too challenging....."

Maybe they were concerned that someone might just leave their ears for them to pierce while they went for a coffee lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In Swansea uni they had to put up instructional pictures in the library toilets showing people how to sit down a number two, because the students had been standing on the rim and squatting, making a bit of a mess in the process...

Google "Swansea uni toilet training".

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I always find the warning "May contain nuts" on the outside of a nag of nuts ridiculous.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The barman telling me I've had too many....when he sold them all to me...hic

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My daughter has a Puma track suit with a label "Wash when Dirty"

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