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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Well my chums, it's happened again, gave my trust to a woman, and she shat on me from a great hight

We had an agreement when it came to sleeping with other people, to be honest, and tell each other if we planed on having sex with someone, or at the very least, tell each other straight away at the first opportunity after it's happened ( sometimes it's an in the moment thing) but she lied to me, for two weeks she lied by omission, and then for a week lied to my face, until this morning when her lies were exposed.

I'm mad at her, there was no need to lie, all she had to do was be honest, I'm fine with the fact that she wanted to have sex with someone else, fuck, she could have bought him over and had the time of her life, instead she had to lie about it and now look, she's alone, having lost someone who had genuine feelings for her, and treated her like she deserved to be treated.

That's it, I'm done trying to fix the broken, back to the plan, stay single, stay happy, and live

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Well my chums, it's happened again, gave my trust to a woman, and she shat on me from a great hight

We had an agreement when it came to sleeping with other people, to be honest, and tell each other if we planed on having sex with someone, or at the very least, tell each other straight away at the first opportunity after it's happened ( sometimes it's an in the moment thing) but she lied to me, for two weeks she lied by omission, and then for a week lied to my face, until this morning when her lies were exposed.

I'm mad at her, there was no need to lie, all she had to do was be honest, I'm fine with the fact that she wanted to have sex with someone else, fuck, she could have bought him over and had the time of her life, instead she had to lie about it and now look, she's alone, having lost someone who had genuine feelings for her, and treated her like she deserved to be treated.

That's it, I'm done trying to fix the broken, back to the plan, stay single, stay happy, and live"

Chin up matey big hugs sent to you

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By *iamondjoeMan
over a year ago

Glastonbury

Oh dear.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Knitter kisses

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I hope you feel better soon, I've been there and done that too. It really fucking sucks to realise that people are generally incapable of honesty, I'll have a beer in spirit with you later!

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By *iss AdventureWoman
over a year ago

Wonderland

I'll pop round after work with some cake

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

It's happened to me before, it stings doesn't it? (((Hugs))) and cake obv

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Her loss! Big hugs to you x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry to hear, some people just don't want help

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

Not good

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By *isa 59Woman
over a year ago

Newcastle

Onwards and upwards...every cloud etc

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some peeps just can't help themselves

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By *anky_PankyWoman
over a year ago

Filthy Fuckeryville

Huggles lovely x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Some peeps just can't help themselves "

Checking you out and thinking mmmm...i cant help myself

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By *ecretgamesMan
over a year ago

the moon

Awwww shit man. So feel for you!!!

Her loss, teal men are a rareity and she'll realise that one day but way too late. To genuinely have feelings for someone like that and have it thrown back at you is one of the worst types of pain and one I can easily sympathise with

I'd buy you pint if I could but don't dwell on it. There is plenty of happiness out there you just need to accept that and start living again !!!

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By *s_bettyboopWoman
over a year ago

-3

That's a shame, especially when she could of had a nice honest relationship with you involved in the fun. Chin up. Xx

Doll x

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By *ancs MinxWoman
over a year ago

Burnley


"Well my chums, it's happened again, gave my trust to a woman, and she shat on me from a great hight

We had an agreement when it came to sleeping with other people, to be honest, and tell each other if we planed on having sex with someone, or at the very least, tell each other straight away at the first opportunity after it's happened ( sometimes it's an in the moment thing) but she lied to me, for two weeks she lied by omission, and then for a week lied to my face, until this morning when her lies were exposed.

I'm mad at her, there was no need to lie, all she had to do was be honest, I'm fine with the fact that she wanted to have sex with someone else, fuck, she could have bought him over and had the time of her life, instead she had to lie about it and now look, she's alone, having lost someone who had genuine feelings for her, and treated her like she deserved to be treated.

That's it, I'm done trying to fix the broken, back to the plan, stay single, stay happy, and live"

if your single, why do you need to tell eachother who you meet anyway.....people can find it awkward to chat about meeting others, so maybe best to just do your own thing and be accepting that if your two single people then just do your own thing...you owe nobody anything...either you..or her..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

sorry to hear that...some people just seem to thrive on the lies and subterfuge no matter what...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Well my chums, it's happened again, gave my trust to a woman, and she shat on me from a great hight

We had an agreement when it came to sleeping with other people, to be honest, and tell each other if we planed on having sex with someone, or at the very least, tell each other straight away at the first opportunity after it's happened ( sometimes it's an in the moment thing) but she lied to me, for two weeks she lied by omission, and then for a week lied to my face, until this morning when her lies were exposed.

I'm mad at her, there was no need to lie, all she had to do was be honest, I'm fine with the fact that she wanted to have sex with someone else, fuck, she could have bought him over and had the time of her life, instead she had to lie about it and now look, she's alone, having lost someone who had genuine feelings for her, and treated her like she deserved to be treated.

That's it, I'm done trying to fix the broken, back to the plan, stay single, stay happy, and live

if your single, why do you need to tell eachother who you meet anyway.....people can find it awkward to chat about meeting others, so maybe best to just do your own thing and be accepting that if your two single people then just do your own thing...you owe nobody anything...either you..or her.."

I think they were in a actual relationship if I remember correctly from a previous thread.

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By *ancs MinxWoman
over a year ago

Burnley


"Well my chums, it's happened again, gave my trust to a woman, and she shat on me from a great hight

We had an agreement when it came to sleeping with other people, to be honest, and tell each other if we planed on having sex with someone, or at the very least, tell each other straight away at the first opportunity after it's happened ( sometimes it's an in the moment thing) but she lied to me, for two weeks she lied by omission, and then for a week lied to my face, until this morning when her lies were exposed.

I'm mad at her, there was no need to lie, all she had to do was be honest, I'm fine with the fact that she wanted to have sex with someone else, fuck, she could have bought him over and had the time of her life, instead she had to lie about it and now look, she's alone, having lost someone who had genuine feelings for her, and treated her like she deserved to be treated.

That's it, I'm done trying to fix the broken, back to the plan, stay single, stay happy, and live

if your single, why do you need to tell eachother who you meet anyway.....people can find it awkward to chat about meeting others, so maybe best to just do your own thing and be accepting that if your two single people then just do your own thing...you owe nobody anything...either you..or her..

I think they were in a actual relationship if I remember correctly from a previous thread.

"

oh i see...it didn't say that , so my apologies

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't know what to say, that's really rubbish.

[pick your own platitude that will make you feel better]

Have a piece of chocolate. It's my last bit.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

she was probably just embarrassed / hesitant to tell you (even though you agreed), like when hubby asks me if those are new shoes, I allways say No I would give her another chance

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry to see fella, but look on the bright side, just take a look at all the hot ladies in this thread who care for you! Your the one who will come out on top! Her loss mate

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Well my chums, it's happened again, gave my trust to a woman, and she shat on me from a great hight

We had an agreement when it came to sleeping with other people, to be honest, and tell each other if we planed on having sex with someone, or at the very least, tell each other straight away at the first opportunity after it's happened ( sometimes it's an in the moment thing) but she lied to me, for two weeks she lied by omission, and then for a week lied to my face, until this morning when her lies were exposed.

I'm mad at her, there was no need to lie, all she had to do was be honest, I'm fine with the fact that she wanted to have sex with someone else, fuck, she could have bought him over and had the time of her life, instead she had to lie about it and now look, she's alone, having lost someone who had genuine feelings for her, and treated her like she deserved to be treated.

That's it, I'm done trying to fix the broken, back to the plan, stay single, stay happy, and live"

Sometimes it's the secrecy that makes it exciting so if your not bothered if she does it with someone else why do you have to know ?

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By *ancadamMan
over a year ago

Stockport


"sorry to hear that...some people just seem to thrive on the lies and subterfuge no matter what... "
that's a fact strangely!never understood it..chin up mate...better to find out now!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

keep it purely casual or go monogamous

mixing the 2 is dicey

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Bitches be crazy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'll probably get shot down for this and I always like your posts. But we are only hearing your side and I never like not knowing where the other person is coming from. There are two sides to every story.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Look on the brightside op....no ones taking the piss out of you on the thread

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs


"Well my chums, it's happened again, gave my trust to a woman, and she shat on me from a great hight

We had an agreement when it came to sleeping with other people, to be honest, and tell each other if we planed on having sex with someone, or at the very least, tell each other straight away at the first opportunity after it's happened ( sometimes it's an in the moment thing) but she lied to me, for two weeks she lied by omission, and then for a week lied to my face, until this morning when her lies were exposed.

I'm mad at her, there was no need to lie, all she had to do was be honest, I'm fine with the fact that she wanted to have sex with someone else,

"

You have my empathy hun, you'd think on a swingers site of all places people could make an agreement to suit and be honest, but I am afraid it is not so.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

It's the lies, I've had enough liars to last me a lifetime, and I can't get my head round why she would lie about something she had permission to do anyway, it makes no sense.

I can't always tell when someone is lying to me, so I need to feel that I can trust someone isn't going to lie to me before I can feel comfortable enough to take my walls down, I took my walls down for her, told her things that only a few people know about, deeply personal stuff, and she turned out to be someone who just doesn't care about the cost to my feelings, that her actions have caused, I was falling for her, fast, I thought she was the one, I was thinking the other day that she would never lie to me, I thought I had struck gold, yeah, fools gold, I'm such a twat, should know better at my age, well, I'm going to have pizza with my son for tea and build a huge hit wheels track, and when he goes to bed I'm going on Xbox to blow shit up, thanks for the therapy fab,

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry to hear .. I just don't get why people can't just be honest with each other .. lies kill it every time ..One reason why I will always stay single now ..

x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

some people just lie cos they can and do so so often i feel they no longer know the truth from their fairy tale existence

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By *ancs MinxWoman
over a year ago

Burnley


"I'll probably get shot down for this and I always like your posts. But we are only hearing your side and I never like not knowing where the other person is coming from. There are two sides to every story.

"

totally agree

honesty comes in many forms..checking peoples phones and logging in to peoples fab accounts behind their backs, but they always get found out in the long run... people say they are honest...but only when it suits them......

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon


"I'll probably get shot down for this and I always like your posts. But we are only hearing your side and I never like not knowing where the other person is coming from. There are two sides to every story.

"

I have to agree that there are 2 sides in fact 3 sides to every story

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'll probably get shot down for this and I always like your posts. But we are only hearing your side and I never like not knowing where the other person is coming from. There are two sides to every story.

"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Okay. Tin hat and flak jacket......

I don't get this. If you are a couple. Play and arrange meets as a couple (even if thats single meets).

If you are two singles (living in separate houses), then why the "exclusivity/honesty" clause?

I think (and I am sorry OP, this is a sweeping generalisation and not meant in a judgemental or derogatory way, just an opinion), I think that singles have a tendency to over-complicated Fab.

If you meet a great single through Fab and you starting "walking out together", then personally, i would take some time off fab and enjoy that burgeoning part of the relationship, if you both agree at a later stage, come back as a couple.

But if you were both "single" but FWB/FB or whatever, how can you ask anyone to hold to any request you ask to tell you before a meet? They are single....you are single, as long as you play within each others boundaries (safe sex or whatever) and you don't fib about that, its all good.

The single women on Fab are independent and moreso than not, intelligent women, who, like the single guys, just want some physical fun once in a while. Yes some want relationships or more, and when they find that guy, they may well disappear, but asking them to change, when thats what attracts me/you to them in the first place, just for you/me, that seems a little selfish and you are changing what you adore about them

I am sorry for your pain, OP, really I am, but see Fab for what it is, a group of people of a mind, that enjoy liberated moments with like minded peoples, if you connect with someone, both leave, come back maybe when you have really been "together"

I hope your heart heals quick.

Paul

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By *ensual temptressWoman
over a year ago

Southampton


"It's the lies, I've had enough liars to last me a lifetime, and I can't get my head round why she would lie about something she had permission to do anyway, it makes no sense.

I can't always tell when someone is lying to me, so I need to feel that I can trust someone isn't going to lie to me before I can feel comfortable enough to take my walls down, I took my walls down for her, told her things that only a few people know about, deeply personal stuff, and she turned out to be someone who just doesn't care about the cost to my feelings, that her actions have caused, I was falling for her, fast, I thought she was the one, I was thinking the other day that she would never lie to me, I thought I had struck gold, yeah, fools gold, I'm such a twat, should know better at my age, well, I'm going to have pizza with my son for tea and build a huge hit wheels track, and when he goes to bed I'm going on Xbox to blow shit up, thanks for the therapy fab, "

You are not a twat for trusting someone ,it takes a strong person to do that . The twat is the person who abuses that trust you gave to them .

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Ok, I would be genuinely interested to hear what your thoughts on a perfectly reasonable explanation would be as to why she lied to me about something that she had "permission " to do.

What possible reason could there be?

Perhaps it was all my fault, maybe I did something that caused her to lie, it's all beyond me so maybe you could shed some light on it all for me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Ok, I would be genuinely interested to hear what your thoughts on a perfectly reasonable explanation would be as to why she lied to me about something that she had "permission " to do.

What possible reason could there be?

Perhaps it was all my fault, maybe I did something that caused her to lie, it's all beyond me so maybe you could shed some light on it all for me"

Because "permission" is a horrible word... she doesn't need your permission, she can do what she wants, thats life. Sorry What caused her to lie is perhaps one of a hundred things, but feeling controlled might have something to do with it....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some people just lie. No reason, no need, they just do.

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon


"Ok, I would be genuinely interested to hear what your thoughts on a perfectly reasonable explanation would be as to why she lied to me about something that she had "permission " to do.

What possible reason could there be?

Perhaps it was all my fault, maybe I did something that caused her to lie, it's all beyond me so maybe you could shed some light on it all for me"

People lie for numerous reasons some lies are malious and uncalled for but some lies are to protect people from getting hurt, you haven't mentioned how she lied what she said to you that was the lie. Maybe she wanted to lie, maybe she felt pressurised into lying or maybe she wanted to protect you from the truth.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm confused...if you wanted a relationship with this lady then why have an open relationship? If you're okay with each other sleeping with others then why would it matter whether you discussed it or not?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why I am single and will always be single.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Okay. Tin hat and flak jacket......

I don't get this. If you are a couple. Play and arrange meets as a couple (even if thats single meets).

If you are two singles (living in separate houses), then why the "exclusivity/honesty" clause?

I think (and I am sorry OP, this is a sweeping generalisation and not meant in a judgemental or derogatory way, just an opinion), I think that singles have a tendency to over-complicated Fab.

If you meet a great single through Fab and you starting "walking out together", then personally, i would take some time off fab and enjoy that burgeoning part of the relationship, if you both agree at a later stage, come back as a couple.

But if you were both "single" but FWB/FB or whatever, how can you ask anyone to hold to any request you ask to tell you before a meet? They are single....you are single, as long as you play within each others boundaries (safe sex or whatever) and you don't fib about that, its all good.

The single women on Fab are independent and moreso than not, intelligent women, who, like the single guys, just want some physical fun once in a while. Yes some want relationships or more, and when they find that guy, they may well disappear, but asking them to change, when thats what attracts me/you to them in the first place, just for you/me, that seems a little selfish and you are changing what you adore about them

I am sorry for your pain, OP, really I am, but see Fab for what it is, a group of people of a mind, that enjoy liberated moments with like minded peoples, if you connect with someone, both leave, come back maybe when you have really been "together"

I hope your heart heals quick.

Paul"

Our relationship was just a normal relationship, the only thing that I said to her that was a no no was lying to me, like I said before, I have no problem with her sleeping with someone else, but I hate being lied to, I made it clear to her that I can't be in any kind of relationship with someone who lies to me, trust has gone, it's nothing to do with the other guy, just because we were in a relationship doesn't mean I own her, but lying to me, says she didn't give a toss about what I said to her right at the beginning

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 21/04/16 15:59:09]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm trying to think why I would lie if I was the woman in the scenario and I think it would be if I had developed feelings for the guy I'd had sex with and wasn't sure if I wanted to carry on with our "relationship" as it stood.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Ok, I would be genuinely interested to hear what your thoughts on a perfectly reasonable explanation would be as to why she lied to me about something that she had "permission " to do.

What possible reason could there be?

Perhaps it was all my fault, maybe I did something that caused her to lie, it's all beyond me so maybe you could shed some light on it all for me

People lie for numerous reasons some lies are malious and uncalled for but some lies are to protect people from getting hurt, you haven't mentioned how she lied what she said to you that was the lie. Maybe she wanted to lie, maybe she felt pressurised into lying or maybe she wanted to protect you from the truth. "

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon


"I'm trying to think why I would lie if I was the woman in the scenario and I think it would be if I had developed feelings for the guy I'd had sex with and wasn't sure if I wanted to carry on with our "relationship" as it stood.

"
.

You can't put yourself in her situation as we don't actually know what situation she was in...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I personally think you've made far too much of the situation and it could've been resolved.

You're speaking like a married man who has discovered your wife was cheating on you. Perhaps you need to think again before you embark on another open relationship.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Ok, I would be genuinely interested to hear what your thoughts on a perfectly reasonable explanation would be as to why she lied to me about something that she had "permission " to do.

What possible reason could there be?

Perhaps it was all my fault, maybe I did something that caused her to lie, it's all beyond me so maybe you could shed some light on it all for me

Because "permission" is a horrible word... she doesn't need your permission, she can do what she wants, thats life. Sorry What caused her to lie is perhaps one of a hundred things, but feeling controlled might have something to do with it...."

And that's why I put "permission " in ""

So what you are saying is because we discussed the kind of relationship we both wanted, and I stated that I hate being lied to, and that lying is the ultimate deal breaker for me, she might have felt controlled?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'm trying to think why I would lie if I was the woman in the scenario and I think it would be if I had developed feelings for the guy I'd had sex with and wasn't sure if I wanted to carry on with our "relationship" as it stood.

.

You can't put yourself in her situation as we don't actually know what situation she was in..."

True, I was just going on what the opening post made me think. It's just a subjective opinion, like everyone's opinion is

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I personally think you've made far too much of the situation and it could've been resolved.

You're speaking like a married man who has discovered your wife was cheating on you. Perhaps you need to think again before you embark on another open relationship.

"

this

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Okay. Tin hat and flak jacket......

I don't get this. If you are a couple. Play and arrange meets as a couple (even if thats single meets).

If you are two singles (living in separate houses), then why the "exclusivity/honesty" clause?

I think (and I am sorry OP, this is a sweeping generalisation and not meant in a judgemental or derogatory way, just an opinion), I think that singles have a tendency to over-complicated Fab.

If you meet a great single through Fab and you starting "walking out together", then personally, i would take some time off fab and enjoy that burgeoning part of the relationship, if you both agree at a later stage, come back as a couple.

But if you were both "single" but FWB/FB or whatever, how can you ask anyone to hold to any request you ask to tell you before a meet? They are single....you are single, as long as you play within each others boundaries (safe sex or whatever) and you don't fib about that, its all good.

The single women on Fab are independent and moreso than not, intelligent women, who, like the single guys, just want some physical fun once in a while. Yes some want relationships or more, and when they find that guy, they may well disappear, but asking them to change, when thats what attracts me/you to them in the first place, just for you/me, that seems a little selfish and you are changing what you adore about them

I am sorry for your pain, OP, really I am, but see Fab for what it is, a group of people of a mind, that enjoy liberated moments with like minded peoples, if you connect with someone, both leave, come back maybe when you have really been "together"

I hope your heart heals quick.

Paul"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

take the whole experience as a positive - better you found out now than a couple of years in

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Okay. Tin hat and flak jacket......

I don't get this. If you are a couple. Play and arrange meets as a couple (even if thats single meets).

If you are two singles (living in separate houses), then why the "exclusivity/honesty" clause?

I think (and I am sorry OP, this is a sweeping generalisation and not meant in a judgemental or derogatory way, just an opinion), I think that singles have a tendency to over-complicated Fab.

If you meet a great single through Fab and you starting "walking out together", then personally, i would take some time off fab and enjoy that burgeoning part of the relationship, if you both agree at a later stage, come back as a couple.

But if you were both "single" but FWB/FB or whatever, how can you ask anyone to hold to any request you ask to tell you before a meet? They are single....you are single, as long as you play within each others boundaries (safe sex or whatever) and you don't fib about that, its all good.

The single women on Fab are independent and moreso than not, intelligent women, who, like the single guys, just want some physical fun once in a while. Yes some want relationships or more, and when they find that guy, they may well disappear, but asking them to change, when thats what attracts me/you to them in the first place, just for you/me, that seems a little selfish and you are changing what you adore about them

I am sorry for your pain, OP, really I am, but see Fab for what it is, a group of people of a mind, that enjoy liberated moments with like minded peoples, if you connect with someone, both leave, come back maybe when you have really been "together"

I hope your heart heals quick.

Paul

Our relationship was just a normal relationship, the only thing that I said to her that was a no no was lying to me, like I said before, I have no problem with her sleeping with someone else, but I hate being lied to, I made it clear to her that I can't be in any kind of relationship with someone who lies to me, trust has gone, it's nothing to do with the other guy, just because we were in a relationship doesn't mean I own her, but lying to me, says she didn't give a toss about what I said to her right at the beginning "

You were both on Fab with singles profiles... did you have a couples profile? How serious was this relationship? Did you come off fab to really get to know each other without Fab, nagging away at each others minds? If Its an open relationship then trust is the only thing you have, no one has to tell anyone anything, they just have to respect the sexual health of their partner....

Sorry OP, I don't understand the grounding in your relationship and therefore it has become impossible for me to comment further, its confusing and has rules that I can't comprehend.

If I was in a relationship, even if I met someone through fab, I would say, look, I am coming off fab, because right now, you are the only girl I want to get to know, maybe we can go back as a couple...

...if the person I was in a relationship said "well I am staying on fab", I would probably see the writing on the wall.

Again, I am sorry for your pain, truly, it sucks, its shit, no one likes lies or liars, but did you set impossible boundaries in your relationship?

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon


"I'm trying to think why I would lie if I was the woman in the scenario and I think it would be if I had developed feelings for the guy I'd had sex with and wasn't sure if I wanted to carry on with our "relationship" as it stood.

.

You can't put yourself in her situation as we don't actually know what situation she was in...

True, I was just going on what the opening post made me think. It's just a subjective opinion, like everyone's opinion is "

I know that

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By *uperock99Man
over a year ago

Milton Keynes


"Well my chums, it's happened again, gave my trust to a woman, and she shat on me from a great hight

We had an agreement when it came to sleeping with other people, to be honest, and tell each other if we planed on having sex with someone, or at the very least, tell each other straight away at the first opportunity after it's happened ( sometimes it's an in the moment thing) but she lied to me, for two weeks she lied by omission, and then for a week lied to my face, until this morning when her lies were exposed.

I'm mad at her, there was no need to lie, all she had to do was be honest, I'm fine with the fact that she wanted to have sex with someone else, fuck, she could have bought him over and had the time of her life, instead she had to lie about it and now look, she's alone, having lost someone who had genuine feelings for her, and treated her like she deserved to be treated.

That's it, I'm done trying to fix the broken, back to the plan, stay single, stay happy, and live"
know how you feel, same happened to me, had a very good fb but she was very good at bullshit but very shit at hiding it, just move on

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Maybe she's just a cheater, idk

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Ok, I would be genuinely interested to hear what your thoughts on a perfectly reasonable explanation would be as to why she lied to me about something that she had "permission " to do.

What possible reason could there be?

Perhaps it was all my fault, maybe I did something that caused her to lie, it's all beyond me so maybe you could shed some light on it all for me

Because "permission" is a horrible word... she doesn't need your permission, she can do what she wants, thats life. Sorry What caused her to lie is perhaps one of a hundred things, but feeling controlled might have something to do with it....

And that's why I put "permission " in ""

So what you are saying is because we discussed the kind of relationship we both wanted, and I stated that I hate being lied to, and that lying is the ultimate deal breaker for me, she might have felt controlled?"

Yes. Quite simply. Yes. The people on this site are independent free thinkers, liberated in all they do (well some have boundaries). I am not so sure she signed up, i think she just went along with.... and that is very wrong, that means you got played, but without knowing her side, without knowing whether she was as committed as you, we just can't tell.

Players lie, cake and eat it, and those people are arseholes, and unfortunately for us single guys, most of them are guys, and many of my friends have been hurt by such inconsiderate arseholes.

and there are players on this forum and on this site.... and they leave people in a bad way. I am sorry for you if you got played by a liar, but if it was you seeing more than there was, then that was writing on the wall

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How much did you say she has to tell you about who,where and what she did with other men?

I could give some maybes but,without knowing the ins and outs,it's speculation and guesswork. Have you asked her why she didn't want to tell you?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"How much did you say she has to tell you about who,where and what she did with other men?

I could give some maybes but,without knowing the ins and outs,it's speculation and guesswork. Have you asked her why she didn't want to tell you? "

bingo!

just ask her why OP

then go from there

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Okay. Tin hat and flak jacket......

I don't get this. If you are a couple. Play and arrange meets as a couple (even if thats single meets).

If you are two singles (living in separate houses), then why the "exclusivity/honesty" clause?

I think (and I am sorry OP, this is a sweeping generalisation and not meant in a judgemental or derogatory way, just an opinion), I think that singles have a tendency to over-complicated Fab.

If you meet a great single through Fab and you starting "walking out together", then personally, i would take some time off fab and enjoy that burgeoning part of the relationship, if you both agree at a later stage, come back as a couple.

But if you were both "single" but FWB/FB or whatever, how can you ask anyone to hold to any request you ask to tell you before a meet? They are single....you are single, as long as you play within each others boundaries (safe sex or whatever) and you don't fib about that, its all good.

The single women on Fab are independent and moreso than not, intelligent women, who, like the single guys, just want some physical fun once in a while. Yes some want relationships or more, and when they find that guy, they may well disappear, but asking them to change, when thats what attracts me/you to them in the first place, just for you/me, that seems a little selfish and you are changing what you adore about them

I am sorry for your pain, OP, really I am, but see Fab for what it is, a group of people of a mind, that enjoy liberated moments with like minded peoples, if you connect with someone, both leave, come back maybe when you have really been "together"

I hope your heart heals quick.

Paul

Our relationship was just a normal relationship, the only thing that I said to her that was a no no was lying to me, like I said before, I have no problem with her sleeping with someone else, but I hate being lied to, I made it clear to her that I can't be in any kind of relationship with someone who lies to me, trust has gone, it's nothing to do with the other guy, just because we were in a relationship doesn't mean I own her, but lying to me, says she didn't give a toss about what I said to her right at the beginning

You were both on Fab with singles profiles... did you have a couples profile? How serious was this relationship? Did you come off fab to really get to know each other without Fab, nagging away at each others minds? If Its an open relationship then trust is the only thing you have, no one has to tell anyone anything, they just have to respect the sexual health of their partner....

Sorry OP, I don't understand the grounding in your relationship and therefore it has become impossible for me to comment further, its confusing and has rules that I can't comprehend.

If I was in a relationship, even if I met someone through fab, I would say, look, I am coming off fab, because right now, you are the only girl I want to get to know, maybe we can go back as a couple...

...if the person I was in a relationship said "well I am staying on fab", I would probably see the writing on the wall.

Again, I am sorry for your pain, truly, it sucks, its shit, no one likes lies or liars, but did you set impossible boundaries in your relationship?"

We didn't meet through fab, and the one and only boundaries that were set were

1, violence of any kind, the relationship is over

2, lying of any kind, the relationship is over

I don't think that either of those boundaries are impossible, if they are there is no hope for any of us is there

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London


"It's the lies, I've had enough liars to last me a lifetime, and I can't get my head round why she would lie about something she had permission to do anyway, it makes no sense.

I can't always tell when someone is lying to me, so I need to feel that I can trust someone isn't going to lie to me before I can feel comfortable enough to take my walls down, I took my walls down for her, told her things that only a few people know about, deeply personal stuff, and she turned out to be someone who just doesn't care about the cost to my feelings, that her actions have caused, I was falling for her, fast, I thought she was the one, I was thinking the other day that she would never lie to me, I thought I had struck gold, yeah, fools gold, I'm such a twat, should know better at my age, well, I'm going to have pizza with my son for tea and build a huge hit wheels track, and when he goes to bed I'm going on Xbox to blow shit up, thanks for the therapy fab, "

Sadly some people simply like the "excitement" of lying. There are also those, who have been shat on themselves so many times, they don't trust love/kindness, expecting the worse.

What you mustn't do is close yourself off from meeting someone able and willing to have an open, honest relationship.

She may have a different interpretation of events, doesn't really matter as it's your feelings being discussed.

Most of us have been in your position at some point then we recognise we can't be saviours trying to fix the broken.

In time you'll wonder what the fuss was about...until then it will suck.

Good luck.

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By *oobsandballsMan
over a year ago

st andrews

I don't know how long you were together, but you said that you fell for her fast. Is it possible that you saw it as a relationship and she just saw it as friends with benefits?

Regardless, next time I would suggest taking things a bit slower and removing fab from the equation. Focus on getting to know each other first, then possibly coming back as a couple once you're secure

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Okay. Tin hat and flak jacket......

I don't get this. If you are a couple. Play and arrange meets as a couple (even if thats single meets).

If you are two singles (living in separate houses), then why the "exclusivity/honesty" clause?

I think (and I am sorry OP, this is a sweeping generalisation and not meant in a judgemental or derogatory way, just an opinion), I think that singles have a tendency to over-complicated Fab.

If you meet a great single through Fab and you starting "walking out together", then personally, i would take some time off fab and enjoy that burgeoning part of the relationship, if you both agree at a later stage, come back as a couple.

But if you were both "single" but FWB/FB or whatever, how can you ask anyone to hold to any request you ask to tell you before a meet? They are single....you are single, as long as you play within each others boundaries (safe sex or whatever) and you don't fib about that, its all good.

The single women on Fab are independent and moreso than not, intelligent women, who, like the single guys, just want some physical fun once in a while. Yes some want relationships or more, and when they find that guy, they may well disappear, but asking them to change, when thats what attracts me/you to them in the first place, just for you/me, that seems a little selfish and you are changing what you adore about them

I am sorry for your pain, OP, really I am, but see Fab for what it is, a group of people of a mind, that enjoy liberated moments with like minded peoples, if you connect with someone, both leave, come back maybe when you have really been "together"

I hope your heart heals quick.

Paul

Our relationship was just a normal relationship, the only thing that I said to her that was a no no was lying to me, like I said before, I have no problem with her sleeping with someone else, but I hate being lied to, I made it clear to her that I can't be in any kind of relationship with someone who lies to me, trust has gone, it's nothing to do with the other guy, just because we were in a relationship doesn't mean I own her, but lying to me, says she didn't give a toss about what I said to her right at the beginning

You were both on Fab with singles profiles... did you have a couples profile? How serious was this relationship? Did you come off fab to really get to know each other without Fab, nagging away at each others minds? If Its an open relationship then trust is the only thing you have, no one has to tell anyone anything, they just have to respect the sexual health of their partner....

Sorry OP, I don't understand the grounding in your relationship and therefore it has become impossible for me to comment further, its confusing and has rules that I can't comprehend.

If I was in a relationship, even if I met someone through fab, I would say, look, I am coming off fab, because right now, you are the only girl I want to get to know, maybe we can go back as a couple...

...if the person I was in a relationship said "well I am staying on fab", I would probably see the writing on the wall.

Again, I am sorry for your pain, truly, it sucks, its shit, no one likes lies or liars, but did you set impossible boundaries in your relationship?

We didn't meet through fab, and the one and only boundaries that were set were

1, violence of any kind, the relationship is over

2, lying of any kind, the relationship is over

I don't think that either of those boundaries are impossible, if they are there is no hope for any of us is there"

I am sorry for chap; but I don't know enough based on your post or subsequent postings to make any other comments, I truly wish you well.

Paul

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It's the lies, I've had enough liars to last me a lifetime, and I can't get my head round why she would lie about something she had permission to do anyway, it makes no sense.

I can't always tell when someone is lying to me, so I need to feel that I can trust someone isn't going to lie to me before I can feel comfortable enough to take my walls down, I took my walls down for her, told her things that only a few people know about, deeply personal stuff, and she turned out to be someone who just doesn't care about the cost to my feelings, that her actions have caused, I was falling for her, fast, I thought she was the one, I was thinking the other day that she would never lie to me, I thought I had struck gold, yeah, fools gold, I'm such a twat, should know better at my age, well, I'm going to have pizza with my son for tea and build a huge hit wheels track, and when he goes to bed I'm going on Xbox to blow shit up, thanks for the therapy fab,

Sadly some people simply like the "excitement" of lying. There are also those, who have been shat on themselves so many times, they don't trust love/kindness, expecting the worse.

What you mustn't do is close yourself off from meeting someone able and willing to have an open, honest relationship.

She may have a different interpretation of events, doesn't really matter as it's your feelings being discussed.

Most of us have been in your position at some point then we recognise we can't be saviours trying to fix the broken.

In time you'll wonder what the fuss was about...until then it will suck.

Good luck."

Sorry you feel crap OP. Hope you feel better soon.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I washed about 10 pairs of black know knickers yesterday and dried them on the line.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Okay. Tin hat and flak jacket......

I don't get this. If you are a couple. Play and arrange meets as a couple (even if thats single meets).

If you are two singles (living in separate houses), then why the "exclusivity/honesty" clause?

I think (and I am sorry OP, this is a sweeping generalisation and not meant in a judgemental or derogatory way, just an opinion), I think that singles have a tendency to over-complicated Fab.

If you meet a great single through Fab and you starting "walking out together", then personally, i would take some time off fab and enjoy that burgeoning part of the relationship, if you both agree at a later stage, come back as a couple.

But if you were both "single" but FWB/FB or whatever, how can you ask anyone to hold to any request you ask to tell you before a meet? They are single....you are single, as long as you play within each others boundaries (safe sex or whatever) and you don't fib about that, its all good.

The single women on Fab are independent and moreso than not, intelligent women, who, like the single guys, just want some physical fun once in a while. Yes some want relationships or more, and when they find that guy, they may well disappear, but asking them to change, when thats what attracts me/you to them in the first place, just for you/me, that seems a little selfish and you are changing what you adore about them

I am sorry for your pain, OP, really I am, but see Fab for what it is, a group of people of a mind, that enjoy liberated moments with like minded peoples, if you connect with someone, both leave, come back maybe when you have really been "together"

I hope your heart heals quick.

Paul

Our relationship was just a normal relationship, the only thing that I said to her that was a no no was lying to me, like I said before, I have no problem with her sleeping with someone else, but I hate being lied to, I made it clear to her that I can't be in any kind of relationship with someone who lies to me, trust has gone, it's nothing to do with the other guy, just because we were in a relationship doesn't mean I own her, but lying to me, says she didn't give a toss about what I said to her right at the beginning

You were both on Fab with singles profiles... did you have a couples profile? How serious was this relationship? Did you come off fab to really get to know each other without Fab, nagging away at each others minds? If Its an open relationship then trust is the only thing you have, no one has to tell anyone anything, they just have to respect the sexual health of their partner....

Sorry OP, I don't understand the grounding in your relationship and therefore it has become impossible for me to comment further, its confusing and has rules that I can't comprehend.

If I was in a relationship, even if I met someone through fab, I would say, look, I am coming off fab, because right now, you are the only girl I want to get to know, maybe we can go back as a couple...

...if the person I was in a relationship said "well I am staying on fab", I would probably see the writing on the wall.

Again, I am sorry for your pain, truly, it sucks, its shit, no one likes lies or liars, but did you set impossible boundaries in your relationship?

We didn't meet through fab, and the one and only boundaries that were set were

1, violence of any kind, the relationship is over

2, lying of any kind, the relationship is over

I don't think that either of those boundaries are impossible, if they are there is no hope for any of us is there

I am sorry for chap; but I don't know enough based on your post or subsequent postings to make any other comments, I truly wish you well.

Paul"

you commented plenty already

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I washed about 10 pairs of black know knickers yesterday and dried them on the line. "

Don't lie Tes, you don't own any pairs of knickers

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not sure where your based old bean? But I'm happy to take you out on the beer and on the pull for some to Totty in the real world if you fancy it?

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London


"I washed about 10 pairs of black know knickers yesterday and dried them on the line. "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Not sure where your based old bean? But I'm happy to take you out on the beer and on the pull for some to Totty in the real world if you fancy it?

"

A small fishing village near Birmingham...

Says on his posts

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I washed about 10 pairs of black know knickers yesterday and dried them on the line. "

I have only just twigged your meaning.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I washed about 10 pairs of black know knickers yesterday and dried them on the line.

I have only just twigged your meaning. "

What does it mean?

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs


"

We didn't meet through fab, and the one and only boundaries that were set were

1, violence of any kind, the relationship is over

2, lying of any kind, the relationship is over

I don't think that either of those boundaries are impossible, if they are there is no hope for any of us is there"

I remember your post when you found her and how excited you were - it is so sad.

Apparently your agreement was impossible for her to keep to. I would rather people would not make any agreement they cannot honour, or protect people with lies that in the end damage them way more than the truth ever would have, but it seems to be the way of the world now. Maybe she wanted you so much she really thought she could do it, maybe she played you from the start, who knows.

Talk to her, ask her why if only for your peace of mind, maybe she will tell you something you never anticipated. But bottom line if that is your line in the sand, there is nothing more you can do.

Take care of yourself sweetie. x

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I washed about 10 pairs of black know knickers yesterday and dried them on the line.

I have only just twigged your meaning.

What does it mean?"

It's about doing your dirty washing in public

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I washed about 10 pairs of black know knickers yesterday and dried them on the line.

I have only just twigged your meaning.

What does it mean?

It's about doing your dirty washing in public"

But you're not.

Or it could be said that 90% of threads are.

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By *ivemeyoursoulWoman
over a year ago

Easter just around the corner!


"Ok, I would be genuinely interested to hear what your thoughts on a perfectly reasonable explanation would be as to why she lied to me about something that she had "permission " to do.

What possible reason could there be?

Perhaps it was all my fault, maybe I did something that caused her to lie, it's all beyond me so maybe you could shed some light on it all for me"

You're asking the wrong people,you need to ask her. Feelings are the work of the devil at times.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I washed about 10 pairs of black know knickers yesterday and dried them on the line.

I have only just twigged your meaning.

What does it mean?

It's about doing your dirty washing in public"
Ah ok, well that wasn't very nice then

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I washed about 10 pairs of black know knickers yesterday and dried them on the line.

I have only just twigged your meaning.

What does it mean?

It's about doing your dirty washing in public

But you're not.

Or it could be said that 90% of threads are. "

I disagree - because the person who allegedly lied has no right of reply. We don't know her side at all.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Quick scan read by my 2p (for what it's worth)

The OP is clearly hurt so I'm genuinely sorry to hear that and hope he is able to move on with his life and is able to recover from that hurt soon.

But I also agree with those that say that we don't know the full story here, why she felt it was appropriate or necessary to withhold the truth when an 'agreement' was in place. Her reasons may - or may not - be reasonable in the context of their relationship.

I hope things work out OP and there's a smile back on your face soon! Loads more fish in the sea! Good luck fella

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Kinky you are right to be upset you both agreed to very simple rules as you stated in your first post . If she felt the need to have sex with someone else all she had to do was inform you as that is what was agreed there was no need to hide it from you . It's the hiding and not saying why that's hurt you and I understand that . All the best mulberry xxxxxxxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh I should give it another go if I was you, especially if it's the first time. We all mistakes eh. Grass is greener and all that. Finding someone that likes naughty fun like you will be hard. If she is drop dead gorgeous, even harder. Try to think of the positive things you've done together and live and let live a little. Good luck whatever.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Ok, I would be genuinely interested to hear what your thoughts on a perfectly reasonable explanation would be as to why she lied to me about something that she had "permission " to do.

What possible reason could there be?

Perhaps it was all my fault, maybe I did something that caused her to lie, it's all beyond me so maybe you could shed some light on it all for me"

For some people the lie is the thrill

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

I had an open relationship for two years. He wanted to hear about my shenanigans and I found it very difficult to tell him (I don't like talking about sex to people) so I lied to him. No reason to, I just felt more comfortable lying to him than discussing something that was personal to me.

Slightly different to the OP, as my ex was a huge liar himself, but maybe giving another perspective.

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

Hugs kinky

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've had a quick scan of the thread so apologies if this has been said before.

Have you actually asked her why she chose to lie when she in theory didn't need too??

It won't change what's happened but may give you an insight to her thought process.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My two pence worth. You ask for potential reasons why.

Have you never wanted something in your life that's just yours? You don't have to tell anyone about it, you don't have to be accountable to anyone for it, you aren't such and such's wife, mother, girlfriend, friend - you are just you, and you alone? You can just be who you want to be without reference to anyone else.

No she probably shouldn't have agreed to what you think you both signed up for, but she doesn't have right of reply here so none of us can really pass comment.

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By *carlet_heavenWoman
over a year ago

somewhere in the sticks


"I had an open relationship for two years. He wanted to hear about my shenanigans and I found it very difficult to tell him (I don't like talking about sex to people) so I lied to him. No reason to, I just felt more comfortable lying to him than discussing something that was personal to me.

Slightly different to the OP, as my ex was a huge liar himself, but maybe giving another perspective."

I was thinking along the same lines…this may have been why.

She may have had/have an (irrational) fear of upsetting or losing the OP-yes, I know it won't make sense…but that's irrationality for you

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs


"I had an open relationship for two years. He wanted to hear about my shenanigans and I found it very difficult to tell him (I don't like talking about sex to people) so I lied to him. No reason to, I just felt more comfortable lying to him than discussing something that was personal to me.

Slightly different to the OP, as my ex was a huge liar himself, but maybe giving another perspective.

I was thinking along the same lines…this may have been why.

She may have had/have an (irrational) fear of upsetting or losing the OP-yes, I know it won't make sense…but that's irrationality for you "

A lot of people do that, and often it is a very real fear too, I can see both sides.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think we all feel the OP's pain to a greater or lesser degree and honestly I empathise and sympathise with the heartache. Without knowing everything however... there could be someone else out there in the same pain. I am not going to vilify someone on the basis of half a story. Sorry.

Peace OP. And heal. You will heal.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Update:

I've spoken to her, and the reason she has given for lying is that she changed her mind about being open in our relationship, but didn't know how to tell me.

Ok, she's changed her mind about being open, but not about sleeping with other people, fair enough, and good luck with the future I say, but I won't be doing this shit again, I'm going to take a long hard look at my life and try to make some kind of sense of why this keeps happening to me.

I'm just attracting the wrong type of women for me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well at least now you have an answer / closure.

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By *ancs MinxWoman
over a year ago

Burnley

Well onwards and upwards but at least you now know the reason

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Update:

I've spoken to her, and the reason she has given for lying is that she changed her mind about being open in our relationship, but didn't know how to tell me.

Ok, she's changed her mind about being open, but not about sleeping with other people, fair enough, and good luck with the future I say, but I won't be doing this shit again, I'm going to take a long hard look at my life and try to make some kind of sense of why this keeps happening to me.

I'm just attracting the wrong type of women for me"

Well good luck mate, and don't over analyse it, that way lies ruin. I will buy you a beer, next time my trawler stops by Brum

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon


"Update:

I've spoken to her, and the reason she has given for lying is that she changed her mind about being open in our relationship, but didn't know how to tell me.

Ok, she's changed her mind about being open, but not about sleeping with other people, fair enough, and good luck with the future I say, but I won't be doing this shit again, I'm going to take a long hard look at my life and try to make some kind of sense of why this keeps happening to me.

I'm just attracting the wrong type of women for me"

Why do you feel that you attract the wrong type of women? Sometimes when we do this we have to look at our own behaviour, trust me I've had to do it and when I have thought about it it's my behaviour that was attracting the wrong kind and the right kind were probably scared shitless...As Fred from first dates says there is someone out there for all of us....I learnt not to put pressure on someone especially in the beginnings of a relationship. OP don't be so hard on yourself and don't over think things..

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Update:

I've spoken to her, and the reason she has given for lying is that she changed her mind about being open in our relationship, but didn't know how to tell me.

Ok, she's changed her mind about being open, but not about sleeping with other people, fair enough, and good luck with the future I say, but I won't be doing this shit again, I'm going to take a long hard look at my life and try to make some kind of sense of why this keeps happening to me.

I'm just attracting the wrong type of women for me

Why do you feel that you attract the wrong type of women? Sometimes when we do this we have to look at our own behaviour, trust me I've had to do it and when I have thought about it it's my behaviour that was attracting the wrong kind and the right kind were probably scared shitless...As Fred from first dates says there is someone out there for all of us....I learnt not to put pressure on someone especially in the beginnings of a relationship. OP don't be so hard on yourself and don't over think things.. "

That's pretty much what I said

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon


"Update:

I've spoken to her, and the reason she has given for lying is that she changed her mind about being open in our relationship, but didn't know how to tell me.

Ok, she's changed her mind about being open, but not about sleeping with other people, fair enough, and good luck with the future I say, but I won't be doing this shit again, I'm going to take a long hard look at my life and try to make some kind of sense of why this keeps happening to me.

I'm just attracting the wrong type of women for me

Why do you feel that you attract the wrong type of women? Sometimes when we do this we have to look at our own behaviour, trust me I've had to do it and when I have thought about it it's my behaviour that was attracting the wrong kind and the right kind were probably scared shitless...As Fred from first dates says there is someone out there for all of us....I learnt not to put pressure on someone especially in the beginnings of a relationship. OP don't be so hard on yourself and don't over think things..

That's pretty much what I said"

K

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Update:

I've spoken to her, and the reason she has given for lying is that she changed her mind about being open in our relationship, but didn't know how to tell me.

Ok, she's changed her mind about being open, but not about sleeping with other people, fair enough, and good luck with the future I say, but I won't be doing this shit again, I'm going to take a long hard look at my life and try to make some kind of sense of why this keeps happening to me.

I'm just attracting the wrong type of women for me

Why do you feel that you attract the wrong type of women? Sometimes when we do this we have to look at our own behaviour, trust me I've had to do it and when I have thought about it it's my behaviour that was attracting the wrong kind and the right kind were probably scared shitless...As Fred from first dates says there is someone out there for all of us....I learnt not to put pressure on someone especially in the beginnings of a relationship. OP don't be so hard on yourself and don't over think things..

That's pretty much what I said

K "

About taking a look at my life, the common denominator in the amount of times I've been fucked over and cheated on is me, there must be something in me, my personality or something, all I know is these relationships that I keep having are draining, and something has to give, because no matter what the reason is, I don't want to keep putting myself through this, I'd rather stay single, like I had resigned myself to before I met her

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OP...

Sometimes you need to look your own behaviour and at the reasons why you seem to pick the same type of people and go through the same types of problems in your relationship.

If your relationships are usually problematic you may find that it is actually you who is the root of these problematic relationships.

Sometime we get stuck in an unhealthy cycle when choosing potential partners and choose the same types of people who may or may not have their own issues that you unconsciously recognise and so suit you and where you are at both mentally and emotionally in your life.

But some of these habit formed cycles are actually damaging to not only yourself but to those who you choose to have relationships with.

Take a good look at your previous relationships and see if you can see a similar pattern in why you chose those people to have a relationship with and how healthy or not those relationships were and why they ended etc?

After a bit of soul searching you may come to realise it is actually you who is the common denominator in these problematic and possibly unhealthy relationships? ?

Not sure if you have seen a councillor before to talk things over with about you and how you feel about yourself and your life etc? But if you haven't then maybe it's worth considering to see if you can get to the root of the problems your experiencing with relationships.

I'm not a psychologist and haven't penned this reply as eloquently and professionally as psychologist

would so excuse my ramblings?

But hopefully you get an idea what I'm saying.

There's no shame in talking things over with a health professional to see if there is a root cause to the repeat problems you seem to be having in your relationships.

Hope what I have said may have helped somewhat?

All the best Pal

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Update:

I've spoken to her, and the reason she has given for lying is that she changed her mind about being open in our relationship, but didn't know how to tell me.

Ok, she's changed her mind about being open, but not about sleeping with other people, fair enough, and good luck with the future I say, but I won't be doing this shit again, I'm going to take a long hard look at my life and try to make some kind of sense of why this keeps happening to me.

I'm just attracting the wrong type of women for me

Why do you feel that you attract the wrong type of women? Sometimes when we do this we have to look at our own behaviour, trust me I've had to do it and when I have thought about it it's my behaviour that was attracting the wrong kind and the right kind were probably scared shitless...As Fred from first dates says there is someone out there for all of us....I learnt not to put pressure on someone especially in the beginnings of a relationship. OP don't be so hard on yourself and don't over think things..

That's pretty much what I said

K

About taking a look at my life, the common denominator in the amount of times I've been fucked over and cheated on is me, there must be something in me, my personality or something, all I know is these relationships that I keep having are draining, and something has to give, because no matter what the reason is, I don't want to keep putting myself through this, I'd rather stay single, like I had resigned myself to before I met her"

Sorry to hear this... Just focus on the great things.. like the brum.social in May x

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Update:

I've spoken to her, and the reason she has given for lying is that she changed her mind about being open in our relationship, but didn't know how to tell me.

Ok, she's changed her mind about being open, but not about sleeping with other people, fair enough, and good luck with the future I say, but I won't be doing this shit again, I'm going to take a long hard look at my life and try to make some kind of sense of why this keeps happening to me.

I'm just attracting the wrong type of women for me

Why do you feel that you attract the wrong type of women? Sometimes when we do this we have to look at our own behaviour, trust me I've had to do it and when I have thought about it it's my behaviour that was attracting the wrong kind and the right kind were probably scared shitless...As Fred from first dates says there is someone out there for all of us....I learnt not to put pressure on someone especially in the beginnings of a relationship. OP don't be so hard on yourself and don't over think things..

That's pretty much what I said

K

About taking a look at my life, the common denominator in the amount of times I've been fucked over and cheated on is me, there must be something in me, my personality or something, all I know is these relationships that I keep having are draining, and something has to give, because no matter what the reason is, I don't want to keep putting myself through this, I'd rather stay single, like I had resigned myself to before I met her

Sorry to hear this... Just focus on the great things.. like the brum.social in May x"

I was looking forward to that, but I'm not sure if I'm going now, but that's probably just because I need to recharge the old battery

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Update:

I've spoken to her, and the reason she has given for lying is that she changed her mind about being open in our relationship, but didn't know how to tell me.

Ok, she's changed her mind about being open, but not about sleeping with other people, fair enough, and good luck with the future I say, but I won't be doing this shit again, I'm going to take a long hard look at my life and try to make some kind of sense of why this keeps happening to me.

I'm just attracting the wrong type of women for me

Why do you feel that you attract the wrong type of women? Sometimes when we do this we have to look at our own behaviour, trust me I've had to do it and when I have thought about it it's my behaviour that was attracting the wrong kind and the right kind were probably scared shitless...As Fred from first dates says there is someone out there for all of us....I learnt not to put pressure on someone especially in the beginnings of a relationship. OP don't be so hard on yourself and don't over think things..

That's pretty much what I said

K

About taking a look at my life, the common denominator in the amount of times I've been fucked over and cheated on is me, there must be something in me, my personality or something, all I know is these relationships that I keep having are draining, and something has to give, because no matter what the reason is, I don't want to keep putting myself through this, I'd rather stay single, like I had resigned myself to before I met her

Sorry to hear this... Just focus on the great things.. like the brum.social in May x

I was looking forward to that, but I'm not sure if I'm going now, but that's probably just because I need to recharge the old battery "

Oh no was looking forward to meeting you. X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OP...

Sometimes you need to look your own behaviour and at the reasons why you seem to pick the same type of people and go through the same types of problems in your relationship.

If your relationships are usually problematic you may find that it is actually you who is the root of these problematic relationships.

Sometime we get stuck in an unhealthy cycle when choosing potential partners and choose the same types of people who may or may not have their own issues that you unconsciously recognise and so suit you and where you are at both mentally and emotionally in your life.

But some of these habit formed cycles are actually damaging to not only yourself but to those who you choose to have relationships with.

Take a good look at your previous relationships and see if you can see a similar pattern in why you chose those people to have a relationship with and how healthy or not those relationships were and why they ended etc?

After a bit of soul searching you may come to realise it is actually you who is the common denominator in these problematic and possibly unhealthy relationships? ?

Not sure if you have seen a councillor before to talk things over with about you and how you feel about yourself and your life etc? But if you haven't then maybe it's worth considering to see if you can get to the root of the problems your experiencing with relationships.

I'm not a psychologist and haven't penned this reply as eloquently and professionally as psychologist

would so excuse my ramblings?

But hopefully you get an idea what I'm saying.

There's no shame in talking things over with a health professional to see if there is a root cause to the repeat problems you seem to be having in your relationships.

Hope what I have said may have helped somewhat?

All the best Pal 

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Update:

I've spoken to her, and the reason she has given for lying is that she changed her mind about being open in our relationship, but didn't know how to tell me.

Ok, she's changed her mind about being open, but not about sleeping with other people, fair enough, and good luck with the future I say, but I won't be doing this shit again, I'm going to take a long hard look at my life and try to make some kind of sense of why this keeps happening to me.

I'm just attracting the wrong type of women for me

Why do you feel that you attract the wrong type of women? Sometimes when we do this we have to look at our own behaviour, trust me I've had to do it and when I have thought about it it's my behaviour that was attracting the wrong kind and the right kind were probably scared shitless...As Fred from first dates says there is someone out there for all of us....I learnt not to put pressure on someone especially in the beginnings of a relationship. OP don't be so hard on yourself and don't over think things..

That's pretty much what I said

K

About taking a look at my life, the common denominator in the amount of times I've been fucked over and cheated on is me, there must be something in me, my personality or something, all I know is these relationships that I keep having are draining, and something has to give, because no matter what the reason is, I don't want to keep putting myself through this, I'd rather stay single, like I had resigned myself to before I met her

Sorry to hear this... Just focus on the great things.. like the brum.social in May x

I was looking forward to that, but I'm not sure if I'm going now, but that's probably just because I need to recharge the old battery

Oh no was looking forward to meeting you. X"

It's over a month away, who knows

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs


"Update:

I've spoken to her, and the reason she has given for lying is that she changed her mind about being open in our relationship, but didn't know how to tell me.

Ok, she's changed her mind about being open, but not about sleeping with other people, fair enough, and good luck with the future I say, but I won't be doing this shit again, I'm going to take a long hard look at my life and try to make some kind of sense of why this keeps happening to me.

I'm just attracting the wrong type of women for me"

Ah the moving goal posts, shame. Always trust your intuition - we always know inside when actions do not match words.

My royal marine ex had a saying 'The sniper cannot fire at you without revealing his position'. We can always use something like this to learn more about the patterns in our own life, and use it for our own growth if we have a mind to. I'll PM you some links later if you would like me too.

Don't beat up on yourself, you gave it your best shot - forgive yourself, and her too, it really helps take the sting out. xx

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