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Physiognomy

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I'm not sure if this will get much traction here, but I've been reading quite a bit lately and it got me thinking about physiognomy.

The theory has no proven scientific merit, but it is nevertheless used widely in literary theory (especially classical works). I also think it is subconsciously applied by readers, including myself, when reading a character-driven novel.

My question is whether or not you think this has any application outside of literature? Do you think, when you meet someone, that their physical appearance indicates something about their character? If not, then how do you form initial opinions of people?

This is what happens when I have trouble sleeping....

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By *irtyGirlWoman
over a year ago

Edinburgh

I need to think about this cause I'm already fascinated. Every day is a school day. Thank you for asking. I'll be back.

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By *hav02Man
over a year ago

Glasgow/London

Definitely. The First impression is the main impression people judge on.

It's a combination of physical appearance and body language.

However, consider stephen hawking....

that's why i think personality trumps outward appearance

often the most "stunning" people are the most obnoxious, and i can't stand that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

first impressions always count for me but seeing as I meet a lot of people online then the traits I look for are compounded into pictures/cams and descriptions...

its very rare that I go on to meet someone in real life because they don't pass my assessment of what I am ideally looking for...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Mostly the other way around: your character determines how you present yourself.

But certain physical characteristics will change how people immediately respond to someone, which may have an effect on their personality and the way they interact with people.

So, are outward appearance and personality linked; yes.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I get the importance of first impressions...

But what I mean is more about the connection between appearances and character. It's more than just attraction. I'm talking personality, etc. Do you think the theory has any merit? And does it affect your first impression of someone? In a book or in reality....

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By *hav02Man
over a year ago

Glasgow/London

i'm not the most photogenic person, and i don't believe i'm anything like bradpitt/channing tatum etc..

but the best online friendships I have made that have gone on to great meets are when the other person actually has a conversational personality. maybe it correlates with intellect?

I've posted before, but often feels like 20questions with messaging some people. snore.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Mostly the other way around: your character determines how you present yourself.

But certain physical characteristics will change how people immediately respond to someone, which may have an effect on their personality and the way they interact with people.

So, are outward appearance and personality linked; yes. "

This makes sense. I'm not sure of a causal link so much as a correlation, so whether character influences appearance or appearance, character isn't something I've considered. In books it tends to work the latter but in reality I think you may be right. Assuming a link exists at all, that is.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I get the importance of first impressions...

But what I mean is more about the connection between appearances and character. It's more than just attraction. I'm talking personality, etc. Do you think the theory has any merit? And does it affect your first impression of someone? In a book or in reality...."

Do you mean,

Like some one looks hard?

Or some one looks kind and honest?

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By *razedcatMan
over a year ago

London / Herts

I don't think it has much application beyond works of fiction. The idea of drawing conclusions about a person's character by reference to appearance does not sit well with me

Of course, that's distinct from drawing such conclusions by assessing a person's demeanour, a temporary state.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I get the importance of first impressions...

But what I mean is more about the connection between appearances and character. It's more than just attraction. I'm talking personality, etc. Do you think the theory has any merit? And does it affect your first impression of someone? In a book or in reality....

Do you mean,

Like some one looks hard?

Or some one looks kind and honest? "

Yeah, kinda.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think intuitively I make quite an in depth assessment from how people appear to me. I tend to watch facial expressions, eye movements, body language, posture and characteristic movements, as well as listen tone of voice, rate of speech and the choice of language used, in making those assessments. I used to do it consciously, but now it is second nature.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I don't think it has much application beyond works of fiction. The idea of drawing conclusions about a person's character by reference to appearance does not sit well with me

Of course, that's distinct from drawing such conclusions by assessing a person's demeanour, a temporary state."

I tend to agree with you. As I said in the OP, it doesn't have any scientific validity. I'm not meaning whether drawing conclusions from appearance is accurate, I'm asking whether we do it. Books, movies, video games would indicate that we do...rightly or wrongly.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I do believe most of us form an impression about people's character from the way they look. You often hear "he has a kind face" or "she has a hard look about her".

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By *irtyGirlWoman
over a year ago

Edinburgh

[Removed by poster at 10/04/16 00:16:27]

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Short answer yes

Long answer i will have to think about it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Mostly the other way around: your character determines how you present yourself.

But certain physical characteristics will change how people immediately respond to someone, which may have an effect on their personality and the way they interact with people.

So, are outward appearance and personality linked; yes.

This makes sense. I'm not sure of a causal link so much as a correlation, so whether character influences appearance or appearance, character isn't something I've considered. In books it tends to work the latter but in reality I think you may be right. Assuming a link exists at all, that is."

In books your imagination paints a picture, it fills in blanks that don't exist.

Face to face we are presented with only what we see, only what the person wants us to see.

This is why when great books are turned into film, the film is frequently less captivating.

I'm not sure that answers your question.

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By *razedcatMan
over a year ago

London / Herts


"

I tend to agree with you. As I said in the OP, it doesn't have any scientific validity. I'm not meaning whether drawing conclusions from appearance is accurate, I'm asking whether we do it. Books, movies, video games would indicate that we do...rightly or wrongly."

I'm certain people do it, despite the fact it's baseless prejudice. People often do talk about small, shifty eyes, big crooked noses, weak chins and the like, as if to suggest that person is predisposed to some behaviour because of the way their face looks

Why we do it and where all these stereotypes originated are interesting questions, too!

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By *irtyGirlWoman
over a year ago

Edinburgh


"

I need to think about this cause I'm already fascinated. Every day is a school day. Thank you for asking. I'll be back. "

I think I may go off on a tangent here cause I can't decide whether it's perfectly normal to meet someone and immediately after taking in their appearance, after you've given them the once over, begin to form the would/wouldn't question in your head.

I can't help but wonder how much of our instant liking to someone has a sexual aspect. I mean it doesn't have to be an instant physical attraction but when I talk to someone regardless of gender or sexuality, I know if I like them. If they're my sort of person. I'm pretty quick to follow my instincts, it's not often they're wrong. I know whether I can envisage that person as my friend. I wouldn't hook up with someone sexually if that connection wasn't there. I'm sure it's easier for some people to separate that and have sex with someone just because they look pretty.

I suspect this is why I was such a shit swinger sort.

I'm thinking out loud. It's probably a mad ramble but that's where you made my train go.

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

We've spent our lives learning how to better read people and our experience, our biases and preconceptions make a huge influence upon how we relate to people.

So Courtney, without having looked at this particular philosophy or approach, it does seem to reflect much about how we work. Humans are meaning making organisms - we establish and compile patterns of what we've noticed. When new people arrive on the scene we unconsciously find matches between the new individual and patterns from others we've ever mat before. We're prejudiced by our experiences with other people in our past. Most of this goes on outside of our consciousness but we'll probably feel positive, negative or indifferent to them. We may have a clear understanding of just who this new person is like and we may feel very strongly towards someone without having much interaction with this new entrant.

Our minds can work quickly because we have a stockpiled 'database' of personalities and we match the new to what's in it. It saves us potentially from having to learn from scratch each time.

Though we may not be that accurate nor find it easy to not be influenced by an innate human trait. It can work against us as well as support us. We mostly want to be understood as and treated as an individual, when we're inclined to not do this for others too quickly.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

I tend to agree with you. As I said in the OP, it doesn't have any scientific validity. I'm not meaning whether drawing conclusions from appearance is accurate, I'm asking whether we do it. Books, movies, video games would indicate that we do...rightly or wrongly.

I'm certain people do it, despite the fact it's baseless prejudice. People often do talk about small, shifty eyes, big crooked noses, weak chins and the like, as if to suggest that person is predisposed to some behaviour because of the way their face looks

Why we do it and where all these stereotypes originated are interesting questions, too!"

For me the physical characteristics such as a crooked nose or small eyes have less to do with it than features that have been behaviourally created. Unless of course the crooked nose comes from being repeatedly broken. Our habitual behaviour has a significant impact on our appearance, which means certain characteristics can be intuited, rightly or wrongly

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Seriously interesting answers so far. I wish I had my computer instead of my phone so I could give proper answers/feedback.

I just thought this was such an interesting idea as it has popped up throughout history and because it is used almost without question in literature. Mary Shelly was interested in the theory, too, so if you happen to read Frankenstein you can think of the characters in this light. It adds depth to what the author was thinking.

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By *razedcatMan
over a year ago

London / Herts


"We've spent our lives learning how to better read people and our experience, our biases and preconceptions make a huge influence upon how we relate to people.

So Courtney, without having looked at this particular philosophy or approach, it does seem to reflect much about how we work. Humans are meaning making organisms - we establish and compile patterns of what we've noticed. When new people arrive on the scene we unconsciously find matches between the new individual and patterns from others we've ever met before. We're prejudiced by our experiences with other people in our past. Most of this goes on outside of our consciousness but we'll probably feel positive, negative or indifferent to them. We may have a clear understanding of just who this new person is like and we may feel very strongly towards someone without having much interaction with this new entrant.

Our minds can work quickly because we have a stockpiled 'database' of personalities and we match the new to what's in it. It saves us potentially from having to learn from scratch each time.

Though we may not be that accurate nor find it easy to not be influenced by an innate human trait. It can work against us as well as support us. We mostly want to be understood as and treated as an individual, when we're inclined to not do this for others too quickly. "

I agree. It's our brain finding shortcuts. Shortcuts can be very helpful, but we stray into dangerous territory when trying to associate the appearance of fellow humans with character. Especially so because we have a knack for passing on our views.

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By *hav02Man
over a year ago

Glasgow/London


"

I need to think about this cause I'm already fascinated. Every day is a school day. Thank you for asking. I'll be back.

I think I may go off on a tangent here cause I can't decide whether it's perfectly normal to meet someone and immediately after taking in their appearance, after you've given them the once over, begin to form the would/wouldn't question in your head.

I can't help but wonder how much of our instant liking to someone has a sexual aspect. I mean it doesn't have to be an instant physical attraction but when I talk to someone regardless of gender or sexuality, I know if I like them. If they're my sort of person. I'm pretty quick to follow my instincts, it's not often they're wrong. I know whether I can envisage that person as my friend. I wouldn't hook up with someone sexually if that connection wasn't there. I'm sure it's easier for some people to separate that and have sex with someone just because they look pretty.

I suspect this is why I was such a shit swinger sort.

I'm thinking out loud. It's probably a mad ramble but that's where you made my train go. "

totally agree with you on that. Online is very difficult to judge because you make assumptions from photos/profile.

In person, we follow neanderthilic instincts.

Ultimately, your interaction with someone depends on your intention. do you just want a social friend, fwb or a casual fcuk.

If the former, you engage on an intellectual level. If the latter, primal instincts go at play (eg. womanly curves, tall muscle men) because as primates, these were desirable phenotypes for procreation (ie. Darwinian evolution).

If FWB, it's a mix of both, with a focus on the former.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"We've spent our lives learning how to better read people and our experience, our biases and preconceptions make a huge influence upon how we relate to people.

So Courtney, without having looked at this particular philosophy or approach, it does seem to reflect much about how we work. Humans are meaning making organisms - we establish and compile patterns of what we've noticed. When new people arrive on the scene we unconsciously find matches between the new individual and patterns from others we've ever met before. We're prejudiced by our experiences with other people in our past. Most of this goes on outside of our consciousness but we'll probably feel positive, negative or indifferent to them. We may have a clear understanding of just who this new person is like and we may feel very strongly towards someone without having much interaction with this new entrant.

Our minds can work quickly because we have a stockpiled 'database' of personalities and we match the new to what's in it. It saves us potentially from having to learn from scratch each time.

Though we may not be that accurate nor find it easy to not be influenced by an innate human trait. It can work against us as well as support us. We mostly want to be understood as and treated as an individual, when we're inclined to not do this for others too quickly.

I agree. It's our brain finding shortcuts. Shortcuts can be very helpful, but we stray into dangerous territory when trying to associate the appearance of fellow humans with character. Especially so because we have a knack for passing on our views."

You're very right. Especially because medieval proponents of the theory did link beady eyes and crooked noses to moral deficits. It's wrong in many ways, but perhaps being conscious of it, especially in entertainment media, is crucially to making us aware of these inaccuracies.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

And with that, despite the interesting subject matter, I need some beauty sleep. See you in about five years when I hope it's had an impact

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By *hav02Man
over a year ago

Glasgow/London


"

I tend to agree with you. As I said in the OP, it doesn't have any scientific validity. I'm not meaning whether drawing conclusions from appearance is accurate, I'm asking whether we do it. Books, movies, video games would indicate that we do...rightly or wrongly.

I'm certain people do it, despite the fact it's baseless prejudice. People often do talk about small, shifty eyes, big crooked noses, weak chins and the like, as if to suggest that person is predisposed to some behaviour because of the way their face looks

Why we do it and where all these stereotypes originated are interesting questions, too!

For me the physical characteristics such as a crooked nose or small eyes have less to do with it than features that have been behaviourally created. Unless of course the crooked nose comes from being repeatedly broken. Our habitual behaviour has a significant impact on our appearance, which means certain characteristics can be intuited, rightly or wrongly"

this is even less scientific, and more cultrural-media stereotypes.

Think of how we recognise villains from heros in popular films.

We grow up thinking the short guy with assymetrical eyes, weird voice, spots, deformed face etc is evil. Therefore, subconciously, we associate atypical with rejection. That's why people with disfigurements suffer tremendously with stigma.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"And with that, despite the interesting subject matter, I need some beauty sleep. See you in about five years when I hope it's had an impact "

Good night. Glad my thread helped put you to sleep!

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Right im basing my answer away from knowing people online but from meeting strangers.

We have nothing to base our opinions apart from what we see in front of us. So your going to be drawn to something that attracts you whether thats a kind face, a physically attractive face, a homely face. Where going to initially be turned away from shifty eyes, sour looking. Then once the instinct process is out the way we can start to take other things into consideraton demenour, then personality.

But for me instant reaction would be based on looks

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By *irtyGirlWoman
over a year ago

Edinburgh


"

I need to think about this cause I'm already fascinated. Every day is a school day. Thank you for asking. I'll be back.

I think I may go off on a tangent here cause I can't decide whether it's perfectly normal to meet someone and immediately after taking in their appearance, after you've given them the once over, begin to form the would/wouldn't question in your head.

I can't help but wonder how much of our instant liking to someone has a sexual aspect. I mean it doesn't have to be an instant physical attraction but when I talk to someone regardless of gender or sexuality, I know if I like them. If they're my sort of person. I'm pretty quick to follow my instincts, it's not often they're wrong. I know whether I can envisage that person as my friend. I wouldn't hook up with someone sexually if that connection wasn't there. I'm sure it's easier for some people to separate that and have sex with someone just because they look pretty.

I suspect this is why I was such a shit swinger sort.

I'm thinking out loud. It's probably a mad ramble but that's where you made my train go.

totally agree with you on that. Online is very difficult to judge because you make assumptions from photos/profile.

In person, we follow neanderthilic instincts.

Ultimately, your interaction with someone depends on your intention. do you just want a social friend, fwb or a casual fcuk.

If the former, you engage on an intellectual level. If the latter, primal instincts go at play (eg. womanly curves, tall muscle men) because as primates, these were desirable phenotypes for procreation (ie. Darwinian evolution).

If FWB, it's a mix of both, with a focus on the former.

"

Yes... I know what you mean but it won't be like that for everyone. The straight people for example, it most likely wouldn't cross their mind to look at someone of the same sex as they are in a sexual light. I don't know what it's like to evaluate someone on a non-sexual way unless I don't find any redeeming features and then I just can't think of them in that way without a shudder. I'm bisexual so I look for things about them that are attractive to me. I don't think about it in a conscious way though. It's not a deliberate thought that I think, it's just there.

I might add at this point that I may not quite be sober and this all makes perfect sense in my head.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"

I need to think about this cause I'm already fascinated. Every day is a school day. Thank you for asking. I'll be back.

I think I may go off on a tangent here cause I can't decide whether it's perfectly normal to meet someone and immediately after taking in their appearance, after you've given them the once over, begin to form the would/wouldn't question in your head.

I can't help but wonder how much of our instant liking to someone has a sexual aspect. I mean it doesn't have to be an instant physical attraction but when I talk to someone regardless of gender or sexuality, I know if I like them. If they're my sort of person. I'm pretty quick to follow my instincts, it's not often they're wrong. I know whether I can envisage that person as my friend. I wouldn't hook up with someone sexually if that connection wasn't there. I'm sure it's easier for some people to separate that and have sex with someone just because they look pretty.

I suspect this is why I was such a shit swinger sort.

I'm thinking out loud. It's probably a mad ramble but that's where you made my train go.

totally agree with you on that. Online is very difficult to judge because you make assumptions from photos/profile.

In person, we follow neanderthilic instincts.

Ultimately, your interaction with someone depends on your intention. do you just want a social friend, fwb or a casual fcuk.

If the former, you engage on an intellectual level. If the latter, primal instincts go at play (eg. womanly curves, tall muscle men) because as primates, these were desirable phenotypes for procreation (ie. Darwinian evolution).

If FWB, it's a mix of both, with a focus on the former.

Yes... I know what you mean but it won't be like that for everyone. The straight people for example, it most likely wouldn't cross their mind to look at someone of the same sex as they are in a sexual light. I don't know what it's like to evaluate someone on a non-sexual way unless I don't find any redeeming features and then I just can't think of them in that way without a shudder. I'm bisexual so I look for things about them that are attractive to me. I don't think about it in a conscious way though. It's not a deliberate thought that I think, it's just there.

I might add at this point that I may not quite be sober and this all makes perfect sense in my head. "

I think what you're saying makes sense

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 10/04/16 00:37:59]

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Right im basing my answer away from knowing people online but from meeting strangers.

We have nothing to base our opinions apart from what we see in front of us. So your going to be drawn to something that attracts you whether thats a kind face, a physically attractive face, a homely face. Where going to initially be turned away from shifty eyes, sour looking. Then once the instinct process is out the way we can start to take other things into consideraton demenour, then personality.

But for me instant reaction would be based on looks"

Yes, in the context of online sex/dating I think you're right. I wonder if this has anything to do with the problems some people experience from this type of interaction

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By *hav02Man
over a year ago

Glasgow/London


"

I need to think about this cause I'm already fascinated. Every day is a school day. Thank you for asking. I'll be back.

I think I may go off on a tangent here cause I can't decide whether it's perfectly normal to meet someone and immediately after taking in their appearance, after you've given them the once over, begin to form the would/wouldn't question in your head.

I can't help but wonder how much of our instant liking to someone has a sexual aspect. I mean it doesn't have to be an instant physical attraction but when I talk to someone regardless of gender or sexuality, I know if I like them. If they're my sort of person. I'm pretty quick to follow my instincts, it's not often they're wrong. I know whether I can envisage that person as my friend. I wouldn't hook up with someone sexually if that connection wasn't there. I'm sure it's easier for some people to separate that and have sex with someone just because they look pretty.

I suspect this is why I was such a shit swinger sort.

I'm thinking out loud. It's probably a mad ramble but that's where you made my train go.

totally agree with you on that. Online is very difficult to judge because you make assumptions from photos/profile.

In person, we follow neanderthilic instincts.

Ultimately, your interaction with someone depends on your intention. do you just want a social friend, fwb or a casual fcuk.

If the former, you engage on an intellectual level. If the latter, primal instincts go at play (eg. womanly curves, tall muscle men) because as primates, these were desirable phenotypes for procreation (ie. Darwinian evolution).

If FWB, it's a mix of both, with a focus on the former.

Yes... I know what you mean but it won't be like that for everyone. The straight people for example, it most likely wouldn't cross their mind to look at someone of the same sex as they are in a sexual light. I don't know what it's like to evaluate someone on a non-sexual way unless I don't find any redeeming features and then I just can't think of them in that way without a shudder. I'm bisexual so I look for things about them that are attractive to me. I don't think about it in a conscious way though. It's not a deliberate thought that I think, it's just there.

I might add at this point that I may not quite be sober and this all makes perfect sense in my head. "

Very true. However, swinging is an ancient custom. Romans used to fcuk anyone with a hole LOL

But you're putting the tin opener against the can-o-worms here as it brings up the discussion of can guys and gals "just" be friends?

With you being bisexual, my desirable qualities in a woman could be completely different to yours. OR, we could be fighting over the same women it's all subconcious. Our desirabilities are based on experiences, cultural exposure, experiences/ideas growing up.

I am very sober right now, but maybe you want to sleep on it and read back here in the morning

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Interesting subject, I'll be back minus the Kir

Royales.....thumb)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think it's to do with eyes and facial expressions. A frowny person looks miserable,kindness emanates from the eyes. Shiftiness shows in the eyes too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

bit of a hard question:

my physical appearance is of a black mixed race guy..(there wasnt many of my type where I grew up(glasgow))..I now feel the effort in making sure I'm not considered a foreigner. Simple things like saying please n thanks(scottishly).

trying not to sound racist, but I dont have any black cultural upbringing, I tend to shy away from the fact of my genetics influence other peoples behaviour.

Many of my school friends/family etc..would never say "paddy, he's a black guy"- they just refer to me as paddy.

These days with the integration, I'm no longer unique on a bus..but I'm also viewed collectively as a foreigner.

its hard to explain, I was here from 1975(I',m 40), I grew up in a shitty area..people were generally great..I was only outwardly to them a different colour, but as I say now..I'm approached by other races thinking I'm understanding I understand them sometimes.

my view of me, is me..I see no colour, though I know its unfair to assume others will look deeper into it.

I dunno how many times I have to answer "your names Paddy?..you dont look like a paddy.."

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By *irtyGirlWoman
over a year ago

Edinburgh


"

I need to think about this cause I'm already fascinated. Every day is a school day. Thank you for asking. I'll be back.

I think I may go off on a tangent here cause I can't decide whether it's perfectly normal to meet someone and immediately after taking in their appearance, after you've given them the once over, begin to form the would/wouldn't question in your head.

I can't help but wonder how much of our instant liking to someone has a sexual aspect. I mean it doesn't have to be an instant physical attraction but when I talk to someone regardless of gender or sexuality, I know if I like them. If they're my sort of person. I'm pretty quick to follow my instincts, it's not often they're wrong. I know whether I can envisage that person as my friend. I wouldn't hook up with someone sexually if that connection wasn't there. I'm sure it's easier for some people to separate that and have sex with someone just because they look pretty.

I suspect this is why I was such a shit swinger sort.

I'm thinking out loud. It's probably a mad ramble but that's where you made my train go.

totally agree with you on that. Online is very difficult to judge because you make assumptions from photos/profile.

In person, we follow neanderthilic instincts.

Ultimately, your interaction with someone depends on your intention. do you just want a social friend, fwb or a casual fcuk.

If the former, you engage on an intellectual level. If the latter, primal instincts go at play (eg. womanly curves, tall muscle men) because as primates, these were desirable phenotypes for procreation (ie. Darwinian evolution).

If FWB, it's a mix of both, with a focus on the former.

Yes... I know what you mean but it won't be like that for everyone. The straight people for example, it most likely wouldn't cross their mind to look at someone of the same sex as they are in a sexual light. I don't know what it's like to evaluate someone on a non-sexual way unless I don't find any redeeming features and then I just can't think of them in that way without a shudder. I'm bisexual so I look for things about them that are attractive to me. I don't think about it in a conscious way though. It's not a deliberate thought that I think, it's just there.

I might add at this point that I may not quite be sober and this all makes perfect sense in my head.

Very true. However, swinging is an ancient custom. Romans used to fcuk anyone with a hole LOL

But you're putting the tin opener against the can-o-worms here as it brings up the discussion of can guys and gals "just" be friends?

With you being bisexual, my desirable qualities in a woman could be completely different to yours. OR, we could be fighting over the same women it's all subconcious. Our desirabilities are based on experiences, cultural exposure, experiences/ideas growing up.

I am very sober right now, but maybe you want to sleep on it and read back here in the morning "

Of course, that's all part of it too. You're absolutely right, I should come back when I'm totally sober but sometimes I quite like letting my brain run riot and wander off on tangents of things I'd not considered before.

It's a stupendous can of worms but I don't think it's contentious, I just think it's curious for everyone because it'll be different for all of us as people whether man or woman, gay or straight or inbetweenies like me. There are all sorts of things we'd consider as individuals and what suits one or is catalyst in getting a boner for another will be totally different.

I meet someone with a lisp and before I've even taken in what they look like I'm drawn to their mouth and what kissing those lips would feel like. It's instant. A snap thing that's grabbed me just like that. I'd probably reconsider if they were an arsehole but they'd have to be a pretty big one for me not to want to kiss them.

Anyone got a lisp?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

I need to think about this cause I'm already fascinated. Every day is a school day. Thank you for asking. I'll be back.

I think I may go off on a tangent here cause I can't decide whether it's perfectly normal to meet someone and immediately after taking in their appearance, after you've given them the once over, begin to form the would/wouldn't question in your head.

I can't help but wonder how much of our instant liking to someone has a sexual aspect. I mean it doesn't have to be an instant physical attraction but when I talk to someone regardless of gender or sexuality, I know if I like them. If they're my sort of person. I'm pretty quick to follow my instincts, it's not often they're wrong. I know whether I can envisage that person as my friend. I wouldn't hook up with someone sexually if that connection wasn't there. I'm sure it's easier for some people to separate that and have sex with someone just because they look pretty.

I suspect this is why I was such a shit swinger sort.

I'm thinking out loud. It's probably a mad ramble but that's where you made my train go.

totally agree with you on that. Online is very difficult to judge because you make assumptions from photos/profile.

In person, we follow neanderthilic instincts.

Ultimately, your interaction with someone depends on your intention. do you just want a social friend, fwb or a casual fcuk.

If the former, you engage on an intellectual level. If the latter, primal instincts go at play (eg. womanly curves, tall muscle men) because as primates, these were desirable phenotypes for procreation (ie. Darwinian evolution).

If FWB, it's a mix of both, with a focus on the former.

Yes... I know what you mean but it won't be like that for everyone. The straight people for example, it most likely wouldn't cross their mind to look at someone of the same sex as they are in a sexual light. I don't know what it's like to evaluate someone on a non-sexual way unless I don't find any redeeming features and then I just can't think of them in that way without a shudder. I'm bisexual so I look for things about them that are attractive to me. I don't think about it in a conscious way though. It's not a deliberate thought that I think, it's just there.

I might add at this point that I may not quite be sober and this all makes perfect sense in my head.

Very true. However, swinging is an ancient custom. Romans used to fcuk anyone with a hole LOL

But you're putting the tin opener against the can-o-worms here as it brings up the discussion of can guys and gals "just" be friends?

With you being bisexual, my desirable qualities in a woman could be completely different to yours. OR, we could be fighting over the same women it's all subconcious. Our desirabilities are based on experiences, cultural exposure, experiences/ideas growing up.

I am very sober right now, but maybe you want to sleep on it and read back here in the morning

Of course, that's all part of it too. You're absolutely right, I should come back when I'm totally sober but sometimes I quite like letting my brain run riot and wander off on tangents of things I'd not considered before.

It's a stupendous can of worms but I don't think it's contentious, I just think it's curious for everyone because it'll be different for all of us as people whether man or woman, gay or straight or inbetweenies like me. There are all sorts of things we'd consider as individuals and what suits one or is catalyst in getting a boner for another will be totally different.

I meet someone with a lisp and before I've even taken in what they look like I'm drawn to their mouth and what kissing those lips would feel like. It's instant. A snap thing that's grabbed me just like that. I'd probably reconsider if they were an arsehole but they'd have to be a pretty big one for me not to want to kiss them.

Anyone got a lisp? "

I bloody adore women with lisps! its a HUGE turn on..I'd just wank as they talk, watching the tongue roll grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How you look definitely affects how people interact with you. For example with myself, I used to be a lot bigger and more muscular. I can completely fell the difference in the level of respect I get when talking with another male. So how you look shapes the conversations you'd had in your life and to an extent the conversations you have shape your personality. If I were always bigger I'm sure I would be more confident and cocky..

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By *hav02Man
over a year ago

Glasgow/London


"

I need to think about this cause I'm already fascinated. Every day is a school day. Thank you for asking. I'll be back.

I think I may go off on a tangent here cause I can't decide whether it's perfectly normal to meet someone and immediately after taking in their appearance, after you've given them the once over, begin to form the would/wouldn't question in your head.

I can't help but wonder how much of our instant liking to someone has a sexual aspect. I mean it doesn't have to be an instant physical attraction but when I talk to someone regardless of gender or sexuality, I know if I like them. If they're my sort of person. I'm pretty quick to follow my instincts, it's not often they're wrong. I know whether I can envisage that person as my friend. I wouldn't hook up with someone sexually if that connection wasn't there. I'm sure it's easier for some people to separate that and have sex with someone just because they look pretty.

I suspect this is why I was such a shit swinger sort.

I'm thinking out loud. It's probably a mad ramble but that's where you made my train go.

totally agree with you on that. Online is very difficult to judge because you make assumptions from photos/profile.

In person, we follow neanderthilic instincts.

Ultimately, your interaction with someone depends on your intention. do you just want a social friend, fwb or a casual fcuk.

If the former, you engage on an intellectual level. If the latter, primal instincts go at play (eg. womanly curves, tall muscle men) because as primates, these were desirable phenotypes for procreation (ie. Darwinian evolution).

If FWB, it's a mix of both, with a focus on the former.

Yes... I know what you mean but it won't be like that for everyone. The straight people for example, it most likely wouldn't cross their mind to look at someone of the same sex as they are in a sexual light. I don't know what it's like to evaluate someone on a non-sexual way unless I don't find any redeeming features and then I just can't think of them in that way without a shudder. I'm bisexual so I look for things about them that are attractive to me. I don't think about it in a conscious way though. It's not a deliberate thought that I think, it's just there.

I might add at this point that I may not quite be sober and this all makes perfect sense in my head.

Very true. However, swinging is an ancient custom. Romans used to fcuk anyone with a hole LOL

But you're putting the tin opener against the can-o-worms here as it brings up the discussion of can guys and gals "just" be friends?

With you being bisexual, my desirable qualities in a woman could be completely different to yours. OR, we could be fighting over the same women it's all subconcious. Our desirabilities are based on experiences, cultural exposure, experiences/ideas growing up.

I am very sober right now, but maybe you want to sleep on it and read back here in the morning

Of course, that's all part of it too. You're absolutely right, I should come back when I'm totally sober but sometimes I quite like letting my brain run riot and wander off on tangents of things I'd not considered before.

It's a stupendous can of worms but I don't think it's contentious, I just think it's curious for everyone because it'll be different for all of us as people whether man or woman, gay or straight or inbetweenies like me. There are all sorts of things we'd consider as individuals and what suits one or is catalyst in getting a boner for another will be totally different.

I meet someone with a lisp and before I've even taken in what they look like I'm drawn to their mouth and what kissing those lips would feel like. It's instant. A snap thing that's grabbed me just like that. I'd probably reconsider if they were an arsehole but they'd have to be a pretty big one for me not to want to kiss them.

Anyone got a lisp? "

Wow. CAnth I buyth youth anottther drinkth? Your mindth is stho attracthive when d*unkth

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