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how would u react if u found out your husband preferred men

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

My second husband and i were married 8 years and had a son together. One friday afternoon my daughter (then15) hes stepdaughter came in from school in tears, she was with a mate. She explained that her dad had been seeing paul (not real name) i kept calm and listened as my daughter (clearly upset) told me about paul and her dad. By this time my daughter's friend now had brought a neighbour ova who confirmed it was true.the neighbour told me where paul was and that i needed to talk to him. I kept calm as i was told where he was. In the events that followed paul told me what had gone on. My husband at first denied it but later confessed. I told him to leave and he did. Paul cried. I didnt. He went to stay with hes parents who were upset but never once asked how i felt.Now 11 years later he lives with a man and he is happy.

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By *piritsonfabCouple
over a year ago

Nottingham

That level of deceit would hurt the same regardless of the gender.

I'm sorry for your hurt and hope you and your family have healed

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Cheating is cheating.

Simple.

People always end up hurt in the end.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

You ask this question multiple times and there is nothing wrong with that but I think you are still significantly pained by the experience. Understandably so, have you asked for additional support to be able to move forward. Maybe some counselling will help

good luck

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs


"That level of deceit would hurt the same regardless of the gender.

"

Yes, deceit is alway damaging and finding out he was gay/bi would add a lot of shock to it as well. I feel for you

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

Crumpet Castle

I'd go.....

Hell Ed. You never said.... I mean ....... shit I never knew that... Christ... you won't let me anywhere near your arse hole ! Jesus ...did you pick me cos im manly or something ? How long have you known? From the off orrrrrrrrrrr is it just lately ? Do you want brown toast or white ? Have you been fucking him and me at the same time? Are you really really really gay or just trying it on for size ? Are you bi ? Who do you like best ? Do you love him ? Pass the marmalade! Do you love me ? What are we going to tell the kids ? Does your mum know ? Fuck me has he been checked at the gum clinic ? If you give me a disease i'm going to kill you anyway ? Do your mates know ? Does your mum know ? Where's the butter ? Where do you do it ? Did you meet him at work ? Oh no - he's not coming on holiday with us. Are we still going on holiday. I feel a bit odd. Going for a lie down. Fuck me. You wash up.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

Crumpet Castle


"My second husband and i were married 8 years and had a son together. One friday afternoon my daughter (then15) hes stepdaughter came in from school in tears, she was with a mate. She explained that her dad had been seeing paul (not real name) i kept calm and listened as my daughter (clearly upset) told me about paul and her dad. By this time my daughter's friend now had brought a neighbour ova who confirmed it was true.the neighbour told me where paul was and that i needed to talk to him. I kept calm as i was told where he was. In the events that followed paul told me what had gone on. My husband at first denied it but later confessed. I told him to leave and he did. Paul cried. I didnt. He went to stay with hes parents who were upset but never once asked how i felt.Now 11 years later he lives with a man and he is happy."

I hadn't read your post before I replied. I guess it's no different who ever your partner leaves you for.

I hope you are happy too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My second husband and i were married 8 years and had a son together. One friday afternoon my daughter (then15) hes stepdaughter came in from school in tears, she was with a mate. She explained that her dad had been seeing paul (not real name) i kept calm and listened as my daughter (clearly upset) told me about paul and her dad. By this time my daughter's friend now had brought a neighbour ova who confirmed it was true.the neighbour told me where paul was and that i needed to talk to him. I kept calm as i was told where he was. In the events that followed paul told me what had gone on. My husband at first denied it but later confessed. I told him to leave and he did. Paul cried. I didnt. He went to stay with hes parents who were upset but never once asked how i felt.Now 11 years later he lives with a man and he is happy."

2 weeks ago you posted you,d liketo meet a gay man to see how far he,d go.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would think great - he can go to the football with him and not me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My second husband and i were married 8 years and had a son together. One friday afternoon my daughter (then15) hes stepdaughter came in from school in tears, she was with a mate. She explained that her dad had been seeing paul (not real name) i kept calm and listened as my daughter (clearly upset) told me about paul and her dad. By this time my daughter's friend now had brought a neighbour ova who confirmed it was true.the neighbour told me where paul was and that i needed to talk to him. I kept calm as i was told where he was. In the events that followed paul told me what had gone on. My husband at first denied it but later confessed. I told him to leave and he did. Paul cried. I didnt. He went to stay with hes parents who were upset but never once asked how i felt.Now 11 years later he lives with a man and he is happy.

2 weeks ago you posted you,d liketo meet a gay man to see how far he,d go.

"

I was thinking the same

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I imagine I'd be devastated and it would call into question our relationship before that point.

But I'd really hope that after 11 years I'd have moved on to be happy, as well as him.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think he was to scared to tell you that he likes guys too, I know a guy who wanted to try his biside and when he told his wife she kicked him out and used his daughter to get at him. He has never cheated he just wanted to see how she felt about it and it ruined his life. Sometimes guys are assholes but there's always two sides to every story.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd be hurt same as if I'd caught my partner having an affair whoever it was.

That he has gone off with a man is bound to hurt more because you will, I guess, be wondering if he ever actually loved you.

I doubt it helps but lots of people marry even though they're not total committed to the relationship.

I think there is little you can do but remember the good times and try to understand the battle men have when they simply don't want to be gay but are.

I know several guys who have come out as gay now but we're married with kids before. You're not alone in this experience.

I'm sorry it happened to you. Hugs xx

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By *erbyDalesCplCouple
over a year ago

Derbyshire


" ...Where's the butter..."

You been watching 'Last Tango in Paris' again, Granny?

OP: it sounds like you almost resent him for moving on and being happy, while you have been unable to do so. Do you regret throwing him out? Do you wish you'd sat down and talked? Do you have unanswered questions? I'm never sure reliving the past is a healthy option, but I think View is right, it would definitely help to find someone to talk to about it, perhaps even your ex?

What you do need to realise however is that it is no judgement on you as a woman - your ex probably lived a very troubled and conflicted life, mired in denial.

I hope you find peace, and are able to find the happiness that he did.

(Though I too don't think trying to 'convert' gay men is the way forward)

Mr ddc

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 06/04/16 09:37:37]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

sorry if I offended folks, guess you need a tough skin for working offshore and slagging each other off is a way of life out here, your weakness is found and you take a slagging, perhaps I should take the gentle polite kind direction on here as not to offend ones who cannot take it

I will try and be more gentle,

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm an understanding woman and would probably be able to sit down and talk about it with him. Back when I met my husband there was a lot less acceptance of gay men,so I wouldn't have been surprised if he hid it and married me to pretend he wasn't gay. It would hurt,knowing he didn't love me and it would be very hard on my children but I would be glad we weren't still in a pretend,loving relationship.

You have to move on and help the child to understand what has happened.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Am I right in thinking that your two husbands had an affair,with each other?

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