FabSwingers.com forum: Help

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

It's probably a bit heavy for the forum but it's been a bad week with a friend committing suicide. Had anyone been through this and advice on how to deal with it.

I deal with similar things in my day job buy when it's Friends you suddenly forget how to deal with it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's not something I've been through - but maybe try to take a step back and think what the advice would be that you would give to someone in this situation, if you were having to deal with it in a work context? That could be finding someone who is removed from the situation to talk your feelings through with, or another person who knew your friend so you can share your memories.

Must be a difficult time for you, I hope you can find a way to deal with how you're feeling.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

you're probably in shock right now, or denial. definitely in some place where you can't make sense of why you're friend did that. your brain isn't gonna be in it's usual way that's for sure.

you'll definitely need time to deal with anything, so much stuff goes through your head once you do start thinking and grieving.

only thing i can advise is don't blame yourself for not stopping them. often suicidal people are good at hiding things and you can't keep your eye on someone 24 hrs a day to stop them from doing what they want.

there's always help lines you can call if you don't want to be a burden on loved ones and need to talk anything through with people. or websites you can google that might help you make sense of stuff. there's even facebook groups too for support.

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

That's awful, thankfully I've never had to deal with it.

Find professional help, don't suffer thinking you'll be ok then never fully learn to live with it

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"It's not something I've been through - but maybe try to take a step back and think what the advice would be that you would give to someone in this situation, if you were having to deal with it in a work context? That could be finding someone who is removed from the situation to talk your feelings through with, or another person who knew your friend so you can share your memories.

Must be a difficult time for you, I hope you can find a way to deal with how you're feeling. "

I think the thing I struggle with is the face the person I'm taking about would never ever be someone who would do this.

As I say in my work I both deal with and support people in this situation and being someone who has studied physchology thought I knew people's reasoning for getting to such lows. However when it's close to home you keep going round in circles of why?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not exactly the same but had my best mate die from cancer when we were 22.

My advice is..

1) don't be afraid to cry.

2) don't be afraid to talk to other people who knew your friend. It's no good everyone edging round the whole issue. Talk, cry, laugh. And of all things remember your friend as that a good griend

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When someone we love commits suicide we ask ourselves many questions. Could we have prevented it? why didn't I see it coming?

When that someone is of our peer group we ask questions of ourselves, how close are we to that despair? Is my life like that.

We become angry, guilty and scared. This is all very normal but it is also very painful. I wish I could help steer you through the rough seas, but I can't, because this is very personal to you. Conquer the anger, fear and guilt and you will be on the road to recovery. To help you do this and if you are able, help support his remaining family; together you will come to terms with your loss and learn to celebrate a life that has passed. You cannot bring your friend back, but do not tarnish their memory with grief; make their memory shine for the happiness and joy they once gave.

Good luck

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thank you all. There are people struggling to deal with this worse than I am but it's always nice to hear comforting words. Thank you

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

I can't imagine how tough it is, but am thinking of you. My experience is to just take it somewhat easy - it can be like a rollercoaster. You're overwhelmed with a riot of emotions - that's a lot of powerful energy loaded upon you. You're shocked, and using your mental energy thinking about your friend and the situation too.

Go slowly and do what you can to take pressures off yourself. Get support from others, talking and possibly sharing bits. Hugs, cuddles and touch have worked for me - they help connect me and ground me in the present, and a more positive nurturing present.

Keep a balance between inward and external focus. You'll likely be introspect a lot - get those connections with others and also things outside of you too - space outside, some odd bits and ends or activities. As long as the pressures low, you give yourself permission to be possibly a bit wobbly until further notice, then your own healing can move ahead.

I don't know that I've dealt that well with friends who departed but I progressed and tried to care for myself, even though I felt I was struggling.

Wishing you some harmony. Take care xx

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