FabSwingers.com forum: Some gags

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid.

When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time.....

I had a mate who was suicidal. He was really depressed, so I pushed

him in front of a train.

He was chuffed to bits.

I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I

was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a

coffin... 3 hours later and they're still walking about with it...

I thought to myself, they have lost the plot!!

I was at a cashpoint yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could

check her balance.

Not being one to disappoint I pushed the old dear over.

A new middle east crisis erupted last night as Dubai Television was

refused permission to broadcast 'The Flintstones'.

A spokesman for the channel said....

'A claim was made that people in Dubai would not understand the

humour, but we know for a fact that people in Abu Dhabi Do.'

My son's been asking me for a pet spider for his birthday, so I went

to our local pet shop and they were £70!!!

Blow this, I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web.

Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not happy.

Just heard there was an explosion at a pie factory in Huddersfield .

3.1415927 dead

I was walking in a cemetery this morning and saw a bloke hiding behind

a gravestone. "Morning." I said. "No" he replied, "just having a

sh*t."

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.

She said, ‘I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3

seconds.’

I bought her a scale.

Went around to a friends house today. His wife was sat there with

their newborn baby. She asked if i'd like to wind it....

I thought that was a bit harsh so i gave it a dead leg instead.

Saw my mate outside the Doctor's today looking really worried.

"What's the matter?" I asked.

"I've got the big C,"he said.

"What, cancer?"

"No, dyslexia."

I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a good Korea move.

A Scottish paedophile has raised a dispute with eBay. He claims that

the Wii GameBoy he received isn't what he was expecting.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I filled out an Insurance application on Gocompare today and when i got to the bottom it said 'Where did you hear about us'?

They're fucking taking the piss, right?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

And I thought this was going to be a kinky BDSM thread!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid.

When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time.....

I had a mate who was suicidal. He was really depressed, so I pushed

him in front of a train.

He was chuffed to bits.

I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I

was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a

coffin... 3 hours later and they're still walking about with it...

I thought to myself, they have lost the plot!!

I was at a cashpoint yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could

check her balance.

Not being one to disappoint I pushed the old dear over.

A new middle east crisis erupted last night as Dubai Television was

refused permission to broadcast 'The Flintstones'.

A spokesman for the channel said....

'A claim was made that people in Dubai would not understand the

humour, but we know for a fact that people in Abu Dhabi Do.'

My son's been asking me for a pet spider for his birthday, so I went

to our local pet shop and they were £70!!!

Blow this, I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web.

Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not happy.

Just heard there was an explosion at a pie factory in Huddersfield .

3.1415927 dead

I was walking in a cemetery this morning and saw a bloke hiding behind

a gravestone. "Morning." I said. "No" he replied, "just having a

sh*t."

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.

She said, ‘I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3

seconds.’

I bought her a scale.

Went around to a friends house today. His wife was sat there with

their newborn baby. She asked if i'd like to wind it....

I thought that was a bit harsh so i gave it a dead leg instead.

Saw my mate outside the Doctor's today looking really worried.

"What's the matter?" I asked.

"I've got the big C,"he said.

"What, cancer?"

"No, dyslexia."

I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a good Korea move.

A Scottish paedophile has raised a dispute with eBay. He claims that

the Wii GameBoy he received isn't what he was expecting.

abu dhabi do.....love it!! made me really Laugh out loud !!!

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By *irtyGirlWoman
over a year ago

Edinburgh

"And I thought this was going to be a kinky BDSM thread!!

Me too! I think maybe we should have one of those!

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