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By *isscheekychops OP Woman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

So I have a question I have been on several dates with someone and the last ended a bit funnily...he asked me for what I wanted out of life and I said to contuine being happy and a family...he said that it was coming on a bit forward in expressing my want for a family so earlier on....isn't that the intention of dating to get to know what the other person wants...id rather know earlier on that the bloke was open to a family rather than wasting months....time which I haven't got seeing if that's what he wants....

Of course I don't want to scare people off I'm just finding dating hard work at the moment and I'm not even looking...I thought that was supposed to be the best time

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

He probably thought you meant you wanted a family with him or something? But you're right if you don't want the same things you can't really go forward from there, right?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why ask what you want in life and then say you are being forward in telling him.

It's definitely the point - you have to ask and then tell. Think its called communication

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

He asked what you wanted, you answered I'm not sure what his problem is.

I would hate to be dating I don't think I have the social filters any more and would scare them off before we'd finished the first drink.

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By *isscheekychops OP Woman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

"He probably thought you meant you wanted a family with him or something? But you're right if you don't want the same things you can't really go forward from there, right?"

I don't want kids with someone next week....but I'm hardly getting any younger so it is in the for front of my mind but I don't want to scare people off I get really nervous when the kids subject gets raised

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If he asked you what you want from life.. And you told him.. I don't get his problem??..

If he asked you what you wanted from him.. I'd understand that reaction..

And men say women are confusing!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd say being up front about what you want in life is very important. If there isn't common ground it is difficult to see a future in a relationship. I think you did the right thing and his response gives you a clue as to his thinking.

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

If he asked what you want in life, he really ought to expect to hear what you want in life

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By *anky_PankyWoman
over a year ago

Filthy Fuckeryville

He asked and therefore you told - he should accept your answer and talk about it if it's not his thing then look elsewhere.

Nobody mentioned timeframe!

Good luck lovely, it's a hard game to play xx

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By *isscheekychops OP Woman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

"He asked and therefore you told - he should accept your answer and talk about it if it's not his thing then look elsewhere.

Nobody mentioned timeframe!

Good luck lovely, it's a hard game to play xx"

Telling me...even my sister said she would hate to date in 2016

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"If he asked what you want in life, he really ought to expect to hear what you want in life

This would be my problem if I was dating, I couldn't do the telling them what they want to hear thing.

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

"If he asked what you want in life, he really ought to expect to hear what you want in life

This would be my problem if I was dating, I couldn't do the telling them what they want to hear thing. "

Indeed.

There are reasons I'm single.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Good luck.......... Dating is such a tricky game to play

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So I have a question I have been on several dates with someone and the last ended a bit funnily...he asked me for what I wanted out of life and I said to contuine being happy and a family...he said that it was coming on a bit forward in expressing my want for a family so earlier on....isn't that the intention of dating to get to know what the other person wants...id rather know earlier on that the bloke was open to a family rather than wasting months....time which I haven't got seeing if that's what he wants....

Of course I don't want to scare people off I'm just finding dating hard work at the moment and I'm not even looking...I thought that was supposed to be the best time

I really don't see the problem.

Question asked. Question answered.

It's not like you said "children with you, right now, let's elope!!!!!!"

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"If he asked what you want in life, he really ought to expect to hear what you want in life

This would be my problem if I was dating, I couldn't do the telling them what they want to hear thing.

Indeed.

There are reasons I'm single.

There are reasons Mr N and I often laugh and say it's lucky we met each other because nobody else would have us

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"He probably thought you meant you wanted a family with him or something? But you're right if you don't want the same things you can't really go forward from there, right?

"
I don't really understand how dating works so I'm probably the last person to be giving out advice haha

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By *isscheekychops OP Woman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

I think I just need to step away from the dating for a while, my job doesn't help as I see so much shit and I've done alright for the past 5 years being single....oh I don't know...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Good luck.......... Dating is such a tricky game to play"

Why on earth does it need to be a game? What's the payoff?

I don't get it. Sharing dreams, aspirations and interests were a really important part of my courting days. Game playing was the last thing I thought about. Open communication is critical in my mind. The things that I found it difficult to be open about at the time were those things that became issues later.

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

It sounds like he was playing a game with you. On the face of it being upfront and interested in you but covertly tempting you to say something deeply personal that he could use to dismiss you for. He sounds like he wasn't being particularly intimate and honest himself, probably because he isn't in your league and has issues.

I think he's probably better gone from your life.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some guys shit their pants at the thought of anything that mught represent serious commitment. Not sure why. A maturity thing, maybe? In reality it's all down to context. Given that he'd specifically asked you what you want out of life, the idea that you might want a family at some unspecified point down the line is not unreasonable.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Of course I don't want to scare people off I'm just finding dating hard work at the moment and I'm not even looking...I thought that was supposed to be the best time

be open for what you want he asked the question what did he expect for you to tell him how you want to be a crazy cat lady.... if you want a family and a family home in your future then so be it...

Don't be out of by one guy expecting you to say ohhhh I want to suck your nuts daily and cool for you etc xx

His loss I say cheeky chops we've known each other a while stick to your guns you know how to figure these men out

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's a reasonable reply and not one id take to be scary OTT or intimidating.

Perhaps he was fishing or looking for a way out.

Plus it's a fairly stock dating question. Serial daters are thought to get their partners to open up. To expose themselves to encourage intimacy. A little psychology is a dangerous thing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just the very thought of going on a date fills me with an urge to repeatedly smack my head of the keyboard and weep asdfghjklt rewertyuio lkjhgfdsxcvbnm kjhgfddfgh jklkjhvcxxcvbnm dfghjklkjh gfdfghjkjhgf jhgffgh jkjhgfghjhgf kjhgfgh jkjhgfghj kjhgfgh jkjhgfgh

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By *isscheekychops OP Woman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

"It's a reasonable reply and not one id take to be scary OTT or intimidating.

Perhaps he was fishing or looking for a way out.

Plus it's a fairly stock dating question. Serial daters are thought to get their partners to open up. To expose themselves to encourage intimacy. A little psychology is a dangerous thing. "

I don't let men into my knickers that easily they can try but they will fail

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By *isscheekychops OP Woman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

Of course I don't want to scare people off I'm just finding dating hard work at the moment and I'm not even looking...I thought that was supposed to be the best time

be open for what you want he asked the question what did he expect for you to tell him how you want to be a crazy cat lady.... if you want a family and a family home in your future then so be it...

Don't be out of by one guy expecting you to say ohhhh I want to suck your nuts daily and cool for you etc xx

His loss I say cheeky chops we've known each other a while stick to your guns you know how to figure these men out "

Thanks lovely you are always a man of wisdom

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By *isscheekychops OP Woman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

"It sounds like he was playing a game with you. On the face of it being upfront and interested in you but covertly tempting you to say something deeply personal that he could use to dismiss you for. He sounds like he wasn't being particularly intimate and honest himself, probably because he isn't in your league and has issues.

I think he's probably better gone from your life."

I can't say I want another date the spark went....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm sure the right man you deserve will come along miss cc x

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By *isscheekychops OP Woman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

"I'm sure the right man you deserve will come along miss cc x"

To be honest right now I'm not that bothered, I was hell bent on having a relationship a while ago but for me the thrill of dating has gone and I'll just contuine to have fun with life.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm sure the right man you deserve will come along miss cc x

To be honest right now I'm not that bothered, I was hell bent on having a relationship a while ago but for me the thrill of dating has gone and I'll just contuine to have fun with life.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I went on a date with someone last year, Only known her for 2 weeks and while chatting over a meal I said to her I wanted children one day, She said she had never wanted any and as she was 40 she was getting a little to old anyway, I knew then it wouldn't go anywhere, I told her the next day the reason, I did feel a little bad for ending it before it went anywhere but I knew one of us would get hurt if we carried on seeing each other

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By *isscheekychops OP Woman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

"I went on a date with someone last year, Only known her for 2 weeks and while chatting over a meal I said to her I wanted children one day, She said she had never wanted any and as she was 40 she was getting a little to old anyway, I knew then it wouldn't go anywhere, I told her the next day the reason, I did feel a little bad for ending it before it went anywhere but I knew one of us would get hurt if we carried on seeing each other "

I completely get where you are coming from

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By *ivemeyoursoulWoman
over a year ago

Easter just around the corner!

"Why ask what you want in life and then say you are being forward in telling him.

It's definitely the point - you have to ask and then tell. Think its called communication

Yes it was a silly thing to say you were being forward

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

I think it's fair to be honest early on in situations like that.

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

Of course I don't want to scare people off I'm just finding dating hard work at the moment and I'm not even looking...I thought that was supposed to be the best time

He asked, you answered...what am I missing?

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"He asked and therefore you told - he should accept your answer and talk about it if it's not his thing then look elsewhere.

Nobody mentioned timeframe!

Good luck lovely, it's a hard game to play xx"

Why a game at all?

You meet someone you can be yourself with, you eventually share your hopes and dreams and hope they match and get on with your lives: where's the game play there?

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"Good luck.......... Dating is such a tricky game to play

Why on earth does it need to be a game? What's the payoff?

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

Perhaps he was fishing or looking for a way out.

That was my second thought.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Of course I don't want to scare people off I'm just finding dating hard work at the moment and I'm not even looking...I thought that was supposed to be the best time

There's nothing wrong with your wants in life. No matter what they are. It's your life after all. Just keep being honest and being you. You'll meet the right one in time. If we were closer, I'd ask you out.

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

I think that's fair. I've done something similar in reverse. I was sterilised at 31 after having my children. When I left my husband I met someone else he was in his 50s and didn't have children.

We were out and there was a family at the next table. He said he'd always wanted children and hadn't given up hope. It was our second date, there wasn't a thire.

I said there wasn't much point starting a relationship as I couldn't have any more kids and he wanted them. He said he was just being whimsical but I couldn't get the thought out of my mind.

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