FabSwingers.com forum: Full disclosure or flat out lie?

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

If you're married and on here is it better to let people know on your profile or is it better to conveniently forget about it and hide it from full view?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

For me personally, I'd rather know from the outset. You can then make an informed decision. Hiding it - is unfair on those who may meet you.

Sarah

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By *lwaysup4it69Couple
over a year ago

Kirkby in Ashfield

Let people know them they can make an informed choice. Plenty will play with a married man, but like to know first

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

But if you'd rather no tell, fair enough but avoid putting picture of you with your wedding ring on

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"But if you'd rather no tell, fair enough but avoid putting picture of you with your wedding ring on

It's also not so easy to hide the ring or evidence of its existence on a meet as well lol

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By *bsinthe_boyMan
over a year ago

Luton

I'd think the person who really needs to know is your wife.

followed by anyone thinking of playing with you so they can make an informed choice.

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By *ilmiss75Woman
over a year ago

Thornton

On there profile then I know to stay away

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If you're married and on here is it better to let people know on your profile or is it better to conveniently forget about it and hide it from full view? "

You're forgetting the conventional way: let people know when you start chatting. That way they can still make an informed choice, but you aren't opening yourself up for abuse (because some of the abuse directed to married people in the past on here has been disgusting) by making it public.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"But if you'd rather no tell, fair enough but avoid putting picture of you with your wedding ring on

It's also not so easy to hide the ring or evidence of its existence on a meet as well lol"

Put a bandage on it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You don't have to tell everyone, Just the people you want to meet, Let them decide if they still want to meet you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just be honest when you start chatting. Ive met married people and discounted others. Im married myself.

If people find out down the line they will feel decieved. And believe me more often than not you can work it out pretty easily.

Good luck

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If you're married and on here is it better to let people know on your profile or is it better to conveniently forget about it and hide it from full view? "

Id rather know as a married woman is a complete turn on!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Full disclosure is just easier for me. I can't be arsed starting to chat to someone to find out they don't meet married people. Would rather it was on my profile so they can block or ignore me accordingly. Saves me wasting my time and them theirs.

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By *ancs MinxWoman
over a year ago

Burnley

"On there profile then I know to stay away

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Would rather know

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Funny that the only moral issue if the persons married on a shagging site

What else should people disclose

Jail terms

If they are a wife beater

Last Sti test dates

Salary band

Etc

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

I think it should be on the profile, if not in the first message _ I hate being told 'down the line'.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Funny that the only moral issue if the persons married on a shagging site

What else should people disclose

Jail terms

If they are a wife beater

Last Sti test dates

Salary band

Etc

Etc "

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

Better for who? Most people prefer honesty imo.

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By *bsinthe_boyMan
over a year ago

Luton

"Funny that the only moral issue if the persons married on a shagging site

What else should people disclose

Jail terms

If they are a wife beater

Last Sti test dates

Salary band

Etc

Etc "

I don't think anyone said it's the only moral issue, but it is the one under discussion here.

I have seen p

es where people own up to jail time in the interests of honesty.

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

"I think it should be on the profile, if not in the first message _ I hate being told 'down the line'."

Same here, particularly as my profile clearly says I don't meet people cheating on a partner.

I phrase it that way because married and playing with the knowledge and consent of the partner is different.

It's very annoying when we get to the stage of discussing a meet and they say, "By the way, if feel I should be honest with you...".

Of course they're hoping that I want to meet them by then and will overlook that they're married. Actually it just pisses me off because they ignored my profile.

I'm considering changing my "rules" about meeting married people but I'd still want to know and would be very angry if I found I'd been lied to.

There are some things prospective meets need, and deserve, to be told so they can make informed decisions. Meeting married people can have nasty consequences.

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By *eavenscentitCouple
over a year ago

barnstaple

"I'd think the person who really needs to know is your wife.

followed by anyone thinking of playing with you so they can make an informed choice. "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I like to hide it...gives me an air of mystery....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I didn't state it in my profile at first but would tell potential meets. I started to get shit about not being up front in my profile so I recently changed it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I prefer to see it on the profile. But if it isn't I always ask. Take the risk I am being told the truth if they say they aren't. On one occasion he did say he was single then a few days later I found out otherwise.

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By *ittlemisssassypantsCouple
over a year ago

South East Wales

"Funny that the only moral issue if the persons married on a shagging site

What else should people disclose

Jail terms

If they are a wife beater

Last Sti test dates

Salary band

Etc

Etc "

I wouldn't mind knowing who they last voted for in the general election- that would definitely make a difference to choosing meets

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By *eerobCouple
over a year ago

solihull

"If you're married and on here is it better to let people know on your profile or is it better to conveniently forget about it and hide it from full view? "

Doesn't it really depend on whether you are comfortable lying?? If not then simply tell the truth.

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

"I'd think the person who really needs to know is your wife.

followed by anyone thinking of playing with you so they can make an informed choice. "

Or husband, (since gay marriage is now a legitimate thing)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I didn't state it in my profile at first but would tell potential meets. I started to get shit about not being up front in my profile so I recently changed it "

If people give you shit, report them. It's up to you what you have in your profile.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I didn't state it in my profile at first but would tell potential meets. I started to get shit about not being up front in my profile so I recently changed it

If people give you shit, report them. It's up to you what you have in your profile.

That's true.. Anything for a peaceful fab life though

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I didn't state it in my profile at first but would tell potential meets. I started to get shit about not being up front in my profile so I recently changed it

If people give you shit, report them. It's up to you what you have in your profile.

That's true.. Anything for a peaceful fab life though

You must be an angel.

Sod the peaceful life! I'll do what the fuck I like.

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

"I didn't state it in my profile at first but would tell potential meets. I started to get shit about not being up front in my profile so I recently changed it

If people give you shit, report them. It's up to you what you have in your profile.

That's true.. Anything for a peaceful fab life though

You must be an angel.

Sod the peaceful life! I'll do what the fuck I like.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I prefer to no before hand doesn't mean I will discount them straight away but does mean I can then make an informed choice. Sometimes you can be chatting to a petencial meet for a while and then they say something off putting so you pass them by. Having been married myself whilst playing on fab and now being separated I like to think I'm quite understanding about other people's situations x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If you're married and on here is it better to let people know on your profile or is it better to conveniently forget about it and hide it from full view? "

OP, you know the answer to that question.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"If you're married and on here is it better to let people know on your profile or is it better to conveniently forget about it and hide it from full view?

OP, you know the answer to that question."

Well yes I know it from my own personal perspective which is why it clearly states it on my profile... Just want other people's opinions

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If you're married and on here is it better to let people know on your profile or is it better to conveniently forget about it and hide it from full view?

OP, you know the answer to that question.

Well yes I know it from my own personal perspective which is why it clearly states it on my profile... Just want other people's opinions

Yes and it is best that way. Carry on.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's best to be upfront, whether that's via your profile or in the 1st message.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

as a married guy on here just a little thankyou to all those who took a more balanced/tolerant/understanding stance on this issue.....makes a welcome change from the knee jerk...hang em/flog em predictable reaction i have been on the recieving end of....from people who do not know me/spoken to me let alone met me or know anything of my circumstances....a breath of fresh air..thanks

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'd think the person who really needs to know is your wife.

followed by anyone thinking of playing with you so they can make an informed choice. "

For goodness sake

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By *bsinthe_boyMan
over a year ago

Luton

"I'd think the person who really needs to know is your wife.

followed by anyone thinking of playing with you so they can make an informed choice.

Or husband, (since gay marriage is now a legitimate thing)

Mea culpa. OP could be married to another man.

I'm waiting to be allowed to marry multiple people.

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By *bsinthe_boyMan
over a year ago

Luton

"I'd think the person who really needs to know is your wife.

followed by anyone thinking of playing with you so they can make an informed choice.

For goodness sake

Please enlighten me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's best to be upfront, whether that's via your profile or in the 1st message."

It's there on my profile and so far it seems to be frightening everyone away good & proper.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 17/03/16 21:33:49]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've had messages from numpties on here checking I'm not cheating. You've got to question how things are going with your life if you spend your time like that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I prefer honesty on the profile I can then avoid the person sorry just an opinion

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm very honest about being married. If a lady chooses not to take things further I respect that she's made a choice having the facts to do so.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm honest. It's on my profile so people can decide to message or not

I even explain the reason why although I don't have too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"For me personally, I'd rather know from the outset. You can then make an informed decision. Hiding it - is unfair on those who may meet you.

Sarah "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'd think the person who really needs to know is your wife.

followed by anyone thinking of playing with you so they can make an informed choice.

For goodness sake

Please enlighten me."

I could go on but why should he tell his wife if he doesn't want her to know? Do you think that would make her feel better? Or does it make you feel better making sanctimonious comments?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'd think the person who really needs to know is your wife.

followed by anyone thinking of playing with you so they can make an informed choice.

For goodness sake

Please enlighten me.

I could go on but why should he tell his wife if he doesn't want her to know? Do you think that would make her feel better? Or does it make you feel better making sanctimonious comments?"

I'm thinking it's the last option....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's best to be upfront, whether that's via your profile or in the 1st message.

It's there on my profile and so far it seems to be frightening everyone away good & proper."

Yep it may do but at least you're being straight with them.

There are lots of successful married guys on here, you just have to find your niche.

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By *bsinthe_boyMan
over a year ago

Luton

"I'd think the person who really needs to know is your wife.

followed by anyone thinking of playing with you so they can make an informed choice.

For goodness sake

Please enlighten me.

I could go on but why should he tell his wife if he doesn't want her to know? Do you think that would make her feel better? Or does it make you feel better making sanctimonious comments?"

no, not at all.

I have seem the damage cheating does even when one partner doesn't know or isn't sure....the furtive texting, late nights at the office or "drinks with a colleague". All take their little tolls on a relationship. "What they didn't know isn't hurting them" does not hold true.

I have also been swinging long enough to remember a time when these sites were not full of people looking for a bit extra without hubby or wifey knowing.

So I hold that the person who really ought to know is the partner followed by anyone thinking of playing so they can make their choice.

if that is sanctimonious then so be it. I wager a fair few agree with me. Cheating is not swinging.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'd think the person who really needs to know is your wife.

followed by anyone thinking of playing with you so they can make an informed choice.

For goodness sake

Please enlighten me.

I could go on but why should he tell his wife if he doesn't want her to know? Do you think that would make her feel better? Or does it make you feel better making sanctimonious comments?

no, not at all.

I have also been swinging long enough to remember a time when these sites were not full of people looking for a bit extra without hubby or wifey knowing.

So I hold that the person who really ought to know is the partner followed by anyone thinking of playing so they can make their choice.

if that is sanctimonious then so be it. I wager a fair few agree with me. Cheating is not swinging. "

Who says it is? But do you have no secrets? Do you think your wife has none? Did you even read the Op's profile?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I didn't state it in my profile at first but would tell potential meets. I started to get shit about not being up front in my profile so I recently changed it

If people give you shit, report them. It's up to you what you have in your profile.

That's true.. Anything for a peaceful fab life though

You must be an angel.

Sod the peaceful life! I'll do what the fuck I like.

I like your thinking xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have also been swinging long enough to remember a time when these sites were not full of people looking for a bit extra without hubby or wifey knowing. "

See this comment alone to me feels sanctimonious, swinging smugness.

You do know this site comes up in search engines under a number of criterias including nsa sex?

And I would make a guess like there is today, back in the 'good ole days' that one half of the Couple was messaging without the others consent & Singles who weren't 100% single.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's best to be upfront, whether that's via your profile or in the 1st message."

this exactly. I can decide for myself if I want to take it further.

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By *bsinthe_boyMan
over a year ago

Luton

Who says it is? But do you have no secrets? Do you think your wife has none?"

my wife and I genuinely have no secrets other than when we organise a surprise for one another. Seems healthy to us and our partners.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

as i always say on these threads - you will never know for sure -

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By *ivemeyoursoulWoman
over a year ago

Easter just around the corner!

Let people know on your profile,then you don't have the absolute fear of what will happen if they find out.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Who says it is? But do you have no secrets? Do you think your wife has none? Did you even read the Op's profile?"

I could add so much more to my profile, a lot of details that in my mind at least justify me being on Fab, but there just isn't room and people wouldn't read. My profile has just the things I think people should know, the important bits that will help people make the instant yes or no choice, I don't want to suck people in and then hit them with "I'm married" somewhere down the line.

Also I'm not actively seeking meets, I don't message people randomly except with the very occasional witty comment (well I think it's witty, those receiving it might think I'm a dick) on their status. I'm here to read, look and learn and if I catch someone's eye then so be it. I've turned down every approach that's been made so far, just because.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Who says it is? But do you have no secrets? Do you think your wife has none?

my wife and I genuinely have no secrets other than when we organise a surprise for one another. Seems healthy to us and our partners. "

Yeah ok. And if what the Op is doing isn't swinging what makes you think that what you do, ie meet people on your own is swinging? I would disagree and so I'm sure would plenty of others

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Honesty is the best policy...The feeling of being deceived pretty awful

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By *bsinthe_boyMan
over a year ago

Luton

Who says it is? But do you have no secrets? Do you think your wife has none?

my wife and I genuinely have no secrets other than when we organise a surprise for one another. Seems healthy to us and our partners.

Yeah ok. And if what the Op is doing isn't swinging what makes you think that what you do, ie meet people on your own is swinging? I would disagree and so I'm sure would plenty of others"

checking the first two definitions thrown up by Google. ..

"A lifestyle of non-monogamy where sexual relations occur outside ab established couple"

"Non-monogamous behaviour where both singles and partners in a committed relationship engage in sexual activity with others".

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Who says it is? But do you have no secrets? Do you think your wife has none?

my wife and I genuinely have no secrets other than when we organise a surprise for one another. Seems healthy to us and our partners.

Yeah ok. And if what the Op is doing isn't swinging what makes you think that what you do, ie meet people on your own is swinging? I would disagree and so I'm sure would plenty of others

checking the first two definitions thrown up by Google. ..

"A lifestyle of non-monogamy where sexual relations occur outside ab established couple"

"Non-monogamous behaviour where both singles and partners in a committed relationship engage in sexual activity with others".

Ok so then what he is doing is covered by the first definition.

And with your wealth of and years of experience have you never seen the damage that can be caused by open relationships?

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By *bsinthe_boyMan
over a year ago

Luton

In my 13 years on the swinging/party scene, 6 years on the poly scene including running national conferences on non-monogamy and two monthly meetups, I have only heard of problems within open relationships where the partners feel unable to be honest with each other and to communicate effectively.

In my experience honesty and open communication are the best. Otherwise somebody is always being hurt.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"In my 13 years on the swinging/party scene, 6 years on the poly scene including running national conferences on non-monogamy and two monthly meetups, I have only heard of problems within open relationships where the partners feel unable to be honest with each other and to communicate effectively.

In my experience honesty and open communication are the best. Otherwise somebody is always being hurt."

So are the people within open relationships who feel unable to be honest with each other swinging?

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By *bsinthe_boyMan
over a year ago

Luton

Not if one or both is hiding sexual activity from their partner. It's not swinging because one of the people involved has not consented and is being deceived.

I have only witnessed or heard of people in open (or monogamous for that matter) relationships being hurt when things are being hidden and people being deceived. When you're sat in a room with 120 people discussing the pros and cons of opening relationships the one thing that comes up time and time again is open communication. That and Google Calendar.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I always tell someone I'm chatting to if it looks like a meet may be on the cards.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Not if one or both is hiding sexual activity from their partner. It's not swinging because one of the people involved has not consented and is being deceived.

Where in the definitions of swinging that you provided above does it say that if you are hiding sexual activity from a partner then it is not swinging? You are just giving personal opinions aren't you?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 18/03/16 12:08:47]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If you're married and on here is it better to let people know on your profile or is it better to conveniently forget about it and hide it from full view? "

Best to be honest,personally i would hate to add to anyone elses misery

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By *inaTitzTV/TS
over a year ago

Titz Towers, North Notts

I used to have the fact that I'm married and she knows all about this and I am fully in the clear to play and glam up, and that she isn't involved at all in this, etc

However, I received loads of messages that still asked if she'd watch, do their make up, would she change her mind if she saw their cock and so on. In the end, as it made no material difference, I deleted that bit.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"But if you'd rather no tell, fair enough but avoid putting picture of you with your wedding ring on

That's if you wear one!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"But if you'd rather no tell, fair enough but avoid putting picture of you with your wedding ring on

That's if you wear one!

Blimey, not another one who shouldn't be on here, spoiling the site for all the 'honest' 'swingers'

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 18/03/16 18:34:49]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"But if you'd rather no tell, fair enough but avoid putting picture of you with your wedding ring on

That's if you wear one!

Blimey, not another one who shouldn't be on here, spoiling the site for all the 'honest' 'swingers'

Yawn

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By *anky_PankyWoman
over a year ago

Filthy Fuckeryville

My status is clear on my profile so people can make their own decisions

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"For me personally, I'd rather know from the outset. You can then make an informed decision. Hiding it - is unfair on those who may meet you.

Sarah "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"But if you'd rather no tell, fair enough but avoid putting picture of you with your wedding ring on

That's if you wear one!

Blimey, not another one who shouldn't be on here, spoiling the site for all the 'honest' 'swingers'

Yawn

Yawn? I"m on your side x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I used to have the fact that I'm married and she knows all about this and I am fully in the clear to play and glam up, and that she isn't involved at all in this, etc

Wow I didn't know that about you Tina! Every day's a school day! Xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I see profiles saying no married guys so I would just respect that however I don't see why you need to disclose you're personal stuff well unless health related of course because this is not a dating site

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My status is clear on my profile so people can make their own decisions

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"But if you'd rather no tell, fair enough but avoid putting picture of you with your wedding ring on

That's if you wear one!

Blimey, not another one who shouldn't be on here, spoiling the site for all the 'honest' 'swingers'

Yawn

Yawn? I"m on your side x"

Very sorry I read it wrong X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You are not beholden to anyone on this site.

Do what you like. If you dont want to confess to being married then dont, you dont have to tell anyone that you play with that you are either.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"But if you'd rather no tell, fair enough but avoid putting picture of you with your wedding ring on

That's if you wear one!

Blimey, not another one who shouldn't be on here, spoiling the site for all the 'honest' 'swingers'

Yawn

Yawn? I"m on your side x

Very sorry I read it wrong X "

Thought so, ok good luck xx

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