FabSwingers.com forum: Dating...

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Dont think ive ever had a proper relationship or one that was real.. had a few online things, but looking back they were all doomed to fail

Was chatting to my friends and they asked me about it as i dont really talk about men and who i fancy.. i came out with 'Id certainly not date anyone i know now'

They were really surprised.. My logic is that if i dont appeal to a guy now then he wouldnt deserve my love if i were to lose weight. Im still the same person and ive been here all along.

Would you agree with my friends that im daft or can you see where im coming from?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think the heart wants what the heart wants and until your heart tells you what that is..... no amount of well intended advice can give you the right answer......

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By *lik and PaulCouple
over a year ago

cahoots

For me a relationship is about the person and, as you say, you are that person now so I can see your point. I guess it would be a similar situation if someone was interested in wealth...didn't want to know until the lottery win dropped in.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I completely agree!!!! If a man didn't want me the size I was and then paid attention once I'd lost weight - no way

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By *ikeC81Man
over a year ago

harrow

There is no single females that I know that I would have a realationship so for me I am happy just chilling

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

I've been single for 10 years and can honestly say I wouldn't date anyone I know now, but not because I feel I have to change to attract attention. They're all nice guys but I just don't fancy them either.

I am living evidence of the fallacy that 'love will find you when you least expect it'.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I do understand that physical appearence plays a part in relationships as its essential to be physically attracted to someone, but over times looks can fade and what keeps people bonded together is the personality.

I wouldnt date someone i wasnt attracted too. But i stand by that id think it would be odd for me to date someone ive known for ages knowing they only now like me because i look different..

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By *aucy tiggerWoman
over a year ago

Back where I belong

"I think the heart wants what the heart wants and until your heart tells you what that is..... no amount of well intended advice can give you the right answer......

This is so true, wise words indeed xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've never had a proper date, I met my ex in a nightclub when I was 17 and was with him almost 10 years and been single the last 6 years. Have no idea what to do when it comes to real life interaction and expressing interest. Online you already know that they are single and open to wanting to meet someone so all you need to do is send them a message. For the first time in 6 years I've spotted someone that makes me get butterflies when I see him but he's 35 and handsome so chances are he's already been snapped up, would love to ask him out but I think a face to face rejection would be horrible!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

oh im not lookin for 'LURVE' im perfectly content with my life right now. Im selfish and concentrating on my health and changing myself for the better.

Im open to it that one day, when the time is right. Guess im approaching 30 and friends are all in long term relationships/settling down or getting married

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By *ssexcokMan
over a year ago

southend

"I do understand that physical appearence plays a part in relationships as its essential to be physically attracted to someone, but over times looks can fade and what keeps people bonded together is the personality.

I wouldnt date someone i wasnt attracted too. But i stand by that id think it would be odd for me to date someone ive known for ages knowing they only now like me because i look different.. "

same here relationships have never worked out for me an u get to the point where u dont bother any more think you just need to meet new people

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I've never had a proper date, I met my ex in a nightclub when I was 17 and was with him almost 10 years and been single the last 6 years. Have no idea what to do when it comes to real life interaction and expressing interest. Online you already know that they are single and open to wanting to meet someone so all you need to do is send them a message. For the first time in 6 years I've spotted someone that makes me get butterflies when I see him but he's 35 and handsome so chances are he's already been snapped up, would love to ask him out but I think a face to face rejection would be horrible!"

Men have the ability to say no? Since when?! lol

Jokes aside,, go for it, if the answer were to be 'no sorry' your no worse off now by simply not asking xx

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

Dating can be complex and complicated at times, I had a date last night with a lovely guy one that off the cuff I wouldn't say I'm attracted to but the attraction was soon there as the evening went on.

I would say cute concentrate on yourself still acheive your goals first then maybe it will all fall into place. Don't rush it and certainly don't be rushed into anything by your friends.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I understand you totally

A few years ago now I lost just over 7stone

I was about a size 22/24 when I started and I went down to a size 12 (I have since put some back on)

I used to 'swing' and go to club when I was a size 22/24 and made a lot of friends none of which though had any interest in having sex with me, which was fine I want to stress I'm not complaining about that

I stopped going to clubs for a while as my confidence was quite low due to my size and the fact I got little action probably due to a mixture of my size and lack of confidence

The next time I went back I was over 7stone lighter the amount of guys that was coming into me who I had known for years and had never shown any interest in me before, lots even made it quite clear when talking to me in the past we were just friends, i guess incase i though their talking to me ment they fancied me in my desperate mind

, was unreal but I just couldn't play with any

Now I know it's their rights to not want to play with a size 22 ish women but want to play with size 12 one and I fully understand and accept that but it was also my rights to say no to anybody who came onto me now who didn't like me then

What makes me laugh more than anything are the amount of people who say personality is more important when it quite clearly isn't as I was the same person then as I was before

On the childish side it did feel good turning down guys who thought now I was good enough for them I couldn't possibly refuse

I do understand what you mean though, the way people act towards you sometimes when your big does make you feel shit so why would you want them when you have lost weight just because they now deem you good enough for them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Whilst I agree in theory I also think that you can know someone for a long time and attraction can develop.

Different life experiences shape and change us so as time goes people change.

If that's your appearance or simply your perspective so I wouldn't rule anyone out based on how I feel or what I look like.

You never know perhaps someone you know already is simply waiting for the right moment

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

I've never had an issue with my size and dating but certainly wouldn't entertain a guy who didn't like me when fat if I was ever to be slim.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I understand you totally

A few years ago now I lost just over 7stone

I was about a size 22/24 when I started and I went down to a size 12 (I have since put some back on)

I stopped going to clubs for a while as my confidence was quite low due to my size and the fact I got little action probably due to a mixture of my size and lack of confidence

, was unreal but I just couldn't play with any

What makes me laugh more than anything are the amount of people who say personality is more important when it quite clearly isn't as I was the same person then as I was before

On the childish side it did feel good turning down guys who thought now I was good enough for them I couldn't possibly refuse

No one has made me feel shit which im thankful for. I look at people and think 'your only with her cos she looks like a trophy' .. when i know her personality is just horrible.

Im know looks impact peoples perception of others and for attraction they count.

Think im bitter that others are blessed with gorgeous bodys and i dont have one yet..

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

SW1A1AA

Ah sassy, something i have personal experience off. I cant type properly on my phone will get my tablet in a minute

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" Think im bitter that others are blessed with gorgeous bodys and i dont have one yet.. "

I guess that's what I mean by making you feel shit

Sometimes people make us feel bad without meaning to and that's down to how we feel about ourselves really

There are lots of people that feel like you, even people who we look at and see as perfect have their insecurities

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

" Think im bitter that others are blessed with gorgeous bodys and i dont have one yet..

I guess that's what I mean by making you feel shit

Sometimes people make us feel bad without meaning to and that's down to how we feel about ourselves really

There are lots of people that feel like you, even people who we look at and see as perfect have their insecurities "

Yeah i understand now

Im an odd ball as i have bucket loads of confidence with people i know who see me day in day out etc..

I just get anxiety with people ive chatted to online, made bonds then they suggest meeting. I freeze totally .

I can meet a stranger for the first time if we've never spoken. Think its me worrying about a person who has pre concieved ideas of what i should be/am..

Yeah,, im odd :D

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Can see where you're coming from. But in the past there's been friends I developed feelings for after a period of time.

So I don't think it has to be instantaneous. And that may not be to do with looks changing, I.e. losing weight.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Can see where you're coming from. But in the past there's been friends I developed feelings for after a period of time.

So I don't think it has to be instantaneous. And that may not be to do with looks changing, I.e. losing weight.

Ive been in this small town 10 years now.. lol

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

I wouldnt date someone i wasnt attracted too. But i stand by that id think it would be odd for me to date someone ive known for ages knowing they only now like me because i look different.. "

Like, yes, I would agree, if someone was dismissive or rude they would not get a second chance. But someone who likes you as a friend now could become more attracted as you change and I would not hold that against them, the chemistry of attraction is a complex thing and not really in our control.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

SW1A1AA

Right, I'm obviously not looking to date but.

When my weight loss became extremely noticeable I had guys on here and I'd not heard of for years come out the woodwork I pissed them off as I knew there was only one reason they where attracted to me.

There was also a guy who I'd always liked that I'd met and while friendly had shown no sexual interest but passed the odd message, I put a picture up one day and straight away his tone of messages changed. I've been seeing him quite awhile now. There are guys that I attract now who never in a million years would have messaged me before. Then there are the guys I've always seen no matter of my size.

Now I have a friend who Ive known about 15 years way before fab. He gave me a really long speech about how he always knew I was a sexy confident woman and now the rest of the world can see it.

Just remember when you lose a vast amount of weight it changes you, not just your physical shape, I thought I was confident and happy but I certainly wasn't how I am now, your over all look will change, the clothes you wear, the way you do your hair, the confidence to do the stuff you didn't do before. You won't just have lost the weight but your whole outlook and that is what they be attracted to.

I just started seeing a new guy and after a couple of times I showed him an old picture and he couldn't believe it.

You will be attracting different people to who you attract now. And while I hold with what you say just be careful to not cut your nose of to spite your face.

I'm lucky as I already had jay but I can assure you our relationship had a few problems with me losing weight only minor ones which where easily overcome.

But your not going to go from 30stone to something much less without your whole life changing, where not talking a couple of stone here and it takes some bloody getting used to i still have a couple of problems but I'm at the point now I'm embarrassing it

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By *jj46Man
over a year ago

rhyl

"I understand you totally

A few years ago now I lost just over 7stone

I was about a size 22/24 when I started and I went down to a size 12 (I have since put some back on)

I stopped going to clubs for a while as my confidence was quite low due to my size and the fact I got little action probably due to a mixture of my size and lack of confidence

, was unreal but I just couldn't play with any

What makes me laugh more than anything are the amount of people who say personality is more important when it quite clearly isn't as I was the same person then as I was before

On the childish side it did feel good turning down guys who thought now I was good enough for them I couldn't possibly refuse

"
I just looked at your pics you look great big thumbs up from me my ex wife was 16 /18 and it's more to do with connections you have with people

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

SW1A1AA

Embrassing lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Right, I'm obviously not looking to date but.

Now I have a friend who Ive known about 15 years way before fab. He gave me a really long speech about how he always knew I was a sexy confident woman and now the rest of the world can see it.

I just started seeing a new guy and after a couple of times I showed him an old picture and he couldn't believe it.

You will be attracting different people to who you attract now. And while I hold with what you say just be careful to not cut your nose of to spite your face.

I'm lucky as I already had jay but I can assure you our relationship had a few problems with me losing weight only minor ones which where easily overcome.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can see where you're coming from OP. However...

Would someone be attracted to a moody 20st woman generally pissed off because she hates her weight and hates being on a diet?

Would someone be attracted to a happy 10st woman who is positive and pleased that she lost 10st and isn't on a diet?

That's the same woman but at different times of her life. I wouldn't blame anyone for not wanting to date the first woman.

This is a general example, not about you OP. x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I can see where you're coming from OP. However...

Would someone be attracted to a moody 20st woman generally pissed off because she hates her weight and hates being on a diet?

Would someone be attracted to a happy 10st woman who is positive and pleased that she lost 10st and isn't on a diet?

That's the same woman but at different times of her life. I wouldn't blame anyone for not wanting to date the first woman.

This is a general example, not about you OP. x"

I do think besides whether your moody or not most guys will just be more attracted to the 10 stone women, most guys would want to get to know the 10 stone women to know if she's happy, pissed off, on a diet or not

Generally while walking down the street, personality and confidence aside a 10 stone women will turn more heads then a 20 stone one

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Dont think ive ever had a proper relationship or one that was real.. had a few online things, but looking back they were all doomed to fail

Was chatting to my friends and they asked me about it as i dont really talk about men and who i fancy.. i came out with 'Id certainly not date anyone i know now'

They were really surprised.. My logic is that if i dont appeal to a guy now then he wouldnt deserve my love if i were to lose weight. Im still the same person and ive been here all along.

Would you agree with my friends that im daft or can you see where im coming from? "
people say you'll know and that's true when you meet him you'll know him

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I can see where you're coming from OP. However...

Would someone be attracted to a moody 20st woman generally pissed off because she hates her weight and hates being on a diet?

Would someone be attracted to a happy 10st woman who is positive and pleased that she lost 10st and isn't on a diet?

That's the same woman but at different times of her life. I wouldn't blame anyone for not wanting to date the first woman.

This is a general example, not about you OP. x

Generally while walking down the street, personality and confidence aside a 10 stone women will turn more heads then a 20 stone one

True. But some 20st women are stunning. Some 10st women aren't.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

SW1A1AA

I've just put an old picture up and it will be interesting how many messages saying I looked better then

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Right, I'm obviously not looking to date but.

Now I have a friend who Ive known about 15 years way before fab. He gave me a really long speech about how he always knew I was a sexy confident woman and now the rest of the world can see it.

I just started seeing a new guy and after a couple of times I showed him an old picture and he couldn't believe it.

You will be attracting different people to who you attract now. And while I hold with what you say just be careful to not cut your nose of to spite your face.

I'm lucky as I already had jay but I can assure you our relationship had a few problems with me losing weight only minor ones which where easily overcome.

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By *jj46Man
over a year ago

rhyl

" Think im bitter that others are blessed with gorgeous bodys and i dont have one yet..

I guess that's what I mean by making you feel shit

Sometimes people make us feel bad without meaning to and that's down to how we feel about ourselves really

There are lots of people that feel like you, even people who we look at and see as perfect have their insecurities "
my ex wife was 16/18 she was insecure about her body but still loved her at the time .she left me fir a fat guy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 13/03/16 11:28:31]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I know a lady who was a large lass, lost nearly half of her body weight now guys throw themselves at her which generates it's only problems as the majority are a)only after one thing 2)wankers

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If they were mean or rude no. But if they were always fine but werent physically attracted to you yes i would not that im dating. Like diamond says its not just your physical side that will change.

Dating is more than physical but its usially a physical attraction that gets it started lets me honest.

Best of luck to you lovely i think you are very pretty and come across as a bubbly fun personality

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

SW1A1AA

"I know a lady who was a large lass, lost nearly half of her body weight now guys throw themselves at her which generates it's only problems as the majority are a)only after one thing 2)wankers"
what a load of bollocks it just means on first impressions these guys are more physically attracted to her now. If they where only after one thing they would be throwing themselves at her no matter what size she was

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Do any of the guys you know appeal to you right now though?

Maybe it's not a weight related issue for them it could be familiarity, sometimes it takes a while to see others in a new light.

I would imagine if you're feeling better yourself (re your current fitness regime) you'll project that onto people you know / meet.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Op I've been on this site on and off for a few years now, and you have always been one of the stand out profiles, you have always been attractive, and might it be that guys you know now, might be attracted to you, but feel like they aren't good enough for you or feel a little intimidated?

Some guys are like that you know, not me obviously, I'm a dish lol.

I list a lot if weight a few years ago, 11 stone in total.

And the way women responded to me made me think, oh ok, its just physical, but someone said to me that maybe it was a change in me that had happened due to the weight loss

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Do any of the guys you know appeal to you right now though?

Maybe it's not a weight related issue for them it could be familiarity, sometimes it takes a while to see others in a new light.

I would imagine if you're feeling better yourself (re your current fitness regime) you'll project that onto people you know / meet."

Good point, ive never really moved in their circles.. and cant think of anyone specific ive admired from a distance.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Op I've been on this site on and off for a few years now, and you have always been one of the stand out profiles, you have always been attractive, and might it be that guys you know now, might be attracted to you, but feel like they aren't good enough for you or feel a little intimidated?

Some guys are like that you know, not me obviously, I'm a dish lol.

I list a lot if weight a few years ago, 11 stone in total.

And the way women responded to me made me think, oh ok, its just physical, but someone said to me that maybe it was a change in me that had happened due to the weight loss"

I guess now im thinking about it more.. i guess i have felt 'not up to standard' or 'out of a persons league' and just given up looking or shown interest.

As Diamonds and others have pointed out im going to change massively and it wont just be physical.

In a few years id like to think i could be at peace with myself and ready to settle.. but now its about me making those changes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 13/03/16 15:51:58]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think it's unfair to assume someone is shallow for not finding someone largely overweight attractive. It doesn't emanate self love itself, it's unreasonable to expect someone else to see past it.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

Crumpet Castle

"Dont think ive ever had a proper relationship or one that was real.. had a few online things, but looking back they were all doomed to fail

Was chatting to my friends and they asked me about it as i dont really talk about men and who i fancy.. i came out with 'Id certainly not date anyone i know now'

They were really surprised.. My logic is that if i dont appeal to a guy now then he wouldnt deserve my love if i were to lose weight. Im still the same person and ive been here all along.

Would you agree with my friends that im daft or can you see where im coming from? "

I disagree totally with what you are saying. I do follow your logic and I do believe that we should be loved for the person we are rather than the person people think we are when they have judged us by our exteriors.

BUT. HOWEVERRRRR n all that stuff.

Sexual attraction is visual in the first instances. It then deepens or fades through flirting , laughter etc.

That can only happen through instant physical attraction if the way someone looks renders them sexually unattractive or simply changes their demeanor to introvert, low self esteem , lacking confidence .. no one can get to know them and get attached.

The only way your type of relationship is going to work is if you meet someone and have a platonic / friends thing going on for some time and then they think .... jesus she's a lovely girl I think I'll take her on for life.

I prefer the beautiful instant attraction stuff.... it's easier. We beautiful people don't have such dilemmas to deal with we are too busy being admired , fucked and loved. ( tongue firmly in cheek for the lynching brigade - who don't have a rope long enough in any case. )

I meant the first three paragraphs tho.

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By *iamondjoeMan
over a year ago

Glastonbury

I'm not very good at dates.

The last one I went on ended up in a 4some

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By *igeiaWoman
over a year ago

Bristol

"Dont think ive ever had a proper relationship or one that was real.. had a few online things, but looking back they were all doomed to fail

Was chatting to my friends and they asked me about it as i dont really talk about men and who i fancy.. i came out with 'Id certainly not date anyone i know now'

They were really surprised.. My logic is that if i dont appeal to a guy now then he wouldnt deserve my love if i were to lose weight. Im still the same person and ive been here all along.

Would you agree with my friends that im daft or can you see where im coming from? "

I totally see where you're coming from. I get a lot of first messages from guys commenting on my figure and I never respond. I used to be a size 20/22 so if the first thing someone likes about me is my figure in a few online photos where they can ignore the still wobbly bits then I automatically (rightly or wrongly) assume that they are only interested in me visually and currently. I'm not remotely interested in dating but for me even an NSA meet means there has to be some level of mental attraction rather than purely physical.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

SW1A1AA

Personally sassy i cant wait for you to find that puddle or anyone else who hasnt found it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Dont think ive ever had a proper relationship or one that was real.. had a few online things, but looking back they were all doomed to fail

Was chatting to my friends and they asked me about it as i dont really talk about men and who i fancy.. i came out with 'Id certainly not date anyone i know now'

They were really surprised.. My logic is that if i dont appeal to a guy now then he wouldnt deserve my love if i were to lose weight. Im still the same person and ive been here all along.

Would you agree with my friends that im daft or can you see where im coming from? "

To an extent I agree with you - but then again I don't!! (I reserve the right to do this coz I'm a woman!

)

On one hand I agree that it's your personality that should attract people enough to want to spend time with you - but a lot of us are attracted to a particular body type when it comes to looking for a full (ie including sex) relationship - be that body type large, average or slim!

A lot of people aren't physically attracted to either very large or very thin people - it doesn't make them bad people!

As you lose weight and your face and body change some of the guys you were previously attracted to may start to find you attractive. Personally I don't think that makes them shallow - it just means they find a certain body type attractive and you're now in that range!

If you discount everyone who isn't attracted to larger ladies when you're no longer large yourself then you're limiting yourself quite a lot I think!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Can see where you're coming from. But in the past there's been friends I developed feelings for after a period of time.

So I don't think it has to be instantaneous. And that may not be to do with looks changing, I.e. losing weight.

Ive been in this small town 10 years now.. lol"

Ok yes now I see your point

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

My date last night was with a larger guy I mean he is a big guy and talk with it, now I'm not normally attracted to large guys I prefer stocky guys. I shocked myself most last night that his personality won me over. The same as ex's they never were attracted to larger ladies but for what ever reason was attracted to me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can see where you're coming from, but not particularly from a weight perspective. For me I have never ever been able to be attracted romantically or sexually to someone I was friends with first. Because to me if we're friends first that's because we're meant to be friends, not lovers. I would either get to know someone as a friend and then they would always be a friend, or I would get to know them by dating them, a someone to have a relationship with. Or I won't get to know them as either, and there may well be a good reason for that.

So if someone already knows me but isn't attracted to me - then they're not going to be. Nothing to do with weight, they just either fancy me from the start or they don't.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Dont think ive ever had a proper relationship or one that was real.. had a few online things, but looking back they were all doomed to fail

Was chatting to my friends and they asked me about it as i dont really talk about men and who i fancy.. i came out with 'Id certainly not date anyone i know now'

They were really surprised.. My logic is that if i dont appeal to a guy now then he wouldnt deserve my love if i were to lose weight. Im still the same person and ive been here all along.

Would you agree with my friends that im daft or can you see where im coming from?

To an extent I agree with you - but then again I don't!! (I reserve the right to do this coz I'm a woman!

)

A lot of people aren't physically attracted to either very large or very thin people - it doesn't make them bad people!

If you discount everyone who isn't attracted to larger ladies when you're no longer large yourself then you're limiting yourself quite a lot I think! "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't really find obese guys that attractive right now (despite being in a previous relationship with one once).

If that relationship had been based on looks then it wouldn't have started, but i fell for him once i got to know him and did find him attractive and enjoyed his huge body tbh.

And i've been in other relationships were looks meant nothing coz i did not fancy the guy when we first met. But, weirdly, once you get emotionally involved with someone you do fancy them.

I think relationships based on superficiality aren't gonna go anywhere but i'm single right now so neither does love it seems.

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By *piritsonfabCouple
over a year ago

Nottingham

I'd just point out that personality doesn't always change for the better with weight loss!

A lady at work was quite a bit overweight and she was very friendly, nice and most everyone liked her. She (quietly) went on a major diet and lost a ton of weight. ..changed her hair and clothes etc - and for some strange reason turned into a complete bitch .... I can't understand it.

No one likes her now and she says they're all jealous of her figure

Odd.

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By *etter the devil you knowWoman
over a year ago

Lyndhurst

"I think it's unfair to assume someone is shallow for not finding someone largely overweight attractive. It doesn't emanate self love itself, it's unreasonable to expect someone else to see past it."

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