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Domestic violence

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By *ancscleanguy OP   Man
over a year ago

Preston

It's a horrible complex cruel thing. More often it's men that do it but women also bully their partners. In fact it should be seen as a Man V Women problem.

I know of a few ladies that have been terrorised by their husband. Also a male friend of mine has just split from his narcissistic wife. She still controls him by using their children as weapons. The threat over the children is real and all because he had the nerve to leave her.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

[Removed by poster at 09/03/16 14:00:47]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It's a horrible complex cruel thing. More often it's men that do it but women also bully their partners. In fact it should be seen as a Man V Women problem.

I know of a few ladies that have been terrorised by their husband. Also a male friend of mine has just split from his narcissistic wife. She still controls him by using their children as weapons. The threat over the children is real and all because he had the nerve to leave her."

Statistics are difficult to come by. It might be harder for men to admit to being the victims of domestic violence. It certainly happens so terming it a "man v woman" thing is perhaps unfair. Partner abusing partner might be better (or just abuse, as it can also be mutual)

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire


"It's a horrible complex cruel thing. More often it's men that do it but women also bully their partners. In fact it should be seen as a Man V Women problem.

I know of a few ladies that have been terrorised by their husband. Also a male friend of mine has just split from his narcissistic wife. She still controls him by using their children as weapons. The threat over the children is real and all because he had the nerve to leave her.

Statistics are difficult to come by. It might be harder for men to admit to being the victims of domestic violence. It certainly happens so terming it a "man v woman" thing is perhaps unfair. Partner abusing partner might be better (or just abuse, as it can also be mutual)"
I fully agree i think the term partner abuse would be much better rather than splitting it between the sexes. Abuse doesn't affect one person anymore or less because of their sex

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By *inaTitzTV/TS
over a year ago

Titz Towers, North Notts


"It's a horrible complex cruel thing. More often it's men that do it but women also bully their partners. In fact it should be seen as a Man V Women problem.

I know of a few ladies that have been terrorised by their husband. Also a male friend of mine has just split from his narcissistic wife. She still controls him by using their children as weapons. The threat over the children is real and all because he had the nerve to leave her.

Statistics are difficult to come by. It might be harder for men to admit to being the victims of domestic violence. It certainly happens so terming it a "man v woman" thing is perhaps unfair. Partner abusing partner might be better (or just abuse, as it can also be mutual)I fully agree i think the term partner abuse would be much better rather than splitting it between the sexes. Abuse doesn't affect one person anymore or less because of their sex

"

And there is same sex abuse in some relationships, so partner on partner or just keeping domestic violence as the name makes sense.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sometimes i think people should be more involved in kids lives, especially the kids of abusers, and just give them a good example of self worth so that they don't grow up to become abusers or the abused themselves again.

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By *ancs MinxWoman
over a year ago

Burnley


"It's a horrible complex cruel thing. More often it's men that do it but women also bully their partners. In fact it should be seen as a Man V Women problem.

I know of a few ladies that have been terrorised by their husband. Also a male friend of mine has just split from his narcissistic wife. She still controls him by using their children as weapons. The threat over the children is real and all because he had the nerve to leave her.

Statistics are difficult to come by. It might be harder for men to admit to being the victims of domestic violence. It certainly happens so terming it a "man v woman" thing is perhaps unfair. Partner abusing partner might be better (or just abuse, as it can also be mutual)I fully agree i think the term partner abuse would be much better rather than splitting it between the sexes. Abuse doesn't affect one person anymore or less because of their sex

"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The 2001/02 British Crime Survey (BCS) found that there were an estimated 635,000 incidents of domestic violence in England and Wales. 81% of the victims were women and 19% were men. Domestic violence incidents also made up nearly 22% of all violent incidents reported by participants in the BCS (Home Office, July 2002)

On average, a woman is assaulted 35 times before her first call to the police (Jaffe, 1982)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Interestingly, (well I think so), the founder of the first women's refuges recognised that a large proportion of women who used them were in fact as abusive as the partner they had left or indeed were actually the abuser themselves.

I was the victim of physical and psychological abuse for six years. I understand how difficult it is to break away.

Even harder for men, in my opinion, because if I had fled with my children there was no refuge for me and the police said they would have found me to return the children home. I would then have been advised to take her to court having put myself outside of the house and had little chance of getting my children to safety.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Domestic violence is not reported nearly as much as it happens... And domestic abuse even less. Abuse can be mental or physical and for many it will affect them for the rest of their lives in one way or another.

In someways id say the physical is the easiest part to get over... Sometimes victims spend years being psychologically battered and emotionally crushed... Bruises fade much quicker. It can affect anyone... And there is still a lot of people who suffer in silence.

I think that there should be more help available but recently many of the hostels were closed... And to be fair there has always been very little support out there for guys that are abused. Which isn't fair or right

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It's a horrible complex cruel thing. More often it's men that do it but women also bully their partners. In fact it should be seen as a Man V Women problem.

I know of a few ladies that have been terrorised by their husband. Also a male friend of mine has just split from his narcissistic wife. She still controls him by using their children as weapons. The threat over the children is real and all because he had the nerve to leave her."

and if social services get involved he will be stopped from seeing the kids as it is generally thought if the contact is stopped the Mother stops abusing the children in this way

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"The 2001/02 British Crime Survey (BCS) found that there were an estimated 635,000 incidents of domestic violence in England and Wales. 81% of the victims were women and 19% were men. Domestic violence incidents also made up nearly 22% of all violent incidents reported by participants in the BCS (Home Office, July 2002)

On average, a woman is assaulted 35 times before her first call to the police (Jaffe, 1982)"

The statistics are, of course, estimated which does make it very difficult to produce meaningful results. As I said, it may be more common for women to report incidents than men.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I tried reporting several times to be waved away as there was nothing they could do. Apparently.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire


"Domestic violence is not reported nearly as much as it happens... And domestic abuse even less. Abuse can be mental or physical and for many it will affect them for the rest of their lives in one way or another.

In someways id say the physical is the easiest part to get over... Sometimes victims spend years being psychologically battered and emotionally crushed... Bruises fade much quicker. It can affect anyone... And there is still a lot of people who suffer in silence.

I think that there should be more help available but recently many of the hostels were closed... And to be fair there has always been very little support out there for guys that are abused. Which isn't fair or right

"
couldn't agree more, bruises and bones heal. The mental torture behind it takes far longer

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Many will leave 7 times and go back, before they leave for good. And some never leave - they think it's all they should expect. Its been on the increase in this county recently - I wonder if the recession and more pressure on families is partially to blame. It's a horrid cycle and mental abuse can be just as damaging - but as others said - you cannot see the scars.

Sarah

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Someone will correct me if I'm wrong but I think the law has changed.

When I was in a violent relationship no matter how many times neighbours and witnesses called the police the police couldn't do anything without my say so. And I would never do anything it was always treated as a "domestic" I believe now it wouldn't have been up to me what happened.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Someone will correct me if I'm wrong but I think the law has changed.

When I was in a violent relationship no matter how many times neighbours and witnesses called the police the police couldn't do anything without my say so. And I would never do anything it was always treated as a "domestic" I believe now it wouldn't have been up to me what happened."
that is supposed to be true now and why those that practise bdsm have to be so careful as consensual bruises could be used against people x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Someone will correct me if I'm wrong but I think the law has changed.

When I was in a violent relationship no matter how many times neighbours and witnesses called the police the police couldn't do anything without my say so. And I would never do anything it was always treated as a "domestic" I believe now it wouldn't have been up to me what happened."

The police can arrest the person being violent even if the victim doesn't make a complaint

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon


"Someone will correct me if I'm wrong but I think the law has changed.

When I was in a violent relationship no matter how many times neighbours and witnesses called the police the police couldn't do anything without my say so. And I would never do anything it was always treated as a "domestic" I believe now it wouldn't have been up to me what happened."

They can proceed with victimless prosocutions when there is enough evidence to bring charges when the victim does not want to provide a statement.

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

The rate of same sex DV is rising, also the exculation of weapons are far quicker in same Sex relationships than heterosexual relationships

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By *reelove1969Couple
over a year ago

bristol

What's the point ..? ...a man can hit a woman ...a woman can hit a man h ..and

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

Police have also some what bucked their ideas up in regards to DV since the damning report by Tersea May and gov bringing in Domestic homicides re_iews along with Claire's law.

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By *he-Hosiery-GentMan
over a year ago

Older Hot Bearded Guy

This is an extremely raw subject for me personally, at the moment.

Just very recently I've found out my ex girlfriend was brutally murdered by her estranged partner. Unbeknown to many of you, you will have heard about this.

I'm trying to support her family at this immensely difficult time.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire


"Someone will correct me if I'm wrong but I think the law has changed.

When I was in a violent relationship no matter how many times neighbours and witnesses called the police the police couldn't do anything without my say so. And I would never do anything it was always treated as a "domestic" I believe now it wouldn't have been up to me what happened.

They can proceed with victimless prosocutions when there is enough evidence to bring charges when the victim does not want to provide a statement. "
yes, this is what I've been lead to be!ieve it wasn't the case when it was happening to me

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon


"This is an extremely raw subject for me personally, at the moment.

Just very recently I've found out my ex girlfriend was brutally murdered by her estranged partner. Unbeknown to many of you, you will have heard about this.

I'm trying to support her family at this immensely difficult time.

"

If you need any information or advice feel free to PM...so sorry for your loss and her family.

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon


"Someone will correct me if I'm wrong but I think the law has changed.

When I was in a violent relationship no matter how many times neighbours and witnesses called the police the police couldn't do anything without my say so. And I would never do anything it was always treated as a "domestic" I believe now it wouldn't have been up to me what happened.

They can proceed with victimless prosocutions when there is enough evidence to bring charges when the victim does not want to provide a statement. yes, this is what I've been lead to be!ieve it wasn't the case when it was happening to me"

No sure what era your issues were but it's only recently that police and more proactive. In the 70's-present some police did/do fuck all. When I experienced DV I was with the PPU due to level of risk

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire


"Someone will correct me if I'm wrong but I think the law has changed.

When I was in a violent relationship no matter how many times neighbours and witnesses called the police the police couldn't do anything without my say so. And I would never do anything it was always treated as a "domestic" I believe now it wouldn't have been up to me what happened.

They can proceed with victimless prosocutions when there is enough evidence to bring charges when the victim does not want to provide a statement. yes, this is what I've been lead to be!ieve it wasn't the case when it was happening to me

No sure what era your issues were but it's only recently that police and more proactive. In the 70's-present some police did/do fuck all. When I experienced DV I was with the PPU due to level of risk "
1982-86ish one night he'd come home and beasten me and it wasn't until after I found out Ned told someone in the pub he was going to kill me and they had rang the police. I had no idea the police never came out to see if I was OK, even knowing people had rang beforehand for incidents

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By *reelove1969Couple
over a year ago

bristol

I don't like how things have changed. ..life you are a man and accused your name is threw out there

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon


"Someone will correct me if I'm wrong but I think the law has changed.

When I was in a violent relationship no matter how many times neighbours and witnesses called the police the police couldn't do anything without my say so. And I would never do anything it was always treated as a "domestic" I believe now it wouldn't have been up to me what happened.

They can proceed with victimless prosocutions when there is enough evidence to bring charges when the victim does not want to provide a statement. yes, this is what I've been lead to be!ieve it wasn't the case when it was happening to me

No sure what era your issues were but it's only recently that police and more proactive. In the 70's-present some police did/do fuck all. When I experienced DV I was with the PPU due to level of risk 1982-86ish one night he'd come home and beasten me and it wasn't until after I found out Ned told someone in the pub he was going to kill me and they had rang the police. I had no idea the police never came out to see if I was OK, even knowing people had rang beforehand for incidents

"

The 80's was a shit time for DV victims many police officers felt that it should be kept behind closed doors and that it's a "domestic" sorry you had to go through that though, such an horrific experience.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Also there never used to be places of safety to put you leaving a violent relationship unless you had children and even if you had children it was almost unheard of

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire


"Someone will correct me if I'm wrong but I think the law has changed.

When I was in a violent relationship no matter how many times neighbours and witnesses called the police the police couldn't do anything without my say so. And I would never do anything it was always treated as a "domestic" I believe now it wouldn't have been up to me what happened.

They can proceed with victimless prosocutions when there is enough evidence to bring charges when the victim does not want to provide a statement. yes, this is what I've been lead to be!ieve it wasn't the case when it was happening to me

No sure what era your issues were but it's only recently that police and more proactive. In the 70's-present some police did/do fuck all. When I experienced DV I was with the PPU due to level of risk 1982-86ish one night he'd come home and beasten me and it wasn't until after I found out Ned told someone in the pub he was going to kill me and they had rang the police. I had no idea the police never came out to see if I was OK, even knowing people had rang beforehand for incidents

The 80's was a shit time for DV victims many police officers felt that it should be kept behind closed doors and that it's a "domestic" sorry you had to go through that though, such an horrific experience. "
it's in the past now. I obviously wouldn't tolerate anything now. But back then I was only 17 when it started I was terrified of reporting him there would of been no help even if I had.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Someone will correct me if I'm wrong but I think the law has changed.

When I was in a violent relationship no matter how many times neighbours and witnesses called the police the police couldn't do anything without my say so. And I would never do anything it was always treated as a "domestic" I believe now it wouldn't have been up to me what happened.

They can proceed with victimless prosocutions when there is enough evidence to bring charges when the victim does not want to provide a statement. yes, this is what I've been lead to be!ieve it wasn't the case when it was happening to me"

Well, put yourself in the position of a member of the CPS deciding whether to prosecute. Would you devote resource to a situation where the abused did not agree to give evidence?

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon


"Someone will correct me if I'm wrong but I think the law has changed.

When I was in a violent relationship no matter how many times neighbours and witnesses called the police the police couldn't do anything without my say so. And I would never do anything it was always treated as a "domestic" I believe now it wouldn't have been up to me what happened.

They can proceed with victimless prosocutions when there is enough evidence to bring charges when the victim does not want to provide a statement. yes, this is what I've been lead to be!ieve it wasn't the case when it was happening to me

Well, put yourself in the position of a member of the CPS deciding whether to prosecute. Would you devote resource to a situation where the abused did not agree to give evidence?"

Of course I would, there are many reasons why victims do not give statements due to fear of further violence, witness intimidation by prep's family members etc. Serial DV prep's are getting away with crimes due to the above reasons.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire


"Someone will correct me if I'm wrong but I think the law has changed.

When I was in a violent relationship no matter how many times neighbours and witnesses called the police the police couldn't do anything without my say so. And I would never do anything it was always treated as a "domestic" I believe now it wouldn't have been up to me what happened.

They can proceed with victimless prosocutions when there is enough evidence to bring charges when the victim does not want to provide a statement. yes, this is what I've been lead to be!ieve it wasn't the case when it was happening to me

Well, put yourself in the position of a member of the CPS deciding whether to prosecute. Would you devote resource to a situation where the abused did not agree to give evidence?"
back then I knew they couldn't do anything that's why I never pressed charges. But now I would say it depended on the severity and the history behind it

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire


"Someone will correct me if I'm wrong but I think the law has changed.

When I was in a violent relationship no matter how many times neighbours and witnesses called the police the police couldn't do anything without my say so. And I would never do anything it was always treated as a "domestic" I believe now it wouldn't have been up to me what happened.

They can proceed with victimless prosocutions when there is enough evidence to bring charges when the victim does not want to provide a statement. yes, this is what I've been lead to be!ieve it wasn't the case when it was happening to me

Well, put yourself in the position of a member of the CPS deciding whether to prosecute. Would you devote resource to a situation where the abused did not agree to give evidence?"
you put yourself in the position of a terrified 17 year old who hadn't got a clue what would happen if she pressed charges and wouldn't have any support from anywhere

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By *he-Hosiery-GentMan
over a year ago

Older Hot Bearded Guy

http://www.theguardian.com/uk/2005/dec/10/ukcrime.prisonsandprobation

Please read

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Someone will correct me if I'm wrong but I think the law has changed.

When I was in a violent relationship no matter how many times neighbours and witnesses called the police the police couldn't do anything without my say so. And I would never do anything it was always treated as a "domestic" I believe now it wouldn't have been up to me what happened.

They can proceed with victimless prosocutions when there is enough evidence to bring charges when the victim does not want to provide a statement. yes, this is what I've been lead to be!ieve it wasn't the case when it was happening to me

Well, put yourself in the position of a member of the CPS deciding whether to prosecute. Would you devote resource to a situation where the abused did not agree to give evidence?

Of course I would, there are many reasons why victims do not give statements due to fear of further violence, witness intimidation by prep's family members etc. Serial DV prep's are getting away with crimes due to the above reasons. "

I am afraid that the chances of a successful prosecution when the victim is unwilling to give evidence is very low indeed. Sad that may be. It is reality.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"What's the point ..? ...a man can hit a woman ...a woman can hit a man h ..and"

It shouldn't happen - either way. Especially when children witness it as well.

Sarah

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Someone will correct me if I'm wrong but I think the law has changed.

When I was in a violent relationship no matter how many times neighbours and witnesses called the police the police couldn't do anything without my say so. And I would never do anything it was always treated as a "domestic" I believe now it wouldn't have been up to me what happened.

They can proceed with victimless prosocutions when there is enough evidence to bring charges when the victim does not want to provide a statement. yes, this is what I've been lead to be!ieve it wasn't the case when it was happening to me

Well, put yourself in the position of a member of the CPS deciding whether to prosecute. Would you devote resource to a situation where the abused did not agree to give evidence?you put yourself in the position of a terrified 17 year old who hadn't got a clue what would happen if she pressed charges and wouldn't have any support from anywhere

"

God, no. Dreadful. But if I was in the CPS, without anyone willing to give evidence, what could I do?

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By *ilthy gentleman 4425Man
over a year ago

PONTEFRACT

some women are fuck wits when they use there kids to get at there Ex's when they have split this subject boils my blood....

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire


"Someone will correct me if I'm wrong but I think the law has changed.

When I was in a violent relationship no matter how many times neighbours and witnesses called the police the police couldn't do anything without my say so. And I would never do anything it was always treated as a "domestic" I believe now it wouldn't have been up to me what happened.

They can proceed with victimless prosocutions when there is enough evidence to bring charges when the victim does not want to provide a statement. yes, this is what I've been lead to be!ieve it wasn't the case when it was happening to me

Well, put yourself in the position of a member of the CPS deciding whether to prosecute. Would you devote resource to a situation where the abused did not agree to give evidence?you put yourself in the position of a terrified 17 year old who hadn't got a clue what would happen if she pressed charges and wouldn't have any support from anywhere

God, no. Dreadful. But if I was in the CPS, without anyone willing to give evidence, what could I do?"
OK I tell you what you could do. Or could of done.

You could have had a female officer sit and talk to the young girl. Explain in detail what would happen give her support get a social worker (or such like I was 17) and help her through the process of giving a statement. Only one problem. Absolutly none of that was availableand I have no idea if that is what happens now adays but if it doesn't it bloody well should and I'm only saying female officer as I was a young girl appropriate officer to whoever it is happening to

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By *anchestercubMan
over a year ago

manchester & NI

I was reading in the paper yesterday about a woman who killed her husband, who she'd been abusing. He had a black eye at their wedding.

I'll never understand why people get off on intentional cruelty to others.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Someone will correct me if I'm wrong but I think the law has changed.

When I was in a violent relationship no matter how many times neighbours and witnesses called the police the police couldn't do anything without my say so. And I would never do anything it was always treated as a "domestic" I believe now it wouldn't have been up to me what happened.

They can proceed with victimless prosocutions when there is enough evidence to bring charges when the victim does not want to provide a statement. yes, this is what I've been lead to be!ieve it wasn't the case when it was happening to me

Well, put yourself in the position of a member of the CPS deciding whether to prosecute. Would you devote resource to a situation where the abused did not agree to give evidence?you put yourself in the position of a terrified 17 year old who hadn't got a clue what would happen if she pressed charges and wouldn't have any support from anywhere

God, no. Dreadful. But if I was in the CPS, without anyone willing to give evidence, what could I do?OK I tell you what you could do. Or could of done.

You could have had a female officer sit and talk to the young girl. Explain in detail what would happen give her support get a social worker (or such like I was 17) and help her through the process of giving a statement. Only one problem. Absolutly none of that was availableand I have no idea if that is what happens now adays but if it doesn't it bloody well should and I'm only saying female officer as I was a young girl appropriate officer to whoever it is happening to"

Sorry you had to go through that. I hope procedures are a bit better now. I can't help you with what you faced. I was just looking at in terms of what the CPS face.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire


"Someone will correct me if I'm wrong but I think the law has changed.

When I was in a violent relationship no matter how many times neighbours and witnesses called the police the police couldn't do anything without my say so. And I would never do anything it was always treated as a "domestic" I believe now it wouldn't have been up to me what happened.

They can proceed with victimless prosocutions when there is enough evidence to bring charges when the victim does not want to provide a statement. yes, this is what I've been lead to be!ieve it wasn't the case when it was happening to me

Well, put yourself in the position of a member of the CPS deciding whether to prosecute. Would you devote resource to a situation where the abused did not agree to give evidence?you put yourself in the position of a terrified 17 year old who hadn't got a clue what would happen if she pressed charges and wouldn't have any support from anywhere

God, no. Dreadful. But if I was in the CPS, without anyone willing to give evidence, what could I do?OK I tell you what you could do. Or could of done.

You could have had a female officer sit and talk to the young girl. Explain in detail what would happen give her support get a social worker (or such like I was 17) and help her through the process of giving a statement. Only one problem. Absolutly none of that was availableand I have no idea if that is what happens now adays but if it doesn't it bloody well should and I'm only saying female officer as I was a young girl appropriate officer to whoever it is happening to

Sorry you had to go through that. I hope procedures are a bit better now. I can't help you with what you faced. I was just looking at in terms of what the CPS face."
that's what I'm hoping, I have no emotions attached to what happened to me I delt with it along time ago but it shouldn't of happened and it certainly shouldn't be happening now

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