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"Hubby has a 13 and a 14 year old boys from 1st marriage - ex wife is paranoid about Internet access but not tech savvy (so boys can easily hide it from her) hubby is a Geek and knows where the bodies will be buried on the Internet , and checks what there are up to once in a blue moon, normal teenage stuff of naked girls (one seems to be into Japanese schoolgirls) etc, nothing dodgy, ex wife would be horrified her young Angels have even seen a naked girl, hubby just says he wished he had internet at 14 as was materbating 6 times a day like every other 14 year old, and tells ex-wife everything is fine Questions Do you spy on the kids access And Should he tell the ex-wife ?" No, I don't spy on my children, I respect their privacy. What I do is discuss what they are likely to see on the internet (i.e. anything and everything) and try to give them the tools to make their own judgements about what they see. I also warn them about safety issues, not revealing information to strangers, and being mindful of respect for others when posting online. If the ex-wife can't cope with the idea of furiously masturbating adolescent boys, I can't see any value in telling her tbh. | |||
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"I have just been to a meeting run by Essex Police at the school all about keeping kids safe online...almost wish i hadn't Its very scary what's out there! Most of the problems seem to come from chat rooms. Did you know for instance sickos out there can now remote access your web cam without you knowing it even bypasses the little webcam 'on' light! Be very watchful of them downloading games or even some free films they can have hidden software to enable the cam. The police guy said put a bit of tape over your webcam eye If your school run this meeting i would definitely go." If they can remotely access your cam then they have full access to everything on your computer as well. | |||
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"they're within range of being able to tell what they're up to so i can keep an eye on them that way." That's what hubbys ex-wife does also, but you underestimate teenage boys in the pursuit of porn | |||
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"I don't have kids, but... When I was a kid my parents got me my own laptop and left me to it. I don't think they would have wanted to know what I was touching myself to anyway. I actually find it a bit sad that people are so easily able to spy on their children these days. It's like they can't have a life of their own anymore. But I guess every parent will do what they feel is best for their child. I personally wouldn't tell the ex, either, unless there was something to worry about. -Courtney " As a parent I agree wholeheartedly, not to mention that excessive control simply makes for a more evasive and secretive teen. | |||
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"they're within range of being able to tell what they're up to so i can keep an eye on them that way. That's what hubbys ex-wife does also, but you underestimate teenage boys in the pursuit of porn " My youngest kids don't seem to be interested in porn yet, plus their internet is on a big TV so i can see everything. They mostly play on ps3 and watch youtube videos of pewdiepie and that kind of stuff. But one my older sons did try to watch porn on youtube, he did a search for girls kissing. My oldest son i left him to it really, he was emotionally mature and we could talk about anything that bothered him. | |||
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"I don't have kids, but... When I was a kid my parents got me my own laptop and left me to it. I don't think they would have wanted to know what I was touching myself to anyway. I actually find it a bit sad that people are so easily able to spy on their children these days. It's like they can't have a life of their own anymore. But I guess every parent will do what they feel is best for their child. I personally wouldn't tell the ex, either, unless there was something to worry about. -Courtney As a parent I agree wholeheartedly, not to mention that excessive control simply makes for a more evasive and secretive teen." My kids have no idea I am keeping a watch.. the only time I have no access is when they have been on other wifi... Thing is these days that plenty of things that may seem mundane but can actually land us as parents in trouble if we are unaware. The advice about the webcams... All of my kids with webcams have tape over them. I do on occasion read my teenagers chats.... and check they are not doing or saying anything that can land them in trouble. It isn't a case of spying... its a case of making sure that they are not ending up giving themselves a criminal record. As its not as simple as it was before all this access. | |||
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"My lord how the other half live are we obsessed with spying ,the internet has created a monster " | |||
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"I don't have kids, but... When I was a kid my parents got me my own laptop and left me to it. I don't think they would have wanted to know what I was touching myself to anyway. I actually find it a bit sad that people are so easily able to spy on their children these days. It's like they can't have a life of their own anymore. But I guess every parent will do what they feel is best for their child. I personally wouldn't tell the ex, either, unless there was something to worry about. -Courtney As a parent I agree wholeheartedly, not to mention that excessive control simply makes for a more evasive and secretive teen. My kids have no idea I am keeping a watch.. the only time I have no access is when they have been on other wifi... Thing is these days that plenty of things that may seem mundane but can actually land us as parents in trouble if we are unaware. The advice about the webcams... All of my kids with webcams have tape over them. I do on occasion read my teenagers chats.... and check they are not doing or saying anything that can land them in trouble. It isn't a case of spying... its a case of making sure that they are not ending up giving themselves a criminal record. As its not as simple as it was before all this access. " Plus the internet is great for predators i've noticed. Complete anonymity if you want that and you can be whoever you want to project yourself as. Not great for anyone innocent who wants to make friends or have a girlfriend/boyfriend maybe. | |||
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"I don't have kids, but... When I was a kid my parents got me my own laptop and left me to it. I don't think they would have wanted to know what I was touching myself to anyway. I actually find it a bit sad that people are so easily able to spy on their children these days. It's like they can't have a life of their own anymore. But I guess every parent will do what they feel is best for their child. I personally wouldn't tell the ex, either, unless there was something to worry about. -Courtney As a parent I agree wholeheartedly, not to mention that excessive control simply makes for a more evasive and secretive teen. My kids have no idea I am keeping a watch.. the only time I have no access is when they have been on other wifi... Thing is these days that plenty of things that may seem mundane but can actually land us as parents in trouble if we are unaware. The advice about the webcams... All of my kids with webcams have tape over them. I do on occasion read my teenagers chats.... and check they are not doing or saying anything that can land them in trouble. It isn't a case of spying... its a case of making sure that they are not ending up giving themselves a criminal record. As its not as simple as it was before all this access. " I still personally don't like it. Saying things are different now is just an excuse. I could have committed tons of crimes with my friends without the help of the Internet. And, as I said, I had the Internet and my own laptop and no one checked up on me. I don't have a record to show for it. I believe that we should teach children the right principles and, to an extent, allow them to make their own mistakes. But as I said, each parent has a different style and a different outlook on these things. What is right for you wouldn't be right for someone else, etc. -Courtney | |||
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"I don't think it's a good idea for teenagers to be looking at hardcore porn but that's just my opinion" To me it will be one of the big issues in the next ten years. Arguably it already is. The ability for anyone to access violent porn is concerning | |||
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"I don't think it's a good idea for teenagers to be looking at hardcore porn but that's just my opinion To me it will be one of the big issues in the next ten years. Arguably it already is. The ability for anyone to access violent porn is concerning" I agree the content of some porn is shocking and it's scary to think what affect it is having on some people | |||
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"I think it's a given that lads will look at porn as for the dangers of the internet well that is a different matter. For me growing up we had to get a magazine or a video for porn ha. Its so readily a available now and in fairness some of the music videos these days aren't far off pornographic. Jesus I sound so old " We had friends round for dinner last week, wife commented her oldest (15) seemed to have a runny nose for a long time as uses a box of tissues a week, both hubbys just gave each other the wink | |||
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"I don't have kids, but... When I was a kid my parents got me my own laptop and left me to it. I don't think they would have wanted to know what I was touching myself to anyway. I actually find it a bit sad that people are so easily able to spy on their children these days. It's like they can't have a life of their own anymore. But I guess every parent will do what they feel is best for their child. I personally wouldn't tell the ex, either, unless there was something to worry about. -Courtney As a parent I agree wholeheartedly, not to mention that excessive control simply makes for a more evasive and secretive teen. My kids have no idea I am keeping a watch.. the only time I have no access is when they have been on other wifi... Thing is these days that plenty of things that may seem mundane but can actually land us as parents in trouble if we are unaware. The advice about the webcams... All of my kids with webcams have tape over them. I do on occasion read my teenagers chats.... and check they are not doing or saying anything that can land them in trouble. It isn't a case of spying... its a case of making sure that they are not ending up giving themselves a criminal record. As its not as simple as it was before all this access. I still personally don't like it. Saying things are different now is just an excuse. I could have committed tons of crimes with my friends without the help of the Internet. And, as I said, I had the Internet and my own laptop and no one checked up on me. I don't have a record to show for it. I believe that we should teach children the right principles and, to an extent, allow them to make their own mistakes. But as I said, each parent has a different style and a different outlook on these things. What is right for you wouldn't be right for someone else, etc. -Courtney " So you would be happy for your child to end up arrested and on the register for simply exchanging photos between gf and bf..... As that is on the increase. It was a big issue brought up at a recent interagency meeting. Would you really suddenly want the police raiding your home and checking every thing for indecent images.. and that is what anyone under the age of 18 passing photos to each other.. Even bf and g/f now comes under.. Seems mad... But sadly its true. I look at it the same as my parents would check up to see if I had gone where I said I had. Ie the phone calls to other parents. | |||
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"It's true by proxy kids can be charged for exchanging images even if they are consenting by proxy of them being underage they can and most likely will be charged with a crime. I think it's about having that honest and open conversation with your children when the time is right and being as factual and straight as possible kids do need education about these things. It's a big and hot topic but it seems to be pushed to one side. " Its not like I sit and look at everything... but at random times I will check... and if anything worries me I will bring up something in conversation. My kids are good at talking to me about things... but sometimes no matter what you say.. They will do what they want to do. I would just rather not get any nasty surprises. | |||
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"So you would be happy for your child to end up arrested and on the register for simply exchanging photos between gf and bf..... As that is on the increase. It was a big issue brought up at a recent interagency meeting. Would you really suddenly want the police raiding your home and checking every thing for indecent images.. and that is what anyone under the age of 18 passing photos to each other.. Even bf and g/f now comes under.. Seems mad... But sadly its true. I look at it the same as my parents would check up to see if I had gone where I said I had. Ie the phone calls to other parents." Where did I say I would be happy for my children to be arrested? Please don't devolve the conversation to straw man arguments. When I was a kid, my parent told me what you just said above. I was made aware of these dangers and of what was illegal. And I didn't do any of it because I was made aware of it. If I had kids I would do the same. I wouldn't check their emails and browser history. And as I said, I am not telling anyone they shouldn't do it. Parents do what they feel necessary to protect their children. But I can't help feeling a bit sad that children have lost the ability to have their own lives away from their parent's eye. -Courtney | |||
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"Hubby has a 13 and a 14 year old boys from 1st marriage - ex wife is paranoid about Internet access but not tech savvy (so boys can easily hide it from her) hubby is a Geek and knows where the bodies will be buried on the Internet , and checks what there are up to once in a blue moon, normal teenage stuff of naked girls (one seems to be into Japanese schoolgirls) etc, nothing dodgy, ex wife would be horrified her young Angels have even seen a naked girl, hubby just says he wished he had internet at 14 as was materbating 6 times a day like every other 14 year old, and tells ex-wife everything is fine Questions Do you spy on the kids access And Should he tell the ex-wife ?" i don't think its spy, grooming kids on the Internet is huge and any responsible parent should make sure their kids are safe i dont tell my ex anything to do with my daugher, if he wants to know he can take more of an interest i her so hard for me to comment on that one | |||
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"I don't have kids, but... When I was a kid my parents got me my own laptop and left me to it. I don't think they would have wanted to know what I was touching myself to anyway. I actually find it a bit sad that people are so easily able to spy on their children these days. It's like they can't have a life of their own anymore. But I guess every parent will do what they feel is best for their child. I personally wouldn't tell the ex, either, unless there was something to worry about. -Courtney " its a parents job to protect their kids ok porn is no big deal all teenage boys wank to it but what if they are in chat rooms arranging to meet 13 year old billy for a game of football who turns out to be 57 year old dave with a matress in the back of his van im sorry but it happens though giving kids their privacy is a nice idea we dont live in an ideal world if my teenage daughter was in chat rooms arranging to meet id like to think id taken enough interest in what she was doing to stop it each to their own though and i by no means think my ways the right or only way but i feel its my responsibility to know what shes doing till shes 18 | |||
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"I don't have kids, but... When I was a kid my parents got me my own laptop and left me to it. I don't think they would have wanted to know what I was touching myself to anyway. I actually find it a bit sad that people are so easily able to spy on their children these days. It's like they can't have a life of their own anymore. But I guess every parent will do what they feel is best for their child. I personally wouldn't tell the ex, either, unless there was something to worry about. -Courtney its a parents job to protect their kids ok porn is no big deal all teenage boys wank to it but what if they are in chat rooms arranging to meet 13 year old billy for a game of football who turns out to be 57 year old dave with a matress in the back of his van im sorry but it happens though giving kids their privacy is a nice idea we dont live in an ideal world if my teenage daughter was in chat rooms arranging to meet id like to think id taken enough interest in what she was doing to stop it each to their own though and i by no means think my ways the right or only way but i feel its my responsibility to know what shes doing till shes 18" My parents warned me away from chat rooms and about meeting people from the Internet. They told me the dangers. I acted accordingly. There are different ways of handling things. People who want to check their kids' Internet history can do so. People that would rather use other means can do so. I would use other means. -Courtney | |||
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"It'd be better to openly discuss the dangers of the internet and trust in their ability to use common sense when browsing. I would have been insulted to be spied on by my parents. It would have seemed utterly demeaning and a demonstration that they didn't trust me as a person. " What if you trust their ability to use their common sense and it back fires because it turns out that even after all that talking and warning they didn't use their common sense? Don't get me wrong I don't think checking is the idea solutions but sometimes it's the only way for some kids I have three daughters and my eldest and youngest have always been good kids, very sensible and well behaved I never had any reason to doubt or check on them and they never disappointed my judgement My middle daugher, however was not the same, she was always in trouble and I openly admit I used to check on what she was doing, and often found her with things on her computer and phone that was inappropriate and shouldn't be there If people see that as snooping and controlling I really don't care, I'd sooner be a snooper than have a child in trouble or worse | |||
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"It'd be better to openly discuss the dangers of the internet and trust in their ability to use common sense when browsing. I would have been insulted to be spied on by my parents. It would have seemed utterly demeaning and a demonstration that they didn't trust me as a person. What if you trust their ability to use their common sense and it back fires because it turns out that even after all that talking and warning they didn't use their common sense? Don't get me wrong I don't think checking is the idea solutions but sometimes it's the only way for some kids I have three daughters and my eldest and youngest have always been good kids, very sensible and well behaved I never had any reason to doubt or check on them and they never disappointed my judgement My middle daugher, however was not the same, she was always in trouble and I openly admit I used to check on what she was doing, and often found her with things on her computer and phone that was inappropriate and shouldn't be there If people see that as snooping and controlling I really don't care, I'd sooner be a snooper than have a child in trouble or worse " -- One of the point you make and that i agree with is that you took the action you thought was appropriate for your middle daughter. Both my boys are different in personnality and curiosity. With the youngest i discuss things more in depth and more frequently. At the end of the day, I am their parent and I have to take whatever steps i find necessary to protect them. However, I am also conscious that i cant be there 24/7 that i have to trust them to make the right choices/use common sense. The same that I trust them to look before cross the road safely in a way. | |||
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"Can I just say... Porn gives inexperienced young boys an unrealistic and high expectations of sex... If you aren't going to have adult content filters on.. Or 'spye' on your kids... At least be open and frank about porn and 'real' sex and relationships... All parents do things differently.. And do what they think is best for their children..... No one is right or wrong in this situation... " .. Unrealistic view ** | |||
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"i dont have kids but my sister has an 11 year old boy (and a 4 year old girl but she is not so much of a worry at the moment!). He has an iPhone and an iPad and she has always told him that he has o ldt her know any passwords etc to get onto them and that she will, from time to time, look at what he has been looking at and who he has been chatting to. To be fair he is very sensible. his school have had lots of talks about internet safety and what to do if someone they dont know tries to talk to them etc. as far as the ex is concerned i think your partner needs to think how he would feel if she kept something about his children away from him. ok he hasnt found anything yet but would she really be so upset that he was looking out for the safety of his children?" Just how would he explain her top 5 % in school,13 year old Boy Scout choir boy who is making her a cake for Mother's Day likes looking at Japanese schoolgirls (not really schoolgirls they are over 18) that pee there pants ? Does mum need this information in her life ? | |||
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"i dont have kids but my sister has an 11 year old boy (and a 4 year old girl but she is not so much of a worry at the moment!). He has an iPhone and an iPad and she has always told him that he has o ldt her know any passwords etc to get onto them and that she will, from time to time, look at what he has been looking at and who he has been chatting to. To be fair he is very sensible. his school have had lots of talks about internet safety and what to do if someone they dont know tries to talk to them etc. as far as the ex is concerned i think your partner needs to think how he would feel if she kept something about his children away from him. ok he hasnt found anything yet but would she really be so upset that he was looking out for the safety of his children? Just how would he explain her top 5 % in school,13 year old Boy Scout choir boy who is making her a cake for Mother's Day likes looking at Japanese schoolgirls (not really schoolgirls they are over 18) that pee there pants ? Does mum need this information in her life ?" In your op you said that it was nothing dodgy so if that's the case then don't say anything about what has been found Hut maybe let her know that he has been able to look at what they are looking St etc for safety. If he feels the need he could speak to his son about expectations of porn vs the real world maybe. | |||
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" Just how would he explain her top 5 % in school,13 year old Boy Scout choir boy who is making her a cake for Mother's Day likes looking at Japanese schoolgirls (not really schoolgirls they are over 18) that pee there pants ? Does mum need this information in her life ?" Don't know the woman but give her some credit!!! I know she's an ex and all that!! But surely she knows boys will be boys kinda thing!!! In my opinion it is not about trying to explain. He gives her the facts and discuss with her like she's a person that cares about the well being of her kids. Surely she is also interested in their safety online. How would he feel if she was keeping stuff from him that concerns the safety of the children?? And compromise their safety while in his care?? And she might already know or suspected something. It is not about her or him it is about giving an information so the kids are safe when they are in her care. I am a french speaker so i hope this makes sense. | |||
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