FabSwingers.com forum: Why do we judge?

By *emima_puddlefuck OP Couple
over a year ago

hexham

So i love to play on cam,don't mind being directed,in a directing room.i meet single guys,like being beaten,and have been known to meet without 5 months worth of contact and refernces from their mother.

So judging by the forums i am breaking every swinging rule going.....and people wonder why i have stopped calling myself a swinger

Why are people so quick to judge others?

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By *uro anchorMan
over a year ago

Coventry

"So i love to play on cam,don't mind being directed,in a directing room.i meet single guys,like being beaten,and have been known to meet without 5 months worth of contact and refernces from their mother.

So judging by the forums i am breaking every swinging rule going.....and people wonder why i have stopped calling myself a swinger

Why are people so quick to judge others?"

up to u .. gotta do what u like ur not here for everyone else...

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By *emima_puddlefuck OP Couple
over a year ago

hexham

oh i do, i just get amazed everytime i log in and see another OMG people do this thread!

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By *uro anchorMan
over a year ago

Coventry

"oh i do, i just get amazed everytime i log in and see another OMG people do this thread!"

but u must have limits on things that you would do ?... x

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By *ornwall-maleMan
over a year ago

newquay

everyone is different gem. so will agree with you and some dont. its the human way to disagree with others. you might be taking risks but you know that so thats for you to deal with. if your enjoying youself then your happy. each to their own eh x

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By *ig badMan
over a year ago

Up North :-)

So judging by the forums i am breaking every swinging rule going.....and people wonder why i have stopped calling myself a swinger

Why are people so quick to judge others?"

People always will. Most people have an opinion and some are forceful with their views and things can get over heated in a way they wouldn't if you were with the person. It is often very hard not to bite and sometimes you have to respond which is understandable.

What i do find difficult is the fact a lot of swingers are judgemental of others yet resent main stream society being judgemental against swingers. After all we are not exactly welcomed open armed by the press etc.

I know we all have view points and i am not one for stifling them. I guess its something we will have to live with until admin allow us to amend previous posts that may have been typed in haste or without realiseing others would take offence at them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So judging by the forums i am breaking every swinging rule going.....and people wonder why i have stopped calling myself a swinger

Why are people so quick to judge others?"

Because while judging others, they dont have to look so hard at themselves...

Seriously though, for openminded people sometimes I can despair.. I about got told today that I am a victim.. oh please.. Mmmmmmmm oh can I be..

But seriously... I get up to stuff that would make most people think

but I dont go on about on here...

What I am on here for is the bits you see... I like to play on cam..(although I only go on when Master allows and is watching too) I will if permitted take directing.. I always meet single men.. and have met and played within about an hour of first contact..

Do I care what people think of me... ??? No, because whatever they think I am consistant on my views. I wont push my views on others that my way is the right way, what I will defend to my very last breathe is that it is the right way for me...

If my lifestyle with my Master is wrong then I will happily be wrong for the rest of my days as I have never been so loved, looked after or treasured as I am now..

Its each to their own, but no one can ever really accept that..

I have things that I guess I judge on in some manner.. like I dont meet anyone not white, or bi males.. but its not because I am judging I guess.. its just wrong for me... and I am not about to try just because someone tells me I should.

I am me, take me or leave me.. love me or hate me.. I really do not have enough time in my life to overly worry.

Katie.

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By *ornwall-maleMan
over a year ago

newquay

ah katie we all love you. . . with maters permission of course lol. we all have our own ways and likes etc. its what makes us different. and we all judge in our own way, its human nature. now on with the living lol x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have to admit that the judgemental attitude of folks on here amazes me. God help you if you choose random single men and play within an hour of meeting, if you have too many meets, too many verifications, say you are straight but have a person on your verifications who is bi, say that you are attractive, arent a feminist, put meet requests up and the list goes on - what I always remember is that for all those who are holier than thou and make all these judgements, they're still dropping their knickers for strangers. Do what you want, when you want and stand proud and talk about it and bollox to anyone else

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By *emima_puddlefuck OP Couple
over a year ago

hexham

"I have to admit that the judgemental attitude of folks on here amazes me. God help you if you choose random single men and play within an hour of meeting, if you have too many meets, too many verifications, say you are straight but have a person on your verifications who is bi, say that you are attractive, arent a feminist, put meet requests up and the list goes on - what I always remember is that for all those who are holier than thou and make all these judgements, they're still dropping their knickers for strangers. Do what you want, when you want and stand proud and talk about it and bollox to anyone else"

Ohhh if i wasn't already married,id whisk you away!Totally and utterly well said.

i love my life,and i don't care if other people get off by being whipped with limp celery whilst reciting the American pledge of allegiance.

i often wonder how much fun the holier than thou types are having.....

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By *nvictusMan
over a year ago

Beeston

Well said. How they have enough hours in the day to be so judgemental amazes me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So judging by the forums i am breaking every swinging rule going.....and people wonder why i have stopped calling myself a swinger

Why are people so quick to judge others?"

Think it is just human nature....we all make judgements based on our own moral compass....don't let it get you down. If you are happy doing what you are doing then why worry what others think...just stay safe and have fun

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By *irtyGirlWoman
over a year ago

Edinburgh

Mainly because we can.

People will. We all do it. I guess some of us just know when to keep our gobs shut. What other people do is entirely up to them regardless of what we think about it. You can't help thinking what you think about things though. We're all different and we all have different morals and values. I can't help thinking "wow... I'd never do that" when I read what some people do but if it works for them and they're having fun then that's great. For them. It just doesn't work for me. However, equally people must think the way I do things is a bit odd. That's okay too.

I remember seeing a girl put up a meet on a different site and thinking good for you chick... I'd like to have some of your balls. I don't though so I do what's comfortable for me.

People do all sorts of things that don't sit right with me and I can't deny thinking "ewwwwwwwwwwwww" sometimes but again, I know when to keep my gob shut. Those are their choices, not mine. My choice is to avoid people because of certain things but I wouldn't necessarily voice them.

I'm fairly sure I'll be judged for something I do in the not too distant future but I'm okay with that. I'm doing what's right for me, not for anyone else.

The people who matter won't mind, the people who mind don't matter.

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By *unky monkeyMan
over a year ago

in the night garden

I judge the post above to be correct.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We all do things that other people do not agree with. That is how life is.

As long as we do not hurt anyone else, what has it to do with those who do not agree.

Do as you want, live your life as you see fit.

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By *nvictusMan
over a year ago

Beeston

I'm judging DirtyGirl now...

I'll give her a 10 definitely

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Judgement is essential to our daily lives ......all our senses are designed to discern differences....hot and cold .....red and blue .....true or false...we judge if that water is hot etc..

Its fundamental to this forum ...we judge or discriminate about a thread ...the motives that lie behind the thread ....philantropic or misanthropic...

As we discriminate differences, we make judgements...its the basic function of the mind ....

However the way we judge things can be greatly influenced by factors in our upbringing and or enviroment ....predominantly fear ..and asumptions..beliefs...past experiences...and end up being harmful ...to ourselves and that which were judging ....

That said .....judging which is discernment needs to be balanced in my view, with acceptance .....acceptance of people ..places and things ....will differ from us ....accept that ...accept others will see things differently .....explore differences, without forgetting differenes are part of life ...

OOH er !!! thats me waffling ..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's human nature to need someone else to look down on, that's all really.

There is also some quite stranger - and supposed - cameraderie between swingers as if we are all of one mind. It's this thought that makes us wonder why we judge, after all shouldn't we stick together.

But the reality is most of us have nothing in common with other swingers, and why should we? Just look at the forums, the range of people is the same as the range of people shopping in Tescos!

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By *ondageBabeWoman
over a year ago

bridgend

"Judgement is essential to our daily lives ......all our senses are designed to discern differences....hot and cold .....red and blue .....true or false...we judge if that water is hot etc..

Its fundamental to this forum ...we judge or discriminate about a thread ...the motives that lie behind the thread ....philantropic or misanthropic...

As we discriminate differences, we make judgements...its the basic function of the mind ....

OOH er !!! thats me waffling .."

I judge ya waffles to be well done...er opps said

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's a societal thing. People judge other's to justify their own actions. If they see someone doing something they perceive to be "bad" or "disgusting" or "offensive" then it makes them feel the "bad", "disgusting", "offensive" things they do are less so. Or they justify the things they do in some way or another with the, I may do this ... but at least I can say I've never done THAT! It's just bollox, lying to oneself will never solve the disgustingness or badness that's hidden inside. I prefer to just be disgusting and bad in the first instance, that way no one's getting any shocks further down the line. But then, I frown upon society's views overall, I think they're so dull, judgemental and boring not to mention patronising. You only have to look at the things people have to say about celebrities, Katie Price comes to mind. She's a grown woman, she can do what she likes yet many would have her strung up given half a chance. I often wonder why that is. And I come to the conclusion they find her life more interesting than their own. To speak with such venom about a complete stranger indicates a definite sadness in the judger's own life.

IMHO (btw that's the acronym I hate) of course

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I get looked down all the time,does it bother me,no it makes me stronger.

Today for example some idiot messaged me and because I said no he had a barrage of abuse,was called a timewaster then he offered me money to sleep with me. I reported it to admin

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So judging by the forums i am breaking every swinging rule going.....and people wonder why i have stopped calling myself a swinger

Why are people so quick to judge others?"

cos they can't see outside their own little world and also judging others probs takes their mind of those heavy chips they are carrying.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We all judge: most of us keep our judgements to ourselves.

What people have on their profile or how they conduct their business is of no interest to me and it certainly doesn't impact on my life. There is a tendency for people to start threads about what other members have on their profiles: I don't get that.

Then you get people being all sanctimonious about other peoples life choices. I had to laugh the other day, someone commented on the BBW thread about it wasn't a good idea to promote obesity. I had to point out, it wasn't a good idea to "promote" promiscuity either, but here we all were!

How I play would make most men run a mile faster than Linford, and I only hint at what I do. Some people think people like me shouldn't be on this site, some couples don't think singles should be on this site at all. There are practices that I find unsavoury, and I don't get a thrill taking risks, that's my choice and preference, I certainly wouldn't dream of thrusting them down anyone's throat.

But every day, someone starts a thread about something they've seen on someone's profile, or a practice they think is disgusting...promptly followed by a timewaster thread because someone has cancelled on them.

Quelle surprise people...I'm surprised some people meet at all the amount of time they spend scrutinising other peoples profiles, instead of getting down to the business at hand!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Judgement is essential to our daily lives ......all our senses are designed to discern differences....hot and cold .....red and blue .....true or false...we judge if that water is hot etc..

Its fundamental to this forum ...we judge or discriminate about a thread ...the motives that lie behind the thread ....philantropic or misanthropic...

As we discriminate differences, we make judgements...its the basic function of the mind ....

OOH er !!! thats me waffling .."

i agree with what they waffled.....and very well waffled too!!

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By *andsomgeorgeMan
over a year ago

Rugby

So judging by the forums i am breaking every swinging rule going.....and people wonder why i have stopped calling myself a swinger

Why are people so quick to judge others?"

I think it's as much to do with the environment (forum) as the subjects. The relative anonymity and remoteness leads to quite a lot of what looks like keyboard bravery.

Everyone has their own opinions and forums are a place for discussing them. It does seem to me that sometimes the brain censorship that happens in face to face conversations is often missing on posts. It's also easy to be misunderstood in type and tone doesn't come over very well. So why do I find them so damned addictive?

Glad to hear you're not letting it stop you and having a great time. Fair play to you.

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By *emima_puddlefuck OP Couple
over a year ago

hexham

i do think you have a point George,but i suppose i still find it strange that people who would be judged by the wider world for their swinging activities are so quick to point their fingers at others.

Oh i'm not going to stop,i'm only just reaching my peak!

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By *andsomgeorgeMan
over a year ago

Rugby

"i do think you have a point George,but i suppose i still find it strange that people who would be judged by the wider world for their swinging activities are so quick to point their fingers at others.

Oh i'm not going to stop,i'm only just reaching my peak!

Glad to hear you're not going to stop.

Sometimes posts do come across as quite aggressive and frankly rude, all under the cover of 'just my opinion', of course. Others would appear to be whiter than polar bears triple washed in Daz. Having said that some threads do also deliberately seem set up to poke some web based hornets nest somewhere - and they normally achieve their goals.

Thankfuly there are also plenty of fantstic threads/contributors with some wicked humour that keeps me coming back for me.

I just wish that sometimes people would apply the same kind of courtesy and respect for others that they would in 'real life'.

Keep up the good work and enjoying finding that summit

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's an interesting thread this.

I'd never come here to defend what I do.

It's the problem of the offended not mine.

Most of the people that show inquisitiveness about others simply ask questions to learn. It's new to them and so they are curious.

I ask questions when im curious. If someone takes offence that someone voices surprise or disgust it's generally a signal that they do actually question what they are doing themselves.

It wouldn't dawn on anyone to take offence if someone said OMG do you really eat beans!

It seems that there is a confusion about swinging to me.

Swinging doesn't mean a readiness to accept every single sexual act on the planet.

A phrase I think it used ambiguously is ' we are swingers - we should be open minded' Open relationships YES..... partake and condone every single sexual experience NO.

If it's yes .....lock up your alsatians!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's an interesting thread this.

I'd never come here to defend what I do.

It's the problem of the offended not mine.

Most of the people that show inquisitiveness about others simply ask questions to learn. It's new to them and so they are curious.

I ask questions when im curious. If someone takes offence that someone voices surprise or disgust it's generally a signal that they do actually question what they are doing themselves.

It wouldn't dawn on anyone to take offence if someone said OMG do you really eat beans!

It seems that there is a confusion about swinging to me.

Swinging doesn't mean a readiness to accept every single sexual act on the planet.

A phrase I think it used ambiguously is ' we are swingers - we should be open minded' Open relationships YES..... partake and condone every single sexual experience NO.

If it's yes .....lock up your alsatians!"

the post was not questioning why people do not partake, nor asking them to condone.

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By *emima_puddlefuck OP Couple
over a year ago

hexham

"It's an interesting thread this.

I'd never come here to defend what I do.

It's the problem of the offended not mine.

Most of the people that show inquisitiveness about others simply ask questions to learn. It's new to them and so they are curious.

I ask questions when im curious. If someone takes offence that someone voices surprise or disgust it's generally a signal that they do actually question what they are doing themselves.

It wouldn't dawn on anyone to take offence if someone said OMG do you really eat beans!

It seems that there is a confusion about swinging to me.

Swinging doesn't mean a readiness to accept every single sexual act on the planet.

A phrase I think it used ambiguously is ' we are swingers - we should be open minded' Open relationships YES..... partake and condone every single sexual experience NO.

If it's yes .....lock up your alsatians!

the post was not questioning why people do not partake, nor asking them to condone."

Thanks nice,what fascinates me,doesnt upset or bother me deeply,is the lack of congurance people display.

We are all different,thats the glory of humanity.What seems odd is for those whom the outside world would instantly condemn simply for being swingers are in turn so quick to condemn others if their swinging does not meet "the rules"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Tis curious Jemima ...i do agree..

I think Georges post held more than a kernel of truth ...I`d use the term situational force ....

And to be honest ...I see it as a mistake to see ourselves anything but humans ....always human first ...swingers..golfers..social workers..policemen etc come second...

I get where you`re coming from ....you`d think they`re would be more tolerance and acceptance fer our differences ...

I think pride...distorted pride plays a big part in understanding your question ..

Kinda waffling again ...

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By *emima_puddlefuck OP Couple
over a year ago

hexham

Not waffling at all.This is why i have distanced myself from the organised BDSM scene,and am struggling with calling myself a swinger after 20 years of threesomes,foursomes and moresomes.

People seem to use these labels to hide behind.Rather than saying they are a human being who likes x,and that is ok,they invent lifestyles,as if numbers make a thing more acceptable.

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By *emima_puddlefuck OP Couple
over a year ago

hexham

"We all judge: most of us keep our judgements to ourselves.

Quelle surprise people...I'm surprised some people meet at all the amount of time they spend scrutinising other peoples profiles, instead of getting down to the business at hand! "

How did i miss such a wise post.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's an interesting thread this.

I'd never come here to defend what I do.

It's the problem of the offended not mine.

Most of the people that show inquisitiveness about others simply ask questions to learn. It's new to them and so they are curious.

I ask questions when im curious. If someone takes offence that someone voices surprise or disgust it's generally a signal that they do actually question what they are doing themselves.

It wouldn't dawn on anyone to take offence if someone said OMG do you really eat beans!

It seems that there is a confusion about swinging to me.

Swinging doesn't mean a readiness to accept every single sexual act on the planet.

A phrase I think it used ambiguously is ' we are swingers - we should be open minded' Open relationships YES..... partake and condone every single sexual experience NO.

If it's yes .....lock up your alsatians!

the post was not questioning why people do not partake, nor asking them to condone."

Which post are you referring to?

I haven't quoted anyone. I've made my contribution.

I'm uncertain what you mean.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Each to his own, you may have the time to meet quickly, i dont as i have a full time job and work shifts in a pub, if someone i have been chatting to works shifts, both of us will find difficulty in meeting

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thought I'd add to this because something "similar" happened to me last night.

Background: I play Warcraft, an MMO RPing game. Details aren't important, it's fairly geeky.

A friend who plays Dungeons and Dragons - a tradition, roleplaying game jokingly said of her friends, "and we look down on Warcraft players".

My point being, even if like her you are such a geek that would be judged by society as geeky, there's still another subsection of society that you can judge!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think people judge others as it makes them feel safe .... Thay make there rules thay live by and some cant see the bigger pic of life so make others feel not good enough or bad in some way... we have to learn that each person is diffrent thats what makes life worth living x

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By *he_original_poloWoman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

"Why do we judge?"

Because we are human.

It keeps us safe.

It shapes and defines our values, morals and beliefs.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's an interesting thread this.

I'd never come here to defend what I do.

It's the problem of the offended not mine.

Most of the people that show inquisitiveness about others simply ask questions to learn. It's new to them and so they are curious.

I ask questions when im curious. If someone takes offence that someone voices surprise or disgust it's generally a signal that they do actually question what they are doing themselves.

It wouldn't dawn on anyone to take offence if someone said OMG do you really eat beans!

It seems that there is a confusion about swinging to me.

Swinging doesn't mean a readiness to accept every single sexual act on the planet.

A phrase I think it used ambiguously is ' we are swingers - we should be open minded' Open relationships YES..... partake and condone every single sexual experience NO.

If it's yes .....lock up your alsatians!

the post was not questioning why people do not partake, nor asking them to condone.

Which post are you referring to?

I haven't quoted anyone. I've made my contribution.

I'm uncertain what you mean. "

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