FabSwingers.com forum: Post Natal depression and issues

By *ackemslut OP Woman
over a year ago

Sunderland

roll call on this horrible issue, im just feeling like me again. Barely had energy or will to do anything for almost 6 month...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It ended my marriage so a topic that's important to me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Are you bi polar ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I suffered really badly after the birth of my 2nd child 9 years ago. I have never really been 100% back to myself since then but I have learned how to cope. It's a horrible thing. Look after yourself OP xx

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By *ackemslut OP Woman
over a year ago

Sunderland

I was single too, mght ave been easier if someone to spot what was happening

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It takes time to get back on top form but you'll get there and always remember your not alone it happens to all walks of life (I used to think I was going mad and that it was only happening to me)

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By *ackemslut OP Woman
over a year ago

Sunderland

yes i thought was just me

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By *ackemslut OP Woman
over a year ago

Sunderland

thank you for the replies

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I suffered with my last baby.... It wasn't picked up for many reasons (including that I knew which answers to tick)

It took me over a year to realise it.. And another two before I would truly say I was over it...

Worse thing is that to outsiders you may just seem to not care x

Give yourself time.. Self help groups can be a godsend x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I had a bad time after my first child and it interferred with my bonding with him. I hope you have support from friends and family as it can make all the difference.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Are you bi polar ?"

You don't have to be bi polar to suffer post natal depression

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Are you bi polar ?

You don't have to be bi polar to suffer post natal depression "

Two very different things. Post natal is very insidious and can be very hard to spot a new mother expects so much and the guilt of not being over joyed with your baby simply adds fuel to the fire.

Acceptance is the biggest thing with it. OP I hope you're getting the support and help you need

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By *ackemslut OP Woman
over a year ago

Sunderland

im getting there, and no im not bi polar do ave other issues though

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By *radleyandRavenCouple
over a year ago

Herts

Suffered very badly after my 2nd.

Think I did with my first as well but he was so sick after birth and was so touch-and-go that the tears, tantrums and breakdowns probably seemed normal and it wasn't spotted.

2nd L.O is 4 months old now and I'm only just learning some coping mechanisms. I struggled to bond with her and it brought back a lot of issues with the 1st

Big hugs to you, O.P, and all the others suffering with this awful mental state.

- Amy. x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Horrible. I suffered after the birth of my eldest, to the point where I suffered horrendous panic attacks several times a day. I had no idea what was happening to me. I thought I was dying. It got so bad that I couldn't leave the house for quite some considerable time. It took a long time for it to be picked up because I was very good at putting on a front when the health visitor came. I was terrified that she would take my baby away if she saw I wasn't coping. I broke down in the end and she was fantastic and helped me so much. I

didn't suffer when I had my other two because I got a lot of support. Take care OP, glad you are coming out of the dark hole xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Diagnosed with this after my first 17 years ago. Think it was mainly exhaustion. I've had bouts on and off since then - depression and anxiety. Try not to feel stigmatised, where I work 3 out of 8 women were on happy pills at one time. Take care and don't do it alone if you can get help.

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By *ackemslut OP Woman
over a year ago

Sunderland

yes pills helped and a supportive dr...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Struggling myself with my 5 month old think its mainly exhaustion and stress

Suffered terribly with my first nearly 17 years ago, but struggled along until my m.i.l took me to the Drs.

Take any help you can get and don't feel bad... You're doing what you can.... X

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By *ackemslut OP Woman
over a year ago

Sunderland

I have kik if you would like to talk tried replying but you have women bloked, hope you are ok

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By *atnat85Woman
over a year ago

northwest

I did, it was awful. I found counselling really helped (when I was finally able to access it!) It does get better, but it has put me off having a second child. I still feel it lingers now but that maybe more general anxiety/low mood rather than pnd. I'm hyper aware of watching my friends for it now who are having babies as its so insidious in nature. I'm also blunt with how I felt at the time with people when telling them and you can see them looking awkward, however I believe itsI h something that does need more awareness.

I hope you feel better soon x

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By *ackemslut OP Woman
over a year ago

Sunderland

yes more needs to be done

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By *ackemslut OP Woman
over a year ago

Sunderland

did you find exercising helped?

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By *atnat85Woman
over a year ago

northwest

"did you find exercising helped?"

I found it did help (my phone is still refusing Kik) the release of endorphins helped and I found it was a short space of time where I was me, not wife,mother,milk Machine. I found it helped even if it was just half an hour with a trashy magazine or an actual hot drink.

New mum's are often to hard on themselves, my mantra to mum's to be us if, by the end of the day you have put deodorant on, you've brushed your teeth and your child is still breathing and has all its original limbs, it's a good day

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By *ackemslut OP Woman
over a year ago

Sunderland

Not having to be a mum, yes time alone (or not alone)

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By *ackemslut OP Woman
over a year ago

Sunderland

most be more than us...

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By *ouplefunukCouple
over a year ago

North Bristol

Another here. Suffered really badly and LO was 10mths old before I got help. I still have it now at almost 2 years in. Have been considering meds again recently but not really wanting to start all that again. We shall see.

Anyway, it does get better and there's lots of help out there. I hope you feel better soon OP, I know it can feel hopeless at times.

*Her*

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By *ackemslut OP Woman
over a year ago

Sunderland

do you worry about having more babies because of it?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I never suffered with it with my first two children I suffered terrible after my third

Put a real strain on my marriage

I just used to sit about the house all day eating, I put loads of weight on, because of this I didn't want anybody to see me, went off sex, went off everything really

We used to argue all the time, he'd tell me to just snap out of it, I wasn't allowed any medication so that didn't help

I'd just sit about crying all the time, daft thing is I didn't even know why

It's not nice

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By *atnat85Woman
over a year ago

northwest

Yes, however I'd make my midwife aware that I suffered before, and I think I'd seek help a lot sooner, rather than try and manage it myself.

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By *cduck and Blue eyesCouple
over a year ago

nr chester

My heart goes out to all you wonder mums, be proud and strong, just being on here talking about this horrible, life destroying illness is one huge major step, but I urge every single one of you please, please if your not right and you know your not right then don't wait, get help, I know it's easier sometimes to think it will get better, I know it's horrible to think everyone will judge, I know it's tiring to think of having to talk about it, but when you've made that step then no matter how long the road is you have done the right thing, you may wonder why I am so passionate about this, well I lost my best friend to pnp, it started with post natal depression, we all knew something was wrong, and we tryed so hard but she couldn't bring herself to say it, she had wanted a baby for 10 yrs, when that beautiful little girl was born she just couldn't do it, she was tired, she thought the baby hated her, she couldn't bond at all, we talked and talked, we told professionals but it had to come from her, in hindsight we should have shouted from the rooftops that she needed help but hindsight is a wonderful thing, we had the baby living with us for a week to give her a break, everyone thought it would be best for her to go home, so on the fri we took her home, my friend seemed brighter, she was going to cook a nice tea she said and was feeling better, as I left she held my hand and said Thankyou, she had a look in her eye that will forever haunt me, but again hindsight is a wonderful thing, I said I would see her Monday but if she needed me just call, Monday came her hubby went to work, I was calling she wasn't answering, I called her hubby he said she was having a day in bed bonding, I didn't worry, hubby nipped home at lunch she was sleeping, baby beside her, I called again I the afternoon, no answer but respected her having bonding time, oh how I regret that now, hubby came home at teatime and put key in door he could hear the baby crying, as he walked in she had taken her life, and the baba was upstairs in bed, I will never forget his face for as long as I live, I will never forgive myself for not screaming to get her help, so please if it's you or someone you know please do that screaming

take care and never forget, you are all wonderful mummy's, mrsxxxxxxxx

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By *ackemslut OP Woman
over a year ago

Sunderland

OMG what a sad situation, that poor woman

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

pretty sure my ex had it with our second... she could be quite grim and down at times... temper got shorter, started going out and getting hammered. . Could have been tiredness mind.

I tried being supportive, she started counselling, i went part time to look after the kids, and cook, house keep etc...not sure it helped.

even with her new bloke, she still seems quite grim at times. . Although I am seeing improvements ( although it's not really my issue any more, it's hard to stop caring.. mother of the kids and 10+ years).

I'll look after the kids at the drop of a hat, for as long as needed. .. so she now has lots of " minimal responsibility me" time... she seems to do a lot with that time. . heh.

I had depression a few years back... the best thing I did was find a good counselor and explore the root causes and find coping strategies.

Good luck, and chin up...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Excuse my ignorance but is it caused by the hormones, the demanding situation or both?

Quite a few people have said they had it after their second child, which was sort of implying they didn't have it first time round?

Just like to understand more...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"do you worry about having more babies because of it?"

My ex had a vasectomy after our second child and when we separated I chose to be sterilized. I have other mental health issues so the likelihood of experiencing PND if I had another child is very high. I couldn't do it again, I think it would break me and I have two little boys who need me to be well.

Nell

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By *ackemslut OP Woman
over a year ago

Sunderland

yes i have other issues too

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By *ackemslut OP Woman
over a year ago

Sunderland

pleased people have come out on here about it xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Excuse my ignorance but is it caused by the hormones, the demanding situation or both?

Quite a few people have said they had it after their second child, which was sort of implying they didn't have it first time round?

Just like to understand more... "

You can have it with first.. Or you can have it with 5th.. You can be the happiest person.. Stable, well off, great relationship etc.. And still be hit by it.. It's a chemical imbalance in your brain like any other mental health issue.. The exact reason why people suffer is not known.. It can be a combination of facters.. Stress, anxiety while pregnant.. Social and emotional factors.. Plus the increase of hormones effect each person differently..

You're more likely.. But not always.. Likely to suffer of you have a history of a mood disorder or mental health issue.. Or if any family members have a history of these..

It can happen to any one at any time.. And it's a very lonely place to be..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"pleased people have come out on here about it xx"

There are lots of mother and baby groups you can read through or join in on chats on the Internet.. It is very common.. Yet still not widely understood or talked about.. Talking with others who suffer is a good way to feel you're not alone x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"pleased people have come out on here about it xx

Oh and so pleased you're settling to come out the other side.. Keep going.. And remember you're amazing

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh i sooo been there hun

Be kind to urself

Hugs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Excuse my ignorance but is it caused by the hormones, the demanding situation or both?

Quite a few people have said they had it after their second child, which was sort of implying they didn't have it first time round?

Just like to understand more...

You're more likely.. But not always.. Likely to suffer of you have a history of a mood disorder or mental health issue.. Or if any family members have a history of these..

It can happen to any one at any time.. And it's a very lonely place to be.. "

Thanks. Does that mean pills are the best treatment then? What makes it lonely, the lack of people that can understand why you feel that way?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"pleased people have come out on here about it xx

Oh and so pleased you're settling to come out the other side.. Keep going.. And remember you're amazing

Settling?? .. Starting....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Excuse my ignorance but is it caused by the hormones, the demanding situation or both?

Quite a few people have said they had it after their second child, which was sort of implying they didn't have it first time round?

Just like to understand more...

You're more likely.. But not always.. Likely to suffer of you have a history of a mood disorder or mental health issue.. Or if any family members have a history of these..

It can happen to any one at any time.. And it's a very lonely place to be..

Thanks. Does that mean pills are the best treatment then? What makes it lonely, the lack of people that can understand why you feel that way? "

You feel lonely because you feel guilty for feeling the way you do.. Some can't bond with baby.. Some feel the baby hates.. Some are overwhelmed by the tiredness and responsibility.. You don't want to tell anyone you're not coping.. So try to deal with it yourself.. Making it a very lonely place to be.. You think you're the only one feeling this way and it because you're not cut out to be a mum... Lots of emotions and feelings..people need to talk, talk, talk..

Pills can help yes.. But not always necessary.. Talking,councilling, joining a support group, lots of support and understanding and reassurance.. .combination of all.. It is different what works for each person..

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By *ackemslut OP Woman
over a year ago

Sunderland

makes so much sense xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Excuse my ignorance but is it caused by the hormones, the demanding situation or both?

Quite a few people have said they had it after their second child, which was sort of implying they didn't have it first time round?

Just like to understand more...

You're more likely.. But not always.. Likely to suffer of you have a history of a mood disorder or mental health issue.. Or if any family members have a history of these..

It can happen to any one at any time.. And it's a very lonely place to be..

Thanks. Does that mean pills are the best treatment then? What makes it lonely, the lack of people that can understand why you feel that way?

Thanks, it's good to know about these things in case someone near and dear to us encounters them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Excuse my ignorance but is it caused by the hormones, the demanding situation or both?

Quite a few people have said they had it after their second child, which was sort of implying they didn't have it first time round?

Just like to understand more...

You're more likely.. But not always.. Likely to suffer of you have a history of a mood disorder or mental health issue.. Or if any family members have a history of these..

It can happen to any one at any time.. And it's a very lonely place to be..

Thanks. Does that mean pills are the best treatment then? What makes it lonely, the lack of people that can understand why you feel that way?

Thanks, it's good to know about these things in case someone near and dear to us encounters them "

You're welcome..

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By *ackemslut OP Woman
over a year ago

Sunderland

all these experiences help so much

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I had it after having my first (and only). I struggled to bond with the baby which I felt so guilty about it. I barely slept and was a nervous wreck. 18 months on and doing much better. Still on anti-depressants but much happier. I couldn't have got through it without my husband and family

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

I suffered really badly after my miscarriage I'm not sure that would be defined as post natal depression but it was horrific.

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By *atnat85Woman
over a year ago

northwest

"I had it after having my first (and only). I struggled to bond with the baby which I felt so guilty about it. I barely slept and was a nervous wreck. 18 months on and doing much better. Still on anti-depressants but much happier. I couldn't have got through it without my husband and family "

Well done. And there's nothing wrong with "still" being on antidepressants. People take medicines for heart conditions,diabetes, pain etc for life and wouldn't view it as "still" taking meds, the mind is no different. What ever it takes to get you through it : ) and well done and big hugs!x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In hindsight yes i suffered

I found out at 33 weeks, never had a contraction, waters never broke, had an emergency cesarean.

Didnt have enough 'preperation time' to mentally adjust to how my life was going to change. Up until i had my daughter id never lived alone before. Then around Xmas time i find myself in a flat, by myself with a baby who just cried and cried. I attempted breast feeding and failed.

She'd cry and id just zone out or turn the tv up. If she wasnt crying it was me who was.

I lost my social circle, didnt go to mother n toddler groups, my mother lived hours away. Just felt on my own with a baby.

Had issues with her father not wanting to know and it was just a messy time.

Still 6 years on and she's the best thing since sliced bread and the amount of guilt i have now for the resentment i had for her then is horrific

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

"In hindsight yes i suffered

I found out at 33 weeks, never had a contraction, waters never broke, had an emergency cesarean.

She'd cry and id just zone out or turn the tv up. If she wasnt crying it was me who was.

I lost my social circle, didnt go to mother n toddler groups, my mother lived hours away. Just felt on my own with a baby.

Had issues with her father not wanting to know and it was just a messy time.

Still 6 years on and she's the best thing since sliced bread and the amount of guilt i have now for the resentment i had for her then is horrific "

It was a big shock most women have 9 months to prepare of motherhood don't feel guilty for how you felt, I'd probably feel the same way.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It was a big shock most women have 9 months to prepare of motherhood don't feel guilty for how you felt, I'd probably feel the same way.

you see on social media how muh i love that little pain in the ass haha

only rarely do i offer her 'free to good home'

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By *atnat85Woman
over a year ago

northwest

"In hindsight yes i suffered

I found out at 33 weeks, never had a contraction, waters never broke, had an emergency cesarean.

She'd cry and id just zone out or turn the tv up. If she wasnt crying it was me who was.

I lost my social circle, didnt go to mother n toddler groups, my mother lived hours away. Just felt on my own with a baby.

Had issues with her father not wanting to know and it was just a messy time.

Still 6 years on and she's the best thing since sliced bread and the amount of guilt i have now for the resentment i had for her then is horrific "

Don't hold onto guilt like that, it won't change the past. Instead look at how far you've come and how much you love her now! I was much the same, and even now I don't look at pictures from at least the first year that much as it reminds me off the horrible time. I look at them from when the fun started x

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By *uxom redCouple
over a year ago

Shrewsbury

Big hugs deal with everyday as it comes.. That's what I did.. It does get better x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When I had my 1st child 17 years ago they handed out Prozac like it was smarties to anyone who 'failed' the Health Visitors PND test. Years later with baby no 2, I struggled months afterwards & was offered counselling, the best possible outcome for me as she was amazing...

Having a baby is an absolute rollercoaster, lots of brilliant highs & unbelieveably shitty lows.

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By *ackemslut OP Woman
over a year ago

Sunderland

hope it helps everyone reading other women and thier experiences

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"hope it helps everyone reading other women and thier experiences"

Its horrible reading about everyone's experiences. I hope that you're all reaching a resolution and moving forwards

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By *ouplefunukCouple
over a year ago

North Bristol

"do you worry about having more babies because of it?"

That's not such an issue for us. She is the result of 5 years, 3 rounds of IVF and a miscarriage so it's not that simple.

We love her more than life itself and she is everything we ever wanted, and we're so grateful and feel so lucky. All that said with what we went through to get her, her reflux and poor sleeping until she was over 1, no family support and the PND - no, I don't think we'll do it again. I think we'll count our blessings with the one we have

*Her*

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Be careful and seek help if needed had it went into severe depression finally diagnosed bi polar type two few years ago it is a horrible disease x

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By *ullbackbuttMan
over a year ago

Purton

Hope you get better soon OP. Mental health issues are not something to be ashamed of and can happen for a number of reasons. The main thing is once you recognise it get help and keep accepting the help until you are 100%.

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