FabSwingers.com forum: Ffs....people trying to hurt you

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

So long story short..I'd never intentionally try to hurt someone emotionally unless i was hurt by them; and then i probably wouldn't because I'm just not like that.

Are there people out there that get their kicks from doing this or am i right in thinking it must stem from something.

The context is I've got a guy who likes to tell me when he's slept with other people and he says he does it for a dig at me. But claims he has no feelings for me...so what's that about?

(And yeah if you press the green arrow it's the same guy...sorry for asking for advice if it annoys anyone)

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By *awandOrderCouple
over a year ago

SW London

"So long story short..I'd never intentionally try to hurt someone emotionally unless i was hurt by them; and then i probably wouldn't because I'm just not like that.

Are there people out there that get their kicks from doing this or am i right in thinking it must stem from something.

The context is I've got a guy who likes to tell me when he's slept with other people and he says he does it for a dig at me. But claims he has no feelings for me...so what's that about?

(And yeah if you press the green arrow it's the same guy...sorry for asking for advice if it annoys anyone)"

You have to let him know, however you can, but I'd suggest by cutting him off, that you aren't bothered ... and wont entertain such games ...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Can you block him? Does it bother you? He sounds like an emotionally abusive type. X

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Yeah problem is i do care for him a bit. I don't like to think he might be hurting.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Can you block him? Does it bother you? He sounds like an emotionally abusive type. X "

Yeah I've blocked him to give him time x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Can you block him? Does it bother you? He sounds like an emotionally abusive type. X

And no it doesn't bother me he's a single guy can do as he pleases x

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By *he Queen of TartsWoman
Forum Mod
over a year ago

My Own Little World

He does it because he can, because you let him.

If you can't/won't change ie dump him, then why should he.

*I don't know your back story and can't be bothered to read up about it.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Yeah x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Victims need bullies.

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By *olgateMan
over a year ago

on the road to nowhere in particular

"Can you block him? Does it bother you? He sounds like an emotionally abusive type. X

Yeah I've blocked him to give him time x"

You don't block him to give him time. You block him to give YOU time.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Generally people who hurt others have their own emotional problems and they seek to lash out at others,or treat them as emotional punch bags. That's not healthy for you and can lower your own self esteem. Sadly the victim starts believing what the other persons says.

Empower yourself and remove them from your life. It may hurt at first but you will feel so much healthier in time. Good luck.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Can you block him? Does it bother you? He sounds like an emotionally abusive type. X

And no it doesn't bother me he's a single guy can do as he pleases x"

Sorry I meant does it bother you that he's saying stuff with the intention of hurting you.

If someone intentionally hurts you they aren't worth your time. Don't feel bad for him. x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Victims need bullies."

Yeah i get that x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Victims need bullies."

What?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Generally people who hurt others have their own emotional problems and they seek to lash out at others,or treat them as emotional punch bags. That's not healthy for you and can lower your own self esteem. Sadly the victim starts believing what the other persons says.

Empower yourself and remove them from your life. It may hurt at first but you will feel so much healthier in time. Good luck."

This.

Get out of the situation.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Victims need bullies."

Actually i think this helps the most. Thanks.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Empower yourself and remove them from your life. It may hurt at first but you will feel so much healthier in time. Good luck.

This.

Get out of the situation. "

Yup. Forget it. Move on. Sometimes I'm too sensitive x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Victims need bullies."

Ouch.

I get your point but some people can't let it wash over them. People can be hurtful and insensitive. Not everyone has a thick skin.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why are you still letting him get in touch with you?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Why are you still letting him get in touch with you? "

No idea. Because I'm a div.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Empower yourself and remove them from your life. It may hurt at first but you will feel so much healthier in time. Good luck.

This.

Get out of the situation.

Yup. Forget it. Move on. Sometimes I'm too sensitive x"

We all are at times. Start with a positive affirmation. ..not I'm too sensitive but I deserve to be treated well and I'm going to be happy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sometimes its best to do what you want rather than what others want you to do... you will never change them so break,recover and move on...

Sorry for being harsh but its a Del Boy moment (you know it makes sense Rodney)

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

If you don't want to be a victim, take control of the situation, like it sounds you have by blocking. If it doesn't make you feel good, don't do it. Just forget him.

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By *awandOrderCouple
over a year ago

SW London

For every situation you get yourself into, including relationships, especially those where the same patterns of behaviour keep coming back, you have to ask yourself about your part in creating it or letting it happen ... cut him off, op, or at least acknowledge that it feeds something in you too ...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Victims need bullies.

What?"

It's the best answer on the thread ....

Without the victim ( the op ) there would be no purpose for the bully ( the guy in question ) to do as he is doing .

She doesn't need to be a victim .....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Empower yourself and remove them from your life. It may hurt at first but you will feel so much healthier in time. Good luck.

This.

Get out of the situation.

Yup. Forget it. Move on. Sometimes I'm too sensitive x

We all are at times. Start with a positive affirmation. ..not I'm too sensitive but I deserve to be treated well and I'm going to be happy. "

again.

Don't blame yourself OP. He is manipulating you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why are you still letting him get in touch with you?

No idea. Because I'm a div. "

Your not a div

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why are you still letting him get in touch with you? "

You're not. Right,I would either never let him talk to me ever again or smile at him/send him an I don't care what you get up to with other women text; if you must speak to him again. You could sit him down and explain how immature he's being and it's wasted on you because you're not hurt or bothered by him telling you what he's up to. Are you sure he's doing it to hurt you and not just sharing his experiences with a friend?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Victims need bullies.

Actually i think this helps the most. Thanks. "

No point in hiding it. It's the circle of abuse. Never un-block, move on. Take control. You'll be fine.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"So long story short..I'd never intentionally try to hurt someone emotionally unless i was hurt by them; and then i probably wouldn't because I'm just not like that.

Are there people out there that get their kicks from doing this or am i right in thinking it must stem from something.

The context is I've got a guy who likes to tell me when he's slept with other people and he says he does it for a dig at me. But claims he has no feelings for me...so what's that about?

(And yeah if you press the green arrow it's the same guy...sorry for asking for advice if it annoys anyone)"

1. He's very honest that he has no feelings for you ( someone who feels for you wouldn't do that )

2. He does it because he gets a reaction.

3. It's not necessarily to hurt you.

4. Your reaction boosts his ego.

5. He is an emotionally, immature cunt with low self esteem.

6. You are an enabler.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Does he know you don't like it? If you don't tell him he won't stop.

I have an agreement with my fb that we are free to see others but we don't share it! When I'm with him id like to know what he's been up to but when we're apart I hate the thought of him having fun with someone else. It's a strange feeling.

Do what you have to Hun. If you don't like what he's doing then it's not doing you any good, let go of him. It will hurt for a while but you'll be fine, trust me!!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thanks everyone xx feeling much better xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

1. He's very honest that he has no feelings for you ( someone who feels for you wouldn't do that )

2. He does it because he gets a reaction.

3. It's not necessarily to hurt you.

4. Your reaction boosts his ego.

5. He is an emotionally, immature cunt with low self esteem.

6. You are an enabler. "

Yes this. Clearly. Thanks. X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You can't control his behaviour but you can control your reaction to it.

You have that power, if you choose to take it x

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

Yes people do this on purpose because they are abusive by nature.

It only works for them if you let it bother you. The best thing to do with these people is get them out of your life asap.

They will never change or see the error of their ways.

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

1. He's very honest that he has no feelings for you ( someone who feels for you wouldn't do that )

2. He does it because he gets a reaction.

3. It's not necessarily to hurt you.

4. Your reaction boosts his ego.

5. He is an emotionally, immature cunt with low self esteem.

6. You are an enabler.

Yes this. Clearly. Thanks. X"

Great list, perfect explanation

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yeah problem is i do care for him a bit. I don't like to think he might be hurting. "

I haven't read the other thread but sounds like he's possibly playing on the fact you care for him?

Personally, if someones behaviour was starting to bother me (this is mean to be fun after all) I would stop all contact, block them on here & any other device too.

It's harsh but an effective course of action for you both.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

why would you allow someone to hurt you or attempt to.

take control

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes there are people out there who will take a lot of pleasure in hurting you. They'll enjoy every little thing about hurting you, from the face you'll show to them when disappointed, let down and hurt, to the fact that they have control over how you feel. They do it because they can basically, and he isn't lying when he says he has no feelings for you, he just enjoys making you unhappy and you let him and that's a part of your 'relationship' with him. I'm wouldn't be surprised if he's fucking you up in other ways you haven't even noticed also.

You are really gonna have to change yourself, but only around people who are like this guy.

If you want to maintain a relationship with him (which i don't recommend but it's your life) then you're gonna have to not try to empathise or explain away any of his behaviour. Anything he does is nothing to do with you, and he doesn't think like you, he doesn't act like you, he doesn't even care who/how you are but he knows he'll get a reaction and his sick kicks from you. He might be into triangulation also (google this and learn about it).

You also need not to learn not to react at all, just act like you don't even give a shit. It's a technique called 'grey rock' and you can google this too, but it's basically where you shut down emotionally around certain people because they don't give a shit about you and you need to protect yourself.

Tbh if you weren't as nice of a person as you come across as and could manipulate him i would say do this to get him to back down with his shitty behviour, people who play head games often respond to them.

Other wise just fuck him off and be glad you learned a lesson and that is that not all people are good for you or want to be, grieve for the abuse he has put you through. Be so fucking kind to yourself - i cannot stress this enough - because nobody deserves abuse or arseholes in their life.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Use the term abuse with triangulation and grey rock, otherwise other stuff comes up in search. I just checked.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Can you block him? Does it bother you? He sounds like an emotionally abusive type. X

Yeah I've blocked him to give him time x

You don't block him to give him time. You block him to give YOU time. "

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