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"Good luck with this OP I can only imagine how tough this will be. Safe guarding our children brings out the lioness in most of us. However if your daughter can develop a healthy relationship with her father that can only be a good thing right. Send hugs Knitter " Good luck | |||
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"Good luck with this OP I can only imagine how tough this will be. Safe guarding our children brings out the lioness in most of us. However if your daughter can develop a healthy relationship with her father that can only be a good thing right. Send hugs Knitter " Wot she said ^ Good luck OP. xxx | |||
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"she is mine.. ive watched her blossom and grow, hugged n kissed her when she is hurt. Did every night feed and nappy change and he comes into her life and she adores the thought of finally having a dad. im mad at myself that i couldnt be the perfect family situation.. mad that i slept with a man who walked away n didnt care. part of me thinks she will get hurt when in a few months he gets bored.. but id also be mad if i didnt give it a try. " OP I think that your doing the right thing however a appreciate how difficult it might be. Don't beat yourself up about the things you couldn't affect. You sound like a lovely mummy who adores her daughter and has that adoration reciprocated. Don't worry with a lioness as fierce as you to protect her I'm sure she'll be fine. What a very lucky little girl. | |||
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"She's a lovely girl and it's all your doing. He'll never take that bond but your doing the right thing and there is nowt wrong with being a bit protective. It'll be fine and she'll always have ya x" Cheers Superman xx | |||
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"Lol, shouldn't laugh at the your just dave thing really but idk why men leave their kids lives then expect their kids to call them dad, you got a smart kid there. Hope it goes well for you. I've found my ex just turns up for his kids when he's nothing better to do, sadly." She's a right character. When she was telling him she has football lessons he asked her 'Whats your team?' to which Amber replied 'Man City'. Dave turned his nose up and said 'United all the way'.. Amber just said 'Never mind, someones got to like them' | |||
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"Lol, shouldn't laugh at the your just dave thing really but idk why men leave their kids lives then expect their kids to call them dad, you got a smart kid there. Hope it goes well for you. I've found my ex just turns up for his kids when he's nothing better to do, sadly. She's a right character. When she was telling him she has football lessons he asked her 'Whats your team?' to which Amber replied 'Man City'. Dave turned his nose up and said 'United all the way'.. Amber just said 'Never mind, someones got to like them' " Hahaha. | |||
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"I have the utmost respect for you for doing this, i have no doubt it must be difficult, and putting aside your more selfish emotions for the sake of your daughter, even if they are based in some truth, to give her father a chance is such a brave,mature and caring thing too do. Take it day by day and maybe you will see the best in him, her and even yourself come out in the end. I have seen it from the other side, my best friend has not seen his daughter since the day after her birth, because of her mothers hatred of him, i would argue more her misunderstanding of him and that is over two years now. I hope one day seeing as he has given her space and time that she will allow him a place in her life, but i have seen the damage it has done too his mental state, emotional well being and pride just respecting her wishes as her mother. I hope that your situation remains a positive thing and a good example of where things can go. " i grew up openly knowing my step dad wasnt my real dad, and even though i loved him dearly i was still very curious about the other half of me and what my real dad was like. I can never remember a conversation where i was told that information. I wanted the same for my daughter that i was open and honest with her. Few years back i introduced her dad too her but only as 'mummys friend' she was non the wiser. Met up 3 times and then he went on holiday with his then gf and communication fizzled. part of me had a tantrum and thought 'fuck it im not going to make him want her' and didnt encourage it. So maybe i am responsible too.. Guess this time is different. She was asking about her 'dad' and why doesnt she see him. So i explained it all too her and he was ready to try again. Hope it will work and he is aware that she knows who he is,, she's only 6 but certainly a smart cookie. | |||
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"I have the utmost respect for you for doing this, i have no doubt it must be difficult, and putting aside your more selfish emotions for the sake of your daughter, even if they are based in some truth, to give her father a chance is such a brave,mature and caring thing too do. Take it day by day and maybe you will see the best in him, her and even yourself come out in the end. I have seen it from the other side, my best friend has not seen his daughter since the day after her birth, because of her mothers hatred of him, i would argue more her misunderstanding of him and that is over two years now. I hope one day seeing as he has given her space and time that she will allow him a place in her life, but i have seen the damage it has done too his mental state, emotional well being and pride just respecting her wishes as her mother. I hope that your situation remains a positive thing and a good example of where things can go. i grew up openly knowing my step dad wasnt my real dad, and even though i loved him dearly i was still very curious about the other half of me and what my real dad was like. I can never remember a conversation where i was told that information. I wanted the same for my daughter that i was open and honest with her. Few years back i introduced her dad too her but only as 'mummys friend' she was non the wiser. Met up 3 times and then he went on holiday with his then gf and communication fizzled. part of me had a tantrum and thought 'fuck it im not going to make him want her' and didnt encourage it. So maybe i am responsible too.. Guess this time is different. She was asking about her 'dad' and why doesnt she see him. So i explained it all too her and he was ready to try again. Hope it will work and he is aware that she knows who he is,, she's only 6 but certainly a smart cookie. " It's not your fault he's an ass, don't blame yourself. You tried and he wasn't interested. Hope it goes ok whether he stays in touch this time or not. Sounds like she's a clever girl and she'll be ok. | |||
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"I feel for you and glad it went well I'm on the other side too as I have not seen my daughter since she was 2 and she is now 23. It wasn't a good break up with her mum but things happened and all of a sudden weeks turned into months into years. I got to the stage where I thought it would be too hard to contact her so I was hoping she would come looking for me when she turned 18 but still no joy. I know she is doing well AMD got a good career and stuff as my dad lives round the corner from her mum. I'm still hoping that one day she will ring or text of hopefully one day knock at my door. " i dont think its ever too late she might be at home waiting for you,, dont be stubburn. Take the risk and make contact. If she says 'no thank you' then its the same outcome as never trying. Being a parent is the best thing in the whole world. | |||
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"Just to add it wasn't through the lack of trying to see her I tried for ages even agreed to go pick her up and was told by a neighbor they had gone away for a while. " She is an adult now and can make her own mind up. Her mother might have matured enough to let the past be the past an move on. | |||
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"I have the utmost respect for you for doing this, i have no doubt it must be difficult, and putting aside your more selfish emotions for the sake of your daughter, even if they are based in some truth, to give her father a chance is such a brave,mature and caring thing too do. Take it day by day and maybe you will see the best in him, her and even yourself come out in the end. I have seen it from the other side, my best friend has not seen his daughter since the day after her birth, because of her mothers hatred of him, i would argue more her misunderstanding of him and that is over two years now. I hope one day seeing as he has given her space and time that she will allow him a place in her life, but i have seen the damage it has done too his mental state, emotional well being and pride just respecting her wishes as her mother. I hope that your situation remains a positive thing and a good example of where things can go. i grew up openly knowing my step dad wasnt my real dad, and even though i loved him dearly i was still very curious about the other half of me and what my real dad was like. I can never remember a conversation where i was told that information. I wanted the same for my daughter that i was open and honest with her. Few years back i introduced her dad too her but only as 'mummys friend' she was non the wiser. Met up 3 times and then he went on holiday with his then gf and communication fizzled. part of me had a tantrum and thought 'fuck it im not going to make him want her' and didnt encourage it. So maybe i am responsible too.. Guess this time is different. She was asking about her 'dad' and why doesnt she see him. So i explained it all too her and he was ready to try again. Hope it will work and he is aware that she knows who he is,, she's only 6 but certainly a smart cookie. " Certainly don't blame yourself, in fact blame in general doesn't change how things happened, hopefully he has grown up a bit in the time between last seeing her and is ready too make some steps towards actually being a father, who knows but your giving him the chance to do so,and nothing more can or should be asked of you, it is up too him too keep his end up, and your daughter sounds like she is a smart cookie, with plenty of her mothers sass for the the united comment hehe. I do hope it continues too go well for all concerned, and that any issues that do prop up can be resolved quickly and with the minimum of hurt.. i don't think a child needs two parents but i think if they can have them it is something too be embraced. | |||
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"I feel for you and glad it went well I'm on the other side too as I have not seen my daughter since she was 2 and she is now 23. It wasn't a good break up with her mum but things happened and all of a sudden weeks turned into months into years. I got to the stage where I thought it would be too hard to contact her so I was hoping she would come looking for me when she turned 18 but still no joy. I know she is doing well AMD got a good career and stuff as my dad lives round the corner from her mum. I'm still hoping that one day she will ring or text of hopefully one day knock at my door. i dont think its ever too late she might be at home waiting for you,, dont be stubburn. Take the risk and make contact. If she says 'no thank you' then its the same outcome as never trying. Being a parent is the best thing in the whole world. " I have true to contact her on fb and my dad has told her I want to see her but not happened yet. | |||
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" Certainly don't blame yourself, in fact blame in general doesn't change how things happened, hopefully he has grown up a bit in the time between last seeing her and is ready too make some steps towards actually being a father, who knows but your giving him the chance to do so,and nothing more can or should be asked of you, it is up too him too keep his end up, and your daughter sounds like she is a smart cookie, with plenty of her mothers sass for the the united comment hehe. I do hope it continues too go well for all concerned, and that any issues that do prop up can be resolved quickly and with the minimum of hurt.. i don't think a child needs two parents but i think if they can have them it is something too be embraced." All she needs is love and support and she has that in bucket loads. | |||
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"Thanks for the replies,, i didnt sleep much last night. I know she will enjoy herself.. guess thats what counts " This is as much a chance for you as for her, an absent parent is created in fantasy, he will struggle to be the father she imagined, and I hope he comes close enough to stay somewhere in her life, but finally you will both be parents with flaws, as opposed to a mother with flaws and a super perfect imaginary father. Yes I know you are the perfect mother, but as a single dad especially through the teenage years, I also know that not even perfect can match fantasy parent. | |||
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"Thanks for the replies,, i didnt sleep much last night. I know she will enjoy herself.. guess thats what counts This is as much a chance for you as for her, an absent parent is created in fantasy, he will struggle to be the father she imagined, and I hope he comes close enough to stay somewhere in her life, but finally you will both be parents with flaws, as opposed to a mother with flaws and a super perfect imaginary father. Yes I know you are the perfect mother, but as a single dad especially through the teenage years, I also know that not even perfect can match fantasy parent." I dont think she has any perception of what he is and should be.. i just think she wants a friend and someone to play with. Im far from the perfect mother.. we plod along | |||
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"Im far from the perfect mother.. we plod along " That's what all parents do, there is no handbook... suprisingly mine both made it, and are parents themselves now. Wish their mother could see the grandchildren though | |||
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"I feel for you and glad it went well I'm on the other side too as I have not seen my daughter since she was 2 and she is now 23. It wasn't a good break up with her mum but things happened and all of a sudden weeks turned into months into years. I got to the stage where I thought it would be too hard to contact her so I was hoping she would come looking for me when she turned 18 but still no joy. I know she is doing well AMD got a good career and stuff as my dad lives round the corner from her mum. I'm still hoping that one day she will ring or text of hopefully one day knock at my door. i dont think its ever too late she might be at home waiting for you,, dont be stubburn. Take the risk and make contact. If she says 'no thank you' then its the same outcome as never trying. Being a parent is the best thing in the whole world. I have true to contact her on fb and my dad has told her I want to see her but not happened yet. " You're probably going to have to keep trying. My oldest son didn't want to see his dad because he held a grudge from being ignored for years. Eventually he came round but i don't think he's bonded with his dad because his dad doesn't really provide any bonding experiences to him. He just takes them to McDs and game shop every few weeks. | |||
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"So for the 1st time in 6 years my daughter will be meeting her father as her father. Shes met him 3 times almost 2 year ago as my friend but cant remember much. She is as excited about this as Xmas, drawn him a card and picked her outfit. She has lots of new family to get to know as time goes on. Im happy that she is but im also nervous worried scared anxious. ive realised im selfish and not very good at sharing. Meh" As q parent your instinct is to protect and shield from potentially harmful events with outcomes you can't fully predict. By the same token if it transpires further down the line you spurned and actively obstructed his attempts at involvement without good reason in your offsprings life; that could cause turmoil and jeopardise your relationship with them. Sounds like you're doing the best thing, given the circumstances. How it plays out is beyond your control. At the very least if things don't you can always truthfully say you didn't stand in anyone's way or prevent him having a relationship with your offsoring | |||
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