FabSwingers.com forum: relationship advise

By *rifteddevotte OP Man
over a year ago

western super mare

you live in bristol you have 3 kids a lovly partner who you have been strong with for 5 years an have your own house, your relationship is stable with occasional argument always your partner kicking off about some of your personal faults.

you used to go back home to see your family 4-5 times a year for the weekend but due to a agument u havent returned home for over a year but your mom an dad still come to visit.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"you live in bristol you have 3 kids a lovly partner who you have been strong with for 5 years an have your own house, your relationship is stable with occasional argument always your partner kicking off about some of your personal faults.

you used to go back home to see your family 4-5 times a year for the weekend but due to a agument u havent returned home for over a year but your mom an dad still come to visit.

Why go on your own? I'd be pissed off. End of day your partner and kids should be main priority. I understand that you love you mum. You can't always run back to mummy. X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Only you know the dynamics of your relationships be it with ur mother , ur wife, other family

I cant even begin to know why this has happened, we can all guess but only you will be anywhere near having a clue

maybe ur partner feels outcast by ur mother and u goin alone adds to this, or maybe ur partner chooses not to go n is trying to emotionally control ooooor oh any number of options between the two, no one can say with any clarity as we do not know enough

I hope this is resolved but sounds a complex issue rather than whats at face value

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Rather a contradictory post from you OP, you state a 'stable relationship' yet 'the partner kicks off?' My advice is once your little people are settled one evening, sit down and talk, communication is the key to a relationship working. You are trying to justify your absence to the parents by 'the free car reference' so the deal is I get you a car off my parents but I'm going away for a few weeks, not very grown up. You can't barter a relationship that also Involves children with a materialistic item. Your parents understand that you have a settled relationship now, that's why they are prepared to visit you. 5years together and 3 children tells me all under age 5 so I'd be pretty stressed x peeved if you decided to have your own space aswell....

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By *rifteddevotte OP Man
over a year ago

western super mare

the collection of the car is what took me to my moms house but on returning i felt extremely saddened by feeling ive put aside seening my parents for far to long (year an 2 momths) an wish just to have some quality time with her to mentaly calm myself as realisation of how much i do actually miss her has hit me like a brick wall

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

On first appearances,it seems that you feel the dynamics of your relationship ship are a little skewed?

Resolving differences and communication will always be a challenge,requiring both to commit and compromise.

Can I ask does your partner know you're here? Perhaps there's other factors involved like disparity in sexual appetite?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Can I ask does your partner know you're here? Perhaps there's other factors involved like disparity in sexual appetite? "

And with 3 children under 5 - she's probably exhausted because it's bloody hard work.

Can your Mum come and stay nearby for a few days, as a kind of compromise or do you mean you just want some head space?

Sarah

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You're cheating on your wife (veris) and you want her to trust you? Maybe time you invested some effort into your relationship and talked to your wife. After all there are 2 sides to every story.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

you used to go back home to see your family 4-5 times a year for the weekend but due to a agument u havent returned home for over a year but your mom an dad still come to visit.

you finaly return home to collect a free car from your mom for your partner and have a very good weekend of catching up and good times, you return home to feel real home sick an say your going home on ure own to see your mom for a wile longer as you miss her alot when your partner then argues an dose not agree with what tour doing an feeling your running off from the family to do wht you want to do and then says if you go an see your mom your relationship ends so pack up an leave but if u dont you have a chance of saving your relationship..... what would you do?"
sounds to me like you've already made decisions life isn't about sex sex is the bonus ,you're on here having fun with a variety of people and you obviously love your mum who maybe lives some distance from you and your partner and your children if your partner finds out you are on here you will end up seperated anyway but really in any partnership where you say you love someone trust and loyalty and wanting to be with them are paramount ,you are putting your family at risk for an orgasm also when you go to mums take them with you otherwise it looks to her like you are trying to escape them ,25 and four kids wow anyways good luck

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By *rifteddevotte OP Man
over a year ago

western super mare

no she dont know im here but are sex life doesn't have any zing and has alot of barriers to what i can do which i understand and anything i do is subject to consistent fantasy that i explore to keep me focused on my family needs rather than getting sidetracked by my sexual wants and find my fantasies leading to an affair wich is worse than what im doing.

2 different wrongs can never be a right but at least there logic to my madness i appoligise if you dont agree with my actions.

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By *ce WingerMan
over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

Does she even know you're bi curious?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OP, we can't guess at the nature of your relationship. You know more about it than any of us. I will give you my opinion based on the facts stated, but in the end you are just going to do what you want with the superior information you have.

I'm my opinion, you are an adult. You have a partner and children. You have your own life now. You don't go running to your parents when things get tough. Marc and I are a partnership. We do things together. Don't you think your partner may want the same?

You should be able to see your parents. But when you have a family you don't just leave them to run to mommy. You visit your mother with you family for a short period and then you go home together. I don't know why your partner won't let you see your parents, but maybe she feels that you are overly reliant on them and not your family? Communicate with her and work out a compromise.

And I know this post isn't about you being on here without your partner, but it's the elephant in the room, isn't it? Think about how good your relationship is with you on here and wanting to go back home to your mother? You have three children. Maybe they should come first instead of you? Talk to your partner and give her some help with those three children. Instead of your next meet, maybe spend two hours with your partner and kids? It might help more than you think.

I wish you the best.

-Courtney

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's been said above

You may not see it now,but your relationship simply won't get better unless you commit.

In the end we become what we choose to be . I'm sure you want to be the better man deep down.

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

Life is all about compromise and communication. How about seeing your mum for a weekend 3 times a year - with your family? They could be your priority. Try giving your wife and kids some quality time and your wife some time away from the kids if that's what she wants. Maybe do more about the house so it's not so hard work for her? Forget about the car. It's not a gift. It's a reminder that you're her son, no her husband.

Without knowing all the details, you'll only get the broadest of advices and you'll have to decide yourself what to do.

If I were in such a position I'd spend more time with your family and less time with your mum unless the wife and kids are with you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would say you are not a strong couple....end of. You are living a lie. You are on here. When you have kids and a long term serious partner then you do actually have to sacrifice things you know... You do...you really do. If you had a burning desire to travel the world...you wouldn't do it...kids...partner...job...money...security..mortgage...so you stay. If you are in acserious relationship... Then you sexual needs need to be met by your partner...and accept that or leave.if she wants to swing and you compatible in that respect...fine....but appears not....so....choose....leave as you are cheating and lying....or stay because you value all the other things more...enjoy what you do have and keep something's as fantasy....you can't always have your cake and eat it.

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By *erbyDalesCplCouple
over a year ago

Derbyshire

It sounds like your partner feels less secure about your relationship than you, and I agree about the elephant in the room not helping. So I would allow things to calm down, then I would concentrate on giving your partner the reassurance they crave. (Valentine's day on Sunday

). In the long term you shouldn't have to chose between your partner and your parents, so it is up to you to tackle it positively. Make a commitment to get a babysitter and do stuff with your partner at least once a fortnight, see if there are ways you can help around the house, show her you love her. Suggest booking them into a health spa as a treat next time you go to your parents if they don't want to come too. Alternatively watch carefully how they are treated by your parents, and stick up for them if necessary. (Mrs ddc's mum always felt she married beneath her and didn't speak to me for almost 20 years.

)

Mrs ddc goes to her mum's alone at least once a year, sometimes with the kids, sometimes without, and always has.

Good luck.

Mr ddc

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By *ivemeyoursoulWoman
over a year ago

Easter just around the corner!

What a sad state of affairs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Op, just my humble opinion but if I were you I would think myself bloody lucky. You have 3 wonderful kids and a partner that loves you. There are an awful lot of people out there that would give anything for half that. Ok, so you may not be getting what you want sexually at home, but as already been said many times communication is key. Talk to your partner. Make time for each other. It could be that she's so knackered from looking after the kids and keeping house. Again, mum will always be there for you. It's an unconditional love. She will understand if you don't visit often as she probably already does. Take your family to visit her!! Make an adventure of it for the kids!! I know I've waffled on, but please don't risk it all by just thinking with your dick ( because you are by being on here).

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By *rifteddevotte OP Man
over a year ago

western super mare

i agree completely perhaps i should leave fab to try an be more committed to my family, i came looking for a answer to one question and seen the realisation of another in that i am doing wrong in satisfiying my needs, im not going to lie i will remain on fab as i like the people i end up talking to but thats all it will remain.

perhaps my sexual flustration has gone too far an i need to behave an be this man for my family to see how it changes my perception on what is rite and wrong.

i know what ive done is wrong i just find life hard not been intrested in new and different things

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Asking other people for advice on how to deal with relationship problems is fine but in the end the only way to sort it is by talking with the other person in the relationship.

Good luck to both of you.

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By *erbyDalesCplCouple
over a year ago

Derbyshire

"i agree completely perhaps i should leave fab to try an be more committed to my family, i came looking for a answer to one question and seen the realisation of another in that i am doing wrong in satisfiying my needs, im not going to lie i will remain on fab as i like the people i end up talking to but thats all it will remain.

perhaps my sexual flustration has gone too far an i need to behave an be this man for my family to see how it changes my perception on what is rite and wrong.

i know what ive done is wrong i just find life hard not been intrested in new and different things "

Well said. If it helps, 25, 5 years in, 3 children all under 5, this is probably the toughest part of your marriage. Get through this together and it will get easier, I promise.

I would say you have already taken the first step

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Grass isn't always greener pal.

You have kids now- they are your priority.

Work things out with your Mrs or at least make a concerted effort to do so.

Visit your mum more often and take your whole family with you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Grass isn't always greener pal.

You have kids now- they are your priority.

Work things out with your Mrs or at least make a concerted effort to do so.

Visit your mum more often and take your whole family with you.

Xx"

This!

And stop lying to her - I would be heart broken if I found out my partner was on here without my knowledge!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I like derby dales cpl advice!

I see it that you are very young and have a lot of responsibility with 3 children.

If you were just dating and not married with kids my advice would be sack her and go back to your family as you don't sound happy.

But you have 4 lives that you would hurt in doing this now.

Stop swinging, talk to your wife.

Good luck, it doesn't sound like a simple quick fix to me x

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

perhaps my sexual flustration has gone too far an i need to behave an be this man for my family to see how it changes my perception on what is rite and wrong.

i know what ive done is wrong i just find life hard not been intrested in new and different things

Well said. If it helps, 25, 5 years in, 3 children all under 5, this is probably the toughest part of your marriage. Get through this together and it will get easier, I promise.

I would say you have already taken the first step

Very wise words. It's so easy to feel sidelined by children and when you feel least appreciated by your partner you both need to make a superhuman effort to pull together. It really is worth it in the long run though.

Neither of us would go back to those days but we both know that without them we wouldn't be as strong as we are now.

Listen to Mr DDC he speaks sense.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well said to all but Mrdcc's words are just right. Spoil your wife and make her feel wanted. 3 young children don't help. Her insecurities can stem from the fact she has felt you pulling away due to this site and the conversations you have. While you are pouring your side of the story out to someone who doesn't really care - try talking to your wife. Her insecurities must be huge with only 3 children for company most times.

Consider getting your parents involved in a monthly babysitting session. They get the children for a weekend and you both get quality time together.

I do wish you luck but can tell you that being on here won't help. Not everyone has the best intentions at heart and will tell you what you want to hear. Take in the advise from everyone and think of your children. It's not their fault you are 'confused' as this is not about you anymore but 4 + 1 lives.

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By *rifteddevotte OP Man
over a year ago

western super mare

ive just had a long chat with my misses and threw doing so unraveled that communication is are problem with most arguments as we dont solve are problems fully and leave questions unanswered, we will be both sitting down tonight to sort things in more detail and creating different ways for us to communicate to see if we can improve things to help both of us become closer.

in regards to been on the site i will stand by the advice given to me on here as you guys have been the back bone of my outside opinion to my relationship and in doing so im not going to meet or become involved in doing anything with other users and focus my energy to build more of a happy life but i will be staying on here as i get to see some really naughty pictures to vent what i want in my mind,

im really greatfull for everyones input to my message its been a great help thank you

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"ive just had a long chat with my misses and threw doing so unraveled that communication is are problem with most arguments as we dont solve are problems fully and leave questions unanswered, we will be both sitting down tonight to sort things in more detail and creating different ways for us to communicate to see if we can improve things to help both of us become closer.

im really greatfull for everyones input to my message its been a great help thank you "

Good for you fella, best of luck

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Can tell communication is a problem for you fella! Have you not heard of punctuation

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

im really greatfull for everyones input to my message its been a great help thank you "

U gonna tell her bout site aswell???

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A waste of effort when you see his verification is actually not from a 'lady' plus the fact he was supposed to be talking to his wife tonight and not be on the site?

Enough said.

Next!

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By *erbyDalesCplCouple
over a year ago

Derbyshire

"A waste of effort when you see his verification is actually not from a 'lady' plus the fact he was supposed to be talking to his wife tonight and not be on the site?

Enough said.

Next! "

Have more faith in them. I may be a big softie, but I have my fingers crossed for them both, and actually believe this one may have a happy ending.

conquers all

Mr ddc

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Whatever we get told won't be the outcome. Notice a change of heart happened too quick. Some people actually need to grow up and take responsibility for once... specially with little lives involved.

I do hope you are right...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

But I don't live in Bristol.

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