FabSwingers.com forum: working and the single parent

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I'm a member of a local single parents support group, and the biggest gripe is the lack of job opportunities for single parents with children under school age, with most being pushed into care work.

Surely there must be other options

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why would single parents be pushed into care work ?

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By *issHottieBottieWoman
over a year ago

Kent

I couldn't of done care work the hours wouldn't of been possible with a young child on my own, early starts, late finishes, nights.

It's been hard work finding part time local work that I can fit around the school run.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Why would single parents be pushed into care work ?"

Flexible hours, on job training, and a readily accessible supply of jobs compared to say retail

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

Didn't think single parents were pushed into work at all when kids were at school, let alone when their kids were not school age.

One lives and learns.

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By *issHottieBottieWoman
over a year ago

Kent

"Didn't think single parents were pushed into work at all when kids were at school, let alone when their kids were not school age.

One lives and learns."

They don't nag at you much pre school but once they turn 5 and are at at school you have to look for work as you move from income support to job seekers

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By *eavenscentitCouple
over a year ago

barnstaple

The job opportunities are the same single parent or not. As a single parent myself I have studied and worked, I have always worked full time. I have received child benefit and no other benefits. My two are now 19 and 27 yrs. I did not expect school holidays off or to work school hours as these jobs are low paid. I own my house and rent another out. I am proud I did this on my own. Women should aspire to get a career and aim to look after themselves.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Our of about 20 single parents I know, only 2 work in the care industry, and that's by choice because the flexibility of the working hours suits them. Ones even on a Zero hour contract and she thinks its great as fits her circumstances perfectly.

The others all have various jobs ranging from teachers and teaching assistants to business managers and office admin.

From what I've seen no ones being pushed into any job at all

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm a member of a local single parents support group, and the biggest gripe is the lack of job opportunities for single parents with children under school age, with most being pushed into care work.

Surely there must be other options "

That's never a real thing, is it?! The group I mean. The job situation is a real Shitter though I do know quite a few single parents who would jump at the chance to work but like you say most jobs don't cater to them.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Didn't think single parents were pushed into work at all when kids were at school, let alone when their kids were not school age.

One lives and learns."

When I say pushed, I mean by lack if options, there is an interview that takes place every six months I believe, one friend if mine turned up for her work focused interview with a folder full of resources, and information, expecting to walk out with an appointment to see someone that could give her mire help back unto work, they basically said there's no point going to work, see you in 6 months

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By *eavenscentitCouple
over a year ago

barnstaple

Cater for them, in what way and why should they be catered for ? Stop having kids or get the other parent to pay/do their share

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Cater for them, in what way and why should they be catered for ? Stop having kids or get the other parent to pay/do their share

Your becoming my new love. My love for Katie Hopkins that is.

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By *eavenscentitCouple
over a year ago

barnstaple

Lack of options for people living on benefits, if they cut the benefits they would soon find a job believe me

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By *eavenscentitCouple
over a year ago

barnstaple

I am a single parent, and have been for 15 yrs, it is hard. I am also a career woman who is sick of hearing others going on and on.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Lack of options for people living on benefits, if they cut the benefits they would soon find a job believe me"

Ok let's stop benefits and watch our friends and family slowly deteriorate because like you say, they'd soon find a job. I'm off to work lol tara!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Cater for them, in what way and why should they be catered for ? Stop having kids or get the other parent to pay/do their share

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By *eavenscentitCouple
over a year ago

barnstaple

Let those in real need have benefits, and those that choose to not work or only work 16 hrs and work the system get a job

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i did child minding - fitted in really well

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Let those in real need have benefits, and those that choose to not work or only work 16 hrs and work the system get a job"

Ok I'm happy it all.worked out for you, has it ever occurred to you that oh I dunno, that some people don't have it in them to achive what you have achived? Some people aren't you. And never will be, that's just life

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Let those in real need have benefits, and those that choose to not work or only work 16 hrs and work the system get a job"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Let those in real need have benefits, and those that choose to not work or only work 16 hrs and work the system get a job"

And who are you to judge who those people may or may not be?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

a few people here assuming the op isnt working- he may well be but just unhappy about the options he has - walk a mile in someones shoes first people

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can see both sides of this. As a single parent I started off on benefits and did struggle to find work that fit around 3 children

The government doesn't make it easier and don't give much incentive for you to find work..but there are many jobs that provide child friendly hours.

I left school with just a few gcse's so options were more limited.

But I was determined to provide for my kids so trained to get the qualifications for a good career.

I now have managed to move to a better area, have a five bedroom house, a car and manage to work hours that suit for good money..It can be done!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Let those in real need have benefits, and those that choose to not work or only work 16 hrs and work the system get a job

In that case, those people probably wouldn't achieve that regardless of being single parents. While I agree it must be incredibly tough, I tend to think that if you don't/can't/won't make sure you can support them before having children then yep, your life is going to be very hard.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"i did child minding - fitted in really well "

Oh well will you look at that, someone has offered a suggestion as to a viable Job opportunity without the attitude of wanting to put people in the work house.

Any more good ideas?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I knew there would be vile comments and the usual I did this and that so everyone else can attitude on this thread.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm a member of a local single parents support group, and the biggest gripe is the lack of job opportunities for single parents with children under school age, with most being pushed into care work.

Surely there must be other options "

There are other options, its just about getting off your rear and making them for yourself rather than waiting to get them handed to you.

I don't appreciate the attitude others have demonstrated so far that single parents are somehow lazy, feckless or irrisponsible though.

Its very narrow minded.

Yes its hard being a single parent but it is worth it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"i did child minding - fitted in really well "

I took time out from my career and did childminding for 6 years while mine were really little. It's a good way of combining working and being at home with your children

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh another suggestion my friend does Avon and Kleneze, think it's Kleneze but she seems to get by!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The job opportunities are the same single parent or not. As a single parent myself I have studied and worked, I have always worked full time. I have received child benefit and no other benefits. My two are now 19 and 27 yrs. I did not expect school holidays off or to work school hours as these jobs are low paid. I own my house and rent another out. I am proud I did this on my own. Women should aspire to get a career and aim to look after themselves. "

How did you manage with child care when your children were young? Who looked after them,who paid for it and how?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How can a single parent work full time? Who looks after the kids after school and in school holidays?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"i did child minding - fitted in really well

Oh well will you look at that, someone has offered a suggestion as to a viable Job opportunity without the attitude of wanting to put people in the work house.

Any more good ideas?"

not much pennies but a paper round - not the early ones but the weekly freebies - fit that in around things

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How did you manage with child care when your children were young? Who looked after them,who paid for it and how? "

I'm slow typing again.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I also did betterware as a top up income. Something easily done while the kids are really little and great exercise too

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By *eavenscentitCouple
over a year ago

barnstaple

Because I had too, who else would have supported us. My ex and I paid for childcare. There were no tax credits, I was 23 when I had my eldest in the middle of nurse training - I went back and got qualified for a better life and to provide. I am proud of my achievements thanks. It can be done.

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By *eavenscentitCouple
over a year ago

barnstaple

Also got a degree and masters and my own business as well. I work very hard

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Wow, people still love to make assumptions about single parents don't they, in our group, there is a woman who's husband was killed in Afghanistan, one who despite having learning difficultys is doing a great job being a mother, one who's husband just couldn't cope with fatherhood, and has not been heard of since he walked out.

All individual stories, but all share the same experience, being looked down on for being some kind of burden on society, and these are the people who want to work their way to a better life and be an example to their kids, but you get people quick to judge without knowing the facts

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How did you manage with child care when your children were young? Who looked after them,who paid for it and how?

I'm slow typing again.

Doesn't hurt to ask more than once

I'd like to know how people manage to get their children to school and after school clubs,get the homework done,and housework etc when they have children,and are a single parent,if they don't have a mother like me to help out for free. Does the Government pay for the childcare? Do friends and neighbours volunteer? Are the children sent to breakfast,after school and holiday clubs for free? Do these people earn so much money they can pay hundreds of pounds a month for someone to look after their children? Maybe they have a free crèche where they work. Or an older child who does the parenting.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Because I had too, who else would have supported us. My ex and I paid for childcare. There were no tax credits, I was 23 when I had my eldest in the middle of nurse training - I went back and got qualified for a better life and to provide. I am proud of my achievements thanks. It can be done. "

Yes but 20 years ago the system and job opportunities were very different to now.

But well done.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Wow, people still love to make assumptions about single parents don't they, in our group, there is a woman who's husband was killed in Afghanistan, one who despite having learning difficultys is doing a great job being a mother, one who's husband just couldn't cope with fatherhood, and has not been heard of since he walked out.

You all have to get off your lazy arse and get a career. It's easy,don't you know

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes but 20 years ago the system and job opportunities were very different to now.

But well done."

You weren't a single parent if your ex was paying for childcare too. Single,means one.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wouldn't call that being a single parent. Having support from an ex is 2 people caring for the kids.

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By *eavenscentitCouple
over a year ago

barnstaple

I was and still am a single parent of 15yrs... I have lived it, breathed it and done it. I have been that rushed Mum dropping kids here and there and going on to work.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm not a single parent but I struggle

I had a job, got the sack after a month being there because I was ill and had to be admitted to hospital.

Ever since September I've been on JSA I've been to countless interviews and I'm not getting nowhere. For someone who has 10 years experience of working in retail, cannot get a job working in a shop let alone a fast food joint. That really makes you feel worthless.

For anyone who thinks it's easy to get a job are deluded. It's not always easy to get a job at a click of a finger.

I'd also rather work and provide for my daughter than being stuck indoors struggling with money from the JSA, how people can survive on that alone must not have any bills or get hand outs.

Another thing, I struggle to get child care as all my family live down south and I hardly know anyone here and my partners parents are a pair of cunts so I feel isolated which doesn't help with my depression. However if I were to work I'd be able to afford paying a child minder.

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By *eavenscentitCouple
over a year ago

barnstaple

Actually you are right I wasn`t a single parent, I must tell my now grown up children who cried every night because their Father walked out and has never seen them since. Paying money does not make Father.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I was and still am a single parent of 15yrs... I have lived it, breathed it and done it. I have been that rushed Mum dropping kids here and there and going on to work."

Well done.

But still- as a single parent to a small child, I had to change jobs because my pre-child career would have been totally unviable financially.

You are very judgemental for someone who has 'lived it'.

It can be very demoralising and this attitude is not helpful.

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By *om and JennieCouple
over a year ago

Chams or Socials

I've only been single for 4 years but don't really class myself as a single parent. Their dad pays maintenance & sees them a lot. We "co-parent"

We both work full time & have had a fantastic childminder for 11 years.

I don't know any single parent in the care sector unless you count nursing. Somehow with family help they manage

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Also got a degree and masters and my own business as well. I work very hard"

Yes we get it, youre superwoman, but you're being very single minded, just because you had what it takes doesn't mean everyone has, I couldn't do a degree, I don't have it in me, I do things that other people would find impossible, but I don't judge them for it, because that's not a fair thing to do

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Actually you are right I wasn`t a single parent, I must tell my now grown up children who cried every night because their Father walked out and has never seen them since. Paying money does not make Father. "

He still helped financially? That takes some of the pressure from you though doesn't it. It made it easier for you to pay for childcare? You had to be two parents,you know how difficult it is with financial help.

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By *issHottieBottieWoman
over a year ago

Kent

I fell pregnant on the pill.i never wanted kids. I worked full time (50 hour weeks) as the pregnancy went along my partner got steadily more unstable, drank a lot, became violent, smashed up the house a few times, I was too scared and worried about being alone to leave, but eventually I did. It was nearly impossible to find a local job that I could work around having a young child. Now he's at school I work 3 days between school hours and get tax credits. Is it ideal? No. Do I wish things were different? Often. But I do what I can and as he gets older I will be able to do more.

As for now I'm all he's got as his father is a useless twat who's not really bothered and doesn't see him from one month to the next.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"i did child minding - fitted in really well

Oh well will you look at that, someone has offered a suggestion as to a viable Job opportunity without the attitude of wanting to put people in the work house.

Any more good ideas?"

Are you (collective) in your area not offered training, to go back to study?...it is free for the most part while on benefits, here. If so then that is an option.

Teaching assistant, child minding are possibly some of the best to fit around a single parent. But there are lots of options opened up if someone is willing to go back and study. Plus the help offered towards extended child care.

I understand the lack of incentive as when back to work calculations are done, on many occasions it works out the single parent is worse off when working.

I have a friend who started in care work as it was her only option at the time... . She has studied along side care work and now works in a hospital with a very well paid job... It doesn't have to end at care work, if that does happen to be your only option.

You will find that a lot of employers in retail will work around a single parent.. I know lots of single parents who work 10 til 2.. So another option would be to just apply and state hours available to work.

Maybe as a group you could find out any funded local training as a way to start.

There was one local to me aimed specifically at lone parents.

Can I add... Anyone on the high and mighty train... I really hope nothing ever happens to put you in a situation where you are reliant on benefits.. It's not a choice for most.. It's a means of surviving... And that's all you do on benefits.. Survive.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

People can't keep blaming the government for everything..To the OP. . You've already had a good answer to your question

Take a group of 5 single parents

One becomes a child minder for the other 4...the 4 pay the child minder.

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By *ancs MinxWoman
over a year ago

Burnley

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"People can't keep blaming the government for everything..To the OP. . You've already had a good answer to your question

Take a group of 5 single parents

One becomes a child minder for the other 4...the 4 pay the child minder."

You can't afford to pay a child minder as a single parent.. You will not get help towards paying a child minder if they are not registered as one....... Swings and roundabouts.... Not all in life is black and white

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"People can't keep blaming the government for everything..To the OP. . You've already had a good answer to your question

Take a group of 5 single parents

One becomes a child minder for the other 4...the 4 pay the child minder."

You know what, that might just work, ill make that suggestion when I see them next

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By *aneandpaulCouple
over a year ago

cleveleys

We were pub Manager,s for one of the big companies we were always told on a one two one bases with the area manager,s to keep well away from single mothers, most of them were a night mare to employ which made it hard for the genuine one,s.

un fair yes but you are running a business and need people you can trust to turn up every day not just to use you to work the benefit system round the job

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"People can't keep blaming the government for everything..To the OP. . You've already had a good answer to your question

Take a group of 5 single parents

One becomes a child minder for the other 4...the 4 pay the child minder.

There are rules and regulations concerning your property too,when you want to set up as a childminder.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There are jobs out there, there's more job share opportunities and part time generally. Not saying it's really easy, and I think it's easier if you were already in a job when you become a single parent. They tend to be more willing to work around you more.

There's twilight shifts too, which can work well for some - if they have family who can help then.

Sarah

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"People can't keep blaming the government for everything..To the OP. . You've already had a good answer to your question

Take a group of 5 single parents

One becomes a child minder for the other 4...the 4 pay the child minder."

Legally speaking the ratios of adults to children change depending on the age of the children.

Have you ever tried looking after 5 under 5's

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There are also a lot of employees that work on a job share basis.. That could be an option... One works.. One looks after Children.. Then swop

If it is a group of lone parents then you can use it to your advantage

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"People can't keep blaming the government for everything..To the OP. . You've already had a good answer to your question

Take a group of 5 single parents

One becomes a child minder for the other 4...the 4 pay the child minder.

Legally speaking the ratios of adults to children change depending on the age of the children.

Have you ever tried looking after 5 under 5's

A child minder is only allowed to look after 6 under 8yrs. Only 3 of those can be under 5. And only 1 of those under 1. There are exceptions for example if there were twin babies etc. I don't think that has changed since i did it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Lack of options for people living on benefits, if they cut the benefits they would soon find a job believe me

Ok let's stop benefits and watch our friends and family slowly deteriorate because like you say, they'd soon find a job. I'm off to work lol tara!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hmmm....single parent hierarchy.

In my opinion if you are the primary carer, children live with you but you receive child support from ex you are still a single parent. Running a household costs way more than any income support received & you are the one making the majority of the decisions regarding their wellbeing on a daily basis.

To answer another question ~ Working full time means you have a network in place of childminders / holiday clubs / favours from friends / unpaid leave / flexi time / holiday dates to look after your children during term holidays ~ the same as couples do.

It's not easy to juggle a career / children and everyone's circumstances will be different regardless of your family status.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"People can't keep blaming the government for everything..To the OP. . You've already had a good answer to your question

Take a group of 5 single parents

One becomes a child minder for the other 4...the 4 pay the child minder.

Legally speaking the ratios of adults to children change depending on the age of the children.

Have you ever tried looking after 5 under 5's

NO,but my mum had to look after seven of us...she lived to tell the tale.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hmmm....single parent hierarchy.

You're right about the hierarchy - single parent terminology used to annoy the hell out of me. I used to hear it and say - hold on, I'm one of those people you are moaning about. And then they'd say - not you, I mean the young ones where they never worked etc.

I used to think- yep those up in their ivory towers can judge everyone else! But that's a debate for another day.

Sarah

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We were pub Manager,s for one of the big companies we were always told on a one two one bases with the area manager,s to keep well away from single mothers, most of them were a night mare to employ which made it hard for the genuine one,s.

un fair yes but you are running a business and need people you can trust to turn up every day not just to use you to work the benefit system round the job "

What a grossly unfair assumption.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

It's disappointing some attitudes towards single mothers, when as a single father, all I tend to get is praise, its time to stop looking at single parents as baby farmers that just do it for the benefits, its a small minority that are work shy, and the phrase work shy, doesn't fit with the word mother, in my opinion, who the hell would work all those hours, for so little money, if they had a choice?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thinking about what you've said OP, if this is the case that the unemployed are being pushed towards Care work that is so wrong.

You should work in the Care sector because you're compassionate, like helping others & want to make a difference to someone's life ~ not because it's the only job available!!

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By *aneandpaulCouple
over a year ago

cleveleys

un fair yes but you are running a business and need people you can trust to turn up every day not just to use you to work the benefit system round the job

What a grossly unfair assumption. "
it,s not unfair assumption when you got let down as much as we did over the year,s

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The government will help with childcare costs depending on what you earn..up to 85%.

I do get 'maintenance' from the children's dad but he pays the minimum that he has to on his earnings..which doesn't cover the cost of running a house and paying bills etc..

I'm on the fence here as I said I've been on both sides of it and it's not easy to find work and plbe a parent etc. .but it is do-able

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

un fair yes but you are running a business and need people you can trust to turn up every day not just to use you to work the benefit system round the job

What a grossly unfair assumption. it,s not unfair assumption when you got let down as much as we did over the year,s"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's disappointing some attitudes towards single mothers, when as a single father, all I tend to get is praise, its time to stop looking at single parents as baby farmers that just do it for the benefits, its a small minority that are work shy, and the phrase work shy, doesn't fit with the word mother, in my opinion, who the hell would work all those hours, for so little money, if they had a choice?"

Why would anyone want to do it for the benefits when it is such low pay.

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By *aneandpaulCouple
over a year ago

cleveleys

un fair yes but you are running a business and need people you can trust to turn up every day not just to use you to work the benefit system round the job

What a grossly unfair assumption. it,s not unfair assumption when you got let down as much as we did over the year,s

It's crap when you get let down, but you assume that the reason for it is because they're only employed to 'work the benefits system' and have no real motivation to work. If a babysitter doesn't turn up or a child is ill there is no option for a single parent other than to stay at home to care for their child. "
The thing was when we employed them baby sitter was not a problem when in the interview they would talk so sincere all right at the start then miss a day then another it, starts a pattern by this time they have got there 13 weeks in and your stuck with them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

un fair yes but you are running a business and need people you can trust to turn up every day not just to use you to work the benefit system round the job

What a grossly unfair assumption. it,s not unfair assumption when you got let down as much as we did over the year,s

It's crap when you get let down, but you assume that the reason for it is because they're only employed to 'work the benefits system' and have no real motivation to work. If a babysitter doesn't turn up or a child is ill there is no option for a single parent other than to stay at home to care for their child. The thing was when we employed them baby sitter was not a problem when in the interview they would talk so sincere all right at the start then miss a day then another it, starts a pattern by this time they have got there 13 weeks in and your stuck with them

To be fair seen a lot of people in couples act like this.pulling "sickies" as partners at home ,nice day so sod work their have a day out .

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Thinking about what you've said OP, if this is the case that the unemployed are being pushed towards Care work that is so wrong.

You should work in the Care sector because you're compassionate, like helping others & want to make a difference to someone's life ~ not because it's the only job available!!

Maybe that is another problem, when you hear about abuse of elderly service users by care staff. It might just be that the care staff that are being abusive are only interested in the money. Not helping people, if I was forced now to say work in a record shop that only sells Justin beiber cds I wouldn't have the passion required to do the job well, it takes a special overdone to be a carerer, and if you don't have it, then your not going to excel at it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

un fair yes but you are running a business and need people you can trust to turn up every day not just to use you to work the benefit system round the job

What a grossly unfair assumption. it,s not unfair assumption when you got let down as much as we did over the year,s

It's crap when you get let down, but you assume that the reason for it is because they're only employed to 'work the benefits system' and have no real motivation to work. If a babysitter doesn't turn up or a child is ill there is no option for a single parent other than to stay at home to care for their child. The thing was when we employed them baby sitter was not a problem when in the interview they would talk so sincere all right at the start then miss a day then another it, starts a pattern by this time they have got there 13 weeks in and your stuck with them

To be fair seen a lot of people in couples act like this.pulling "sickies" as partners at home ,nice day so sod work their have a day out ."

Exactly. You don't need to be single to be work shy.

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By *oxesMan
over a year ago

Southend, Essex

"Didn't think single parents were pushed into work at all when kids were at school, let alone when their kids were not school age.

One lives and learns.

They don't nag at you much pre school but once they turn 5 and are at at school you have to look for work as you move from income support to job seekers "

A mate of mine at uni was told to work 16hours when her child turned 5. She replied how am i supposed to do a full time undergraduate course and work 16 hours whilst bringing up a child.

They did not care.

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By *aneandpaulCouple
over a year ago

cleveleys

un fair yes but you are running a business and need people you can trust to turn up every day not just to use you to work the benefit system round the job

What a grossly unfair assumption. it,s not unfair assumption when you got let down as much as we did over the year,s

It's crap when you get let down, but you assume that the reason for it is because they're only employed to 'work the benefits system' and have no real motivation to work. If a babysitter doesn't turn up or a child is ill there is no option for a single parent other than to stay at home to care for their child. The thing was when we employed them baby sitter was not a problem when in the interview they would talk so sincere all right at the start then miss a day then another it, starts a pattern by this time they have got there 13 weeks in and your stuck with them

To be fair seen a lot of people in couples act like this.pulling "sickies" as partners at home ,nice day so sod work their have a day out .

Exactly. You don't need to be single to be work shy. "
Very true but being a pub manager it was a night mare employing people we found out that single mother,s were the worst at the end of the day most were just kid,s having kids but they knew it all when talking

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That's true but also found that with couples and students ...worse some people are work shy and use kids as an excuse

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

They are nagging me my youngest being 4 im in full time college plus voluntary work uni in September so no benefits then. My advisor turns round to me and says I can't treat you any differently to someone not doing anything. I have worked most of my life until I became a single parent with my youngest not being at school lack of childcare I couldn't work.

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

un fair yes but you are running a business and need people you can trust to turn up every day not just to use you to work the benefit system round the job

What a grossly unfair assumption. it,s not unfair assumption when you got let down as much as we did over the year,s

It's crap when you get let down, but you assume that the reason for it is because they're only employed to 'work the benefits system' and have no real motivation to work. If a babysitter doesn't turn up or a child is ill there is no option for a single parent other than to stay at home to care for their child. The thing was when we employed them baby sitter was not a problem when in the interview they would talk so sincere all right at the start then miss a day then another it, starts a pattern by this time they have got there 13 weeks in and your stuck with them

To be fair seen a lot of people in couples act like this.pulling "sickies" as partners at home ,nice day so sod work their have a day out .

Exactly. You don't need to be single to be work shy. Very true but being a pub manager it was a night mare employing people we found out that single mother,s were the worst at the end of the day most were just kid,s having kids but they knew it all when talking "

I find your attitude hilarious, they came to you for work which meant that they got off their arse and approached you for work. I know a lot of single people with no kids take the absolute piss use sick leave as annual leave and have Monday's off as sick so often. Why tarnish everyone with the same brush some young single parents actually want to better themselves and find employment but if they come across employers with your attitude towards them I'm not surprised that they just give up hope. Not everyone is work shy or has poor work ethics.

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By *aneandpaulCouple
over a year ago

cleveleys

un fair yes but you are running a business and need people you can trust to turn up every day not just to use you to work the benefit system round the job

What a grossly unfair assumption. it,s not unfair assumption when you got let down as much as we did over the year,s

It's crap when you get let down, but you assume that the reason for it is because they're only employed to 'work the benefits system' and have no real motivation to work. If a babysitter doesn't turn up or a child is ill there is no option for a single parent other than to stay at home to care for their child. The thing was when we employed them baby sitter was not a problem when in the interview they would talk so sincere all right at the start then miss a day then another it, starts a pattern by this time they have got there 13 weeks in and your stuck with them

To be fair seen a lot of people in couples act like this.pulling "sickies" as partners at home ,nice day so sod work their have a day out .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To be fair not everyone wants to work or put the effort in regardless in whether have kids or not .

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

un fair yes but you are running a business and need people you can trust to turn up every day not just to use you to work the benefit system round the job

What a grossly unfair assumption. it,s not unfair assumption when you got let down as much as we did over the year,s

It's crap when you get let down, but you assume that the reason for it is because they're only employed to 'work the benefits system' and have no real motivation to work. If a babysitter doesn't turn up or a child is ill there is no option for a single parent other than to stay at home to care for their child. The thing was when we employed them baby sitter was not a problem when in the interview they would talk so sincere all right at the start then miss a day then another it, starts a pattern by this time they have got there 13 weeks in and your stuck with them

To be fair seen a lot of people in couples act like this.pulling "sickies" as partners at home ,nice day so sod work their have a day out .

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By *aneandpaulCouple
over a year ago

cleveleys

un fair yes but you are running a business and need people you can trust to turn up every day not just to use you to work the benefit system round the job

What a grossly unfair assumption. it,s not unfair assumption when you got let down as much as we did over the year,s

It's crap when you get let down, but you assume that the reason for it is because they're only employed to 'work the benefits system' and have no real motivation to work. If a babysitter doesn't turn up or a child is ill there is no option for a single parent other than to stay at home to care for their child. The thing was when we employed them baby sitter was not a problem when in the interview they would talk so sincere all right at the start then miss a day then another it, starts a pattern by this time they have got there 13 weeks in and your stuck with them

To be fair seen a lot of people in couples act like this.pulling "sickies" as partners at home ,nice day so sod work their have a day out .

I have read what you said but you are just tarnishing everyone with the same brush you may of had a few that took the piss it doesn't mean every young single parent is the same. I have seen teenagers who were single parents and go on to buy their own property at 19...."
What ever you try employing some people you will see a different picture had some good single mother,s but also had plenty of bad ones and not just single mother,s

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By *ingle Beds LassWoman
over a year ago

Bedfordshire

Was a very young single mum with very little supprt. I have worked since my son was 2 and in those days (he's 29) there was no government support financial or childcare (unless you used a certified person who costs more than I earned)

You put up or shut up then.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

un fair yes but you are running a business and need people you can trust to turn up every day not just to use you to work the benefit system round the job

What a grossly unfair assumption. it,s not unfair assumption when you got let down as much as we did over the year,s

It's crap when you get let down, but you assume that the reason for it is because they're only employed to 'work the benefits system' and have no real motivation to work. If a babysitter doesn't turn up or a child is ill there is no option for a single parent other than to stay at home to care for their child. The thing was when we employed them baby sitter was not a problem when in the interview they would talk so sincere all right at the start then miss a day then another it, starts a pattern by this time they have got there 13 weeks in and your stuck with them

To be fair seen a lot of people in couples act like this.pulling "sickies" as partners at home ,nice day so sod work their have a day out .

I have read what you said but you are just tarnishing everyone with the same brush you may of had a few that took the piss it doesn't mean every young single parent is the same. I have seen teenagers who were single parents and go on to buy their own property at 19....What ever you try employing some people you will see a different picture had some good single mother,s but also had plenty of bad ones and not just single mother,s"

I was a single mother from the age of 20...i worked 3 jobs.. 1 being in a pub.. Not all landlords have your attitude.. Thank goodness....each individual should be treated as just that.. An individual!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Was a very young single mum with very little supprt. I have worked since my son was 2 and in those days (he's 29) there was no government support financial or childcare (unless you used a certified person who costs more than I earned)

You put up or shut up then.

Who looked after him for free for you?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh and my friends looked after children between them.. Or I couldn't of worked at all.. As no family support and couldn't afford the price of childcare

They where on a private nursery at 1 stage.. And it cost 200 a week..... I was alot worse off working

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

A lad I know works all the hours god sends to provide for his young family. I asked how much he's getting in working tax credit, and was stunned when he told me he couldn't claim it until he was over 25

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Let those in real need have benefits, and those that choose to not work or only work 16 hrs and work the system get a job

I also think it's a very negative world view that many people "don't have it in them" to achieve things and not one that is backed up by science.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Excellent reply.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

un fair yes but you are running a business and need people you can trust to turn up every day not just to use you to work the benefit system round the job

What a grossly unfair assumption. it,s not unfair assumption when you got let down as much as we did over the year,s

It's crap when you get let down, but you assume that the reason for it is because they're only employed to 'work the benefits system' and have no real motivation to work. If a babysitter doesn't turn up or a child is ill there is no option for a single parent other than to stay at home to care for their child. The thing was when we employed them baby sitter was not a problem when in the interview they would talk so sincere all right at the start then miss a day then another it, starts a pattern by this time they have got there 13 weeks in and your stuck with them

To be fair seen a lot of people in couples act like this.pulling "sickies" as partners at home ,nice day so sod work their have a day out .

Read what i have said some would just put the hours in when they had too they had to show some wage slips every now and then to make sure they were working the hours to get the benefit "

Right so they were working their hours and needing payslips every now and again to confirm the hours they've worked? It wouldn't be means tested benefits they were receiving they would be getting working tax credit and those payslips would be required by HMRC not DWP. If their child/children were in a registered crèche or with a childminder they would need the payslips every now and again so they could get help with child care. Christ damned if they don't work damned if they do.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I became a single parent first time when my daughter was 16 months old. I was in the royal navy at the time.

Six years later I fought and won custody of my second daughter (4)

I left the navy and went self employed.

I own my own house. I work hard. My daughters are doing very well. One at uni the other secured a great job after finishing her degree.

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By *ingle Beds LassWoman
over a year ago

Bedfordshire

You put up or shut up then.

Who looked after him for free for you? "

No one. I paid a friends mum £50 a week. When my best mate had her kids she took over.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

I have read what you said but you are just tarnishing everyone with the same brush you may of had a few that took the piss it doesn't mean every young single parent is the same....."

It doesn't no, but if I was running a business and only single mothers were letting me down I think I might avoid them too. Yes, they can't help it if their child is sick and off school, but neither can the person employing them

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

How did you manage with child care when your children were young? Who looked after them,who paid for it and how?

I'm slow typing again.

Doesn't hurt to ask more than once

I was married when I had my children. Childcare was only for single parents and children living in Tower blocks with limited outside space.

I was sterilised at 31 because we couldn't afford more children. Whilst working full time I managed to get a degree. My husband worked nights, me days to look after our children.

I took a job for less money because it had flexible working and a holiday playscheme. My employer also paid for my masters.

Having children is hard work and sacrifices have to be made. I think what annoys people is (SOME) single parents act as the world owes them something by virtue of them being parents.

Most parents struggle/face challenges.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

How did you manage with child care when your children were young? Who looked after them,who paid for it and how?

I'm slow typing again.

Doesn't hurt to ask more than once

I was married when I had my children. Childcare was only for single parents and children living in Tower blocks with limited outside space.

I was sterilised at 31 because we couldn't afford more children. Whilst working full time I managed to get a degree. My husband worked nights, me days to look after our children.

I took a job for less money because it had flexible working and a holiday playscheme. My employer also paid for my masters.

Having children is hard work and sacrifices have to be made. I think what annoys people is (SOME) single parents act as the world owes them something by virtue of them being parents.

Most parents struggle/face challenges. "

Ever sat in the kitchen floor at 3am crying because you just got your child with ear ache off to sleep, and you know you are going to have 2-3 hours sleep and there ain't a single person in this world to help you, no one to say, ill watch the nipper, go and have a bath and a couple of hours sleep, if you struggled while having a partner around, god knows what would happen if you were totaly alone. I fail to de the significance of tower blocks. Is it to paint s picture that has been painted a thousand times before if tracksuit clad girls on channel 5 programs like strictly benefits on ice factor? It is hard being a parent, but how you can say its just as hard for two people to bring up a child as it is one, is ridiculous

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Someone "struggle" is another person's easy life.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How did you manage with child care when your children were young? Who looked after them,who paid for it and how?

I'm slow typing again.

Doesn't hurt to ask more than once

I was married when I had my children. Childcare was only for single parents and children living in Tower blocks with limited outside space.

I was sterilised at 31 because we couldn't afford more children. Whilst working full time I managed to get a degree. My husband worked nights, me days to look after our children.

I took a job for less money because it had flexible working and a holiday playscheme. My employer also paid for my masters.

Having children is hard work and sacrifices have to be made. I think what annoys people is (SOME) single parents act as the world owes them something by virtue of them being parents.

Most parents struggle/face challenges. "

You had it easier than a lot of people I know. Some two parent families think the world owes them,some people with no children think the world owes them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

On another note, I have many former colleagues in their 50s who ended up giving up work or stepping down because they were caring for elderly relatives and couldn't fit it around work so stopped trying. They had zero support available to them because the focus tends to be on people caring for children.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Someone "struggle" is another person's easy life."

When you have seen people you have known struggle with finances, living conditions, and how society looks down on them because of a few people who play the system, and you hear people say that they had it tough, having a partner to depend on and two wages comming in, it just laughable that they can even compare their two lives,

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thing is - yeah it's tough, life is tough. Life isn't even fair. Loads of people struggle for loads of reasons. One person's struggle doesn't trump another's. I think it's pretty unfair in life that there are people who could be great parents who are unable to have children at all - they have to suck it up, change their expectations of what they though they'd have in life and get on with it, as does everyone else.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"On another note, I have many former colleagues in their 50s who ended up giving up work or stepping down because they were caring for elderly relatives and couldn't fit it around work so stopped trying. They had zero support available to them because the focus tends to be on people caring for children. "

You get no.help.in caring for an adult, people are expected to do the job of a carerer for nothing.

But I would never say its easier than being a single parent when I don't know enough about it to comment

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You get no.help.in caring for an adult, people are expected to do the job of a carerer for nothing.

But I would never say its easier than being a single parent when I don't know enough about it to comment"

I cared for an adult for 9 years,along with my 3 children and abusive husband. We all have our hurdles and I don't tell someone they should be able to do it because I did. I didn't come out unscathed.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You get no.help.in caring for an adult, people are expected to do the job of a carerer for nothing.

But I would never say its easier than being a single parent when I don't know enough about it to comment"

I'm not saying it's harder, I have never done either. I'm just saying it's also hard. As are loads of situations. You seem to be saying that one group above all others have it the worst, and should have special allowances made for them. I don't think that's necessarily the case. But I appreciate it's probably difficult to see past your own situation if you feel hard done by from life. That's all.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I started this thread because, there is a lack if opportunity for single parents, because of childcare factors, I didn't start it to say that since parents are superior in any way, or to say the world owes us just because we have kids, quite the opposite, most single parents I know, want to work, want to better themselves, but some of the comments on here have shown that there is no escape from the picture painted in the media, of young girls popping out kids for council houses and benefits, when there are single parents that want to do it for themselves, get off benefits, and have some pride in their achievements, the I did it why can't you attitude serves nothing but the person who said its ego, its not constructive, its just one upmanship

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It was and is an interesting thread, but,as usual it went off subject ,people got heated and attacked over different views.which can I say there is no correct view or answer on this subject.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I started this thread because, there is a lack if opportunity for single parents, because of childcare factors, I didn't start it to say that since parents are superior in any way, or to say the world owes us just because we have kids, quite the opposite, most single parents I know, want to work, want to better themselves, but some of the comments on here have shown that there is no escape from the picture painted in the media, of young girls popping out kids for council houses and benefits, when there are single parents that want to do it for themselves, get off benefits, and have some pride in their achievements, the I did it why can't you attitude serves nothing but the person who said its ego, its not constructive, its just one upmanship"

Can't disagree with that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

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By *ingle Beds LassWoman
over a year ago

Bedfordshire

"the I did it why can't you attitude serves nothing but the person who said its ego, its not constructive, its just one upmanship"

Actually it's fact. My ego hasn't been massaged by stating that I did it. As I said, it is a fact. I did it.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"the I did it why can't you attitude serves nothing but the person who said its ego, its not constructive, its just one upmanship

Actually it's fact. My ego hasn't been massaged by stating that I did it. As I said, it is a fact. I did it."

Yep I think you hinted at that between the lines somewhere

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By *eavenscentitCouple
over a year ago

barnstaple

This single parent has been at work since 8.15am I have just got in and you are still on here !! I have a paper to write and I am also working this weekend.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This single parent has been at work since 8.15am I have just got in and you are still on here !! I have a paper to write and I am also working this weekend.

And the other single parent who isn't quite so holier than thou has just had time to catch up with this thread. I was also at work today.

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By *at69driveMan
over a year ago

Hertford

"I'm a member of a local single parents support group, and the biggest gripe is the lack of job opportunities for single parents with children under school age, with most being pushed into care work.

Surely there must be other options "
. What type of work are you trained to do? In an ideal scenario , what type of work are you looking for ?..

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By *at69driveMan
over a year ago

Hertford

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Single parent of two. Full time (plus!!) job, often have to work 13 hour days. I own my own house, have no debts and my children are proud of the managerial post I hold.

As long as you have organised good childcare, your status as a single parent does not prevent you from applying for high end jobs with great salaries.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've been a single parent for many years in that time I have gotten a PhD in medicine and a BSc(Hons) in mental health care and now work for the NHS

The real truth is you can do anything you want if you really want to, a lot of people just look of obstacles because they are a little half hearted about things

If you really want to do something you will find a way and do it

If I'm honest I found things harder when I was married it wasn't untill I because single I had the freedom to do what I wanted with my life

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I'm a member of a local single parents support group, and the biggest gripe is the lack of job opportunities for single parents with children under school age, with most being pushed into care work.

Surely there must be other options . What type of work are you trained to do? In an ideal scenario , what type of work are you looking for ?.."

Ah I can see where there is s little confusion here, I'm not looking for work, I was saying that most single parents job opportunitys are limited by factors including peoples attitudes and child care costs, I'm lucky, I don't have to claim benefits. and I can live quite comfortable on my income I've not git a flashy lifestyle but I get by

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 06/02/16 00:19:36]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How did you manage with child care when your children were young? Who looked after them,who paid for it and how?

I'm slow typing again.

Doesn't hurt to ask more than once

I was married when I had my children. Childcare was only for single parents and children living in Tower blocks with limited outside space.

I was sterilised at 31 because we couldn't afford more children. Whilst working full time I managed to get a degree. My husband worked nights, me days to look after our children.

I took a job for less money because it had flexible working and a holiday playscheme. My employer also paid for my masters.

Having children is hard work and sacrifices have to be made. I think what annoys people is (SOME) single parents act as the world owes them something by virtue of them being parents.

Most parents struggle/face challenges.

ive been with you all along on this thread but just want to say here that not always having 2 parents there is easier - my ex was a d*unk and although it was hard on my own it 'easier' than when it was me, him and the kids

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By *eavenscentitCouple
over a year ago

barnstaple

"I'm a member of a local single parents support group, and the biggest gripe is the lack of job opportunities for single parents with children under school age, with most being pushed into care work.

Surely there must be other options . What type of work are you trained to do? In an ideal scenario , what type of work are you looking for ?..

How then can you understand the pressure of being a single parent that has to work to live if you have never had to do that ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm a member of a local single parents support group, and the biggest gripe is the lack of job opportunities for single parents with children under school age, with most being pushed into care work.

Surely there must be other options . What type of work are you trained to do? In an ideal scenario , what type of work are you looking for ?..

you let everybody chat on long enough before you told us that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm a member of a local single parents support group, and the biggest gripe is the lack of job opportunities for single parents with children under school age, with most being pushed into care work.

Surely there must be other options . What type of work are you trained to do? In an ideal scenario , what type of work are you looking for ?..

I feel conned now.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm a member of a local single parents support group, and the biggest gripe is the lack of job opportunities for single parents with children under school age, with most being pushed into care work.

Surely there must be other options . What type of work are you trained to do? In an ideal scenario , what type of work are you looking for ?..

I feel conned now.

same

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There are always other options - those other options aren't always easy.

I'm not a single parent, but I was made redundant three years ago with no payout (Facebook's memories reminded me yesterday that for eight days I'd been living on more or less a can of Tesco value soup a day). I had to do something. I started my business as a freelance writer. Yeah, I didn't get paid for months and months. But eventually I did. And when I did, it was a good paycheck.

It paid for me to go to university (I'm in my 3rd year) and have a nice apartment all to myself. It pays me more working part time than some of my previous jobs have full time.

We had a careers lecture on Wednesday at university. More and more arts professionals are going self-employed. Well, more and more people are going self-employed in general. We all have access to the internet (through our local libraries) and the dedicated can teach themselves how to run a small business (that's what I did).

You have to make your own opportunities in life. I found myself repeatedly turned down for work when I looked for it after my redundancy and the main reason was because I was a woman of child-bearing age. Employers were afraid I was going to run off and get pregnant, milking them of all the money. And the reality was that in *all* my previous office jobs I'd spent half my life covering higher paid women's jobs who were off on maternity leave - so I understood how they came to that conclusion.

But opportunities are out there if you look for them. I did several modules with the Open University while I was working (and it's all paid for now with a loan if you don't already have a degree) to improve my ability to write. Then I was forced into becoming a writer before I was ready. But it was ok in the end.

So I guess I'm saying - work for yourself. Find a skill that you have that you can sell. Are you good at cleaning? Ironing? Taking photos? Writing? Doing someones accounts? Administration? There are possibilities out there for you to have a career that fits around your established commitments. I fit my freelance work around a full time undergraduate degree - and I swear sometimes my degree is as demanding as a small child with equally unpredictable hours.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I'm a member of a local single parents support group, and the biggest gripe is the lack of job opportunities for single parents with children under school age, with most being pushed into care work.

Surely there must be other options . What type of work are you trained to do? In an ideal scenario , what type of work are you looking for ?..

How then can you understand the pressure of being a single parent that has to work to live if you have never had to do that ?"

Ok, firstly because I listen to those who are in that situation, secondly earnings that I have make no difference to the situation for hundreds if not thousands of single parents across the country, and thirdly, using your logic, how can you, who has the drive and ambition clearly to succeed, pass judgments on those who feel lost and don't know where to start with making a life for themselves, maybe if people who have fought their way out of this situation like yourself spent the time mentoring, instead of criticising these people things might just turn around for them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A mate of mine at uni was told to work 16hours when her child turned 5. She replied how am i supposed to do a full time undergraduate course and work 16 hours whilst bringing up a child.

They did not care."

FWIW you cannot get JSA if you are on a full time undergraduate course. Your mate was telling you fibs - or telling fibs to her advisor.

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By *irty Girty From No 30Woman
over a year ago

Burbage

"I'm a member of a local single parents support group, and the biggest gripe is the lack of job opportunities for single parents with children under school age, with most being pushed into care work.

Surely there must be other options "

I disagree, jobs are out there, Ive worked gull time whole of my daughters life, having to use nurserys and childminders to be able to work, and i know many other single parents that did the same, never known a parent yet that has been pushed into one specific job role

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By *ingle Beds LassWoman
over a year ago

Bedfordshire

"I'm a member of a local single parents support group, and the biggest gripe is the lack of job opportunities for single parents with children under school age, with most being pushed into care work.

Surely there must be other options . What type of work are you trained to do? In an ideal scenario , what type of work are you looking for ?..

How then can you understand the pressure of being a single parent that has to work to live if you have never had to do that ?

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By *irty Girty From No 30Woman
over a year ago

Burbage

Exactly this, i did the same worked full time, bought my house etc

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Oh I'm sorry everyone that you feel that because I'm not poverty stricken, and I give a shit about other people that I have somehow conned everyone, I never once said that I was on.benefits of any kind, or lead you to believe that, you have been mislead by your own assumptions, an assumption about a single parent that turned out to be false, kind of drives it home a bit about assumptions don't you think

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Oh I'm sorry everyone that you feel that because I'm not poverty stricken, and I give a shit about other people that I have somehow conned everyone, I never once said that I was on.benefits of any kind, or lead you to believe that, you have been mislead by your own assumptions, an assumption about a single parent that turned out to be false, kind of drives it home a bit about assumptions don't you think"

dont you think though that the advice people gave was directed at yourself ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Drama.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Drama."

forums - gotta love em eh lib ? xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I'm a member of a local single parents support group, and the biggest gripe is the lack of job opportunities for single parents with children under school age, with most being pushed into care work.

Surely there must be other options . What type of work are you trained to do? In an ideal scenario , what type of work are you looking for ?..

How then can you understand the pressure of being a single parent that has to work to live if you have never had to do that ?

That's a no then yeah?

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By *irty Girty From No 30Woman
over a year ago

Burbage

How did you manage with child care when your children were young? Who looked after them,who paid for it and how? "

For me, i paid for child care, i didn't get help, and didn't find out about child care voucher until my daughter was 12.5 years old

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You don't sound sorry in the slightest.

I'm done with this now.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

dont you think though that the advice people gave was directed at yourself ? "

Call me.think but not until someone asked me what work I was looking for talking directly to me, no I didn't

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By *ingle Beds LassWoman
over a year ago

Bedfordshire

Again it is down to facts. People here have pointed out factually that single parents make their opportunities, they don't rest on their laurals. They have gone out there and done everything in their power to survive and better themselves regardless of the fact they have had a disadvantage that could have stopped them. This is the flip side of the coin you spoke about.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

You don't sound sorry in the slightest.

I'm done with this now."

I wasn't trying for sorry, I was more looking for sarcastic to be honest.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Err no, it's more like you were saying things like "how can you know what it's like to be crying on the floor at 3am" and similar hyperbolic heart-string pulling, and deriding other people for not knowing what it's like because they're not in that situation, when actually you're not either. And you have dismissed the experience of those who have been in that situation but made a success of themselves - when actually it sounds like their experiences are closer to the situation you're on about than yours is.

None of that has anything to do with stereotyping single parents or people jumping to assumptions.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

dont you think though that the advice people gave was directed at yourself ?

Call me.think but not until someone asked me what work I was looking for talking directly to me, no I didn't"

i wrote this earlier on

---"a few people here assuming the op isnt working- he may well be but just unhappy about the options he has -"

you never put us straight after that

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By *nfamyMan
over a year ago

Goole

Forums don't you just love them

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

None of that has anything to do with stereotyping single parents or people jumping to assumptions. "

So because I have an income, I've never struggled and helpless as a parent, never felt isolated. Never felt alone ?

You can pick.this whole thread apart. From top to bottom but it still won't change the fact that single parents sometimes need help to get themselves off benefits.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

dont you think though that the advice people gave was directed at yourself ?

Call me.think but not until someone asked me what work I was looking for talking directly to me, no I didn't

i wrote this earlier on

---"a few people here assuming the op isnt working- he may well be but just unhappy about the options he has -"

you never put us straight after that"

I didn't see it or I would have.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

None of that has anything to do with stereotyping single parents or people jumping to assumptions.

So because I have an income, I've never struggled and helpless as a parent, never felt isolated. Never felt alone ?

You can pick.this whole thread apart. From top to bottom but it still won't change the fact that single parents sometimes need help to get themselves off benefits."

Of course you can have felt those things. But have you ever been laid off, had no income, struggled to find a job? You have as much experience of being a working single parent as I do. Because you're a single parent but I'm not, and I have to work but you don't.

People full stop sometimes need help to get themselves off benefits, be they single parents, carers for elderly relatives, people with disabilities or mental health problems, whatever. The woe is me we've got it worst attitude helps no one especially not those who you claim to want to help.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You don't sound sorry in the slightest.

I'm done with this now.

I wasn't trying for sorry, I was more looking for sarcastic to be honest."

To be honest - yeah right.

You gave the impression that you were a single parent, part of a support group who, as a group, were struggling to find good work opportunities.

At no point did you say you were not looking for work or in receipt of benefits. Its all semantics now anyway.

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By *uckandbunnyCouple
over a year ago

The Wild Wetness

I am glad we live in a country that supports people. But I am not a huge fan of the philosophy that the government needs to do more.

The government is a middle man between individuals.

So when you say the government needs to do more that really means other people need to do more for me.

The government is only a conduit for redistribution and were markets can't provide. It does not have its own money or its own ability to generate jobs.

As for the Op. It's the wrong time of year but how about things like landscape gardening, or electrician, plumber, private tuition, the issue is not that they are single parents it's that without knowing their skill set, resources and family situation we are all guessing as to offer suggestions about what they can do.

Even child care is a poor option if they can pass a crb check.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

None of that has anything to do with stereotyping single parents or people jumping to assumptions.

So because I have an income, I've never struggled and helpless as a parent, never felt isolated. Never felt alone ?

You can pick.this whole thread apart. From top to bottom but it still won't change the fact that single parents sometimes need help to get themselves off benefits.

Exactly this^^

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It is hard being a single parent and working no matter what anyone says. All the people saying oh well I did it with no help then go on to say that their friend or a family member looked after their child for them to work. Or the person who said her and her husband split the responsibilities by her working days and him working nights, umm that's not being a single parent love that's your husband watching the kid in the day for you to work and you being home with the kid in the night whilst your husband works.

To the people that said they paid for all their own child care without the help of tax credits, big claps to you and well done for having a job that paid enough that you could pay £37 pound a day for child care and still have enough wages to make it worth while for working.

I'm lucky I have a job that fits around my child but if I was unemployed and was looking for work, tell me what job could I do baring in mind I have to get my child dressed and ready for school and take her to school for 8:55am or I could take her to breakfast club at 8:15 so I have between 8:30 and 14:45 to work mon to Friday and only those set hours. I can't put her in after school clubs or child care because after school finishes I pick my child up and she has Krav Maga on a Monday, drama on a Tuesday, Wednesday she has rainbows and then kickboxing, Thursday she has swimming, Friday she has ballet and orchestra, Saturday morning she has gymnastics. I have nobody to take her to these classes I have to so my options for employment are limited to jobs I can do between the hours of 8:30 and 14:30. I get by through working 2x10 hour shifts a week 10pm and 8am and for that my mother who lives next door to me simply sleeps in my house instead of her own. My mother has her own job so she can't do anything for me during the day nor should she have to, it's my kid who I chose to have.

People shouldn't be envious or slag off people on benefits, it's a miserly existence and the stories of extravagance and people on benefits having luxury lives are just sensationalised stories by the press to keep people thinking that all the countries problems are due to the welfare system.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It is hard being a single parent and working no matter what anyone says. All the people saying oh well I did it with no help then go on to say that their friend or a family member looked after their child for them to work. Or the person who said her and her husband split the responsibilities by her working days and him working nights, umm that's not being a single parent love that's your husband watching the kid in the day for you to work and you being home with the kid in the night whilst your husband works.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Well put

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Krav Maga is so cool

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

How did you manage with child care when your children were young? Who looked after them,who paid for it and how?

I'm slow typing again.

Doesn't hurt to ask more than once

I was married when I had my children. Childcare was only for single parents and children living in Tower blocks with limited outside space.

I was sterilised at 31 because we couldn't afford more children. Whilst working full time I managed to get a degree. My husband worked nights, me days to look after our children.

I took a job for less money because it had flexible working and a holiday playscheme. My employer also paid for my masters.

Having children is hard work and sacrifices have to be made. I think what annoys people is (SOME) single parents act as the world owes them something by virtue of them being parents.

Most parents struggle/face challenges.

It's all relative though. My husband worked nights whilst I was alone with three children. My middle daughter would sleep walk. One night she fell down the stairs and knocked herself out. I had to call the ambulance and get two other kids out of bed to go to the hospital.

This was before everyone had mobile phones and I couldn't phone my husband at work.

At the hospital the police were called as they thought I'd done something to my child. I had a husband, this was an extreme situation, but I was on my own.

There are wives with husbands in the military, away for months.

I was with my daughter yesterday, she's just had twins. I watched her juggling the two boys and we commented on how people manage on their own.

My point isn't to belittle others but to point out all parents face a struggle with help or not and hats off to those that do it.

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By *uckandbunnyCouple
over a year ago

The Wild Wetness

I'm fairly relaxed on welfare but to take that example those clubs are choices free to do or not do. So only having employment that fits around them is a choice it's not forced.

School is legally required, so not a choice but childcare or clubs or deciding what to do with holidays are all choices.

Being single is undoubtedly harder than working as part of a couple or with extended family, but even in those circumstances we all have choices.

I could work extra on Saturday and Sunday in a different job but I sacrifice the income to have time at home with family.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Saying life is difficult and asking for help is not a woe is me attitude.

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By *radleyandRavenCouple
over a year ago

Herts

I think the point is you had financial help which enabled you to afford minders/childcare for your children.

When I looked at going back to work on reduced hours (We have no family nearby who could've had Little'un), the childcare costs were more than I would have been earning, and that's before you even consider milk, nappies, bills, rent, council tax, etc. So it made no sense for me to go back to work. - Had I have been a single parent with no financial help from Bradley, this would've left us up Shit Creek

We are extremely lucky that we are able to survive off of Bradley's wages alone.

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By *eavenscentitCouple
over a year ago

barnstaple

I think the point is you had financial help which enabled you to afford minders/childcare for your children.

We are extremely lucky that we are able to survive off of Bradley's wages alone."

And... so I am not a `real` single parent because my ex paid maintenance for OUR children. They are his children as well as mine, he did nothing else. Fathers/men are more than a meal ticket and I believe they are really important in children`s lives.

I am bored now with this. Obviously if a woman has achieved and actually had kids she is not a `proper` mother. I had this attitude from playground non-working tracksuit wearing mothers at the school gates as did many of my working friends. We would rush off to work whilst they went back to watch whatever Jeremy Kyle type programme was on then and have a cuppa.

As for the person who said be a mentor for other single parents, I have no time for that. I have effectively two jobs, plus an ailing Mother who I am also responsible for at the minute.

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By *-angel-XWoman
over a year ago

hell

"Lack of options for people living on benefits, if they cut the benefits they would soon find a job believe me"

Complete BOLLOCKS

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By *radleyandRavenCouple
over a year ago

Herts

I think the point is you had financial help which enabled you to afford minders/childcare for your children.

We are extremely lucky that we are able to survive off of Bradley's wages alone.

As for the person who said be a mentor for other single parents, I have no time for that. I have effectively two jobs, plus an ailing Mother who I am also responsible for at the minute. "

You've completely missed the point of my post.

I have no doubt that you have faced judgement from "Jeremy Kyle" mothers, just as I have faced judgement from working Mothers/non-Mothers who think I sit on my fat arse all day watching TV and drinking tea, but at no point in this thread have I seen people attacking you for succeeding in having a career and not being a "real mother", just some people pointing out that you had the benefits which some don't - which is financial help from the other parent which helped pay for childcare to actually enable you to study and work full time, etc.

You may be lucky enough to be a high earner but some aren't, and if your ex hadn't have contributed financially and you had no family who could've looked after your children, can you genuinely say you still would have been able to afford to work full time and study? (Not a snotty post, just curious).

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By *oxesMan
over a year ago

Southend, Essex

un fair yes but you are running a business and need people you can trust to turn up every day not just to use you to work the benefit system round the job

What a grossly unfair assumption. it,s not unfair assumption when you got let down as much as we did over the year,s

It's crap when you get let down, but you assume that the reason for it is because they're only employed to 'work the benefits system' and have no real motivation to work. If a babysitter doesn't turn up or a child is ill there is no option for a single parent other than to stay at home to care for their child. The thing was when we employed them baby sitter was not a problem when in the interview they would talk so sincere all right at the start then miss a day then another it, starts a pattern by this time they have got there 13 weeks in and your stuck with them

To be fair seen a lot of people in couples act like this.pulling "sickies" as partners at home ,nice day so sod work their have a day out .

too true. I have a freind who was a young single mum at uni. The verry fact she travelled to cardiff every day. Study go hom, pick up ger daughter from school sort her then study some more late into the night. i know she made a mistake in her teens but by the verry fact she is at uni kindof proves she is trying not to be a burden onsociety so why should she be punished for trying to give back to society. i know the figgures for young single mums going to uni is not good, and thelow paid many of them then find themselves, i inmagine it must be a slap to there inteligence and morale.

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By *oxesMan
over a year ago

Southend, Essex

"Lack of options for people living on benefits, if they cut the benefits they would soon find a job believe me

Complete BOLLOCKS"

tgat stament is a complete load of bollocks. i have worked in a jobcenter and i tell you benifits or no it takes at least on avg 400 job applications per a customer at tge dwp.

its an employers market, they like those in tgeir mid 30s prefrably not of family generating age, as tgey fear maternal and paternal leve and tge supposed amount of time off work would overtly effect their business.

they do not like employing thouse in their 20's with exception of low paid 0hour or part time contracts as they deemed to much of a risk, they are also seen as having illeficent paid workexperience. Altgough this in my case is a fair assement, but are usefull at driving wages down because younger people are willing to do the same work for less money. They also donot like employing old people or people in their 50s.

just by cutting tgeir benifit does not mean tgey will get a job. It may mean you get rid of tge thing that is able to get tgem to wor or infact keeps them intgere home.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As for the person who said be a mentor for other single parents, I have no time for that. I have effectively two jobs, plus an ailing Mother who I am also responsible for at the minute. "

What's wrong with tracksuit wearing mothers? I wear tracksuit bottoms when I go to the gym oh and I also go back to watch Jeremy kyke and have a cuppa tea because I work nights and I can! You do give off this vibe this air of superiority so the non working mothers at the school probably don't give a fuck that you work and probably don't even care, the attitude off them (if there even was any attitude) I'd say that came from the fact you look down on these people and they can sense it.

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By *erbyDalesCplCouple
over a year ago

Derbyshire

Admittedly this probably wasn't the best thread to read yesterday as my return to the forums, but OP, since it turns out you appear to have your life sorted, do you attend this group to advise or to seek advice?

Also have you considered that your own views of the troubles that single parents face might be coloured by the over-representation of the sort of person who attends such groups, and the absence of those single parents who just quietly get on with making the sacrifices necessary to give their children the best possible start in life?

Personally I take my hat off to the single parents on this thread, yourself included, who have demonstrated that they have the drive to do whatever it takes.

The reality is that some employers are wary of employing women with young children because of attendance issues. This isn't solely an issue for single mothers, but all women, (because it is usually the woman who responds when a child is ill).

(I say usually, but in our case it was I who was sacked when I made an application under the Parental Leave regs)

However many more employers value parents, and recognise the drive and determination it takes, especially to bring up a child alone, so no, I don't believe the choices are as limited as you suggest.

Mr ddc

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I think the point is you had financial help which enabled you to afford minders/childcare for your children.

We are extremely lucky that we are able to survive off of Bradley's wages alone.

As for the person who said be a mentor for other single parents, I have no time for that. I have effectively two jobs, plus an ailing Mother who I am also responsible for at the minute. "

How do you know that their attitude towards you was because you work, was it an assumption.

How do you know the "tracksuit wearing mothers" didn't work weekends or late shifts? Was this an assumption?

How do you know they went home for a cup of tea and watch Jeremy Kyle, and not complete some open university course work? Was that an assumption.

While assumptions are being made, might I assume, that there are people in thus world that you think are beneath you, and those people being any one who is not like you, and doesn't match up to your standards, you Dee its all well.and good trying to be the fab katie Hopkins, but you can't do it in assumption alone, maybe tests why you got so mad when you realised that rather than being on benefits and whining, I actually have the privileged position of being able to be s full time father and not go out to work, another assumption

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By *alandNitaCouple
over a year ago

Scunthorpe

Being a good parent isn't always easy. ..being a single one is much harder.

I was incredibly lucky to have the support of my family, my ex and his family. I also worked for a large employer who allowed me to work strange flexible hours.

Where you live and the support available makes a huge difference to what is available and possible. Not to mention individual abilities and personal situations.

I would support any single parent wanting to work but understand why this is by no means an easy thing to do for many.

Nita

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Admittedly this probably wasn't the best thread to read yesterday as my return to the forums, but OP, since it turns out you appear to have your life sorted, do you attend this group to advise or to seek advice?

Personally I take my hat off to the single parents on this thread, yourself included, who have demonstrated that they have the drive to do whatever it takes.

(I say usually, but in our case it was I who was sacked when I made an application under the Parental Leave regs)

However many more employers value parents, and recognise the drive and determination it takes, especially to bring up a child alone, so no, I don't believe the choices are as limited as you suggest.

Mr ddc"

Ok firstly, I amend the group because they have lots of helpful advice on offer and I don't care if your a lone parent or a couple with fit healthy retired parents and a winning lottery ticket, advice on things like learning through play and potty training comedy in handy.

Secondly, I like the people I met there, they are nice people, and its fun.

Thirdly, being financially secure, is not the same as having your life sorted, there are things that I have yet to do, I have insecurity just like anyone else

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By *erbyDalesCplCouple
over a year ago

Derbyshire

" Mr ddc

Secondly, I like the people I met there, they are nice people, and its fun.

Thirdly, being financially secure, is not the same as having your life sorted, there are things that I have yet to do, I have insecurity just like anyone else"

Thank you, I just wondered if you were actually hosting the group for a mo

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

" Mr ddc

Secondly, I like the people I met there, they are nice people, and its fun.

Thirdly, being financially secure, is not the same as having your life sorted, there are things that I have yet to do, I have insecurity just like anyone else

Thank you, I just wondered if you were actually hosting the group for a mo

You have my respect for asking, and not just making an assumption

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By *irty Girty From No 30Woman
over a year ago

Burbage

None of that has anything to do with stereotyping single parents or people jumping to assumptions.

So because I have an income, I've never struggled and helpless as a parent, never felt isolated. Never felt alone ?

You can pick.this whole thread apart. From top to bottom but it still won't change the fact that single parents sometimes need help to get themselves off benefits."

Should people not help themselves, this world owes no one a living, if want something hard enough, whether be job, car, love life etc, get off laurels and go get it, just don't expect help on the way

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By *irty Girty From No 30Woman
over a year ago

Burbage

None of that has anything to do with stereotyping single parents or people jumping to assumptions.

So because I have an income, I've never struggled and helpless as a parent, never felt isolated. Never felt alone ?

You can pick.this whole thread apart. From top to bottom but it still won't change the fact that single parents sometimes need help to get themselves off benefits.

Should people not help themselves, this world owes no one a living, if want something hard enough, whether be job, car, love life etc, get off laurels and go get it, just don't expect help on the way"

This wasn't aimed at anyone personally in the thread, its my general opinion

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some recognition that all walks of life can endure difficult times is important.

You may have a couple both working,struggling as they have no grandparents to help with care and thus have massive childcare bills.

Alternatively a single parent may have a huge amount of assistance from family and friends....and so on.

Every situation is unique.

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By *eavenscentitCouple
over a year ago

barnstaple

I had no choice but to work full time, their father/ my husband would not support me to stay at home. .

You actually have no idea how hard it was for me, and the determination required to do it all, and I am quite rightly proud of my achievements. I make no apology for that at all.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I had no choice but to work full time, their father/ my husband would not support me to stay at home. .

You actually have no idea how hard it was for me, and the determination required to do it all, and I am quite rightly proud of my achievements. I make no apology for that at all.

And no.one has asked you to, I started this thread because I wanted to highlight the difficultys faced by single parents that don't want to be labeled as "tracksuit wearing" or "jeremy Kyle watching" spongers, but some people don't have the determination to get a degree, or start their own business, and some just have the wind knocked out of their sails by people who tell them repeatedly that they can't succeed, and hint at if they don't do as they have done, they are going to fail, it they aren't trying hard enough, I wish you would try to imagine what it would have been like, if your ex had not been working, or in able to contribute. Or just not been bothered to help and hand on heart, would your life have been quite as successful, if I hadn't made the best of an opportunity the way I did, and had the income from that one good piece of fortune, I would now be screwed, and I don't know what I would do.

Not everyone has what it takes to get into an earnings bracket, that allows them to be independent, and pay for child care and live not just exist.

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

Let's end it there, folks....

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