FabSwingers.com forum: My best friend problem !

By *rishman75 OP Man
over a year ago

Chessington/epsom

I've been best friends with her for over 11 years but I would like to be more than that but she wants to be Friends. I drive her everywhere and if she is in trouble I'm there for her . Her last 4 partners used cocaine or hit her or abused her ! Should I just walk away ????

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I've been best friends with her for over 11 years but I would like to be more than that but she wants to be Friends. I drive her everywhere and if she is in trouble I'm there for her . Her last 4 partners used cocaine or hit her or abused her ! Should I just walk away ????

No just be there for her, don't change anything. Why would you want to walk away?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Is she there for you too?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Only you can answer that. Sometimes, it's better to remain friends than risk losing it by getting involved. There again lots of relationships evolve from friendships. Sounds like she needs a good friend in her life though.

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By *ony HardcockMan
over a year ago

Shepperton

Fella it's better to have her in your life than not at all,

And maybe one day it happens!!

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By *rishman75 OP Man
over a year ago

Chessington/epsom

I'm not a ugly bloke and I have a great job and I'm good to her kids .everytime she break up with a partner she calls me and cries and I can't take much more than this .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just from what you're saying, you're far too useful in the friend zone for her to consider anything else. If she wanted you, she'd have had you by now. You're either going to have to deal with stealing longing glances and wondering what if, or you could firm it, move on, find someone who reciprocates your affection, and let her crack on with her idiotic bad boys. At some point she'll realise where she went wrong, and you'll realise where you went right.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Do you know what's worse than being friendzoned?

Realizing that someone who appeared to be your friend for however long (in this case 11 years) and realizing it was all a ruse so you could get with her.

Friendship with a woman is not a consolation prize.

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By *rishman75 OP Man
over a year ago

Chessington/epsom

For Christmas I brought her shopping to jane norman and got 2 dresses for her and purfume a new phone and some other stuff but I didn't want anything in return .

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By *ce WingerMan
over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

She obviously likes people who treat her like shit, I had a similar g/f in the 80's. I walked away, she is fine now but I worried about her when she kept leaving me for him and she would keep turning up on my doorstep with a black eye and crying her heart out

Only you know the full details, so what advice do you expect us lot of deviants to give you?

Good luck chap

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"For Christmas I brought her shopping to jane norman and got 2 dresses for her and purfume a new phone and some other stuff but I didn't want anything in return ."

You ever thought of talking to her and expressing your feelings?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"For Christmas I brought her shopping to jane norman and got 2 dresses for her and purfume a new phone and some other stuff but I didn't want anything in return ."
really not sure what to say to this so I won't !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Are you only her friend so that you can one day insert your penis into her vagina? If so, then you should fuck off out of her life because she deserves better.

IF you're actually her friend and it doesn't matter if you have sex or not - then I can't see why you'd walk away.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Do you know what's worse than being friendzoned?

Realizing that someone who appeared to be your friend for however long (in this case 11 years) and realizing it was all a ruse so you could get with her.

Friendship with a woman is not a consolation prize. "

Yes, OP reads as "how much more do I put up with for the prospect of a shag"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"For Christmas I brought her shopping to jane norman and got 2 dresses for her and purfume a new phone and some other stuff but I didn't want anything in return .

If you didn't want anything in return, why are you saying it as if you did want something in return?

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

"For Christmas I brought her shopping to jane norman and got 2 dresses for her and perfume a new phone and some other stuff but I didn't want anything in return ."

that's a bit excessive is it not.....

if she doesn't love you in the way that you want, you know the answer

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Does this female friend know and approve of your swinging activities...?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It sounds like she is happy to use you as a free taxi service/ cheque book to me.

And that you are happy to be her doormat. Whether that is a genuine friendship? Only you can say that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The fact that you want it to be more than friendship and she doesn't makes it a simple decision to make .

Walk away , for her sake and yours .

Nothing but heartache ahead .......

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My friends would never use me as a taxi service (unless in emergency) as I would not to them either.

She knows you come running at the drop of a hat to pick up the pieces and will continue to do this

Test if this is a real friendship (say you have a major issue and see if she drops everything and helps you out, without giving you her problems again )

Agree with others, stop being a taxi driver in the hope you can get into her knickers

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Do you know what's worse than being friendzoned?

Realizing that someone who appeared to be your friend for however long (in this case 11 years) and realizing it was all a ruse so you could get with her.

Friendship with a woman is not a consolation prize.

Yes, OP reads as "how much more do I put up with for the prospect of a shag""

I think it reads as i think i really like her i dont think she likes me...im pretty sure shes using me for stuff...

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By *rishman75 OP Man
over a year ago

Chessington/epsom

She is going down a road which will destroy her and I don't want that to happen to her as for sleeping with her I have a few times but I don't want to see her this way .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"She is going down a road which will destroy her and I don't want that to happen to her as for sleeping with her I have a few times but I don't want to see her this way ."

You can't control other peoples' behaviour, only your own

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Do you know what's worse than being friendzoned?

Realizing that someone who appeared to be your friend for however long (in this case 11 years) and realizing it was all a ruse so you could get with her.

Friendship with a woman is not a consolation prize.

Yes, OP reads as "how much more do I put up with for the prospect of a shag"

I think it reads as i think i really like her i dont think she likes me...im pretty sure shes using me for stuff..."

And he puts up with it to get a shag. Nobody can "use" you without your compliance.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"She is going down a road which will destroy her and I don't want that to happen to her as for sleeping with her I have a few times but I don't want to see her this way ."

It's not your job to save her. What you have here is a co-dependent relationship, she is using you, you allow it in the hope it will get you what you want from her. Ultimately a lose-lose.

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By *empting Devil.Woman
over a year ago

Sheffield

You're treating her like a girlfriend (lifts, gifts etc) and yet you're 'just her friend'.

I'm pretty sure that whenever you do something for her you stress to her that you're happy to do so.

A) she's not abusing you if you've been instigating it and doing it willingly.

B) if you've never made it clear that you want anything more then why would she change the status quo?

Perhaps she knows but is grateful to have a man in her life who isn't treating her like shit. Perhaps she doesn't want you to say anything because that would change your relationship and she doesn't want you to be more than a friend.

Perhaps she has no idea how you feel.

Perhaps her always shitty life would get much shittier without you in it and she's too scared of that to upset the balance.

OP if you are doing all these things in the hope that.she'll suddenly look at you and say "it was you all along, let's live together and be happy forever" then you're fooling yourself. If you're doing it because you care about her as a friend as well as wanting more then you need to either suck it up and carry on or take time to re_iew which you want more. It's likely that your relationship will change if any conversation is had. Are you ready to take whatever that change may be knowing that it may not go the way you want it to?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"She is going down a road which will destroy her and I don't want that to happen to her as for sleeping with her I have a few times but I don't want to see her this way ."

Then dont! Either you want to be her friend or you dont.

We seek the love we feel we deserve, obviously she has low self esteem and personal issues and knows she can use you either maliciously or not.

If you're her friend then help her see herself as more, that means dont shag her just because you think she should

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By *r H and Good PetCouple
over a year ago

Nottingham

"Do you know what's worse than being friendzoned?

Realizing that someone who appeared to be your friend for however long (in this case 11 years) and realizing it was all a ruse so you could get with her.

Friendship with a woman is not a consolation prize. "

^ Fucking THIS.

"For Christmas I brought her shopping to jane norman and got 2 dresses for her and purfume a new phone and some other stuff but I didn't want anything in return ."

Then why mention it at all? What is the point? You obviously want some kind of recognition of that, which isn't "nothing".

Are you only her friend so that you can one day insert your penis into her vagina? If so, then you should fuck off out of her life because she deserves better.

IF you're actually her friend and it doesn't matter if you have sex or not - then I can't see why you'd walk away."

Wasp - once again saying what I want to say with fewer and better words. lol.

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By *rishman75 OP Man
over a year ago

Chessington/epsom

I think the best solution is to finish been friends with her ! It's her life and I need to go in a different direction and thanks everyone xx

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By *empting Devil.Woman
over a year ago

Sheffield

Btw OP men and women see friendships with the opposite sex very differently. If she regards you as her best friend then sex and relationships (yes I know you've shagged in the past) will be way off her radar.

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By *r H and Good PetCouple
over a year ago

Nottingham

I love how your options seem to be "be more than friends" or "walk away". The former is no reason to be friends with someone. Having sex with someone is not the "level up" from friendship; sex is not a transactional activity in exchange for friendship.

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By *r H and Good PetCouple
over a year ago

Nottingham

"I think the best solution is to finish been friends with her ! It's her life and I need to go in a different direction and thanks everyone xx"

Obviously only friends with her to get into her pants.

Which is a shit reason to be friends with someone.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm not a ugly bloke and I have a great job and I'm good to her kids .everytime she break up with a partner she calls me and cries and I can't take much more than this . "

Does she know how you feel?

Talk to her. I married my best friend.

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

"For Christmas I brought her shopping to jane norman and got 2 dresses for her and purfume a new phone and some other stuff but I didn't want anything in return ."

Uh, yes you did want something.

She wants your friendship. You have to decide if that's enough because it's all that's on offer.

It sounds rather one-sided to me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"She is going down a road which will destroy her and I don't want that to happen to her as for sleeping with her I have a few times but I don't want to see her this way .

It's not your job to save her. What you have here is a co-dependent relationship, she is using you, you allow it in the hope it will get you what you want from her. Ultimately a lose-lose."

This.... She knows you will be there for her, get her what she needs etc, because you want more from her, and she already has an emotional hold on you

I would tell her how you feel you want more, otherwise this its not going to end well. Her stringing you along isn't healthy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think the best solution is to finish been friends with her ! It's her life and I need to go in a different direction and thanks everyone xx"

Try only being friends with people you don't find sexually attractive. Clearly you can't separate your penis from your brain when it comes to friendship.

(I fancy loads of my friends, but I don't sulk and get all upset because they don't want to have sex with me. I'm still a good friend to them.)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

One does not simply escape the friend zone

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think the best solution is to finish been friends with her ! It's her life and I need to go in a different direction and thanks everyone xx"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My best friend is a woman and I don't want to fuck her, vice versa.

She wouldn't be my best friend if I did, it's not a difficult equation to work out.

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By *r ManxMan
over a year ago

NeverWhere

Some times it hard to see friends in self destructive life's and relationship's.

Lots of if's

If it's about sex you need to evaluate what you want in life , their is more to life and relationships than sex.

If it's being branded as the friend who is always close but not too close and you want a proper committed relationship , you need to talk to her.

If it is about it you feeling used as the ever present safety net and that you can not cope with the pain a hurt any-more, you need to think about it then talk about it with her and be prepared to walk away.

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

O can't imagine walking away from my best friend.

It sounds a bit like throwing toys out to just desert someone that you're close to. And the mature way would probably be to manage your own mind and life plans.

Someone's not available? Find others who are or deal with getting involved with unavailable people.

You throw in things like her expartners cocaine use like she's damaged goods almost, when it was someone else and it is an interest that many decent people have.

If you've been a rescuer, beware of punishing her now, it would be a psychological game.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 31/01/16 11:17:50]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Wow, some pretty harsh responses.

From what you've said I'd say she's using you to be honest.

Maybe try putting a little distance between you for a while and see how it goes?

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"She is going down a road which will destroy her and I don't want that to happen to her as for sleeping with her I have a few times but I don't want to see her this way .

It's not your job to save her. What you have here is a co-dependent relationship, she is using you, you allow it in the hope it will get you what you want from her. Ultimately a lose-lose."

This

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By *eanut Butter CupWoman
over a year ago

B & M Bargains

"Wow, some pretty harsh responses.

From what you've said I'd say she's using you to be honest.

Maybe try putting a little distance between you for a while and see how it goes?"

everyone's being so harsh in the OP.. all I can see is a woman who knows how besotted he is with her and is using that to get whatever she wants off him whilst keeping him just close enough to make him think she's interested in more!

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

"Wow, some pretty harsh responses.

From what you've said I'd say she's using you to be honest.

Maybe try putting a little distance between you for a while and see how it goes?"

Only because he's letting her because he's hoping to get into her knickers.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

"Wow, some pretty harsh responses.

From what you've said I'd say she's using you to be honest.

Maybe try putting a little distance between you for a while and see how it goes?

Only because he's letting her because he's hoping to get into her knickers."

I think he wants more than that....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Wow, some pretty harsh responses.

From what you've said I'd say she's using you to be honest.

Maybe try putting a little distance between you for a while and see how it goes?

Only because he's letting her because he's hoping to get into her knickers."

She's his best and he loves her, of course he wants to get into bed with her.

The feminists smelt blood again and went for the jugular

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By *erfectman122Man
over a year ago

from somewhere nice

"
no don't walk away friends are there for you and you them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Wow, some pretty harsh responses.

From what you've said I'd say she's using you to be honest.

Maybe try putting a little distance between you for a while and see how it goes?

Only because he's letting her because he's hoping to get into her knickers.

She's his best and he loves her, of course he wants to get into bed with her.

The feminists smelt blood again and went for the jugular

I care deeply about some of my best friends and manage to not want to get into bed with them. Some of them I even fancy and still don't turn into a sullen child if they say 'no'.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Wow, some pretty harsh responses.

From what you've said I'd say she's using you to be honest.

Maybe try putting a little distance between you for a while and see how it goes?

Only because he's letting her because he's hoping to get into her knickers.

She's his best and he loves her, of course he wants to get into bed with her.

The feminists smelt blood again and went for the jugular

I care deeply about some of my best friends and manage to not want to get into bed with them. Some of them I even fancy and still don't turn into a sullen child if they say 'no'."

There is a world of difference between caring deeply and being in love.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

No, don't walk away but I suggest you distance yourself. Maybe explain how you feel say you'll be there if she needs you then try and build a life that doesn't revolve around the hope that you two will get together. At the moment you're enabling her to continue in abusive relationships.

Good luck however things turn out.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Are you only her friend so that you can one day insert your penis into her vagina? If so, then you should fuck off out of her life because she deserves better.

IF you're actually her friend and it doesn't matter if you have sex or not - then I can't see why you'd walk away."

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By *ohnjones3210Man
over a year ago

Chester

Seriously, what is the matter with people on here?!?! The guy had only asked a question. I don't understand why the guy needs to be attacked for that!

Anyway, regarding the question... Be honest with her and tell her how you feel!

At the end if the day, if she doesn't want to change, you can't force her. Just let her be.

If you've banged her or not, want to or not, to me, that's entirely irrelevant. The last is the past.

Explain how you feel, try to get a heartfelt response and accept it.

That's my opinion anyway.

Ignore the idiots above who are attacking you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

She keeps going back for comfort when things go wrong because she only sees you as her friend and nothing else. She obviously doesn't want you as relationship material and you should have seen that the first time she came to you for support. If you try things further you might lose the friendship but there is only one way to find out. Some women are attracted to 'bad boys' as a pattern and you cannot change that.

Be a friend or walk away. Don't try to but her feelings as that will never work...

Good luck.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

But??? BUY....

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By *issHottieBottieWoman
over a year ago

Kent

I used to work with a girl who always had a lad trailing along behind her carrying her bags and giving her lifts buying her drinks etc coz they wanted more and she was just using them

OP if she is as good a friend to you as you are to her then you can either carry on as you are or tell her and hope it doesn't make things uncomfortable.

If she's more like the girl I described above then I doubt she Is interested just likes having you around to pick up the pieces when she gets shit on by her latest squeeze.

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By *rishman75 OP Man
over a year ago

Chessington/epsom

I'm not worried about what people think about me because I've been called worse on a rugby pitch ! I'm just wondering what I should do but I do like the feedback .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Forest and Jenny springs to mind

Life is like a box of chocolates

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