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why, so, serious?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Ok kinky people, as a Dom I've been accused in the past of being too light hearted, my last girlfriend and submissive said when we first met, that she thought I was to funny to take seriously (I know, me, funny?) She soon changed her mind though.

Who says that a Dom can't have a sense of humour, I've spoken to other Doms that never crack their face, because they think that that's how a dom behaves, that in my opinion, is a load of pretentious bullshit, if your light hearted and chatty, why would you be different, just because you are in a scene, I mean its not like I'm like it all the time, but some people are serious, from first meeting right through to the duration.

What are your thoughts?

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

I've played with several subs who have commented afterwards how much I smile and how surprised they were at how little I shout.

Kink is supposed to be fun. There's nothing wrong with enjoying it!

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By *iamondjoeMan
over a year ago

Glastonbury

You might say that, I couldn't possibly comment!

https://www.fabswingers.com/my/show/4f6d686f-3294-4ea2-8002-a335f8d10dae

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I've played with several subs who have commented afterwards how much I smile and how surprised they were at how little I shout.

Kink is supposed to be fun. There's nothing wrong with enjoying it!"

A lot of people seem to frown on the fun side. I have to giggle. Been told off for it before.

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By *r H and Good PetCouple
over a year ago

Nottingham

Oh, god!

Doms who are full time "dom" really ring alarm bells with me.

To me, a D/s relationship has its times and contraints defined. And outside of those times and situations, my doms have always just been really normal. They have to be. I can't be sub *all the time*, and I can't deal with having a dom *all the time* (some people can. YKINMKBYKIOK etc)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't know about the Dom / sub dynamic , but we swing for fun .

If it ain't no fun we don't do it .....

And being able to have a laugh is a major part of the fun for us and those we meet .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't know about "the scene" but if your domination doesn't reflect your personality isn't it just role play? I might be talking rubbish due to the fact that I'm a little ignorant about these things

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By *r H and Good PetCouple
over a year ago

Nottingham


"I don't know about "the scene" but if your domination doesn't reflect your personality isn't it just role play? I might be talking rubbish due to the fact that I'm a little ignorant about these things "

*nod* Essentially, in a way, yes... But often an extended "role play", that sometimes can bleed into "real life".

In my experience, the safest and best D/s relationships I have had have been where we both enjoy being that "role" during play, but we're not necessarily that in real life.

So, I'm a sub during sex, but have been described as being really dominany and confident in real life. I'm aware that I love the feeling of being dommed in sexual situations, but in real life, I don't want to be "sub" to my everyday contacts. lol. 1. I'm not a walk over, and 2. it's a sex thing, so not life. lol

Hope that makes sense. What a ramble! lol

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By *r H and Good PetCouple
over a year ago

Nottingham


"I don't know about "the scene" but if your domination doesn't reflect your personality isn't it just role play? I might be talking rubbish due to the fact that I'm a little ignorant about these things "

So, sorry, in short - there's a difference between "personality" and "sexual preferences".

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Honestly i have no idea. Im interested in sub dom play though. Not sure what to expext but im exploring it at the moment with a fb xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've met a great guy who has been introducing me to D/S but he isn't 'Dom' all of the time and I love that! We have a giggle and are good Fab friends until something changes in his eyes and I know what's coming....I love That!

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By *ohnjones3210Man
over a year ago

Chester

Do you wear a black cape and shout out commands?

Lol!

I've chatted with a lady who is part of some sort of thing like this.

The gentleman in question seems to be rather volatile and harsh!

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

I've never really experience it as I don't like people that take everything all to seriously. I've chattered to guys that are all matter of fact and generally to serious.

I'm a fun person, there's times in your life you have to be serious, I reserve my serious side for then

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I don't know about "the scene" but if your domination doesn't reflect your personality isn't it just role play? I might be talking rubbish due to the fact that I'm a little ignorant about these things

So, sorry, in short - there's a difference between "personality" and "sexual preferences"."

Thanks Happy you do make me smile

I prefer to be with dominant men as I'm sexually more submissive but I can't say I've ever been with a Dom. In real life I'm assertive and exceptionally confident.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I don't know about "the scene" but if your domination doesn't reflect your personality isn't it just role play? I might be talking rubbish due to the fact that I'm a little ignorant about these things

So, sorry, in short - there's a difference between "personality" and "sexual preferences".

Thanks Happy you do make me smile

I prefer to be with dominant men as I'm sexually more submissive but I can't say I've ever been with a Dom. In real life I'm assertive and exceptionally confident."

Ohhh and fricking hilarious (but only I think so)

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London


"Ok kinky people, as a Dom I've been accused in the past of being too light hearted, my last girlfriend and submissive said when we first met, that she thought I was to funny to take seriously (I know, me, funny?) She soon changed her mind though.

Who says that a Dom can't have a sense of humour, I've spoken to other Doms that never crack their face, because they think that that's how a dom behaves, that in my opinion, is a load of pretentious bullshit, if your light hearted and chatty, why would you be different, just because you are in a scene, I mean its not like I'm like it all the time, but some people are serious, from first meeting right through to the duration.

What are your thoughts? "

I'm a Domme only when in play mode: I would not want a D/s relationship. For me being in character would be exhausting and I'm rather gregarious.

However, I'd be arrogant and dismissive to call how others conduct their life as pretentious because it differs from my own.

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By *r H and Good PetCouple
over a year ago

Nottingham


"I don't know about "the scene" but if your domination doesn't reflect your personality isn't it just role play? I might be talking rubbish due to the fact that I'm a little ignorant about these things

So, sorry, in short - there's a difference between "personality" and "sexual preferences".

Thanks Happy you do make me smile

I prefer to be with dominant men as I'm sexually more submissive but I can't say I've ever been with a Dom. In real life I'm assertive and exceptionally confident.

Ohhh and fricking hilarious (but only I think so)"

Well, you *are* the only one you ever need to worry about.

Yeah, I know what you mean. Most relationships I've been in have been with dominant men, but I've not really had a Dom for any significant length of time.

It's because I'm not really into the relationship side of it outside of the bedroom. I've got a life, I don't want to be doing "tasks".

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

But there is a big difference between D/s and master/slave, and people think they are the same animal, I do like to inject a bit if humour into a scene, that's just me, but if I'm going full on sadist, she won't be laughing

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I just don't really get the whole full-on D/S thing and the main reason for that is it does sometimes just all seem incredibly serious.

For me, sex and all that goes with it is not supposed to be serious so I just can't relate to it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Enjoy the outside the bedroom dominance as much as the inside the bedroom dominance. Different strokes for different folks and all that.

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk


"I just don't really get the whole full-on D/S thing and the main reason for that is it does sometimes just all seem incredibly serious.

For me, sex and all that goes with it is not supposed to be serious so I just can't relate to it. "

Even the full on D/s thing doesn't have to be serious. Some Dom(me)s seem to make it so, but it doesn't have to be.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

There are not many things outside the bedroom that I have had a sub do for me, but one if those things was shaving me, both face and genitals, I bought an open razor for the task, its a beautiful thing to be able to put your trust in someone like that, especially when a small slip could cause so much damage, in fairness I both loved and trusted her, and it was my way if saying hey, this trust thing goes two ways, and this is my gift if trust to you, shame I found out that I couldn't trust her, but that's life.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"But there is a big difference between D/s and master/slave, and people think they are the same animal, I do like to inject a bit if humour into a scene, that's just me, but if I'm going full on sadist, she won't be laughing "

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By *adystephanieTV/TS
over a year ago

glos

Domination I think tends to be more about role play when it is adopted for casual one off meets however longer term or full time relationships centred around domination are usually more intense as the submissive would stay in 'role'

24/7 and I would say a more serious approach is needed.

Just my opinion though and I'm sure the approach to this varies immensely.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I thoroughly detest the god complex some have..

If I know theres a meet planned and I have the inclination the 'master' might turn out to be a glum serious demanding cunt..I simply wouldt join..regardless of how hot his sub is.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I thoroughly detest the god complex some have..

If I know theres a meet planned and I have the inclination the 'master' might turn out to be a glum serious demanding cunt..I simply wouldt join..regardless of how hot his sub is."

Well you know, a 'Master/Slave' relationship will tend to have the master making demands. So if you don't want to meet people who are serious and demanding within their dynamic, then perhaps you shouldn't meet people who identify as 'Master'?

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk


"I thoroughly detest the god complex some have..

If I know theres a meet planned and I have the inclination the 'master' might turn out to be a glum serious demanding cunt..I simply wouldt join..regardless of how hot his sub is.

Well you know, a 'Master/Slave' relationship will tend to have the master making demands. So if you don't want to meet people who are serious and demanding within their dynamic, then perhaps you shouldn't meet people who identify as 'Master'?"

Demanding and serious is ok. Being miserable and feeling that cracking a smile or making a joke isn't Domly isn't much fun though.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I thoroughly detest the god complex some have..

If I know theres a meet planned and I have the inclination the 'master' might turn out to be a glum serious demanding cunt..I simply wouldt join..regardless of how hot his sub is.

Well you know, a 'Master/Slave' relationship will tend to have the master making demands. So if you don't want to meet people who are serious and demanding within their dynamic, then perhaps you shouldn't meet people who identify as 'Master'?"

he would be the master of HIS slave..not me.

I've known a few couples over 10 years,who have master/slave relationships..without the need to act like arrogant alpha male twats to others.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

some people seem to think it's all about the punishment side of things.For me it's more about the state of the mind,how to unlock someone's mind and sensations to take them to different heights of sexual pleasure.Humour can play a part in this,but it can be switched within a second.Some people shout while playing,but then some achieve the same by just whispering into someone's ear.

At the end of it,it's what works best for the individuals

Just my thoughts x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We are both far from serious all the time. We both have too much of a sense of humour for that. We don't play that way outside of sex anyway and its between us. Not necessarily to be imposed on others who we have fun with. I think that are difference degrees of it , as with anything. I'd be a crap slave !! I know that much.

Sarah

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo


"But there is a big difference between D/s and master/slave, and people think they are the same animal, I do like to inject a bit if humour into a scene, that's just me, but if I'm going full on sadist, she won't be laughing "

Thats how you like to play and obviously fine, but why is it "pretentious bullshit" if someone plays a different way to you?

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk


"But there is a big difference between D/s and master/slave, and people think they are the same animal, I do like to inject a bit if humour into a scene, that's just me, but if I'm going full on sadist, she won't be laughing

Thats how you like to play and obviously fine, but why is it "pretentious bullshit" if someone plays a different way to you?"

I know what he means. Some Dom(me)s/Masters can be very pretentious.

They tend to think they are "genuine" and "true Dom(me)s", and anyone who doesn't have a M/s 24/7 life or who dares to crack a smile isn't Domly enough and is a pretender.

They often wear leather waistcoats, wolf t-shirts and have an array of implements hanging from their belt.

They're commonly known as Twoos on a fet site I use.

Their attitude and behaviour makes them pretentious, not how they choose to play.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

To be fair, he didnt say any of that in his OP.

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk


"To be fair, he didnt say any of that in his OP."

No, he didn't.

I know the type he means but I realise that lots won't.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"But there is a big difference between D/s and master/slave, and people think they are the same animal, I do like to inject a bit if humour into a scene, that's just me, but if I'm going full on sadist, she won't be laughing

Thats how you like to play and obviously fine, but why is it "pretentious bullshit" if someone plays a different way to you?

I know what he means. Some Dom(me)s/Masters can be very pretentious.

They tend to think they are "genuine" and "true Dom(me)s", and anyone who doesn't have a M/s 24/7 life or who dares to crack a smile isn't Domly enough and is a pretender.

They often wear leather waistcoats, wolf t-shirts and have an array of implements hanging from their belt.

They're commonly known as Twoos on a fet site I use.

Their attitude and behaviour makes them pretentious, not how they choose to play."

painted the picture well enough in my head lol...

it might sound like a caricature, but I've seen it many times.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo


"To be fair, he didnt say any of that in his OP.

No, he didn't.

I know the type he means but I realise that lots won't."

Hopefully he will come along and say what he meant then as to be fair, you don't know

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo


"Ok kinky people, as a Dom I've been accused in the past of being too light hearted, my last girlfriend and submissive said when we first met, that she thought I was to funny to take seriously (I know, me, funny?) She soon changed her mind though.

Who says that a Dom can't have a sense of humour, I've spoken to other Doms that never crack their face, because they think that that's how a dom behaves, that in my opinion, is a load of pretentious bullshit, if your light hearted and chatty, why would you be different, just because you are in a scene, I mean its not like I'm like it all the time, but some people are serious, from first meeting right through to the duration.

What are your thoughts? "

Your post came across to me as talking about Dom/ sub play as a sexual roleplay rather than a 24/7 thing. Is that what you meant?

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk


"To be fair, he didnt say any of that in his OP.

No, he didn't.

I know the type he means but I realise that lots won't.

Hopefully he will come along and say what he meant then as to be fair, you don't know "

Yes, maybe I misunderstood.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"To be fair, he didnt say any of that in his OP.

No, he didn't.

I know the type he means but I realise that lots won't.

Hopefully he will come along and say what he meant then as to be fair, you don't know

Yes, maybe I misunderstood."

Dee you got me absolutely spot on, I couldn't say it better myself, and.maybe that's why I didn't say it to begin with.

How you play is individual, there is no doubt about that, but there are people who kind of try to shame people into their way if thinking, using language like "you're not a true sub because you don't do this. Your not a true dom because you don't do that" they call themselves dom but think they have to act like an un feeling caricature if a 1970s movie vampire.

Someone might be serious because, like when I first went down the rabbit hole, they are shiting themselves, or it might be their personality, but there are so.many that adopt a persona because they don't know enough about what they are doing to express themselves as an individual.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If I was to sub for someone I'd want them to be a friendly soul, otherwise I just wouldn't trust them.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

Even though you didnt answer my question which is obviously fine,but as you didnt clarify I will have to read it the same way and say your first post doesnt relate to your explanation of your post now.

I answered the post as a person meeting another for a Dom / sub meet rather than a lifestyle.

I personally think that to have a Dom/ sub roleplay there has to be some sort of seriousness going on, if the OH made me laugh while doing it it would spoil the play.

My opinion of a Dom/ Sun relationship / lifestyle 24 / 7 is a totally different kettle of fish and one where my views would not be well recieved BUT that is only going by what I have read on this and other forums and not from personal experience

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I always enjoy a good laugh with the subs i play with.

Otherwise i simply wouldnt play with them.

Im not a stone faced Dom. I like to smile. I like the sub to smile..

Everyone should be happy with the situation in my opinion.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"If I was to sub for someone I'd want them to be a friendly soul, otherwise I just wouldn't trust them."

Kopite. You are stunningly beautiful.

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