FabSwingers.com forum: Is it sexist to ask a woman to smile

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Just watched the following article on the bbc, where a young lady posted about an incident where a cashie asked her to smile.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-35422966

She was pretty indignant and claimed he was being sexist and micro-aggressive.

There was a large response on Facebook and Twitter about it.

I have in the past had people tell me to smile, it might never happen. Is it sexist if it's a man to a woman. I never felt that way a woman to a man.

I'll agree with her on one thing, it is pretty irritating, but is it sexist

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By *irtyGirlWoman
over a year ago

Edinburgh

I saw that too. Personally I think she made a mountain out of a molehill. I'm all for pushing down sexism and if he'd have said 'alright doll, nice tits' I could see her point.

There was another article floating round Facebook yesterday about a Starbucks employee who had written 'smile' on a cup belonging to a lady contemplating suicide and according to her that little guesture changed her mind.

It's all about perception I guess. Maybe his tone was letchy or something but seriously, it's really not the end of the world. Suck it up.

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By *olgateMan
over a year ago

on the road to nowhere in particular

There are some on here that will say it is sexist.

If someone has a nice smile I tell them. A compliment is a compliment, no more and no less

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By *igzag1Man
over a year ago

hartlepool

The world we live in there is always someone wants to pull you up for the smallest thing David Cameron was been racist last night because he said a bunch of asylum seeker's a mean REALLyY

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By *hetalkingstoveMan
over a year ago

London

[Removed by poster at 28/01/16 09:32:53]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Personally, I find it insensitive to say "Smile, it may never happen" to a stranger because you have no idea what might be going on in their life.

Now, giving a smile to a stranger is completely different and one to be encouraged. It could cheer them up

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

I read Twitter and Facebook storm and thought.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

did he say "smile n show us yer tits"?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No. The way some people talk to women is sexist.

Simply telling someone to smile is not.

-Courtney

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not read it but it sounds stupid. Some women cry sexism at the drop of a hat!

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By *igzag1Man
over a year ago

hartlepool

Well said vara and BTW great tit's lol xx

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

If it's sexist lots of people on here are in trouble, men are always being told to smile on their photos.

In this case since we weren't there and don't know the tone or background to the remark I wouldn't like to comment.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Baring in mind this woman is an "internet celebrity" so publicly is in her interest

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think that's really sad tbh.

I haven't seen the article but if she's working in a customer based environment the she should be smiling wether you feel like it or not.

I'm sick of going in to shops/pubs/restaurants when people serving you are so damn miserable!!

A smile and good manners cost nothing!!

If someone said that to me I wouldn't be offended at all. Some people are just so touchy!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wouldn't necessarily say sexist but I think it's really rude to tell a stranger to smile.

It's not the same thing suggesting someone smiles in a photo on here to look more attractive as what it is to go up to a stranger in the street or the shop and tell them to smile.

It happens to me all the time and it's really annoying.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think that's really sad tbh.

I haven't seen the article but if she's working in a customer based environment the she should be smiling wether you feel like it or not.

I'm sick of going in to shops/pubs/restaurants when people serving you are so damn miserable!!

A smile and good manners cost nothing!!

If someone said that to me I wouldn't be offended at all. Some people are just so touchy!! "

I thought she was the customer

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Just watched the following article on the bbc, where a young lady posted about an incident where a cashie asked her to smile.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-35422966

She was pretty indignant and claimed he was being sexist and micro-aggressive.

There was a large response on Facebook and Twitter about it.

I have in the past had people tell me to smile, it might never happen. Is it sexist if it's a man to a woman. I never felt that way a woman to a man.

I'll agree with her on one thing, it is pretty irritating, but is it sexist "
no its not sexist but maybe a better way to get a person to smile in the real world not the text world ,is to give them a reason to smile be friendly be chatty be humorous rather than ask them to smile when they are not in the mood

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"did he say "smile n show us yer tits"?"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Just watched the following article on the bbc, where a young lady posted about an incident where a cashie asked her to smile.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-35422966

She was pretty indignant and claimed he was being sexist and micro-aggressive.

There was a large response on Facebook and Twitter about it.

I have in the past had people tell me to smile, it might never happen. Is it sexist if it's a man to a woman. I never felt that way a woman to a man.

I'll agree with her on one thing, it is pretty irritating, but is it sexist no its not sexist but maybe a better way to get a person to smile in the real world not the text world ,is to give them a reason to smile be friendly be chatty be humorous rather than ask them to smile when they are not in the mood

Well said

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

He should have just smiled at her, I find often people will smile back. To me though, she was making a mountain out of a mole hill.

Sarah

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Since I joined the forums (my only regular forray onto social media) I've noticed that there are people who frantically search for something to be offended at!

Is she on fab?

I guess it's like this in the 'real world ' too - though where I live we fortunately seem to have better things to do!

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By *r H and Good PetCouple
over a year ago

Nottingham

The reason it's sexist is because it's not an isolated incident in a vacuum.

Women are told to smile many times more than men are told to smile (esp by women), every single day.

Also, the reason women are told to smile is very rarely a concern for their actual well-being (otherwise, why do those men not tell men to smile, if they're so altruistic?), but is a way to objectify and control women.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

"The reason it's sexist is because it's not an isolated incident in a vacuum.

Women are told to smile many times more than men are told to smile (esp by women), every single day.

really

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By *irtyGirlWoman
over a year ago

Edinburgh

"Since I joined the forums (my only regular forray onto social media) I've noticed that there are people who frantically search for something to be offended at!

Is she on fab?

I guess it's like this in the 'real world ' too - though where I live we fortunately seem to have better things to do!

I find this post terribly offensive!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What he did was refuse to process her items unless she smiled for him when she was in a hurry and her point was simply that he would have been unlikely to have done the same to a male customer...so she was picked out because of her gender...

...was it sexist? Possibly. Would it have been fucking annoying if it had happened to me? Absolutely. I'm a customer, just fucking serve me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The reason it's sexist is because it's not an isolated incident in a vacuum.

Women are told to smile many times more than men are told to smile (esp by women), every single day.

Interesting way of looking at it. Just goes to show if you analyse anything deeply enough you can find sinister motives....or you can just take things at face value and not let it worry you.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"The reason it's sexist is because it's not an isolated incident in a vacuum.

Women are told to smile many times more than men are told to smile (esp by women), every single day.

I guess because men like women more than they like other men.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Wouldnt the world be a better place if we all smiled ,I think we should all give eachother puppies Labradors maybe

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"What he did was refuse to process her items unless she smiled for him when she was in a hurry and her point was simply that he would have been unlikely to have done the same to a male customer...so she was picked out because of her gender...

...was it sexist? Possibly. Would it have been fucking annoying if it had happened to me? Absolutely. I'm a customer, just fucking serve me"

It certainly is annoying that doesn't need to be debated, the question is was he objectifying her making her dance for his amusement or was he just trying to interact illicit a response with some friendly banter.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Wouldnt the world be a better place if we all smiled ,I think we should all give eachother puppies Labradors maybe

I'd smile is some one gave me a Labrador puppy.

I'd also smile if some one showed me thier puppies! Is that sexist?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Would the same man in question ask a well built muscular possibly steroid abusing man to smile in the same circumstances ?

No he wouldn't for obvious reasons and nobody has the right to control anybody's actions.

Not sure if it's sexism but my example at least proves a point.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"did he say "smile n show us yer tits"?"

You've overtaken me. I've now got your ball bag on my head!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have been in the chat rooms where women have been asked to smile whilst on cam, (me included) which I find highly irritating but not sexist...

IMO the reason we are asked (and this is only in the context of fab) is so that it makes it a more personal experience for whoever is looking at us, as 9 times out of 10 its usually a man with his cock in his hand

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By *oobsandballsMan
over a year ago

st andrews

I haven't seen it, however I am aware that it is mostly women who have this said to them so in a way, yes it is sexist.

But more than that, it's bloody rude. I have resting bitch face, and sometimes I get told "cheer up, might never happen". When this really irritates me I've sometimes replied "I could have depression for all you know, or someone could have just died. Still think it's appropriate to tell me to smile?".

The point being, no one knows what's going on inside people's heads, or in their lives. Telling them to cheer up is incredibly rude, imo.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Since I joined the forums (my only regular forray onto social media) I've noticed that there are people who frantically search for something to be offended at!

Is she on fab?

I guess it's like this in the 'real world ' too - though where I live we fortunately seem to have better things to do!

I find this post terribly offensive!!

Delighted to hear it lovely!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I haven't seen it, however I am aware that it is mostly women who have this said to them so in a way, yes it is sexist.

The point being, no one knows what's going on inside people's heads, or in their lives. Telling them to cheer up is incredibly rude, imo. "

This!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Wouldnt the world be a better place if we all smiled ,I think we should all give eachother puppies Labradors maybe

I'd smile is some one gave me a Labrador puppy.

I'd also smile if some one showed me thier puppies! Is that sexist?"
that is sexist but you will get away with it on here

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm always reminding my colleagues to smile...male or female

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

she can feel how she wants, upset, a victim of sexism, aggrieved, devastated, indignation and the rest.

her choice how she feels.

her choice to then feel the need to tell everyone about it.

my choice to think what a twat

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

and she can think I am too

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By *r H and Good PetCouple
over a year ago

Nottingham

Interesting way of looking at it. Just goes to show if you analyse anything deeply enough you can find sinister motives....or you can just take things at face value and not let it worry you. "

Not really analysing anything very deeply at all, if I'm honest. Lol.

This stuff is so blatantly obvious and on the surface for me, I boggle at people's adamant refusal to accept it as a reality.

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By *r ManxMan
over a year ago

NeverWhere

I like to smile and people women especially to smile back but to tell someone to smile is insensitive, if the situation permits why not just ask if they are OK chances are their is a reason they are not smiling

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By *oobsandballsMan
over a year ago

st andrews

[Removed by poster at 28/01/16 10:25:17]

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By *r H and Good PetCouple
over a year ago

Nottingham

"she can feel how she wants, upset, a victim of sexism, aggrieved, devastated, indignation and the rest.

her choice how she feels.

her choice to then feel the need to tell everyone about it.

my choice to think what a twat"

Literally no one is saying you can't. Lol.

But women are told every day (has anyone read this thread? Lol) that how they react to something is overreacting/ or they're told it's not offensive.

No one has told you how you feel is incorrect. But women who dare to express they don't like being treated in an unequal way are told to pipe down, every single day.

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By *oobsandballsMan
over a year ago

st andrews

I think the problem is that there are so many things that are ingrained over the years, things we've become desensitised to, that we don't even realise they're sexist.

The everyday sexism website is quite an eye opener!

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By *r H and Good PetCouple
over a year ago

Nottingham

"I think the problem as there are so many things that are ingrained over the years, things we've become desensitised to, that we don't even realise they're sexist.

The everyday sexism website is quite an eye opener!"

This!!

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By *r H and Good PetCouple
over a year ago

Nottingham

"I like to smile and people women especially to smile back but to tell someone to smile is insensitive, if the situation permits why not just ask if they are OK chances are their is a reason they are not smiling

Exactly. Men don't actually care about women who aren't smiling, they just want to *see* a smiley woman, for their own benefit.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Instead of asking them to smile, why not ask them if they're OK?

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

"she can feel how she wants, upset, a victim of sexism, aggrieved, devastated, indignation and the rest.

her choice how she feels.

her choice to then feel the need to tell everyone about it.

my choice to think what a twat

Literally no one is saying you can't. Lol.

But women are told every day (has anyone read this thread? Lol) that how they react to something is overreacting/ or they're told it's not offensive.

No one has told you how you feel is incorrect. But women who dare to express they don't like being treated in an unequal way are told to pipe down, every single day. "

poor poor women

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Interesting way of looking at it. Just goes to show if you analyse anything deeply enough you can find sinister motives....or you can just take things at face value and not let it worry you.

Not really analysing anything very deeply at all, if I'm honest. Lol.

This stuff is so blatantly obvious and on the surface for me, I boggle at people's adamant refusal to accept it as a reality.

Maybe they choose not to be offended by everything. It's a bit like having kids. You can't argue with them over every little thing. Some things you have to let slide. You pick your battles wisely. If someone says or does something that hinders my chances in life that i think is sexist then yes I'll stand up to it. If someone tells me to smile i choose not to make a big deal over it because it really doesn't impact my life.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Not read it but it sounds stupid. Some women cry sexism at the drop of a hat!"

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By *oobsandballsMan
over a year ago

st andrews

There's this horrid perception that people who work in a customer based environment should always have a smile plastered on their face, regardless of what is going on in their lives.

That's actually quite awful. When did they stop being human beings and become automatons that can turn their emotions off with a flick of a switch?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"There's this horrid perception that people who work in a customer based environment should always have a smile plastered on their face, regardless of what is going on in their lives.

That's actually quite awful. When did they stop being human beings and become automatons that can turn their emotions off with a flick of a switch?

It's called being professional.

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By *oobsandballsMan
over a year ago

st andrews

"There's this horrid perception that people who work in a customer based environment should always have a smile plastered on their face, regardless of what is going on in their lives.

That's actually quite awful. When did they stop being human beings and become automatons that can turn their emotions off with a flick of a switch?

It's called being professional."

There's a difference between bad customer service and someone serving you quietly and without fuss.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The problem with this type of sexism claim, is that it belittles the real issue. Therfore it hurts many more women.

A woman being told to smile by a man may be annoying but at least it means he was looking at her face.

It will be another one of the "not in my league, how dare he be in anyway friendly" complaints.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"There's this horrid perception that people who work in a customer based environment should always have a smile plastered on their face, regardless of what is going on in their lives.

That's actually quite awful. When did they stop being human beings and become automatons that can turn their emotions off with a flick of a switch?

It's called being professional.

There's a difference between bad customer service and someone serving you quietly and without fuss."

Part of a customer service based role is about engaging with the customer. Not just going through the motions to get the job done.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In this day and age almost everything is sexist or racist....... There will probably be backlash over this comment! society has gone mad !!

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By *oobsandballsMan
over a year ago

st andrews

"There's this horrid perception that people who work in a customer based environment should always have a smile plastered on their face, regardless of what is going on in their lives.

That's actually quite awful. When did they stop being human beings and become automatons that can turn their emotions off with a flick of a switch?

It's called being professional.

There's a difference between bad customer service and someone serving you quietly and without fuss.

Part of a customer service based role is about engaging with the customer. Not just going through the motions to get the job done."

You can engage with the customer without being overly cheery. I work with one of the quietest people I have ever met, she gets on well with the customers and there's never a complaint about her.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"There's this horrid perception that people who work in a customer based environment should always have a smile plastered on their face, regardless of what is going on in their lives.

That's actually quite awful. When did they stop being human beings and become automatons that can turn their emotions off with a flick of a switch?

And she was the customer, not the server in this instance

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"There's this horrid perception that people who work in a customer based environment should always have a smile plastered on their face, regardless of what is going on in their lives.

That's actually quite awful. When did they stop being human beings and become automatons that can turn their emotions off with a flick of a switch?

It's called being professional.

There's a difference between bad customer service and someone serving you quietly and without fuss.

Part of a customer service based role is about engaging with the customer. Not just going through the motions to get the job done."

I agree. What ever is happening in my life. I'm always happy and smiley at work

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By *oobsandballsMan
over a year ago

st andrews

"There's this horrid perception that people who work in a customer based environment should always have a smile plastered on their face, regardless of what is going on in their lives.

That's actually quite awful. When did they stop being human beings and become automatons that can turn their emotions off with a flick of a switch?

It's called being professional.

There's a difference between bad customer service and someone serving you quietly and without fuss.

Part of a customer service based role is about engaging with the customer. Not just going through the motions to get the job done.

I agree. What ever is happening in my life. I'm always happy and smiley at work

And that's great that you're able to do that, I'm merely stating that not everyone is able to. I've never had depression but have friends who do, and one likened trying to smile on a hard day to climbing Everest.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"There's this horrid perception that people who work in a customer based environment should always have a smile plastered on their face, regardless of what is going on in their lives.

That's actually quite awful. When did they stop being human beings and become automatons that can turn their emotions off with a flick of a switch?

It's called being professional.

There's a difference between bad customer service and someone serving you quietly and without fuss.

Part of a customer service based role is about engaging with the customer. Not just going through the motions to get the job done.

You can engage with the customer without being overly cheery. I work with one of the quietest people I have ever met, she gets on well with the customers and there's never a complaint about her. "

Nobody said they have to be overly cheery. Just personal life should stay at home. Quiet doesn't mean she has one of those sour faces often presented.

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By *oobsandballsMan
over a year ago

st andrews

"There's this horrid perception that people who work in a customer based environment should always have a smile plastered on their face, regardless of what is going on in their lives.

That's actually quite awful. When did they stop being human beings and become automatons that can turn their emotions off with a flick of a switch?

It's called being professional.

There's a difference between bad customer service and someone serving you quietly and without fuss.

Part of a customer service based role is about engaging with the customer. Not just going through the motions to get the job done.

You can engage with the customer without being overly cheery. I work with one of the quietest people I have ever met, she gets on well with the customers and there's never a complaint about her.

Nobody said they have to be overly cheery. Just personal life should stay at home. Quiet doesn't mean she has one of those sour faces often presented."

Not easy for everyone though. I doubt anyone goes to work thinking "I'm going to be a total bastard to everyone today".

Except my ex boss, I really think he did.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh god this is another one of these argument for the sake of argument threads ,if you want to make a person happy then make some effort to bring happiness to them,I do it all the time wherever I go ,I laugh I joke I make the person serving me feel as though they are part of my day and I smile ,try it it works but its not sexist asking the question unless you are a miserable guit hehe

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"There's this horrid perception that people who work in a customer based environment should always have a smile plastered on their face, regardless of what is going on in their lives.

That's actually quite awful. When did they stop being human beings and become automatons that can turn their emotions off with a flick of a switch?

It's called being professional.

There's a difference between bad customer service and someone serving you quietly and without fuss.

Part of a customer service based role is about engaging with the customer. Not just going through the motions to get the job done.

I agree. What ever is happening in my life. I'm always happy and smiley at work

A smile given is often received back. In my case anyway

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By *oobsandballsMan
over a year ago

st andrews

"There's this horrid perception that people who work in a customer based environment should always have a smile plastered on their face, regardless of what is going on in their lives.

That's actually quite awful. When did they stop being human beings and become automatons that can turn their emotions off with a flick of a switch?

It's called being professional.

There's a difference between bad customer service and someone serving you quietly and without fuss.

Part of a customer service based role is about engaging with the customer. Not just going through the motions to get the job done.

I agree. What ever is happening in my life. I'm always happy and smiley at work

A smile given is often received back. In my case anyway

I'm not saying people with depression don't try, of course they do. But sometimes they just can't. It's a bastard of an illness.

What I'm saying is that I never tell people to smile, I think it's a very rude thing to do and if someone says it to me I call them on it. If someone serves me and they're not what you'd call chirpy, I don't make an issue of it as who knows what's going on in their head, I be pleasant and polite.

If they're blatantly rude that's another matter. If someone refused to serve me until I smiled, I'd be talking to the manager and making a complaint.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think the problem is that there are so many things that are ingrained over the years, things we've become desensitised to, that we don't even realise they're sexist.

The everyday sexism website is quite an eye opener!"

Firstly I have to say that - if you have to be told on a website that its sexiest because you 'didn't even realise ' - then maybe just don't read said website and live in blissful ignorance? Works for me!

Maybe this is an age thing?

I'm 47. Whilst I accept that -outside fab - society is far from equal - I applaud how far we've come even in my lifetime!

When I was 18 until I was around 19 there was a large building site near where I worked!

Every time I (or any other 'hot' young woman) went past it - EVERY builder on the site would wolf-whistle, cat-call, ask to see your arse/tits etc etc!

If I had time I'd walk round - but it was a long detour!

And EVERY time I went to a pub or club I had my arse grabbed several times by random strangers!

Society IS changing - in the West at least - but changing 1000's of years of male pre-programming takes time!

I'm just glad I live in a culture where it's changing at all!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"There's this horrid perception that people who work in a customer based environment should always have a smile plastered on their face, regardless of what is going on in their lives.

That's actually quite awful. When did they stop being human beings and become automatons that can turn their emotions off with a flick of a switch?

It's called being professional.

There's a difference between bad customer service and someone serving you quietly and without fuss.

Part of a customer service based role is about engaging with the customer. Not just going through the motions to get the job done.

You can engage with the customer without being overly cheery. I work with one of the quietest people I have ever met, she gets on well with the customers and there's never a complaint about her.

Nobody said they have to be overly cheery. Just personal life should stay at home. Quiet doesn't mean she has one of those sour faces often presented."

What if that's just what there face looks like? My mouth naturally turns down and I get told "cheer up it might never happen" all the time when I'm perfectley happy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"There's this horrid perception that people who work in a customer based environment should always have a smile plastered on their face, regardless of what is going on in their lives.

That's actually quite awful. When did they stop being human beings and become automatons that can turn their emotions off with a flick of a switch?

It's called being professional.

There's a difference between bad customer service and someone serving you quietly and without fuss.

Part of a customer service based role is about engaging with the customer. Not just going through the motions to get the job done.

You can engage with the customer without being overly cheery. I work with one of the quietest people I have ever met, she gets on well with the customers and there's never a complaint about her.

Nobody said they have to be overly cheery. Just personal life should stay at home. Quiet doesn't mean she has one of those sour faces often presented.

What if that's just what there face looks like? My mouth naturally turns down and I get told "cheer up it might never happen" all the time when I'm perfectley happy. "

If i worked in a customer facing role and i was aware that my resting face looked miserable I'd make an effort to smile. It's a natural thing to smile when you say hello to someone anyway isn't it?

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By *oobsandballsMan
over a year ago

st andrews

"I think the problem is that there are so many things that are ingrained over the years, things we've become desensitised to, that we don't even realise they're sexist.

The everyday sexism website is quite an eye opener!

I wasn't meaning me, I know these things are sexist.

'Realise' is perhaps the wrong word. What I mean is that society is desensitised to some of these things (i.e. wolfwhistles from the building site) that they are mainly accepted as the norm and to be expected. People shrug their shoulders and think "so what?" or "take it as a compliment". That's wrong, and those kind of thought processes need to be challenged or it won't change.

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By *oobsandballsMan
over a year ago

st andrews

"There's this horrid perception that people who work in a customer based environment should always have a smile plastered on their face, regardless of what is going on in their lives.

That's actually quite awful. When did they stop being human beings and become automatons that can turn their emotions off with a flick of a switch?

It's called being professional.

There's a difference between bad customer service and someone serving you quietly and without fuss.

Part of a customer service based role is about engaging with the customer. Not just going through the motions to get the job done.

You can engage with the customer without being overly cheery. I work with one of the quietest people I have ever met, she gets on well with the customers and there's never a complaint about her.

Nobody said they have to be overly cheery. Just personal life should stay at home. Quiet doesn't mean she has one of those sour faces often presented.

What if that's just what there face looks like? My mouth naturally turns down and I get told "cheer up it might never happen" all the time when I'm perfectley happy.

If i worked in a customer facing role and i was aware that my resting face looked miserable I'd make an effort to smile. It's a natural thing to smile when you say hello to someone anyway isn't it?"

For me, it's when I'm busy doing something other than serving customers that someone will pass and say "cheer up". I might be nowhere near the customers and just getting on with a job perfectly happily. Then suddenly I'm looking round to see who's spoken to me and what they're on about. So what gives them the right to say that? I don't know.

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By *0tt0nSu3Woman
over a year ago

London

Op, I do agree with you that it's irritating. I'm quite a smiley person and can be quite gregaroius.

But I do have my quiet moments when I want to digest recent thoughts/happenings.

So, I do get quite cheesed off when told to smile. I don't find it sexist. I just find it irritating that a person cannot experience one range of many emotions without cause for comment from another person. We all have our private moments.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"There's this horrid perception that people who work in a customer based environment should always have a smile plastered on their face, regardless of what is going on in their lives.

That's actually quite awful. When did they stop being human beings and become automatons that can turn their emotions off with a flick of a switch?

It's called being professional.

There's a difference between bad customer service and someone serving you quietly and without fuss.

Part of a customer service based role is about engaging with the customer. Not just going through the motions to get the job done.

You can engage with the customer without being overly cheery. I work with one of the quietest people I have ever met, she gets on well with the customers and there's never a complaint about her.

Nobody said they have to be overly cheery. Just personal life should stay at home. Quiet doesn't mean she has one of those sour faces often presented.

What if that's just what there face looks like? My mouth naturally turns down and I get told "cheer up it might never happen" all the time when I'm perfectley happy.

If i worked in a customer facing role and i was aware that my resting face looked miserable I'd make an effort to smile. It's a natural thing to smile when you say hello to someone anyway isn't it?

I guess if the person saying it deliberately said it to cause offence then it's worth getting upset about, otherwise i don't see what harm is done. Obviously others don't see it that way and do feel that they have been wronged in some way. I understand that. No one can tell others how they should feel. I think it's a sad world where people have to think really hard before saying anything in case someone challenges them. And people say the art of conversation is dying. It's no wonder.

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By *oobsandballsMan
over a year ago

st andrews

"There's this horrid perception that people who work in a customer based environment should always have a smile plastered on their face, regardless of what is going on in their lives.

That's actually quite awful. When did they stop being human beings and become automatons that can turn their emotions off with a flick of a switch?

It's called being professional.

There's a difference between bad customer service and someone serving you quietly and without fuss.

Part of a customer service based role is about engaging with the customer. Not just going through the motions to get the job done.

You can engage with the customer without being overly cheery. I work with one of the quietest people I have ever met, she gets on well with the customers and there's never a complaint about her.

Nobody said they have to be overly cheery. Just personal life should stay at home. Quiet doesn't mean she has one of those sour faces often presented.

What if that's just what there face looks like? My mouth naturally turns down and I get told "cheer up it might never happen" all the time when I'm perfectley happy.

If i worked in a customer facing role and i was aware that my resting face looked miserable I'd make an effort to smile. It's a natural thing to smile when you say hello to someone anyway isn't it?

That's your interpretation, it's not mine. I can have a perfectly good conversation with someone without needing to tell them to slap a smile on. If someone wanted to speak to me they could start with "hi, how are you?"

It's different if it's your mates or family, but imo there's some things you just don't say to complete strangers. There's some customers I know well and it wouldn't be a problem, but if it's someone that I've never met before its kind of rude. I'd never walk up to someone in the street and say "what the hell are you wearing?", for example.

But each to their own.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What if there had been a lose in the family ..............,she fucking loved that Hamster !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think that's really sad tbh.

I haven't seen the article but if she's working in a customer based environment the she should be smiling wether you feel like it or not.

I'm sick of going in to shops/pubs/restaurants when people serving you are so damn miserable!!

A smile and good manners cost nothing!!

If someone said that to me I wouldn't be offended at all. Some people are just so touchy!!

I thought she was the customer "

As I said, I hadn't read or seen the article.

Customer or not, a smile doesn't hurt in fact it can make you feel better if your down. It was probably said without thought. Probably just trying to make conversation maybe?

As I am in customer service, I find if someone is grumpy towards me, they get grumpy back!!

You only get back what you give out IMO

I'm always friendly and polite at work and greet everyone with a smile regardless of how I feel inside... Most people respond in the same manner, I'm often told that I've made someone's day by being friendly!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

...was it sexist? Possibly. Would it have been fucking annoying if it had happened to me? Absolutely. I'm a customer, just fucking serve me"

I guess this particular example could be construed as sexist rather than the sweeping statement "is it sexist to ask a woman to smile?". He wouldn't have dared to tell a male customer what he had to do in order to be served.

If it had been said to me in those circumstances I'd have been livid, particularly as I have a natural 'resting bitch face' and have often been told "smile it might never happen" - always by men too

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If someone asks me to smile. ..I just smile!

I always do what I'm told

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

...was it sexist? Possibly. Would it have been fucking annoying if it had happened to me? Absolutely. I'm a customer, just fucking serve me

The question is, would he have asked a male customer to smile before he served him? You know, just to elicit a response and friendly banter?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

...was it sexist? Possibly. Would it have been fucking annoying if it had happened to me? Absolutely. I'm a customer, just fucking serve me

The question is, would he have asked a male customer to smile before he served him? You know, just to elicit a response and friendly banter?"

I don't know, but I also have a natural 'resting bitch face, and I have often been told to smile, most often by women but on occasion by other men to.

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By *oward1978Man
over a year ago

Rotherham

Not remotely sexist just really annoying I'd have thought.

I don't like people saying things like "smile it won't kill you" or "cheer up it might never happen". You don't know what that person is going through. I've had people say similar to me. It's the last thing you want to hear when you're feeling down.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"There's this horrid perception that people who work in a customer based environment should always have a smile plastered on their face, regardless of what is going on in their lives.

That's actually quite awful. When did they stop being human beings and become automatons that can turn their emotions off with a flick of a switch?

It's called being professional.

There's a difference between bad customer service and someone serving you quietly and without fuss.

Part of a customer service based role is about engaging with the customer. Not just going through the motions to get the job done.

You can engage with the customer without being overly cheery. I work with one of the quietest people I have ever met, she gets on well with the customers and there's never a complaint about her.

Nobody said they have to be overly cheery. Just personal life should stay at home. Quiet doesn't mean she has one of those sour faces often presented.

What if that's just what there face looks like? My mouth naturally turns down and I get told "cheer up it might never happen" all the time when I'm perfectley happy.

If i worked in a customer facing role and i was aware that my resting face looked miserable I'd make an effort to smile. It's a natural thing to smile when you say hello to someone anyway isn't it?"

She wasn't in a customer facing role though, she was the customer. And I'm talking about when I'm on buses or in the street that people think it's ok to stop and tell me to smile.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

...was it sexist? Possibly. Would it have been fucking annoying if it had happened to me? Absolutely. I'm a customer, just fucking serve me

If it had been said to me in those circumstances I'd have been livid, particularly as I have a natural 'resting bitch face' and have often been told "smile it might never happen" - always by men too

I can't think of a time a woman has ever said it to me

I have resting bitch face too

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think the problem is that there are so many things that are ingrained over the years, things we've become desensitised to, that we don't even realise they're sexist.

The everyday sexism website is quite an eye opener!

I wasn't meaning me, I know these things are sexist.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"There's this horrid perception that people who work in a customer based environment should always have a smile plastered on their face, regardless of what is going on in their lives.

That's actually quite awful. When did they stop being human beings and become automatons that can turn their emotions off with a flick of a switch?

It's called being professional.

There's a difference between bad customer service and someone serving you quietly and without fuss.

Part of a customer service based role is about engaging with the customer. Not just going through the motions to get the job done.

You can engage with the customer without being overly cheery. I work with one of the quietest people I have ever met, she gets on well with the customers and there's never a complaint about her.

Nobody said they have to be overly cheery. Just personal life should stay at home. Quiet doesn't mean she has one of those sour faces often presented.

What if that's just what there face looks like? My mouth naturally turns down and I get told "cheer up it might never happen" all the time when I'm perfectley happy.

If i worked in a customer facing role and i was aware that my resting face looked miserable I'd make an effort to smile. It's a natural thing to smile when you say hello to someone anyway isn't it?

She wasn't in a customer facing role though, she was the customer. And I'm talking about when I'm on buses or in the street that people think it's ok to stop and tell me to smile."

We went off on a tangent. We weren't referring to the story specifically. Sorry to confuse you.

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By *ENDAROOSCouple
over a year ago

South West London / Surrey

I don't think it's sexist at all.

I've been told loads of times to smile it won't kill you or something similar.

The thing is, most of the time when it's been said, I haven't even had the hump or been sad. It's just been my normal face!

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

No, I don't think it is, if that's all that is being said.

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