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Jokes

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Tell me your best jokes to make my day go better....

I will start off!

What do you call a lesbian dinasor?

Liketolickalotofpuss!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Nobody on today with any jokes??

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By *unloversCouple
over a year ago

rotherham

Think we have all been joked out

I love to hear good ones but not heard any for ages

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My friend has given up eating cheese how dairy !!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was staying in a hotel last night and I was having trouble with the on demand TV channel.

I called the receptionist and asked "Is the porn channel disabled"

She replied "No it's normal porn you pervert "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Four nuns were at the gates of heaven

Peter asked the first if she had ever sinned. "Well, once I looked at a man's penis", she said. "Put some Holy water on your eyes and you may enter".

He then asked the second nun if she had ever sinned. "Well, once I held a man's penis", she said. "Put your hand in the Holy water and you may enter".

Just then the fourth nun pushed to the front.

Peter asked "Why have you pushed in?"

"Because I want to gargle before she sits in it!"

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By *etsorderpizzaMan
over a year ago

Cambridgeshire

Jeremy corbyn

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

And that ends another thread!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A husband and wife are cooing over their new born baby.

"Look at the size of his todger," says the man. "It's massive!"

"Yes dear," says the woman. "But at least he's got your ears."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A farmer and his wife were lying in bed one evening; she was knitting and he was reading the latest issue of Farmer's Weekly. He looked up from the page and said to her,

"Did you know that humans are the only species in which the female achieves orgasm?"

She looked at him wistfully, smiled, and replied,

"Oh yes? Prove it."

He frowned for a moment, then said, "Okay."

He then got up and walked out, leaving his wife with a confused look on her face.

About a half an hour later, he returned all tired and sweaty and proclaimed,

"Well I'm sure the cow and sheep didn't, but the way that pig was squealing, I couldn't be sure."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A man arrives home one evening and found his wife in bed with another man. The husband grabbed the offending man by his nob and dragged him to the garage. After putting his dick into a vice and removing the bar so it couldn't be loosened he walked over to the shelf and took down a saw. The naked man said,

"My god, you're not going to cut it off are you?"

The husband replied,

"Oh no sir, the saw is for you. I'm going to set fire to the garage and leave. What you do next is your decision."

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By *r H and Good PetCouple
over a year ago

Nottingham

What's the difference between an oyster with epilepsy and a whore with diarrhoea?

Well, one you shuck between fits.....

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By *olgateMan
over a year ago

on the road to nowhere in particular


"

A husband and wife are cooing over their new born baby.

"Look at the size of his todger," says the man. "It's massive!"

"Yes dear," says the woman. "But at least he's got your ears.""

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By *uthTVDerbysTV/TS
over a year ago

Derby

When asked if I would take the offer of a part in the Directors Cannibal Zombie film...I bit his hand off!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Heres on for you

Makes me laugh anyway lol

An Irishman and an Englishman walk into a bakery.

The Englishman steals 3 buns and puts them into his pockets and leaves. He says to the Irishman, "That took great skill and guile to steal those buns. The owner didn't even see me."

The Irishman replied, "That's just simple thievery, I'll show you how to do it the honest way and get the same results."

The Irishman then proceeded to call out the owner of the bakery and says, "Sir, I want to show you a magic trick." The owner was intrigued so he came over to see the magic trick.

The Irishman asked him for a bun and then he proceeded to eat it. He asked 2 more times and after eating them again the owner says, "Okay my friend, where's the magic trick?".

The Irishman then said, "Look in the Englishman's pockets."

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Where's the tumble! Lol.

Keep em coming guys n girls, something for me to chuckle to by myself tonight

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Four nuns were at the gates of heaven

Peter asked the first if she had ever sinned. "Well, once I looked at a man's penis", she said. "Put some Holy water on your eyes and you may enter".

He then asked the second nun if she had ever sinned. "Well, once I held a man's penis", she said. "Put your hand in the Holy water and you may enter".

Just then the fourth nun pushed to the front.

Peter asked "Why have you pushed in?"

"Because I want to gargle before she sits in it!""

I don't get it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Four nuns were at the gates of heaven

Peter asked the first if she had ever sinned. "Well, once I looked at a man's penis", she said. "Put some Holy water on your eyes and you may enter".

He then asked the second nun if she had ever sinned. "Well, once I held a man's penis", she said. "Put your hand in the Holy water and you may enter".

Just then the fourth nun pushed to the front.

Peter asked "Why have you pushed in?"

"Because I want to gargle before she sits in it!"

I don't get it "

What's not to get?

One has taken it in the mouth and the other in the ass

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By *verysmileMan
over a year ago

Canterbury

What is yellow and sounds like custard?

Mustard......

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Heres on for you

Makes me laugh anyway lol

An Irishman and an Englishman walk into a bakery.

The Englishman steals 3 buns and puts them into his pockets and leaves. He says to the Irishman, "That took great skill and guile to steal those buns. The owner didn't even see me."

The Irishman replied, "That's just simple thievery, I'll show you how to do it the honest way and get the same results."

The Irishman then proceeded to call out the owner of the bakery and says, "Sir, I want to show you a magic trick." The owner was intrigued so he came over to see the magic trick.

The Irishman asked him for a bun and then he proceeded to eat it. He asked 2 more times and after eating them again the owner says, "Okay my friend, where's the magic trick?".

The Irishman then said, "Look in the Englishman's pockets."

"

best one on the thread so far

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By *hrissyjezCouple
over a year ago

kingswinford

Mary had a little lamb

That ran into a pylon

10000 volts shot up its arse

And turned its wool to nylon

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By *olgateMan
over a year ago

on the road to nowhere in particular

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Joke.... It's Monday

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By *ony 2016Man
over a year ago

Huddersfield /derby cinemas

During the very hot summer we have just enjoyed , I was suffering one day , as on the previous day I had sat in the back garden wearing only my shorts , and fallen asleep on the deckchair , causing the skin above my knees to suffer due to the intense heat from the sun ,, so I paid a visit to my doctor to see if the pain could be eased ,, she gave me some after sun cream to rub on the effected area and also suggested that I take one viagra tablet before I go to bed that night ,, I told her that I could understand why she had told me to use the cream but was a bit mystified why I should take a viagra tablet ---- she said it would keep the bed sheets off my legs !!!!!!

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By *pider-WomanWoman
over a year ago

Exeter, Bristol, Plymouth, Truro

What do you call a dog with no legs

Is doesnt matter as he's not coming back

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By *andyMinx_tvTV/TS
over a year ago

Leeds

Hedgehogs. Why can't they just share the hedge?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call an itchy pig?

Pork scratching

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By *vilgasamWoman
over a year ago

The dot in the i

Why did snape stand in the middle of the road?

So you didn’t know what side he was on

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Three guys go camping and share a tent. After a good night sleep, while drinking coffee the guy on the left sed I had a funny dream last night i was being given a hand job. The guy on the right sed thats funny I had the same dream. The guy in the middle looking shocked sed I had a dream I was skiing

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