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Dad jokes

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Who here can tell us all a dad joke you know the ones crappy jokes that are so funny because they are so crap usually a dad speciality Lol my dad does them all the time haha

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why are pirates called pirates?

.

.

Because they arrrrrr

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There was Daddy Balloon, Mummy Balloon and little Baby Balloon.

Every night Baby Balloon would sleep snugly between Mummy and

Daddy Balloon until, one night, Daddy Balloon said to Baby Balloon...

"Now son, we want to be proud of you, you're growing up and

it's about time you slept all night in your own bed...will you do that

for us?"

Baby Balloon sniffled and cried a little but agreed and so Daddy Balloon

took Baby Balloon to his little bed and tucked him up for the night...

Once again Daddy Balloon said...

"Both Mummy Ballon and I want to be proud of you...so please stay

in your own bed until morning"

Daddy Balloon goes back to bed...but just one hour later...Baby Balloon

climbs out of his bed and tries to squeeze into Mummy and Daddy

Balloon's bed...but, try as he might, he can't get in...so he takes

Daddy Balloon's nozzle and let's some air out...but he still can't

squeeze in...so he goes around to Mummy Balloon's side of the bed,

takes her nozzle and let's some of her air out...he STILL can't quite

squeeze in...SO...Baby Balloon takes his own nozzle and lets some

of his own air out...and...AT LAST he manages to squeeze in and

nestle down between Mummy and Daddy Balloon

When they all wake up in the morning...Daddy Balloon sees

Baby Balloon and becomes rather angry...he says...

"Look Baby Balloon...I asked you to stay in your OWN bed all night

so we could be proud of you and here you are back in OUR bed!!"

Baby Balloon says "Sorry Daddy"

then Daddy Ballon says..."It's just NOT good enough son...

...You've let ME down

....You've let your MOTHER down

...but MOST of all...you've let YOURSELF down"

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"There was Daddy Balloon, Mummy Balloon and little Baby Balloon.

Every night Baby Balloon would sleep snugly between Mummy and

Daddy Balloon until, one night, Daddy Balloon said to Baby Balloon...

"Now son, we want to be proud of you, you're growing up and

it's about time you slept all night in your own bed...will you do that

for us?"

Baby Balloon sniffled and cried a little but agreed and so Daddy Balloon

took Baby Balloon to his little bed and tucked him up for the night...

Once again Daddy Balloon said...

"Both Mummy Ballon and I want to be proud of you...so please stay

in your own bed until morning"

Daddy Balloon goes back to bed...but just one hour later...Baby Balloon

climbs out of his bed and tries to squeeze into Mummy and Daddy

Balloon's bed...but, try as he might, he can't get in...so he takes

Daddy Balloon's nozzle and let's some air out...but he still can't

squeeze in...so he goes around to Mummy Balloon's side of the bed,

takes her nozzle and let's some of her air out...he STILL can't quite

squeeze in...SO...Baby Balloon takes his own nozzle and lets some

of his own air out...and...AT LAST he manages to squeeze in and

nestle down between Mummy and Daddy Balloon

When they all wake up in the morning...Daddy Balloon sees

Baby Balloon and becomes rather angry...he says...

"Look Baby Balloon...I asked you to stay in your OWN bed all night

so we could be proud of you and here you are back in OUR bed!!"

Baby Balloon says "Sorry Daddy"

then Daddy Ballon says..."It's just NOT good enough son...

...You've let ME down

....You've let your MOTHER down

...but MOST of all...you've let YOURSELF down""

Lmao! Class

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Still cracks me up and it was a good 5 years ago i heard that lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What does a cow without lips say?

.........

"Oooo"

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By *ty31Man
over a year ago

NW London

I was going on holiday to Corfu some years ago, the old man comes out with "its called Corfu cos when people get off the boat they say cor phew, ain't it hot"

Or if there are mushrooms for dinner he points at the plate and goes "there ain't mush-room on there"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call cheese that doesn't belong to you?

Not yo cheese.

Nacho cheese if you didn't get it

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By *igdave99Man
over a year ago

Manchester

What does a car say when it's house is on fire?

Me-house me-house

I'll get me coat

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call a Spanish guy who can't find his car?

Carlos

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

what do you call a fly with no wings?

a walk

two birds sat on a perch and one says to the other 'can you smell fish?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some of these are comedy gold ha.

Why do they call a bungalow a bungalow?

Because half way through they ran out of bricks and the builder said just bung a low roof on it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why are camels always so miserable?

Because they have the hump.

This one is always brought up at the sighting of a camel and never gets old!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call a Spanish guy who has just been given the all clear by his doctor?

Manwell

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By *acavityMan
over a year ago

Redditch

I have two goldfish.

They are called one and two.

If one dies, I'll still have two.

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By *inaTitzTV/TS
over a year ago

Titz Towers, North Notts

I heard a belly full of these at a gong show the other week

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By *igdave99Man
over a year ago

Manchester

Egg and sausage in a pan, eggs turns to sausage and says "Jesus it's hot in here"

Sausage says "no way, talking egg"

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By *ty31Man
over a year ago

NW London

Two Spanish fireman.

José and Jose B

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By *eareenaCouple
over a year ago

Rockford

What do you call a three eyed pig?

Piiig.

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By *lacksausageMan
over a year ago

Birmingham Airport

In three easy steps, how do you fuck someone?

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By *lacksausageMan
over a year ago

Birmingham Airport

"In three easy steps, how do you fuck someone?"

Find them, fuck'em

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

why cant you hear a pterodactyl on the toilet?

because the P is silent...

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