FabSwingers.com forum: Rejection...

By *irtyGirl OP Woman
over a year ago

Edinburgh

Polo's comment in the other thread made me wonder about that... there was a thread the other day about approaching people outwith the swinging world and I'm way too much of a wuss for it. I think that is absolutely about rejection. I'm reasonably confident and don't have issues with not having the balls, I just can't make myself approach someone. I wonder if that's maybe because in here its mostly about sex. Out in the real world it ventures into the dating scene and relationships and what is perceived to be regular life and not a blatant, cards on the table, fancy a shag sort of thing.

It doesn't stop me approaching someone in the swinging world. If I see someone I like the look/sound of then I wouldn't hesitate to drop them a PM or do a bit of forum/chat flirting. I wonder if it does have something to do with the way we view ourselves in the comfort of our own home beind a computer and not out there where people can see us and where it's not quite a spade being a spade?

I'm not concerned about rejection then. I'm not worried that someone will say no, sorry, not interested. I don't think about then popping up on the forums when they've knocked me back. I just move on and don't worry about it. How is that not then possible to do so easily when I'm on the bus and drooling over vanilla boy?

Do you fear rejection in swinging? Would it stop you approaching someone?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I dont think rejection is something to be worried about in this "world". We aren't everyone's cup of tea and people certainly aren't ours. You can't take these sites and this life seriously, although you see many on here who clearly do and for whom it's clearly their life.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

With the club scene I tend to read body language and eye contact always good start to chat and take it from there. The usual would you like to play often works. Now my thing is the round room I can quite happy go in there if its empty or just a few playing I get lost in my bubble, but if its busy I cant just jump in whats all that about.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

yes i do fear rejection. im certainly not everyones cup of tea.

in some respects im confident and others im not. Think ive been blunt enough on my profile regarding my personal appearence and there are enough pictures. So that side doesnt worry me to much, but it me as a person that i cant change.

If someone rejected me based on my opinions and values.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Also ive also thought that i was out of someones league, and believe somewhat that good looking girls belong with good looking men...

Its often prevented me from sending out messages to attractive men

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I will happily send out messages to people.. I consider no body out of my league.. if they like me then fine, if not, then there is someone else..

but it never hurts to ask.

Katie.x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Its often prevented me from sending out messages to attractive men"

isnt the idea to send out messages to those you find attractive. :D

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By *andy muncherMan
over a year ago

Nottingham

As a single guy on fab you cant be everyones cup of tea so i say take it as it comes and just move on to the next

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Also ive also thought that i was out of someones league, and believe somewhat that good looking girls belong with good looking men...

Its often prevented me from sending out messages to attractive men"

if thats the case call me fugly and feel free to tickle my in box

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I dont think rejection is something to be worried about in this "world". We aren't everyone's cup of tea and people certainly aren't ours. You can't take these sites and this life seriously, although you see many on here who clearly do and for whom it's clearly their life.

*Nods in agreement*

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I read something once that said women turn to online introductions because in real life they don't have a lot of choice when it comes to men.

At first that seems ridiculous but it explained that obviously women haven't traditionally been the ones to approach. It's always up to the man to initiate contact and even in this day and age that's probably still true.

And if a woman tries to get chatted up say five time a night in a bar, it may look like she has a lot of choice, but she didn't choose the five men! She can only choose from this small pool while the approacher can choose from everyone in the whole bar of who to approach.

But online women really are the bosses! With all the messages women get, they have a greater choice and then sending a message to initiate contact doesn't seem such a big deal since they've got a big back up in their inbox.

Online rejection also doesn't feel the same as real life rejection so there's less risk and less anxiety.

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By *emmefataleWoman
over a year ago

dirtybigbadsgirlville

Ive never let either bother me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Do you fear rejection in swinging? Would it stop you approaching someone?

Personally no but I am a confident person and have had to manager on my own a number of years. I do think if some people who do fear rejection but still have a go and try it they will feel far better about them self afterwards.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There would be fewer things more depressing, for me, than to be 'liked' by everyone. Happily it isn't a cross I have to bear.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

You cant like everyone and everyone cant like you. Rejection has never bothered me, but i still wont ever make the first move although some will tell you im a man eater its only when ive been approached first. Ive never understood why i have been like this, not just on swingings sites or swinging world but in real life, never in my life have i chatted a guy up in a pub. I think from an early age i got the idea that ladies didnt do that kind of thing and its always stuck. Maybe i should try searching on here and messaging someone but its out of my comfort zone

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By *eppersCouple
over a year ago

telford

Is that not the point sometimes of swinging is taking yourself from your comfort zone, and trying new things that includes making the first move.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

"Is that not the point sometimes of swinging is taking yourself from your comfort zone, and trying new things that includes making the first move."

But i wouldnt do something sexually that i didnt feel comfortable with. Ive done some weird and wonderful things but this is a habit(dont really know what else to call it) that i cant break. Its never been a problem to me but maybe i should start and work on it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Is that not the point sometimes of swinging is taking yourself from your comfort zone, and trying new things that includes making the first move.

I don't think you need to work on anything that you are happy with. Each of us has our own 'way'.

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