FabSwingers.com forum: Best way to say no thanks

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I'm sure this has been asked before but I couldn't find a thread so apologies if this is tedious...

Just wandering on people experiences of sending a polite thanks but no thanks message.

I get lots of messages and find it hard to say I'm not interested. I'm terrified of upsetting somebody and end up trying to think of an excuse..This is usually a complete lie and is then easily counter-attacked by the person messaging with a way round it or a 'ya don't know if ya don't try'

I've had to just immediately delete some messages without reading as my inbox gets so gull and I feel harsh doing this too!

Advice much appreciated please

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *r H and Good PetCouple
over a year ago

Nottingham

This is my standard "thanks but no thanks" message:

---

Hey babe,

Thank you for your lovely message, but unfortunately you're not really my cup of tea.

Thanks again, and all the best!

xxx

---

Tends to do the trick.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This is my standard "thanks but no thanks" message:

---

Hey babe,

Thank you for your lovely message, but unfortunately you're not really my cup of tea.

Thanks again, and all the best!

xxx

---

Tends to do the trick.

This

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ire_bladeMan
over a year ago

Manchester

Can't say I mail anyone in the 1st instance but if it was me I'd rather a thanks but no thanks. You owe nobody nothing so why worry it's their problem not your

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If people read profile and message we reply even if it is to say "thank you but no thank you". Had many a reply to a no thank you saying thanks for replying so think this feedback proves it is a polite way to let people know where they stand.

I delete all messages when read and know this has upset a few people but hey ho I like my inbox clear...

Manners cost nothing and we appreciate when people are polite so think it best to make an effort for those who take the time to write, mind as it says on profile one liners go straight in the bin

Hope this helps good luck on fab

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not for us thanks...there's no obligation to reply but we would if someone put in a bit of effort with the message, a simple "hi" or wanna fuck message just gets deleted

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *andybeachWoman
over a year ago

In the middle

I just say no thank you and leave it at that, no big deal

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I find my cut and paste messages get deleted with no reply ...... Lol

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This is my standard "thanks but no thanks" message:

---

Hey babe,

Thank you for your lovely message, but unfortunately you're not really my cup of tea.

Thanks again, and all the best!

xxx

---

Tends to do the trick.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

From a single guy's point of view it's much better to get a 'thanks but no thanks, you aren't what I'm looking for ' message.

But then I don't send lots of contacts, and I do read profiles and put some thought into the first message, so it is slightly disappointing to be completely unacknowledged.

Perhaps it doesn't matter so much to the 'here's my cock wanna fuck' brigade.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *andybeachWoman
over a year ago

In the middle

"I find my cut and paste messages get deleted with no reply ...... Lol

You need to make more of an effort to get a no thank you back

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Usually thank them for the message and say sorry but they're not what I'm looking for right now and best of luck..never really had and bother off the back of that

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've something in my profile along the lines of if I don't reply I'm not interested...Not that people read profiles anyhow...I have on the odd occasion sent a no thank you ...and there's always one who asks why ? I then block delete.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I find my cut and paste messages get deleted with no reply ...... Lol

You need to make more of an effort to get a no thank you back

Thanks for that advice, I'll work on it

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *andybeachWoman
over a year ago

In the middle

"I find my cut and paste messages get deleted with no reply ...... Lol

You need to make more of an effort to get a no thank you back

Thanks for that advice, I'll work on it

Always happy to help

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ilverMedalWinnerMan
over a year ago

North Lakes

You're all being very polite, and I do appreciate a response but I mostly tend to see my messages just deleted.

Personally, I will send a "thanks but no thanks" reply.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Our profile states that we don't reply if we're not interested, if people don't bother to read the profile, that's their problem.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I ignore most messages

But I do state that in my profile

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I agree with all the suggestions. I don't make it personal, keep it as a vague 'not what I'm looking for'.

If they reply 'why' I don't reply again. It just ends up in mail tennis.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No thanks not interested!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm largely an ignorer. It's pure laziness on my part.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thanks for all the responses

I will.continue to delete the random 'do u wanna fuck' or 'hey sweetheart send me a pic' messages.

But if someone has put some effort I will have to man up and say thanks but no thanks! I just don't like the idea of upsetting anyone lol..guess I need to get a thicker skin too!!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I've something in my profile along the lines of if I don't reply I'm not interested...Not that people read profiles anyhow..."

We read every word of a profile, unless within the first couple of lines it's obvious that the profile isn't what we're looking for.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *r H and Good PetCouple
over a year ago

Nottingham

"Thanks for all the responses

I will.continue to delete the random 'do u wanna fuck' or 'hey sweetheart send me a pic' messages.

But if someone has put some effort I will have to man up and say thanks but no thanks! I just don't like the idea of upsetting anyone lol..guess I need to get a thicker skin too!!

I always think that my own mental health and well-being is more important than upsetting a random dude on the internet.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *r H and Good PetCouple
over a year ago

Nottingham

"I always think that my own mental health and well-being is more important than upsetting a random dude on the internet.

And if they can't accept a "no thanks" and gets "upset" at that, it's kind of pathetic anyway. Lol.

You're not responsible for the emotional well-being of these folks.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

My profile states 'if I don't reply it's because I don't want to meet with you' ...

however I do reply at times with a polite no thanks I don't wish to meet but good luck.

I NEVER give a reason. I don't enter ping pong messages.

I am not sentimental about strangers/nutters/egos that bleat and beg and threaten so it doesn't get to me.

Learn to not feel guilt where you have done no wrong.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thanks for all the responses

I will.continue to delete the random 'do u wanna fuck' or 'hey sweetheart send me a pic' messages.

But if someone has put some effort I will have to man up and say thanks but no thanks! I just don't like the idea of upsetting anyone lol..guess I need to get a thicker skin too!!

I very much doubt saying no thanks is going to have any lasting negative impact on any sane person. I really wouldn't worry about it!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *irtyGirlWoman
over a year ago

Edinburgh

"My profile states 'if I don't reply it's because I don't want to meet with you' ...

however I do reply at times with a polite no thanks I don't wish to meet but good luck.

I NEVER give a reason. I don't enter ping pong messages.

I am not sentimental about strangers/nutters/egos that bleat and beg and threaten so it doesn't get to me.

Learn to not feel guilt where you have done no wrong. "

This!

Listen to Granny... she's a wise one!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My profile states 'if I don't reply it's because I don't want to meet with you' ...

however I do reply at times with a polite no thanks I don't wish to meet but good luck.

I NEVER give a reason. I don't enter ping pong messages.

I am not sentimental about strangers/nutters/egos that bleat and beg and threaten so it doesn't get to me.

Learn to not feel guilt where you have done no wrong.

This!

Listen to Granny... she's a wise one!

It comes with age

*runs and hides

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I find my cut and paste messages get deleted with no reply ...... Lol

You need to make more of an effort to get a no thank you back

Thanks for that advice, I'll work on it

Always happy to help

You work at Asda ?? Lol

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"My profile states 'if I don't reply it's because I don't want to meet with you' ...

however I do reply at times with a polite no thanks I don't wish to meet but good luck.

I NEVER give a reason. I don't enter ping pong messages.

I am not sentimental about strangers/nutters/egos that bleat and beg and threaten so it doesn't get to me.

Learn to not feel guilt where you have done no wrong.

This!

Listen to Granny... she's a wise one!

It comes with age

*runs and hides"

Thank God for that. I thought it was measured in weight...

I look more like Buddah as each year passes.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This is my standard "thanks but no thanks" message:

Tends to do the trick.

It's a polite no thank you!

Best wishes in the future here on fab! Happy swinging

Regards

G&S

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thanks for all the responses

I will.continue to delete the random 'do u wanna fuck' or 'hey sweetheart send me a pic' messages.

But if someone has put some effort I will have to man up and say thanks but no thanks! I just don't like the idea of upsetting anyone lol..guess I need to get a thicker skin too!!

At some point someone will match your criteria....then you can say thanks....but thanks!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *aneandpaulCouple
over a year ago

cleveleys

It,s very hard some people can not take being rejected they want to know why then it can get nasty

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It really depends on what they've messaged me in the first place. .if its fancy a fuck etc etc it gets deleted along with the hi, what you doing messages. ..if they've clearly not bothered to read my profile they get deleted too. I will answer a well thought out message though and my usual reply is thanks for the message but you're not for me but happy swinging x. ..I hardly get abusive mails back x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"My profile states 'if I don't reply it's because I don't want to meet with you' ...

however I do reply at times with a polite no thanks I don't wish to meet but good luck.

I NEVER give a reason. I don't enter ping pong messages.

I am not sentimental about strangers/nutters/egos that bleat and beg and threaten so it doesn't get to me.

Learn to not feel guilt where you have done no wrong.

This!

Listen to Granny... she's a wise one!

It comes with age

*runs and hides"

Thanks love this!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"It really depends on what they've messaged me in the first place. .if its fancy a fuck etc etc it gets deleted along with the hi, what you doing messages. ..if they've clearly not bothered to read my profile they get deleted too. I will answer a well thought out message though and my usual reply is thanks for the message but you're not for me but happy swinging x. ..I hardly get abusive mails back x"

Thankyou x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I send a few messages and dont often get a reply but how about this for an idea?

How about a "thanks but no thanks" button against the message in the mailbox, just press the button, the polite "Thanks but no thanks" message is autofilled and sent, and it deletes the message from your inbox too, so everybody is happy, sender gets a polite message, recipient gets to say no, politely, with no more clicks than them just pressing the delete button

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I send a few messages and dont often get a reply but how about this for an idea?

I think I'd rather have an empty inbox than one full of automated Fuck of and die messages

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I usually just say thankyou for the message but that they just aren't for me, sorry.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't get the opportunity to send messages like that!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *nleashedCrakenMan
over a year ago

Widnes

"Thanks for all the responses

I will.continue to delete the random 'do u wanna fuck' or 'hey sweetheart send me a pic' messages.

But if someone has put some effort I will have to man up and say thanks but no thanks! I just don't like the idea of upsetting anyone lol..guess I need to get a thicker skin too!!

Well, hopefully, you'll reply to some with a 'WOW!!!, You're just what I've been looking for' or am I just being an idealist?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This is my standard "thanks but no thanks" message:

---

Hey babe,

Thank you for your lovely message, but unfortunately you're not really my cup of tea.

Thanks again, and all the best!

xxx

---

Tends to do the trick.

This is similar to mine... I rarely get anything negative in return. And if I do, I block.

I try and reply to all the nice messages I get. But those that blatantly haven't read my profile, for example a guy shorter than me, I don't even bother anymore. I don't have time.

Don't beat yourself up OP, saying no is fine!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *nleashedCrakenMan
over a year ago

Widnes

"I send a few messages and dont often get a reply but how about this for an idea?

I think I'd rather have an empty inbox than one full of automated Fuck of and die messages

This, and it says so on my profile.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't use the cup of tea analogy just thanks but no thanks

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Delete and move on to the next victim

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My profile states 'if I don't reply it's because I don't want to meet with you' ...

however I do reply at times with a polite no thanks I don't wish to meet but good luck.

I NEVER give a reason. I don't enter ping pong messages.

I am not sentimental about strangers/nutters/egos that bleat and beg and threaten so it doesn't get to me.

Learn to not feel guilt where you have done no wrong.

This!

Listen to Granny... she's a wise one!

I like what Granny has put.

I would give as little detail to your no thanks as you feel comfortable with.

In my experience the more info you give on why it's a no thanks, the more bleating or argumentative the response from the guy/couple.

If they come back to you with a bleat then block .

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It must be hard for women with all these offers lol.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

The second paragraph of our profile explains that no reply means no thank you and a polite reply doesn't guarantee anything. Most people understand this.

Also if people don't respond to us we take the hint

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I ignore repeat messages... The person sending them gets a message saying are you sure you want to message xxx as they haven't replied to your message.

Whingers with but why messages, they get blocked.

Toughen up, too many chancers.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *igeiaWoman
over a year ago

Bristol

I am an ignorer. I do state on my profile that no response means I'm either not interested or not replying because I haven't got any free time to meet. I have thought about responding with a 'thanks but I'm not meeting anyone new at the moment' type thing but if someone's only messaged to say hello or they like my pics then I think replying with a not interested message is a tad presumptuous on my part.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *itSamCouple
over a year ago

Birmingham

A polite no thanks and if they ask why just reply "cause you do not know the meaning of no thanks" lol

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *itSamCouple
over a year ago

Birmingham

"Thanks for all the responses

I will.continue to delete the random 'do u wanna fuck' or 'hey sweetheart send me a pic' messages.

But if someone has put some effort I will have to man up and say thanks but no thanks! I just don't like the idea of upsetting anyone lol..guess I need to get a thicker skin too!!

Looking at your profile if you just add a little bit on it you will stop a lot of people who would know they are not suited and attract people who are. That may help

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My profile states I don't reply if not interested if they don't read profile and get upset with no reply.

. Then I feel no guilt

I do reply to compliments.. When pics are public...

I don't expect a reply from every message I send... I concentrate on my inbox

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thanks for all your answers and for the constructive criticism re my profile!!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *itSamCouple
over a year ago

Birmingham

"Thanks for all your answers and for the constructive criticism re my profile!!

Not meant as critisism, hope no offence was taken more as a bit of a (hopefully) helpful comment. Nothing meant negative about it sorry

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

How are is it to say no thankyou ?

I only usually reply if they have sent a decent message and then I compliment them on their message/profile and say although I don't think we are compatable I'm sure there are plenty they are compatable with.

This message is for ones that put effort into it

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

I just looked at your profile op. I see your new. Honestly you will soon work it out for your self which approach you find best.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eatfestMan
over a year ago

Plymouth

"I am an ignorer. I do state on my profile that no response means I'm either not interested or not replying because I haven't got any free time to meet. I have thought about responding with a 'thanks but I'm not meeting anyone new at the moment' type thing but if someone's only messaged to say hello or they like my pics then I think replying with a not interested message is a tad presumptuous on my part."

This is the winner for me! Clear statement from the start. No need to respond. Just delete and do so guilt free. I am a convert and about to update my own profile this way.

Nice one!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No thanks

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *he-Hosiery-GentMan
over a year ago

Older Hot Bearded Guy

I just say;

'Sorry, you're not what I'm looking for'

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Thanks for all your answers and for the constructive criticism re my profile!!

Not meant as critisism, hope no offence was taken more as a bit of a (hopefully) helpful comment. Nothing meant negative about it sorry

No offence taken at all I appreciate the comment thankyou ??

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ukepastMan
over a year ago

Newport

I try to find something I like about the person...

e.g. to a big hairy man who happens to have a suckable cock:

"Thank you for your message. I think you've a tasty looking cock but, I'm not into big hairy men -- Happy hunting"

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I dont bother replying. I have an easy time of it anyway as I dont get any messages in the first place

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

Post new Message to Thread