FabSwingers.com forum: Judgey McJudgerson...

By *irtyGirl OP Woman
over a year ago

Edinburgh

We all have our moments, we all make judgements and I dare say that some of us are more cynical than others. I remember when I first joined the swinging scene I was absolutely stunned by the amount of people in the one place who were on my wavelength and thought the way I did. Well, at least that was my first impression.

It didn't last long because actually, it comes across very quickly that not everyone is as open minded as they'd like people to think. We all have our morals and our standards but I'm a great believer in the good old saying that if you have nothing nice to say, then say nothing.

We all have things that we draw the line at but not everyone has the same lines. Do we think it's possible to stop and think before before we jump on people for not having the same morals or values or do you think the cynical sides of us have gone too far the opposite way? Are we all past the stage of not jumping to conclusions or making assumptions based on half a story? Or is it too late and we've all turned into jaded souls who just don't believe anyone any more?

Someone said something earlier about looking for the best in people. I liked that. I think most of the time I do that too but I decided today that I'm going to try and do that more often.

So... what are you thinking? Would the world be a better place if we all gave a little bit more benefit and less doubt or am I being too pink and fluffy again?!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We all have our moments, we all make judgements and I dare say that some of us are more cynical than others. I remember when I first joined the swinging scene I was absolutely stunned by the amount of people in the one place who were on my wavelength and thought the way I did. Well, at least that was my first impression.

Someone said something earlier about looking for the best in people. I liked that. I think most of the time I do that too but I decided today that I'm going to try and do that more often.

So... what are you thinking? Would the world be a better place if we all gave a little bit more benefit and less doubt or am I being too pink and fluffy again?!

In fairness, I always give the benefit of the doubt to a stranger in the first instance. As I get to know them, if doubt creeps in I give the benefit of my experience and listen to instinct and get the hell out of it before it turns dull. I'm not pink and fluffy anymore, I don't have patience for bullshit. Banter yes, but bullshit, no.

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By *acquiesubWoman
over a year ago

birmingham

be as pink and fluffy as you want.... I for one like it x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can speak from experience,I am very stubborn and have alot of opinions, i seem to get jumped on when i express mine, i think everyone has a right to express thereselves, good or bad, its not a nazi world. let people speak their minds is what i say.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I can speak from experience,I am very stubborn and have alot of opinions, i seem to get jumped on when i express mine, i think everyone has a right to express thereselves, good or bad, its not a nazi world. let people speak their minds is what i say.

I prefer people who do. I love a good debate, I do!

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By *eppersCouple
over a year ago

telford

I must agree we are too quick to judge others these days a quick look at any of the forums will undoubtedly prove that, there seem to be to many people these days on here with a loaded gun ready and willing to shoot the posters down in flames at the earliest opportunity,.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I prefer people who do. I love a good debate, I do! "

yeah defo, i prefer to be upfront and honest from scratch.

why do peeps get touchy because they dont like others opinions?

everyone has a right to speak.

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By *emmefataleWoman
over a year ago

dirtybigbadsgirlville

After reading the other threads , i will say i think pink n fluffy is a nice idea, but i dont buy into it .....whooooooooooopS "LOW FLYING AGENDA"...nearly ruined me hairdo

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I live by the mantra of I'll be your friend until YOU give me a reason not to be. That applies to believing what someone says if I have no facts to dispute it or no previous evidence of them purposefully lying to me.

It does leave me wide open sometimes but I'm prepared to accept that, than be overly cynical about everything and everyone.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I prefer people who do. I love a good debate, I do! "

Ditto. So do I. The Election thread was a really good debate and considering it was political it remained a debate and didn't turn into a slanging match.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

do all swingers argue??

All i ever see on these threads is arguements..

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By *irtyGirl OP Woman
over a year ago

Edinburgh

"I live by the mantra of I'll be your friend until YOU give me a reason not to be. That applies to believing what someone says if I have no facts to dispute it or no previous evidence of them purposefully lying to me.

It does leave me wide open sometimes but I'm prepared to accept that, than be overly cynical about everything and everyone."

See that's generally how I go about life too. I don't really expect people to be pink and fluffy all the time and I figure we all have opinions but sometimes I think the world would be a better place if everyone had a pink fluffy day now and again.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It does leave me wide open sometimes but I'm prepared to accept that, than be overly cynical about everything and everyone.

like,like like

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By *emima_puddlefuckCouple
over a year ago

hexham

Excellently said Dg.

i think we all need to take a deep breath before we judge anyone elses behaviour.i have always tried to go by the motto of if it floats your boat ,good on ya.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Good subject....I`m thinking broadly now, but as a newby to any swinging forum, I`m wondering if "situational force" ain`t at work here a little.

Mabye peeps who`ve been here a while get slightly conditioned to take peoples inventory....a plethora of liars, schemers, trolls , etc leave them with a cynical mindset ....

Just musing really ......but it is apparent theres an element of jumping on the unguarded comment, and with the cynical distrust comes an adverserial tone ?

Theres good here as well ...worth pointing out

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Good subject....I`m thinking broadly now, but as a newby to any swinging forum, I`m wondering if "situational force" ain`t at work here a little.

Mabye peeps who`ve been here a while get slightly conditioned to take peoples inventory....a plethora of liars, schemers, trolls , etc leave them with a cynical mindset ....

Just musing really ......but it is apparent theres an element of jumping on the unguarded comment, and with the cynical distrust comes an adverserial tone ?

Theres good here as well ...worth pointing out

I think you have hit the nail on the head OP

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It does leave me wide open sometimes but I'm prepared to accept that, than be overly cynical about everything and everyone.

I had one today. My name change is pink and fluffy. I've never had such a fluffy name, maybe it will make me more fluttery and stuff

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think too many people on here wear rose tinted glasses. Usually the same people who complain about time wasters, being beaten up on meets etc. Why? Because they readily believe every cock and bull story they're spun, and take pride in being gullible as heaven forbid, they don't want to be cynical, thereby being led a merry dance.

Fair enough, however, I've yet to see a thread posted by a cynic chiding the pink and fluffy for being saps, but passive aggressive pink and fluffy's do love to take the moral high ground.

Oops! Should probably have kept those thought to myself as apparently only pink and fluffy comments can be made, and if you don't have anything "nice" to say stay away!

Oh guess what?!!

Oh why bother?

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By *irtyGirl OP Woman
over a year ago

Edinburgh

I'm not taking any moral high ground... if that's what you meant. I just figure that I'd quite like to not be so cynical all the time and try to think the best of people. I don't suffer fools gladly and I don't tolerate eejits but at the same time, I don't feel the need to attack people I've never met, don't know anything about and probably never will meet due to their circumstances being outwith my preferences.

I'm quite happy to stand up for what I believe in and have a debate about anything and everything but I think that can totally be achieved without being personal about others and judging what they choose to do with their time. If that means I'm wearing rose tinted specs then so be it... I don't complain about time wasters, I've never been beaten up and I don't believe every cock and bull story I'm spun nor do I see myself as passive aggressive.

I don't take things personally, mainly because they're just words and they don't really matter in the grand old scheme of things but people who cannot hold a debate without being aggressive and/or nasty just don't really mean a lot to me. It comes over as a little bit bitter and I'm sure that's not how you meant to come over. I'm not suggesting that if you have nothing nice to say then stay away, but you are, as I have witnessed on many occasion, more than capable of getting your point across in an educated and adult manner without snide remarks.

Manners cost absolutely nothing and a lively debate can be held in such a way so as not to be offensive.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think it is genuinely more respecful to say what you think to someone rather than what you think yhey would like to hear...regardless of if its received well or not.If you give an honest opinion then noone should have anything about which to complain.

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By *thwalescplCouple
over a year ago

brecon

I spent years caring about what others felt, thought and did. I would go out of my way to help others, giving of my time, money (when I had any), support etc.

I would often defend people when I heard others talking ill of them, even if the object of the talk was "a wrong 'un".

I was told that I was too soft, an easy target for those who wanted a mug, but I prefered to think that I was just "doing my bit".

It took a while, but I began to realise that my (true) friends may have been right, and I began to become cynical.

Now, I trust few people, but those I trust I trust completely. I dont make friends easily, but those that I do make friends with, are friends for life, through thick and thin.

I will not walk by if someone genuinely needs help, but I am cautious.

In some ways I wish I could go back to being the "pink and fluffy" human being that I was, but life tends to teach hard lessons.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"In some ways I wish I could go back to being the "pink and fluffy" human being that I was, but life tends to teach hard lessons."

Ditto above and i also like the saying from wishy - I live by the mantra of I'll be your friend until YOU give me a reason not to be.

However, i disagree with most of you but please i dont mean in a fashion where i now dislike you. I only have two real friends in my life at moment my dear aunt and my mum. But do they really count as friends as they are already relatives. Since ten years old ive always struggled to trust people but because of this apparently i trust people too easily when i first meet them. Its a rebound effect or something! I just like to give everyone an equal chance in life. But with me being quite soft in past i have become quite bitter and over-defensive towards people (that includes Fab forums) over the years gradually. Especially so in past two years when i thought my friends (outside of family) were friends. But as it turns out my 'four' friends who i for the first time ever thought were my 'friends' turned out to be ...well...just people i knew. Ok, two i have demoted to 'pals' and the other two are just people i know. Ive had a tough paper round but always picked myself up and got on with it. However two years ago my world slowly began to crumble around me. I tried to fight it as im a fighter and though my friends knew what wasnt happening and what was really happening they became very distant, apart from of course when they were stuck for some kind of bend-over-backwards favour. I eventually plucked up the courage after three attempts to ask for help but they were too busy with their own lives. Yes two of them actually did say that.

I broke my mobile six months ago but was able to keep same number but lost all contacts. Surprise, surprise they havent even realised im not even contacting them!

My so-called friends have not once called me to simply ask, "Are you ok?" They go on nights out, days out, holidays together, drive past my house, have parties and i have never been invited. Why not you must ask! Because im having a tough time and they do not want to help one little bit. They know the tough time im having and they know very well the facts that go with it. However they also know very well that i usually remain chirpy and daft even when times are tough, so its not as if i burden them with my troubles.

However before the past two years oh did they ask me for lift after lift 20miles home in the middle of any given night, or all around scotland at my expense, a roof over their head when their wives kick them out, indepth advice on...anything, taking their kids away for a day and to find they havent been given any money to pay their way - its was always at my expense. Though all i wanted/needed at the end of it was a cup of tea with milk and two sweeteners along with a daft ten minute chat about probably the last time i fell over without the influence of alcohol! Oops!

(OMG this is long! Are you all still awake? OI, WAKE UP, I SAID WWAAAKKKKEEEEE UUPPP. haha)

The above is only the most recent circumstance of how people i have trusted used me. This has been going on for years because im too pink and fluffy. I am weak when it come to saying 'no' to the request for help from, well, literally anyone. I have tried to change it but i cant because its me and thats that. I like me and nobody is going to change me. Im happier now in past six months as billy-no-mates. People that know me have noticed a great improvement, and one of the steps i took to even more independance six months ago was by joining Fab - WAHEY! Im happier now than ive been for a long time, but there are a few more things to fix like my tinge of bitterness and quitting smoking and using gym more when i gwet my knee sorted. I really enjoy my days out on my own driving to, well, anywhere in scotland really. I look forward to telling my mum and aunt about more beautiful countryside ive seen.

Im a fighter. Im a survivor. Im a winner.

So to get to the point. DG probably everyone in the world could be more pinky and fluffy but be very careful of others taking advantage of it or abusing it or not respecting it all for their own advantage with the end result.

The End.

By James.

F**king hell. I need a smoke - NOW!

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