FabSwingers.com forum: Why do people "come out"

By *rinking-in-la OP Couple
over a year ago

Bristol

I never sat my parents down and said "Mum, Dad, I am straight. I hope you are OK with that."

Why is there an expectation that gay folks will do so?

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By *trawberry-popWoman
over a year ago

South East Midlands NOT

Not all of them do.

My sister is gay. She never had the talk with either of our parents.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I never have as bi, my family have no idea still

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By *rinking-in-la OP Couple
over a year ago

Bristol

"Not all of them do.

My sister is gay. She never had the talk with either of our parents. "

Likewise, but it still seems inequitable that there is a need to do it at all.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Its a question I asked on a vanilla chat site once that sparked huge and fiery debate with no real answer or conclusion. A lot of gays saw the question as an attack or a command that they should stay in the closet pretending to be straight and refused to accept I thought they should just be themselves without making it a much bigger issue than it needs to be. After all like you said nobody needs to declare themselves straight to family and friends so why declare homosexuality just get on with it and be who you are.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am 'out' to who I want to be 'out' to

The rest can draw their own conclusions

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By *ivemeyoursoulWoman
over a year ago

Easter just around the corner!

"Its a question I asked on a vanilla chat site once that sparked huge and fiery debate with no real answer or conclusion. A lot of gays saw the question as an attack or a command that they should stay in the closet pretending to be straight and refused to accept I thought they should just be themselves without making it a much bigger issue than it needs to be. After all like you said nobody needs to declare themselves straight to family and friends so why declare homosexuality just get on with it and be who you are."

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

no family are likely to exclude you for being straight, the other may not be the same

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Until being gay (or any other sexuality) is as "normal" as being straight there will probably be a need to come out in some people's eyes.

I had this conversation only the other day with a friend who's gay after he told me a mate of his was "too gay" and "in your face with it"...he asked me if I'd ever felt the need to come out as heterosexual and if not why should he come out as gay?

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By *andomfodCouple
over a year ago

walsall

Traditionally, being straight was seen as the only way and was expected of everyone I guess. So you have to make the announcement that you're not the expected "norm".

In today's society, it's less important, if at all as people are slowly becoming more accepting of LGBT as I see it. It's a step in the right direction if only a small one. Hopefully in times to come there will be no need for "coming out" or breaking the news.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

I can see why gay people used to and I can see them telling immediate family so there isn't the surprise when they introduce same sex as their partner, it generally in this day and age I don't know as someone said I've never come out and in general conversation I've never spoken about my sexuality.

I've never been interested in someone's sexuality I take them for who they are.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

"no family are likely to exclude you for being straight, the other may not be the same"
I u derstand that but because of the way I am I find it hard that someome would exclude a member of their family because of their sexuality.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Coming out is like 'admitting' something.. something dreadful.

I think who people fuck is their own business.

Same for gay people and Swingers.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I suspect though that it's easier for those of us who are heterosexual and therefore accepted sexually without question to say "coming out" isn't necessary.

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By *trawberry-popWoman
over a year ago

South East Midlands NOT

Personally I don't think there is an expectation to.

But then, I knew my sister was gay before she did, and none of my family would have any issue with it.

Wouldn't your family and close friends 'just know' therefore negating the need to say it?!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

the things iv been cought doing I think they guessed

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By *icky999Man
over a year ago

warrington

because the sun caught me around the back of tory hq with a rent boy

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

I was born with jazz hands and wore my baby hats at a jaunty angle.......

they knew

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By *ust RachelTV/TS
over a year ago

Horsham

A few of my friends that have come out see it as an act of acceptance, they are telling people they are gay. Also it is confirmation to themselves, as one friend in particular was having a nightmare of a time till he came out and told everyone, he couldn't deal with it in person. Afterwards he felt better in himself.

I dare say everyone does it for different reasons.

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By *ohnkezCouple
over a year ago

shefiield

"I never have as bi, my family have no idea still"
.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Traditionally, being straight was seen as the only way and was expected of everyone I guess. So you have to make the announcement that you're not the expected "norm".

In today's society, it's less important, if at all as people are slowly becoming more accepting of LGBT as I see it. It's a step in the right direction if only a small one.

Hopefully in times to come there will be no need for "coming out" or breaking the news."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I grew-up in a time where stigma and prejudice were prevalent in society,,,,

Adults should be much better equipped to process the thoughts and emotions which can manifest in the minds of young people who feel worried about negative reactions that could result from being open about their sexuality....

But thankfully it seems younger generations are becoming much more enlightened in their thinking .....

But I kinda guess that unless you've experienced livening life hiding something that helps define you as a person, you'll never fully understand the value and self worth some people achieve from coming out....

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Personally I don't think there is an expectation to.

But then, I knew my sister was gay before she did, and none of my family would have any issue with it.

Wouldn't your family and close friends 'just know' therefore negating the need to say it?! "

No I don't think that they necessarily would from direct personal experience.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Traditionally, being straight was seen as the only way and was expected of everyone I guess. So you have to make the announcement that you're not the expected "norm".

I also wonder if it's a way of telling your parents...'look guys if you were dreaming about the traditional white wedding and grandkids thing...then I'm here to burst ya bubble!'

I only say this as I have been shocked at the reaction I've had from my mum...who unbeknown to me had all these dreams of her daughter having a traditional lifestyle! getting married young, living round the corner from her so she can be invited to Sunday lunch. Having children!

She was actually outraged with me for denying her grandchildren ffs!!!

I guess until families get their heads out of the 1950's and stop watching bloody Disney films, there will always be children who feel they need to give their parents a reality check.

Whether that is their sexuality, or other lifestyle choices!

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By *ungBlackTopMan
over a year ago

salford

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I came out because being me had been forcibly suppressed as a child.

I'd learned to live my life in complete denial and it meant I hadn't been a particularly nice person much of the time.

By 'coming out' I shed my old self. Explained why I'd been so bitter. Revealed myself to the world.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I came out because being me had been forcibly suppressed as a child.

I'd learned to live my life in complete denial and it meant I hadn't been a particularly nice person much of the time.

By 'coming out' I shed my old self. Explained why I'd been so bitter. Revealed myself to the world. "

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By *hyllyphyllyMan
over a year ago

Bradford

I don't think I've ever come out. But I'm sure they know already.

My daughter never came out. She just posted pics of her and her girlfriend on facebook. Hopefully, more young uns will do the same.

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By *ultry SuccubusTV/TS
over a year ago

London

" After all like you said nobody needs to declare themselves straight to family and friends so why declare homosexuality just get on with it and be who you are.

I am 'out' to who I want to be 'out' to

The rest can draw their own conclusions.

I've never been interested in someone's sexuality I take them for who they are

Well said.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I feel lucky in a way that my own 'coming out' was in this day and age as majority of people are more accepting so less and less hear of people being disowned by their family for being gay, bisexual or trans at least not in this country. Do hope won't need to have the conversation with my children though as they will be confident to be who they are and not worry what others think.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Coming out to my mrs and then to my kids was a revelation for them.

They knew I was different to other Dad's. Telling them I was transgender filled in a big chunk for them. Explained who I am. They say they never realised they could be closer to me but now they understand me they feel closer than ever.

Knowing I'm bi also helped them understand why they have always been able to talk their boy problems over so easily with me.

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By *ivemeyoursoulWoman
over a year ago

Easter just around the corner!

"I don't think I've ever come out. But I'm sure they know already.

My daughter never came out. She just posted pics of her and her girlfriend on facebook. Hopefully, more young uns will do the same. "

My daughter stuck something on facebook I don't want her to make a song and dance about it,just be who she is. I get the impression she thinks she's in some special club now,she's still young so I'm sure she'll settle down. She's out and proud and that's great,but she 'll be treated no different to her sister who likes boys. She went to a support group until that closed,not sure she needed to,but she liked going there.

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By *iss_Samantha_LovecockTV/TS
over a year ago

bmth /poole sometimes blandford

because sometimes its nice to be open about who u are instead of living a lie and worrying about be found out

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Because there's still so much homophobia in the world.

I never came out as such, just started a relationship with another woman and put it on Facebook, then a week or so I was talking to my mum about it. The conversation went as follows...

"Mum, about Millie..."

"I know she's your girlfriend, I saw on Facebook."

It was that easy! As far as I know all my extended family were fine with it too. My ex came with me to a family wedding some five months after we got together & everyone was very welcoming... though the groom who married my cousin looked surprised when I introduced her to him as my girlfriend

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"because sometimes its nice to be open about who u are instead of living a lie and worrying about be found out"

Sometimes theres no need as its pretty obvious

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By *rinking-in-la OP Couple
over a year ago

Bristol

"because sometimes its nice to be open about who u are instead of living a lie and worrying about be found out"

You can be open. It is the big reveal that I am seeking thoughts on. All gay folks should live openly and happily as let's face it, who you love is of relevance to no one else but you and them.

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By *oobsandballsMan
over a year ago

st andrews

I informed my sister recently that I was bi, as she was having an Ann summers party and I didn't want something to come up accidentally and for her to find out in front of her friends.

I haven't told the rest of the family, not felt the need

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I never sat my parents down and said "Mum, Dad, I am straight. I hope you are OK with that."

Why is there an expectation that gay folks will do so?"

Saves the whole "wait what do you mean husband!?" Discussion

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By *issHottieBottieWoman
over a year ago

Kent

"no family are likely to exclude you for being straight, the other may not be the sameI u derstand that but because of the way I am I find it hard that someome would exclude a member of their family because of their sexuality.

One of my exes half brothers is gay. He's 21 and told his parents when he was about 16. They do nothing but wind him up, make jokes and get digs in about it. He gets tetchy (understandably) and spends all his time at home locked in his bedroom away from them. Nasty fuckers they are.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well ive got a friend whose parents response to him coming out was he should kill himself and that he was going to go to hell.

Suppose it was best to find that response out before the "hey this is my boyfriend" conversation.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"because sometimes its nice to be open about who u are instead of living a lie and worrying about be found out

You can be open. It is the big reveal that I am seeking thoughts on. All gay folks should live openly and happily as let's face it, who you love is of relevance to no one else but you and them. "

Well most gay folks when they realise are in school. A place where keeping your non standard sexuality secret is a major survival statagey

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

It does happens still unfortunately.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"because sometimes its nice to be open about who u are instead of living a lie and worrying about be found out

You can be open. It is the big reveal that I am seeking thoughts on. All gay folks should live openly and happily as let's face it, who you love is of relevance to no one else but you and them.

Well most gay folks when they realise are in school. A place where keeping your non standard sexuality secret is a major survival statagey "

I was head girl at school

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By *osieWoman
over a year ago

Wembley

"I never sat my parents down and said "Mum, Dad, I am straight. I hope you are OK with that."

Why is there an expectation that gay folks will do so?"

I have never made an announcement to my family that I am bisexual

Did explain but only after was questioned when I was with a previous girlfriend. Some accepted, some didn't; made not even an iota of difference to me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"because sometimes its nice to be open about who u are instead of living a lie and worrying about be found out

You can be open. It is the big reveal that I am seeking thoughts on. All gay folks should live openly and happily as let's face it, who you love is of relevance to no one else but you and them.

Well most gay folks when they realise are in school. A place where keeping your non standard sexuality secret is a major survival statagey

I was head girl at school

Impressively progressive for a school in the 80's.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"because sometimes its nice to be open about who u are instead of living a lie and worrying about be found out

You can be open. It is the big reveal that I am seeking thoughts on. All gay folks should live openly and happily as let's face it, who you love is of relevance to no one else but you and them.

Well most gay folks when they realise are in school. A place where keeping your non standard sexuality secret is a major survival statagey

I was head girl at school

Impressively progressive for a school in the 80's. "

not really

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By *iSTARessWoman
over a year ago

London

When non conventional, consensual sexual practices are excepted as not being deviant, then they'll no longer be the need to come out.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"because sometimes its nice to be open about who u are instead of living a lie and worrying about be found out

You can be open. It is the big reveal that I am seeking thoughts on. All gay folks should live openly and happily as let's face it, who you love is of relevance to no one else but you and them.

Well most gay folks when they realise are in school. A place where keeping your non standard sexuality secret is a major survival statagey

I was head girl at school

Impressively progressive for a school in the 80's.

not really"

They gay lad in our school who was out got 3 misisng teeth before leaving. And that was the late 90's.

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By *osieWoman
over a year ago

Wembley

"because sometimes its nice to be open about who u are instead of living a lie and worrying about be found out

You can be open. It is the big reveal that I am seeking thoughts on. All gay folks should live openly and happily as let's face it, who you love is of relevance to no one else but you and them.

Well most gay folks when they realise are in school. A place where keeping your non standard sexuality secret is a major survival statagey

I was head girl at school

Impressively progressive for a school in the 80's.

not really

They gay lad in our school who was out got 3 misisng teeth before leaving. And that was the late 90's."

You seem to have witnessed a lot of violence against people; more than they've probably experienced themselves

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"because sometimes its nice to be open about who u are instead of living a lie and worrying about be found out

You can be open. It is the big reveal that I am seeking thoughts on. All gay folks should live openly and happily as let's face it, who you love is of relevance to no one else but you and them.

Well most gay folks when they realise are in school. A place where keeping your non standard sexuality secret is a major survival statagey

I was head girl at school

Impressively progressive for a school in the 80's.

not really

They gay lad in our school who was out got 3 misisng teeth before leaving. And that was the late 90's."

how sad,hope you stuck up for him

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"because sometimes its nice to be open about who u are instead of living a lie and worrying about be found out

You can be open. It is the big reveal that I am seeking thoughts on. All gay folks should live openly and happily as let's face it, who you love is of relevance to no one else but you and them.

Well most gay folks when they realise are in school. A place where keeping your non standard sexuality secret is a major survival statagey

I was head girl at school

Impressively progressive for a school in the 80's.

not really

They gay lad in our school who was out got 3 misisng teeth before leaving. And that was the late 90's.

how sad,hope you stuck up for him"

Sadly not. I was a far more cowardly individual when I was a teenager than i am these days.

Something i regret a lot.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"because sometimes its nice to be open about who u are instead of living a lie and worrying about be found out

You can be open. It is the big reveal that I am seeking thoughts on. All gay folks should live openly and happily as let's face it, who you love is of relevance to no one else but you and them.

Well most gay folks when they realise are in school. A place where keeping your non standard sexuality secret is a major survival statagey

I was head girl at school

Impressively progressive for a school in the 80's.

not really

They gay lad in our school who was out got 3 misisng teeth before leaving. And that was the late 90's.

You seem to have witnessed a lot of violence against people; more than they've probably experienced themselves

I assume the lad experienced it given it was his teeth that got knocked out.

My first gay encounter ended with me being hospitalised after a group of lads jumped me...

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By *osieWoman
over a year ago

Wembley

"because sometimes its nice to be open about who u are instead of living a lie and worrying about be found out

You can be open. It is the big reveal that I am seeking thoughts on. All gay folks should live openly and happily as let's face it, who you love is of relevance to no one else but you and them.

Well most gay folks when they realise are in school. A place where keeping your non standard sexuality secret is a major survival statagey

I was head girl at school

Impressively progressive for a school in the 80's.

not really

They gay lad in our school who was out got 3 misisng teeth before leaving. And that was the late 90's.

You seem to have witnessed a lot of violence against people; more than they've probably experienced themselves

I assume the lad experienced it given it was his teeth that got knocked out.

My first gay encounter ended with me being hospitalised after a group of lads jumped me..."

I am 20 years your senior and I have not heard of a single instance of a lesbian woman being attacked. I am sorry that you have encountered and witnessed so much violence in this enlightened century

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

funnily enough cant say ive had any real hassle being the way I am,,most folk seem cool or uninterested,lol

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By *iSTARessWoman
over a year ago

London

"because sometimes its nice to be open about who u are instead of living a lie and worrying about be found out

You can be open. It is the big reveal that I am seeking thoughts on. All gay folks should live openly and happily as let's face it, who you love is of relevance to no one else but you and them.

Well most gay folks when they realise are in school. A place where keeping your non standard sexuality secret is a major survival statagey

I was head girl at school

Impressively progressive for a school in the 80's.

not really

They gay lad in our school who was out got 3 misisng teeth before leaving. And that was the late 90's.

You seem to have witnessed a lot of violence against people; more than they've probably experienced themselves

I assume the lad experienced it given it was his teeth that got knocked out.

My first gay encounter ended with me being hospitalised after a group of lads jumped me...

I am 20 years your senior and I have not heard of a single instance of a lesbian woman being attacked. I am sorry that you have encountered and witnessed so much violence in this enlightened century"

I've been punched in the face, had eggs thrown at me and plenty of abuse. And have known of plenty of lesbians who have suffered abuse, though not as many as gay men and Trans people.

Is it small wonder queer folk feel the need to come out and assert themselves?

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By *osieWoman
over a year ago

Wembley

"because sometimes its nice to be open about who u are instead of living a lie and worrying about be found out

You can be open. It is the big reveal that I am seeking thoughts on. All gay folks should live openly and happily as let's face it, who you love is of relevance to no one else but you and them.

Well most gay folks when they realise are in school. A place where keeping your non standard sexuality secret is a major survival statagey

I was head girl at school

Impressively progressive for a school in the 80's.

not really

They gay lad in our school who was out got 3 misisng teeth before leaving. And that was the late 90's.

You seem to have witnessed a lot of violence against people; more than they've probably experienced themselves

I assume the lad experienced it given it was his teeth that got knocked out.

My first gay encounter ended with me being hospitalised after a group of lads jumped me...

I am 20 years your senior and I have not heard of a single instance of a lesbian woman being attacked. I am sorry that you have encountered and witnessed so much violence in this enlightened century

I've been punched in the face, had eggs thrown at me and plenty of abuse. And have known of plenty of lesbians who have suffered abuse, though not as many as gay men and Trans people.

Is it small wonder queer folk feel the need to come out and assert themselves?"

Really sorry that your experiences have been so different from mine

The most hostility I experienced was in a swinger's club when I dressed up in a man's suit. And then too, it was frowns and one comment

I know quite a few lesbian couples; some married, some not; and not a single one has experienced any violence