FabSwingers.com forum: How to deal with Xmas day

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Not looking forward to Xmas this year as it will be my first one without my ex and son. My issue that I am having is my ex met someone last week and they have become a couple I can deal with that as she is entitled to move on just as much as I am. She is having him at the house all over Xmas. How do I deal with going to see my son on Xmas day morning knowing that a guy that my ex hardly knows being there on Xmas morning with my son. I would not have an issue if she had been seeing him a few months but after just a week I think it is totally unacceptable. Just after some advice.

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By *moothies.Couple
over a year ago

Woodthorpe

Give your son christmas on a different day. He gets twice the fun...you miss any issues with the ex and Co.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My first Xmas away from the house and kids too.

This is just part of a new way of life for me and them. It's up to me to be the adult here and make it a happy one for them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I agree it's not right at all why would anyone introduce a child to a new partner after a week of being In a relationship???.

Why don't you suggest you have the child on your own in the morning and drop him off lunch time. Maybe say your feelings to her

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I will be seeing him for an hour but the original plans I was ment to be there for the morning but all has changed but it gonna be at his house I know I have to be the big person and not cause a problem but it ripping me to pieces

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By *moothies.Couple
over a year ago

Woodthorpe

"My first Xmas away from the house and kids too.

This is just part of a new way of life for me and them. It's up to me to be the adult here and make it a happy one for them. "

good thinking

consider what's important and start some new family traditions

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By *carlet_heavenWoman
over a year ago

somewhere in the sticks

How awful for you

It seems strange judgement on the part of your ex to allow this new man around your son after such a short time.

So, aside from your emotional response to this, I think there is also a valid parental concern wrapped up in it-understandably.

Practically there are things you can do to protect the welfare of your child…if you feel that's appropriate.

If it were me, I'd work out how much of what your feeling is related to aspects of the situation that you do have some control over..i.e. your son. Those parts at least you don't have to accept if they still don't sit right with you.

As someone else said in the forums recently…'Deep breath & green tea'

best of luck

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I agree it's not right at all why would anyone introduce a child to a new partner after a week of being In a relationship???.

Why don't you suggest you have the child on your own in the morning and drop him off lunch time. Maybe say your feelings to her "

I disagree at letting your feelings be known as it could be perceived as sour grapes. Eyes and ears open but mouth shut. Concentrate on your little one.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I agree it's not right at all why would anyone introduce a child to a new partner after a week of being In a relationship???."

Maybe they have been seeing each other alot longer and have only just gone public with the relationship because it felt right?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I agree it's not right at all why would anyone introduce a child to a new partner after a week of being In a relationship???.

Maybe they have been seeing each other alot longer and have only just gone public with the relationship because it felt right?"
no they have just got together like I said if it was longer I would not see it as an issue

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"Not looking forward to Xmas this year as it will be my first one without my ex and son. My issue that I am having is my ex met someone last week and they have become a couple I can deal with that as she is entitled to move on just as much as I am. She is having him at the house all over Xmas. How do I deal with going to see my son on Xmas day morning knowing that a guy that my ex hardly knows being there on Xmas morning with my son. I would not have an issue if she had been seeing him a few months but after just a week I think it is totally unacceptable. Just after some advice."

As a mother, I could not envisage introducing a new partner after a week!

We are all different of course, but I struggle with this. Could it be they have been seeing each other for a while and just gone public now?

Either way, what's important is the happiness of your son. Do not say or do anything to make him insecure/unhappy. Trust me, I know how hard that is: been there, done that!

You will also have to realise she is an adult, you're in no position to say what is acceptable or not, just look out for your son, focus on him and try to enjoy time with him.

Good luck.

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"I agree it's not right at all why would anyone introduce a child to a new partner after a week of being In a relationship???.

Maybe they have been seeing each other alot longer and have only just gone public with the relationship because it felt right? no they have just got together like I said if it was longer I would not see it as an issue "

You seem involved in your exes business!

The welfare and happiness of your child is the primary concern. Sadly, if someone has evil intent, one week, one month, one year won't alter that.

I couldn't imagine letting a man move in with me and my young children. My other half moved in when my youngest was 22! Even then my ex told me to put a lock on her door!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As a mother, I could not envisage introducing a new partner after a week!

We are all different of course, but I struggle with this. Could it be they have been seeing each other for a while and just gone public now?

Either way, what's important is the happiness of your son. Do not say or do anything to make him insecure/unhappy. Trust me, I know how hard that is: been there, done that!

You will also have to realise she is an adult, you're in no position to say what is acceptable or not, just look out for your son, focus on him and try to enjoy time with him.

Good luck."

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

As a mother, I could not envisage introducing a new partner after a week!

We are all different of course, but I struggle with this. Could it be they have been seeing each other for a while and just gone public now?

Either way, what's important is the happiness of your son. Do not say or do anything to make him insecure/unhappy. Trust me, I know how hard that is: been there, done that!

You will also have to realise she is an adult, you're in no position to say what is acceptable or not, just look out for your son, focus on him and try to enjoy time with him.

Good luck."

She met him last week for the first time after speaking to him for a week by text or phone call it'd not the issue that's she has met somebody is the issues is that the plans we had arranged she has changed so instead of me going for the morning and seeing him open his presents I can't go until afterwards don't bide well with a complete stranger that my son has never met is gonna be doing that instead of me

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By *ivemeyoursoulWoman
over a year ago

Easter just around the corner!

Can you not speak to your ex and say you would like an hour just with your son alone even if it is in her house. I wouldn't have had a problem with this when I was in this situation. It's not easy I know,stay strong.

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By *ivemeyoursoulWoman
over a year ago

Easter just around the corner!

As a mother, I could not envisage introducing a new partner after a week!

We are all different of course, but I struggle with this. Could it be they have been seeing each other for a while and just gone public now?

Either way, what's important is the happiness of your son. Do not say or do anything to make him insecure/unhappy. Trust me, I know how hard that is: been there, done that!

You will also have to realise she is an adult, you're in no position to say what is acceptable or not, just look out for your son, focus on him and try to enjoy time with him.

Good luck.

Yeah that's pretty pants on her behalf,my boyfriend after I separated left the house for a couple of hours so my children's dad could come round to watch them open their presents.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Can you not speak to your ex and say you would like an hour just with your son alone even if it is in her house. I wouldn't have had a problem with this when I was in this situation. It's not easy I know,stay strong."

I am seeing him for an hour but was ment to be the whole morning which now I have to make an excuse to my son to why I have to leave cause it's what she wants

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hide

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Hide

And your meaning of this comment

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By *unloversCouple
over a year ago

rotherham

I personally think if the arrangements where made for you go and watch him open his presents then your ex could at least have the decency to tell the new guy to be scarce for a few hours

Surely he has family he can call on for a while just to make it a bit more comfortable for you

It's shit when things like this happen but it's a bit soon for her to be moving him in anyway

Hope everything works out for you luv

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I agree it's not right at all why would anyone introduce a child to a new partner after a week of being In a relationship???.

Well, she might be uncomfortable telling you things about her personal relationships. I know when my Mum walked out it took my Dad several years before he told my Mum he had a new partner - and he lied about how long he'd been seeing her.

You're separated and she owes you nothing - including the truth about her new partner.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I agree it's not right at all why would anyone introduce a child to a new partner after a week of being In a relationship???.

You're separated and she owes you nothing - including the truth about her new partner."

well seems that it was her that told me herself we may be separated she does tell me things.

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By *unloversCouple
over a year ago

rotherham

I'd just keep it all,off fabswingers and it's a pretty personal private subject I would have thought

There will always be someone who replies with something you don't want to hear

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hey I feel for you but advice we give means jot ,this sort of situation will arise time and time again see your son and enjoy the time you get with him because he will be wanting to see you ,happy Xmas

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I'd just keep it all,off fabswingers and it's a pretty personal private subject I would have thought

There will always be someone who replies with something you don't want to hear

X"
I understand what your saying but I can't take the good with the bad x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Sorry was ment to say can take the good with the bad

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As in lock the gate, close the curtains and enjoy the peace

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By *andm288Couple
over a year ago

oxford

Difficult one Op

In a similar situation , it's a difficult time of year

But as previous posters have said be the adult give your child his presents and ask to call / phone him later

All the best it will get easier

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

First Christmas,s are always the hardest.

I would go!and see him and make it as nice as possible for him.

Then, whether your ex is with someome or not I would go down the official channels and get proper access times to see your son, not just for Christmas but through out the year. Then when arrangements are made they have to be kept to.

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

"Give your son christmas on a different day. He gets twice the fun...you miss any issues with the ex and Co.

This is a good idea. Make Boxing Day another Christmas Day for him and also give him 2 birthdays too. It will be exciting for him and won't cause any undue angst with anyone. Seperate but equal, to paraphrase Eisenhower.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

When my son was young mymex husband and I had him alternate Christmas days. He just got two Christmas,s. I wouldn't bother with Christmas day and then just have it boxing day or the day he is back. Which is something you can maybe sort out for next year but as I said first Christmas,s are always the worst

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You need to step back and let her live her life and make her own mistakes

You also need to do this so it looks like you ate not tryin to wreck new relationships other wise she wil stop I seeing the kids

It's hard but worth it on long run

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I am having him boxing day and the original plans were me to come for the morning on Xmas day aswell it's the fact she has changed the plans not giving me or my son's feelings a thought for a fella she only been with a week

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Plus my son has never met this guy yet I'd have no issue if seeing him longer but a week that's what my issue is and not taking our son into account

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I am having him boxing day and the original plans were me to come for the morning on Xmas day aswell it's the fact she has changed the plans not giving me or my son's feelings a thought for a fella she only been with a week"

Why don't you have a chat with her say your not bothered about her moving on but you think

It's a bit out of order what she's doing Xmas day.

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By *ELLONS AND CREAMWoman
over a year ago

stourbridge area

op ... talk to your ex again ... ask if u can pick him up in the afternoon . . And maybe an overnight stay at yours .. worth a try ...

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I know I have to put up with it for my son's sake so it don't spoil his Xmas it's killing me inside knowing there is not much I can really do

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"op ... talk to your ex again ... ask if u can pick him up in the afternoon . . And maybe an overnight stay at yours .. worth a try ..."
I have him boxing day over night but he knew I was coming Xmas day morning so I'm gonna have to tell him I'm only coming for an hour

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Looks like a no win situation for you unfortunately. Rise above it and make what time you have with the little one special.you never know...the new guy may do the right thing...stranger things have happened...all the best anyway

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think you're perfectly within your rights to be concerned about a new man being involved in your childs life. If she hasn't known him long then I think she has brought him close to your son too soon. But,as he is there I would smile and make your son's Christmas a happy one.

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By *ouplefunukCouple
over a year ago

North Bristol

Op, why are you the one that has to make an excuse?

I'd be perfectly clear, you're not happy with the change of plans but will go along with it to keep the peace. However, on the condition that she has to tell your son that she's restricted your time to one hour and not the morning as planned.

I really wish you a merry Christmas. I detest people who use their children as weapons after a separation

*Her*

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"Op, why are you the one that has to make an excuse?

I really wish you a merry Christmas. I detest people who use their children as weapons after a separation

*Her* "

Same here, that's why we never did it. Our kids were made from love and my ex and I moved heaven and earth to ensure our kids knew they were loved and adored by both parents.

How selfishness and hate overrides the protection of your kids is something I'll never understand.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I agree it's not right at all why would anyone introduce a child to a new partner after a week of being In a relationship???.

Maybe they have been seeing each other alot longer and have only just gone public with the relationship because it felt right?"

This is my thoughts too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Work all Christmas

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By *andm288Couple
over a year ago

oxford

"Op, why are you the one that has to make an excuse?

I really wish you a merry Christmas. I detest people who use their children as weapons after a separation

*Her* "

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By *ancs MinxWoman
over a year ago

Burnley

The New Man, may just do the right thing and make himself scarce for a few hours and give you time with your son...and after all you are having him boxing day....some others might not be even getting the chance to spend the time you are with your son over xmas.........always others worse off....so be positive

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Op, why are you the one that has to make an excuse?

I really wish you a merry Christmas. I detest people who use their children as weapons after a separation

*Her*

You shouldn't be in a position where you have to make any excuses. You and your ex need a grown up conversation because this really isn't about either of you, it is about your son. He will be feeling bad enough that you aren't there without any more tension. It is tough but you need to make the best of a bad situation. Good luck.

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By *oasted cheese sandwichMan
over a year ago

Nearby

Ur ex missus is just selfish ,

It's not fair on ur kid , u , or even the new guy . Karma will come for her. But as hard as it is , there is not much u can do to change this year , good luck buddy .

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