FabSwingers.com forum: discovering your husband is gay

By *eeDee25 OP Woman
over a year ago

crook

Back in 2004 i found out that my husband is gay. Our son was 6 at that time. The marriage ended then. He left and was soon in a relationship with a man. I wanted him to be happy. I find it hard to trust men and my biggest fear is meeting a man and this happening again.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Back in 2004 i found out that my husband is gay. Our son was 6 at that time. The marriage ended then. He left and was soon in a relationship with a man. I wanted him to be happy. I find it hard to trust men and my biggest fear is meeting a man and this happening again."

I know I'm a bi guy...but the odds are stacked in your favour I think of it happening again.Enjoy yourself and live life to the full

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I know I'm a bi guy...but the odds are stacked in your favour I think of it happening again.Enjoy yourself and live life to the full"

Don't let this stop you from being you

What I'm trying to say

You need to finding yourself again not all men are tht way and your hurting and afraid Of it happening again life's to short 2 dwell on the past

Wish u all the best in finding urself again.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Do you find it hard to trust men because of this or a combination of other experiences?

You can't judge the reactions of a whole gender based on one persons sexuality. I think you know that anyway and I hope that you can find happiness going forwards - don't let bad experiences in the past ruin your future.

You can't change what's happened but you can be the master of your own future!

Good luck OP

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Would it have made any difference if he'd just fell out of love with you?

Met another woman?

Would you still have trust issues then?

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By *carlet_heavenWoman
over a year ago

somewhere in the sticks

I feel for you OP…my ex husband is also gay. I know what this can do to your self esteem & how psychologically damaging it can be. I've struggled for years to overcome this.

Yes, we know not all men are the same but once you've had someone so close to you deceive you in such a fundamental way its hard to believe anything ANYONE says or does.

Looking back there were signs that I should have picked up on. Moving forward I made sure I didn't ignore those signs in other men. I have found those skills useful with other people in general too. I now only have very genuine people around me, sometimes blunt, but they are loyal

If I get even a hint that someone isn't sure of themselves or they blow hot & cold or make inconsistent statements….they are out of my life.

It is a harsh and hard way to be, but believe me it does work and very soon you find you have reliable & trustworthy people around you. From that I'm hoping to build up to a relationship with someone again.

Its a journey and a learning curve. I hope that you can turn this into an opportunity to build up good relationships in your life and get back on track with men. Wishing you all good things & the very best for the future

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yet from your veris you meet openly bi guys ...

Could it have worked if you were more sexually liberal back then or if he had opened up to you earlier and you had both approached this as a couple ?

Questions aside, as others have said, try not to let the actions of one man reflect on your abilities to trust another.

Most men are straight. Regardless of what Fab would have you believe.

This lot are just degenerates

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Most men are straight. Regardless of what Fab would have you believe.

Strongly disagree

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By *carlet_heavenWoman
over a year ago

somewhere in the sticks

Most men are straight. Regardless of what Fab would have you believe.

Strongly disagree"

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

There are a few things here, but the highest importance is that your life op is fulfilling.

Many people come to understand their orientations as they get older, such as swingers finding they have bi interests etc. Some people have an inkling before, others not. The worst thing is where someone is deceived and I don't know if that happened here.

People may repeat patterns from their lives - usually if something isn't resolved deep down. We also can have done our learning and resolution and never repeat it.

That you're raising this suggests that you're ready for something new but that perhaps you're still hurting, having in one sense a betrayal of your trust and life plans.

I suggest counselling if you're hurting inside, as you deserve to be free from that past crap. People in fab are generally understanding of sexual diversity, reflecting our culture today.

I do wonder if you'd be helped by having gay friendships, where you may get over anything that's residual and possibly satisfy anything deep down that may draw you to them. Gay men can be great company of course.

I'd probably put a focus on using fab for your sexual satisfaction whilst you're coming to terms with anything from the past that's still around. You have plenty of time to develop the relationship that you deserve, but not something that doesn't do you justice.

Always come back to the is forums to get any support along the way, even though it seems like you want to ask something that might be perceived as similar.

Good luck!

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