FabSwingers.com forum: How to give your cat a pill...

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

1.Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat’s mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in palm of right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2.Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3.Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4.Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5.Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.

6.Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down side of ruler and rub cat’s throat vigorously.

7.Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered Hummell figures from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

8.Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with cat’s head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force cat’s mouth open with pencil and blow down cat’s throat through drinking straw.

9.Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse’s forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10.Retrieve cat from neighbor’s shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11.Fetch screwdriver from garage and put door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus jab. Throw tee shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12.Ring fire department to retrieve cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Remove last pill from foil-wrap.

13.Tie cat’s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table. Find heavy duty pruning gloves in shed, force cat’s mouth open with a small wrench. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour 1/2 pint of water down throat to wash pill down.

14.Get spouse to drive you to emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

15.Arrange for RSPCA to collect cat and ring local pet shop to see if they have cute puppy for sale.

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By *ouplefunukCouple
over a year ago

North Bristol

It's true!

*Her*

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By *ig badMan
over a year ago

Up North :-)

It doesn't work! Trust me i went through it all on the cat pill thread

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Love that, personal experience?

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By *adcowWoman
over a year ago

kirkcaldy

or alternatively stick it in anally then let cat run around for hours terrified to sit down

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Nah, hate cats, gimme a dog any day lol

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By *adcowWoman
over a year ago

kirkcaldy

ps i am not really sadistic and am an animal lover - just not sexually

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"or alternatively stick it in anally then let cat run around for hours terrified to sit down "

Pure evil there

I like it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

buy a cat pill shooter.

it is loaded with a little water and the pill.

it sends the tablet into the cats mouth at a rate which the cat instantly swallows.

but have you tried giving a cat flea treatment or a worm tablet. you need a suit of armour for that job.

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By *ara_and_MJCouple
over a year ago

rochdale

"buy a cat pill shooter.

it is loaded with a little water and the pill.

it sends the tablet into the cats mouth at a rate which the cat instantly swallows.

but have you tried giving a cat flea treatment or a worm tablet. you need a suit of armour for that job."

More true than you think!

I have such armour (medieval re-enactor) & needed to wear my arm plates & gauntlets to give my old tom cat his worming pills!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

yes my cat is a bugger for it.

suddenly you friend becomes your worst nightmare and he doesnt hold back with the claws or teeth.

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By *adcowWoman
over a year ago

kirkcaldy

my cat is long haired and i need a suit of armour just to brush him - but then poor sod been traumatised by my neutered dog who keeps trying to shag him. not much fun for a skinny cat when its a 10 st dog trying to pin you down

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By *adcowWoman
over a year ago

kirkcaldy

ps i can do the same for guys mwahhhhhahahaha * away to find bill n ben in my kit bag for the offers about to pour in *

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

later

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