FabSwingers.com forum: Honesty

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Would you rather hear if someone wasn't into you and had no intention of meeting rather than just stop messaging you? Personally I'd much rather hear the truth and move on than someone think they were sparing my feelings

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Wouldn't bother me really. Same end game and you'd soon realise.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm with you, this is why when I message guys now that are clearly out of my league, I always say 'I'm wearing my big girls pants I can take it!'

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm with op and miss geeky. I too have my big boy pants on. I can take rejection

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm with you, this is why when I message guys now that are clearly out of my league, I always say 'I'm wearing my big girls pants I can take it!'"

Just out of interest, how do you get on? I only ask because personality is obviously a key thing beyond looks and the fact that you out something like that (in my eyes) demonstrates a pretty cool personality

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

im a big girl i can take rejection so honesty all the way for me

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

100 percent

Honesty seems to be rare trait these days (in my opinion)

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm with you, this is why when I message guys now that are clearly out of my league, I always say 'I'm wearing my big girls pants I can take it!'

Well thank you, I'm so not cool though!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yea I'd much rather have brutal honest truth any day

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes although sometimes it's a relief when they just stop messaging

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can't take it, I throw my toys out the pram call them a lesbian and just think it's their loss

Ok, ok...I delete all my sent messages after sending that way a response is a bonus and no response is...well, just forgotten about really, the truth hurts...I'd rather just think it's them & not me!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yes although sometimes it's a relief when they just stop messaging

This made me laugh

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Yes although sometimes it's a relief when they just stop messaging

You said you enjoyed chatting to me!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yes although sometimes it's a relief when they just stop messaging

This made me laugh

Just made me go

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yes although sometimes it's a relief when they just stop messaging

You said you enjoyed chatting to me!

I did some ppl I miss

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yes although sometimes it's a relief when they just stop messaging

This made me laugh

Just made me go

Why?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yes although sometimes it's a relief when they just stop messaging

This made me laugh

Just made me go

Why?"

Just in case I fall into that category lol

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Maybe they just have busy lives and brains like seives?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yes although sometimes it's a relief when they just stop messaging

This made me laugh

Just made me go

Why?

Just in case I fall into that category lol"

Hahaha no

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I assume them stopping messaging just means that anyway, so it doesn't really make a difference to me.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd prefer to be told, but most just delete messages and never get back to you.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The truth can sometimes hurt but you have to say it on here, But I always try and honest when I can

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Maybe they just have busy lives and brains like seives?"

That's fine, I'm terrible at keeping in contact sometimes and forget to message/ text/ call but if someone just doesn't want to know id much rather get a message saying 'sorry you're not for me'

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I assume them stopping messaging just means that anyway, so it doesn't really make a difference to me."

Not necessarily, I won't message inane drivel just to keep a conversation going. I usually only post if I've something to say.

I appreciate that some guys can't accept no and get abusive but I'd much prefer an honest no thanks

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *acavityMan
over a year ago

Redditch

I'd rather have a "no thanks" than to be waiting for another message.

If it's read and deleted, I assume they are not interested.

But if they read it, and don't delete or reply, I am left hanging.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm with you, this is why when I message guys now that are clearly out of my league, I always say 'I'm wearing my big girls pants I can take it!'

Well thank you, I'm so not cool though!"

Considering your username - maybe my words were Ill advised. What I meant was that personality goes a long way

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I assume them stopping messaging just means that anyway, so it doesn't really make a difference to me.

Not necessarily, I won't message inane drivel just to keep a conversation going. I usually only post if I've something to say.

I appreciate that some guys can't accept no and get abusive but I'd much prefer an honest no thanks"

Sometimes there's nothing to say or I'm in a quiet mood and don't want chit chat. Doesn't mean I'm not interested. I assume other people are the same. When I feel like chatting again, I'll mail.

Sometimes I actually ask if they are interested or not. I'm an adult, I really can't be doing with the childish games that some people play. All this "I mailed last so can't possibly mail again" bollocks... it's boring.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Depends sometimes a message that was middle of a conversation can stay as unread and it's because they've say put a new picture up or a meet and their inbox got spammed.

Then it's sometimes worth another message but if it's read then it's take it as an end signal.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

Its very difficult to tell someone not nice things, but I am trying to be as honest as I can be on here.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *kindofmagicXXXMan
over a year ago

Bristol

Just a no thanks would be good

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *oxic1998Woman
over a year ago

Belfast

I prefer the honesty but normally get a gut feeling that's not normally wrong

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I assume them stopping messaging just means that anyway, so it doesn't really make a difference to me.

Not necessarily, I won't message inane drivel just to keep a conversation going. I usually only post if I've something to say.

I appreciate that some guys can't accept no and get abusive but I'd much prefer an honest no thanks

Sometimes there's nothing to say or I'm in a quiet mood and don't want chit chat. Doesn't mean I'm not interested. I assume other people are the same. When I feel like chatting again, I'll mail.

I'm like this, some people I'll chat to throughout the day,some people once or twice a week and some less than that.

I really can't abide 'game playing' hence my desire for honesty. If I like someone I'll say, simple!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

I'm flexible and just here for fun and friends. I'm not desperate or unhappy to hear rejection, so don't mind too much.

That said I know a lot of people like to have some certainty and a quick thoughtful message wishing someone well would help many let go.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Unless someone is a close friend if someone stops messaging I'm assuming their not interested, that's it. I'm not going to message them again.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wouldn't meet any of you lot!

Mr J

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'd rather have a "no thanks" than to be waiting for another message.

If it's read and deleted, I assume they are not interested.

But if they read it, and don't delete or reply, I am left hanging. "

same here, nothing like being kept waiting but as the odds are stacked against single guys it equates to a waiting game

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I assume them stopping messaging just means that anyway, so it doesn't really make a difference to me.

Not necessarily, I won't message inane drivel just to keep a conversation going. I usually only post if I've something to say.

I appreciate that some guys can't accept no and get abusive but I'd much prefer an honest no thanks

Sometimes there's nothing to say or I'm in a quiet mood and don't want chit chat. Doesn't mean I'm not interested. I assume other people are the same. When I feel like chatting again, I'll mail.

I'm like this, some people I'll chat to throughout the day,some people once or twice a week and some less than that.

I really can't abide 'game playing' hence my desire for honesty. If I like someone I'll say, simple! "

You can just tell when interest has dried up. It's not game playing or being needy or immature or demanding attention - if you've initiated conversation a couple of times and not got much back, whereas previously the conversation would have flowed, then you know they've lost interest. There's no need to get an additional message saying "by the way, I don't want to meet you anymore because x, y, z."

I don't see why that means I'm game playing or childish. I like people I'm planning to meet to keep in contact with me leading up to that. Not incessant, or everyday, but regular messaging and when that stops I draw the logical conclusion from it.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh, and taking the thread title to its logical conclusion I don't agree that it's dishonest to not do as you say and message someone to tell them I'm not interested. Apart from anything else, if messaging has naturally dried up, it makes me a bit of an arrogant cock to send an additional message saying "by the way, in case it wasn't clear from all the signals I've been giving, I don't want to meet you."

Good thing we're all different and those who think what I consider to be normal behaviour is immature game playing can happily ignore me

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes OP I would definitely. We're all adults and provided it's done in an adult way I'll accept it like an adult.

Ironically I've had people think I wasn't interested in them when I was recently and so if everyone could just be honest then all the ambiguity and confusion could be avoided.

I do also agree with other views that if messaging / interest cools then that's a signal and following up with 'I don't think I want to meet' might be an uneccessary tier to add so I guess it's a case of each to their own, keep doing what works for you

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd much rather have someone say "Thank you but no thanks" so we can both move on instead of being left dangling wondering if they're going to get in touch.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *uietlyKinkyUsCouple
over a year ago

midlands

I do tell people if I'm not feeling it, that doesn't mean we can't stay in touch and have a laugh

I've made some amazing life long friends from here

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Id rather someone say Sorry your not for me and then you move on..Honesty is rare these days people tend to find excuses instead.

If communication as dried up I wouldn't message asking why.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Oh, and taking the thread title to its logical conclusion I don't agree that it's dishonest to not do as you say and message someone to tell them I'm not interested. Apart from anything else, if messaging has naturally dried up, it makes me a bit of an arrogant cock to send an additional message saying "by the way, in case it wasn't clear from all the signals I've been giving, I don't want to meet you."

Good thing we're all different and those who think what I consider to be normal behaviour is immature game playing can happily ignore me

Wow! I was using that title honesty to cover the general idea of being clear with the people you're chatting with and making them aware of your ongoing ideas, not intended as a slight towards people.

My comment of game playing was intended as a caviet not as a inclusion of my original point, I certainly don't consider normal chatting to be game playing.

My whole point is that rather than leaving the chat to dwindle or leaving the person hanging wouldn't it be easier to simply say 'I'm not interested anymore'?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To be fair sometimes i dont want to chat 1:1 doesnt mean i dont want to mess about on the forums though.

I think most people i chat to regularly know its not them and i will get back within a few hours xx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

Post new Message to Thread