FabSwingers.com forum: Narcassism

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I think my fuck buddy has it...how do I keep him interested? He says he likes me but always cancels our meets...it annoys the crap out of me but it keeps me on my toes.

Lots of other traits of a narcassist...how do I keep it going so he doesn't get bored?

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By *oxy_minxWoman
over a year ago

Scotland - Aberdeen

I couldn't be arsed with that, I would just ditch him

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I couldn't be arsed with that, I would just ditch him

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By *xoticloverMan
over a year ago

newcastle

Creat competition, he won't take you for granted and will be on his toes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ditch him, mind games suck!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Walk away! Have some self-respect.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd sack them off big time.

Can't abide narcissists, and this site is a treasure trove of them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think my fuck buddy has it...how do I keep him interested? He says he likes me but always cancels our meets...it annoys the crap out of me but it keeps me on my toes.

Lots of other traits of a narcassist...how do I keep it going so he doesn't get bored?"
hey you look amazing what I can see of you and he let's you down that's bad manners in anyone's book if you tolerate it it will get worse but actually in a weird way seeing a guy coming out on top for a change ,their are many narcissists on here and they are mostly women

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By *ivemeyoursoulWoman
over a year ago

Easter just around the corner!

"I couldn't be arsed with that, I would just ditch him

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By *xoticloverMan
over a year ago

newcastle

"Walk away! Have some self-respect."

Thats an option as well

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By *imiUKMan
over a year ago

Hereford

Or: A bedroom with many mirrors.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I do like a challenge though...it's infuriating but also damn sexy too...think Christian Grey!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think my fuck buddy has it...how do I keep him interested? He says he likes me but always cancels our meets...it annoys the crap out of me but it keeps me on my toes.

Lots of other traits of a narcassist...how do I keep it going so he doesn't get bored?"

You don't have to 'keep him interested'. Either he's interested or he's not.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I couldn't be arsed with that, I would just ditch him

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Why on earth would you bother. He cancels on you so I'm sorry but he's not that interested, get a grip, people can only do to you what you let them get away with

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I do like a challenge though...it's infuriating but also damn sexy too...think Christian Grey!"

Christian Grey - an emotionally abusive twat.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

I can't think of one thing sexy about arranging a meet for someone to then keep cancelling

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By *parkle1974Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

Ditch him and find another, obviously he isn't as into you as you seem to be him.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think my fuck buddy has it...how do I keep him interested? He says he likes me but always cancels our meets...it annoys the crap out of me but it keeps me on my toes.

Lots of other traits of a narcassist...how do I keep it going so he doesn't get bored?"

Find a replacement fuck buddy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I do like a challenge though...it's infuriating but also damn sexy too...think Christian Grey!"
hey if he sees this thread and he is a narcissist he may be upset with you xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Stick a finger up his bum the next time you see him,not while the mother in law is there though.

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By *litterbabeWoman
over a year ago

hiding from cock pics.

"I couldn't be arsed with that, I would just ditch him

I've stopped making time for people who show that kind of disrespect.

If someone becomes unreliable I completely loose interest.

Its a turn off.

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By *igeiaWoman
over a year ago

Bristol

You have two choices. Find another regular who doesn't keep cancelling and carry on seeing the other one when you're free but don't be at his beck and call. Or you could just tell the current fuck buddy that he's playing you and you don't appreciate it and see what he says. He may not know it's frustrating you unless you tell him.

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By *UNCHBOXMan
over a year ago

folkestone

"I do like a challenge though...it's infuriating but also damn sexy too...think Christian Grey!hey if he sees this thread and he is a narcissist he may be upset with you xx

He is so vain, he will probably think this thread is about him!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think my fuck buddy has it...how do I keep him interested? He says he likes me but always cancels our meets...it annoys the crap out of me but it keeps me on my toes.

Lots of other traits of a narcassist...how do I keep it going so he doesn't get bored?"

Doesn't sound a very nice guy to be honest...sounds like a game player..

He has you where he wants you...waiting

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I wouldn't tolerate that in a regular partner let alone a fb. Two way street or no way street.

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By *ensual temptressWoman
over a year ago

Southampton

"I do like a challenge though...it's infuriating but also damn sexy too...think Christian Grey!"

Then stay with him and be at his beck and call ! Picked up and dropped as it suits him .

Or pull up your big girl panties and realize you need to move on! There is NOTHING sexy about a person taking your self respect.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm not sure not wanting to see you makes someone a narcissist. They're just not interested.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I do like a challenge though...it's infuriating but also damn sexy too...think Christian Grey!"

It's hardly Christian Grey!! He wouldn't be fucking you around unless he really didn't want you

get with it chick tell him your gone and see what he does. He's totally taking the piss.

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

OP: give him the ol' Spanish archer - El Bow.

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By *uessWhosBackAgainMan
over a year ago

London

"I think my fuck buddy has it...how do I keep him interested? He says he likes me but always cancels our meets...it annoys the crap out of me but it keeps me on my toes.

Lots of other traits of a narcassist...how do I keep it going so he doesn't get bored?"

what qualifications do you have to diagnose him with narcissism??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would only call one person on Fab a narcissist in my opinion, based on threads they've posted.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

What are the personality traits of a narcissist?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What are the personality traits of a narcissist?"

PSYCHOLOGY

extreme selfishness, with a grandiose _iew of one's own talents and a craving for admiration, as characterizing a personality type.

PSYCHOANALYSIS

self-centredness arising from failure to distinguish the self from external objects, either in very young babies or as a feature of mental disorder.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think my fuck buddy has it...how do I keep him interested? He says he likes me but always cancels our meets...it annoys the crap out of me but it keeps me on my toes.

Lots of other traits of a narcissist...how do I keep it going so he doesn't get bored?"

How do you keep him interested? You can't. He's found someone he's more interested in now, a new supply that makes him feel better than you make him feel.

Don't worry though, he'll get bored of that supply too, and might come back to use you when he needs an ego boost. This is why he keeps saying he'll turn up, he's keeping you hanging just in case he ever does need you again. He's only interested in what he wants and doesn't care about you and despite anything he's ever said he has never cared about what you want.

If he really is a narcissist he can only love himself. He's a sociopath, they have no empathy but can fake it to get what they want. And that really is all they care about - what they want, what you want doesn't mean a thing to them but they can fake being what you want if it suits them.

Feel free to just continue as you are doing right now, that's all he's interested in and nothing you can do can change that. Like i said if he needs to use you he will be in touch, he will be in touch anyway to make sure you carry on waiting for him for if he ever needs to use you.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"What are the personality traits of a narcissist?

PSYCHOLOGY

extreme selfishness, with a grandiose _iew of one's own talents and a craving for admiration, as characterizing a personality type.

PSYCHOANALYSIS

self-centredness arising from failure to distinguish the self from external objects, either in very young babies or as a feature of mental disorder."

I understand the psychology part but I'm not sure I understand "failure to distinguish self from external objects"

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 28/11/15 21:03:15]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I would only call one person on Fab a narcissist in my opinion, based on threads they've posted."

Who?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I do like a challenge though...it's infuriating but also damn sexy too...think Christian Grey!

Then stay with him and be at his beck and call ! Picked up and dropped as it suits him .

Or pull up your big girl panties and realize you need to move on! There is NOTHING sexy about a person taking your self respect."

No need to get personal...I only asked for advice

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What are the personality traits of a narcissist?

PSYCHOLOGY

extreme selfishness, with a grandiose _iew of one's own talents and a craving for admiration, as characterizing a personality type.

PSYCHOANALYSIS

self-centredness arising from failure to distinguish the self from external objects, either in very young babies or as a feature of mental disorder.

I understand the psychology part but I'm not sure I understand "failure to distinguish self from external objects"

I have trouble with that concept too. I think it possibly referres to a toddler like sense of entitlement to anything they want. My toddlers definitely thought ALL THE STUFF was theirs and would become enraged if anyone contradicted that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Walk away! Have some self-respect."

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"What are the personality traits of a narcissist?

PSYCHOLOGY

extreme selfishness, with a grandiose _iew of one's own talents and a craving for admiration, as characterizing a personality type.

PSYCHOANALYSIS

self-centredness arising from failure to distinguish the self from external objects, either in very young babies or as a feature of mental disorder.

I understand the psychology part but I'm not sure I understand "failure to distinguish self from external objects"

That makes sense.

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By *imiUKMan
over a year ago

Hereford

"I would only call one person on Fab a narcissist in my opinion, based on threads they've posted."

Just one?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I do like a challenge though...it's infuriating but also damn sexy too...think Christian Grey!

Then stay with him and be at his beck and call ! Picked up and dropped as it suits him .

Or pull up your big girl panties and realize you need to move on! There is NOTHING sexy about a person taking your self respect.

No need to get personal...I only asked for advice"

I think most folk tend to be saying the same thing....sounds like he has someone else he prefers playing with. Plenty more fish in the sea.....time to move on

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OP, I have sympathy for you on this one: been there, done that, got a drawer full of t-shirts.

Sad truth is that he would appear to be playing you.

You're a lovely looking lady from what I can see from your pics and you won't struggle to find a new FB.

But when someone gets under your skin it's damned hard to walk away. When you want to, you will though.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What are the personality traits of a narcissist?

PSYCHOLOGY

extreme selfishness, with a grandiose _iew of one's own talents and a craving for admiration, as characterizing a personality type.

PSYCHOANALYSIS

self-centredness arising from failure to distinguish the self from external objects, either in very young babies or as a feature of mental disorder.

I understand the psychology part but I'm not sure I understand "failure to distinguish self from external objects"

External object here means people.

It means they don't understand other people have boundaries. Think rapists, thieves, manipulators and people like that.

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By *oachman 9CoolMan
over a year ago

derby

"I do like a challenge though...it's infuriating but also damn sexy too...think Christian Grey!hey if he sees this thread and he is a narcissist he may be upset with you xx

He is so vain, he will probably think this thread is about him!"
I saw a Article on the web relateing to that song apparently carly was refering it to one of her boyfriends or aquaintances it was either warren beatty or richard gere, but I,m so forgetful so I could be wrong on both .. but a leading star at the time anyway at this level of stardom, I wonder if he did know it was about him..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I would only call one person on Fab a narcissist in my opinion, based on threads they've posted.

Who?"

You

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What are the personality traits of a narcissist?

PSYCHOLOGY

extreme selfishness, with a grandiose _iew of one's own talents and a craving for admiration, as characterizing a personality type.

PSYCHOANALYSIS

self-centredness arising from failure to distinguish the self from external objects, either in very young babies or as a feature of mental disorder.

I understand the psychology part but I'm not sure I understand "failure to distinguish self from external objects"

External object here means people.

It means they don't understand other people have boundaries. Think rapists, thieves, manipulators and people like that."

Actually scrap that, i think i got that wrong coz of a video a watched not long back. External objects still means other people, not sure how it relates to boundaries in this example (narcissism is a whole lot more than that 2 lines there).

So i googled and i'm pretty sure it actually means this:

6. ...Have poor interpersonal boundaries. It’s been said about narcissists that they can’t tell where they end and the other person begins. Unconsciously _iewing others as “extensions” of themselves, they regard them as existing primarily to serve their own needs—just as they routinely put their needs before everyone else’s (frequently, even their own children). Since others are regarded (if they’re regarded at all!) as what in the literature is often called “narcissistic supplies”—that is, existing chiefly to cater to their personal desires—they generally don’t think about others independently of how they might “use” them to their own advantage. Whatever narcissists seek to give themselves, they generally expect to get from others, too (which is yet another dimension of their famous—or infamous—sense of entitlement).

Even beyond this, their porous boundaries and unevenly developed interpersonal skills may prompt them to inappropriately dominate conversations and share with others intimate details about their life (though some narcissists, it should be noted, can display an extraordinary, however Machiavellian, social savvy). Such private information would probably focus on disclosing facts others would be apt to withhold. But having (at least consciously) much less of a sense of shame, they’re likely to share things they’ve said or done that most of us would be too embarrassed or humiliated to admit. Still, with an at times gross insensitivity to how others might react to their words, they’re likely to blurt out things, or even boast about them, that others can’t help but _iew as tasteless, demeaning, insulting, or otherwise offensive.

They might, for instance, share—and with considerable pride!—how they “chewed” someone out, and expect the other person to be impressed by their courage or cleverness, when in fact the listener may be appalled by their lack of kindness, tact, or restraint. Additionally, they may ask others questions that are far too personal or intimate—again unwittingly irritating or upsetting them. And such a situation can be particularly difficult for the other person if the narcissist is in a position of authority over them so that not responding could, practically, put them in some jeopardy.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

"I do like a challenge though...it's infuriating but also damn sexy too...think Christian Grey!hey if he sees this thread and he is a narcissist he may be upset with you xx

He is so vain, he will probably think this thread is about him!I saw a Article on the web relateing to that song apparently carly was refering it to one of her boyfriends or aquaintances it was either warren beatty or richard gere, but I,m so forgetful so I could be wrong on both .. but a leading star at the time anyway at this level of stardom, I wonder if he did know it was about him..

"
she's never officially said who its about although people think it's warren beatty

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By *irtyGirlWoman
over a year ago

Edinburgh

"I couldn't be arsed with that, I would just ditch him

This! Why would you want to be with someone who keeps cancelling on you? Sod that! You surely have better things to be doing than being someone else's beck and call girl when it suits. It's one thing to have casual sex, it's another to take the piss.

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By *ensual temptressWoman
over a year ago

Southampton

"I do like a challenge though...it's infuriating but also damn sexy too...think Christian Grey!

Then stay with him and be at his beck and call ! Picked up and dropped as it suits him .

Or pull up your big girl panties and realize you need to move on! There is NOTHING sexy about a person taking your self respect.

No need to get personal...I only asked for advice"

Not personal ,just stating what has been said already .

Sorry you don't like the advice but you aren't always going to hear what you want .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I do like a challenge though...it's infuriating but also damn sexy too...think Christian Grey!hey if he sees this thread and he is a narcissist he may be upset with you xx

she's never officially said who its about although people think it's warren beatty"

She's actually said very recently that it was about Warren Beatty

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Narcissists work by manipulation, it's not as easy as saying just fuck him off coz he's primed her to not want to get rid of him, or maybe someone in her past has primed her for this type of relationship but it's really not as simple as telling someone to get rid.

OP Am guessing he put you on a pedestal when you first got with him? That was the over-evaluation stage, he'll be doing that to someone else now.

Look into the devaluation stage of a narcissist, you're in that stage right now or possibly gone past it and are in the discard phase. Either way all he's gonna do is fuck with your head now, and you'll never get that pedestal back.

Sorry to be so blunt in all my replies but that really is the reality of it, and if you carry on living in the fantasy he created you're could cause a lot of damage to yourself mentally.

I've been there and the only thing that got me feeling right was concentrating on the reality of the situation, but i discovered some pretty shocking truths about what was really going on behind my back to get me to that stage because they're good at hiding things from you. And what i found out was way worse than what i initially suspected. might take something like that for you to want to get rid of him.

Also, it might be good idea to find some support too because if you haven't got trauma yet you might get trauma some time soon. Facebook have a good narcissist group that helped me deal with stuff and got my head more focused on the reality of narcissists and the relationship you had with them. After Narcissistic Abuse - There is Light, Life & Love

SpartanLifeCoach on youtube also explains a lot of stuff that might help you understand yourself more and protect yourself from further abuse.

If you really want to stay in this relationship then do that but realise he won't let you have any control unless he wants you to, you're a submissive to a sadist basically but one without any empathy for you. Not even sure what you'll get now he's devalued you anyway. I found going no contact works best personally, been over 3 months for me now and i feel much more like me now and a lot happier.

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By *oachman 9CoolMan
over a year ago

derby

"I do like a challenge though...it's infuriating but also damn sexy too...think Christian Grey!hey if he sees this thread and he is a narcissist he may be upset with you xx

she's never officially said who its about although people think it's warren beatty"
thats the media for yer take yer pick.. news of the world etc.. the list goes on..

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By *oachman 9CoolMan
over a year ago

derby

"I do like a challenge though...it's infuriating but also damn sexy too...think Christian Grey!hey if he sees this thread and he is a narcissist he may be upset with you xx

she's never officially said who its about although people think it's warren beatty

She's actually said very recently that it was about Warren Beatty"

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By *eliciousladyWoman
over a year ago

Sometimes U.K

"I do like a challenge though...it's infuriating but also damn sexy too...think Christian Grey!

Christian Grey - an emotionally abusive twat."

and fictitious

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By *eliciousladyWoman
over a year ago

Sometimes U.K

"Narcissists work by manipulation, it's not as easy as saying just fuck him off coz he's primed her to not want to get rid of him, or maybe someone in her past has primed her for this type of relationship but it's really not as simple as telling someone to get rid.

OP Am guessing he put you on a pedestal when you first got with him? That was the over-evaluation stage, he'll be doing that to someone else now.

Sorry to be so blunt in all my replies but that really is the reality of it, and if you carry on living in the fantasy he created you're could cause a lot of damage to yourself mentally.

SpartanLifeCoach on youtube also explains a lot of stuff that might help you understand yourself more and protect yourself from further abuse.

Such great advice, I really hope the OP reads this and takes action.

Having been in the same situation myself, I'll be checking out the help sites that you mention.

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"I couldn't be arsed with that, I would just ditch him

I've stopped making time for people who show that kind of disrespect.

If someone becomes unreliable I completely loose interest.

Its a turn off."

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I honestly don't think we can diagnose a personality disorder on such scant evidence though.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OP Am guessing he put you on a pedestal when you first got with him? That was the over-evaluation stage, he'll be doing that to someone else now.

Sorry to be so blunt in all my replies but that really is the reality of it, and if you carry on living in the fantasy he created you're could cause a lot of damage to yourself mentally.

SpartanLifeCoach on youtube also explains a lot of stuff that might help you understand yourself more and protect yourself from further abuse.

Such great advice, I really hope the OP reads this and takes action.

Having been in the same situation myself, I'll be checking out the help sites that you mention."

Hope they help you. I don't really need them now but when i was first trying to make sense of everything they really helped a lot. I still like to check them out occasionally to remind me why i shouldn't miss him.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I honestly don't think we can diagnose a personality disorder on such scant evidence though.

I'm not diagnosing anyone. If he is one then she's got some info to help her if she wants that.

And tbh everyone always believes the narcissist while the narcissist slags off their victim to make them look crazy and a liar (which they do end up crazy after being on the end of the narcissists abuse), i'm not gonna add to that doubt of her and will trust what she says.

I feel she's probably right though also. She acknowledges he's using her, she said he's bored of her but keeping her hanging. he's messing her about so she has no idea what's really going on so i'll help her deal with that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In fact, every time she texts/calls him to ask him to meet he'll be telling his new supply that it's his 'crazy fb or ex that he can't get rid of' and he's using that to get sympathy from his new supply and to also make himself look more attractive coz he 'is so awesome he can't get rid of his fb/ex/whatever he's told his new supply she is'. I can guarantee that, that's why he hasn't asked her to stop calling/texting.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I honestly don't think we can diagnose a personality disorder on such scant evidence though.

I'm not diagnosing anyone. If he is one then she's got some info to help her if she wants that.

Ok not diagnose but assume that she's right

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

I don't play tricks to keep people interested. They're either 100% into me or I get rid.

Don't get lured into playing people's psychological games. Ever,

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"In fact, every time she texts/calls him to ask him to meet he'll be telling his new supply that it's his 'crazy fb or ex that he can't get rid of' and he's using that to get sympathy from his new supply and to also make himself look more attractive coz he 'is so awesome he can't get rid of his fb/ex/whatever he's told his new supply she is'. I can guarantee that, that's why he hasn't asked her to stop calling/texting."

This "could" be true but guarantee is a strong claim.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Bring me over

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This "could" be true but guarantee is a strong claim. "

I'm pretty sure then. She hasn't named him, she hasn't asked for anything other than advice for something that cannot happen.

If it's not true then fair enough i did all that for nothing, but i'd rather err on the side of caution and believe her because if she's right she needs all the help she can get.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Bloody hell a lot of dangerous assumptions made about someone, the only thing he's actually guilty of is cancelling meets and we've got him diagnosed and the op in therapy

dangerous behaviour when we don't know the full story

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

This "could" be true but guarantee is a strong claim.

I'm pretty sure then. She hasn't named him, she hasn't asked for anything other than advice for something that cannot happen.

If it's not true then fair enough i did all that for nothing, but i'd rather err on the side of caution and believe her because if she's right she needs all the help she can get."

Oh I don't doubt your intention, I know you're a good hearted and knowledgeable person and you've helped at least one other person.

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

Not read all the thread but someone is taking you for a ride. Don't allow him to.

He keeps cancelling so you don't get to meet anyone else.

You need to work on your own self respect I feel.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Bloody hell a lot of dangerous assumptions made about someone, the only thing he's actually guilty of is cancelling meets and we've got him diagnosed and the op in therapy

dangerous behaviour when we don't know the full story

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By *rtemisiaWoman
over a year ago

Norwich

"I think my fuck buddy has it...how do I keep him interested? He says he likes me but always cancels our meets...it annoys the crap out of me but it keeps me on my toes.

Lots of other traits of a narcassist...how do I keep it going so he doesn't get bored?"

Narcissism is potentially fatal. He will pine away to nothing gazing at his own reflection in the mirror. Leave him for someone who prefers gazing at you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

She likes him that's why she allows it to happen

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This "could" be true but guarantee is a strong claim.

I'm pretty sure then. She hasn't named him, she hasn't asked for anything other than advice for something that cannot happen.

If it's not true then fair enough i did all that for nothing, but i'd rather err on the side of caution and believe her because if she's right she needs all the help she can get.

Oh I don't doubt your intention, I know you're a good hearted and knowledgeable person and you've helped at least one other person. "

thanks. And i don't think there's anything wrong with sticking up for someone who isn't here either.

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"I think my fuck buddy has it...how do I keep him interested? He says he likes me but always cancels our meets...it annoys the crap out of me but it keeps me on my toes.

Lots of other traits of a narcassist...how do I keep it going so he doesn't get bored?"

I agree with others - if someone is cancelling meets all the time, you need to find a new fb to start with!

Narcissism is not an on off switch, it is a sliding scale, we all have some narcissistic tendancies, maybe only in certain areas, or in certain situations...

People can be very narcissistic, display a lot of traits, without actually being in the 'NPD' diagnostic bracket, a lot of my desirable male friends are quite narcissitic, only one of them what I would call a full blown narcissist.

The ONLY way to deal with him without cost is to not give a damn. I expect him to be at all times totally self-centred, unreliable, and if he is crossed, even downright cruel. I expect nothing of him, I will not be used by him, I refuse to collude with his bullshit and he has learned at least to respect me for that. He even laughs now when I tell him he's talking bullshit, even though he can't stop!! In his world where all is fake he appreciates the fact that if he asks me a question, he knows he is going to get a 100% honest answer.

But I only believe it when I see him, and when I do, I know we will have a whale of a night singing and dancing til 4am, the envy of every other woman in the joint (well nearly) so he remains someone I call my friend.

Someone suffering a pathological NPD is I believe someone who has become delusional - they have believed in their own hype and false persona to such an extent that they lose sight of the truth, and actually often believe themselves to be superior.

The truth is of course that they are just more deeply damaged.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

asked her to stop calling/texting.

This "could" be true but guarantee is a strong claim.

I'm pretty sure then. She hasn't named him, she hasn't asked for anything other than advice for something that cannot happen.

If it's not true then fair enough i did all that for nothing, but i'd rather err on the side of caution and believe her because if she's right she needs all the help she can get.

Oh I don't doubt your intention, I know you're a good hearted and knowledgeable person and you've helped at least one other person.

thanks. And i don't think there's anything wrong with sticking up for someone who isn't here either."

Great advice - thank you

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

keeps me on my toes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I couldn't be arsed with that, I would just ditch him

Same here

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Your absolutely gorgeous, I cant see why your fwb is being such a silly boy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can see you like the pattern that has been created here and he knows that you 'get off' on it, if it works for you keep doing it but I'm with most of the other posters, it doesn't actually sound like a very happy place to be in, trust me!!!

If you truly like being cancelled on and the whole 50 shades twaddle then brilliant but are you really happy?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think my fuck buddy has it...how do I keep him interested? He says he likes me but always cancels our meets...it annoys the crap out of me but it keeps me on my toes.

Lots of other traits of a narcassist...how do I keep it going so he doesn't get bored?"

You sound a bit needy. You're just his fuck buddy. Stop chasing after him. Maybe he's looking for, or found a girlfriend? Or just enjoys hanging around with his friends? Leave him alone, if he gets horny he'll probably get in contact with you. If you don't like that, then that should tell you, that for you, he's more than a fuck buddy...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think my fuck buddy has it...how do I keep him interested? He says he likes me but always cancels our meets...it annoys the crap out of me but it keeps me on my toes.

Lots of other traits of a narcassist...how do I keep it going so he doesn't get bored?

I agree with others - if someone is cancelling meets all the time, you need to find a new fb to start with!

Narcissism is not an on off switch, it is a sliding scale, we all have some narcissistic tendancies, maybe only in certain areas, or in certain situations...

The truth is of course that they are just more deeply damaged.

"
hey why do you keep subjecting yourself to it as does the op ,the reason is you like them ,its all down to your own selection processes ,its about wanting your cake and eating it ,you've maybe been in relationships for years where the man let you down and you want to be in control but you can't ,some men can't be controlled and probably don't care if you think some of what they say is BS they make you laugh and satisfy you in bed ,sometimes that's all you need

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think my fuck buddy has it...how do I keep him interested? He says he likes me but always cancels our meets...it annoys the crap out of me but it keeps me on my toes.

Lots of other traits of a narcissist...how do I keep it going so he doesn't get bored?

How do you keep him interested? You can't. He's found someone he's more interested in now, a new supply that makes him feel better than you make him feel.

Beautifully put!

The only thing I would add, play him at his own game, if you still want him.

Get yourself other regular fuck buddies then you're the busy one who can't be at his beck and call!

I'm pretty sure he will start being more interested in you cos you're not as available!

To be honest, I'm hoping you will then be so happy with your other fuck buddies you won't even think about him!!

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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago

yumsville

[Removed by poster at 29/11/15 10:05:03]

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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago

yumsville

OP, have you not thought that he might be trying to ditch you, and you are just not getting it?

Think about it. FB's are not in relationships - they can see whoever they want. This guy is not turning up to meets and leaving you hanging, not once but probably several times and you are justifying this by making character excuses for him.

You are having the the drama of a cheating bf without ever having had the bf.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Bloody hell. I couldn't be doing with all that hassle. A Fuck buddy that doesn't want to meet is useless to me. What is the point? Each to their own though. I'm always amazed at what crap others put up with and what complications they allow in their lives.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

"I'm always amazed at what crap others put up with and what complications they allow in their lives."

The need to be wanted

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Bloody hell. I couldn't be doing with all that hassle. A Fuck buddy that doesn't want to meet is useless to me. What is the point? Each to their own though. I'm always amazed at what crap others put up with and what complications they allow in their lives."
scarlet I love myself through your eye ,you still got that flogger

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What are the personality traits of a narcissist?"

Some would say me! Some being the psychotherapist consultants in the uni were I did my diploma in psychotherapy and counselling. Said I have the dark triad personality.

As a narcissist I expect only the best and when presented with something I don't think is worthy I get embarrassed for the person and my ego is insulted, like how dare they message me when they aren't attractive, how dare you present me with this penis when it isn't big enough.

It's a disgusting trait and I hate it!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What are the personality traits of a narcissist?

Some would say me! Some being the psychotherapist consultants in the uni were I did my diploma in psychotherapy and counselling. Said I have the dark triad personality.

It's a disgusting trait and I hate it! "

But would a true narcissist recognise it's a disgusting trait and hate it?

You are probably the most open person on the forums. You are upfront about everything you want in a man and about yourself. It's a very admirable quality.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What are the personality traits of a narcissist?

Some would say me! Some being the psychotherapist consultants in the uni were I did my diploma in psychotherapy and counselling. Said I have the dark triad personality.

It's a disgusting trait and I hate it! "
yes its not a nice trait to have it is selfish and life is about giving ,we were talking about the op and her experience though and in her case she likes the guy more than he likes her and this is a common problem on fab along with the green eyed monster syndrome and the fuck anything that moves trait

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What are the personality traits of a narcissist?

Some would say me! Some being the psychotherapist consultants in the uni were I did my diploma in psychotherapy and counselling. Said I have the dark triad personality.

It's a disgusting trait and I hate it!

But would a true narcissist recognise it's a disgusting trait and hate it?

You are probably the most open person on the forums. You are upfront about everything you want in a man and about yourself. It's a very admirable quality."

Ahh but someone who was just a narcissist wouldn't admit that, ask me to name one thing I don't like myself and I'd struggle to find something. When I'm wanting sympathy or trying to create a bond with someone by saying I don't like myself, that's the machiavellian side of me talking.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Bugger that for a box of frogs

Isn't describing him as a narcissist (he may well be or not be, I wouldn't know) just over-dramatising the basic situation that he's just not that interested?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Bugger that for a box of frogs

Isn't describing him as a narcissist (he may well be or not be, I wouldn't know) just over-dramatising the basic situation that he's just not that interested? "

Ta dah!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'd sack them off big time.

Can't abide narcissists, and this site is a treasure trove of them.

What if you just like yourself and think you're pretty hot? Is that allowed?

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

"...how do I keep him interested? "

keep on doing what you are doing, you are holding his interest. He cancels as something has a greater interest than you at that moment in time. He will meet you when you hold a greater interest than something else.

you do your thing, he will do his with you when it suits him, not you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think my fuck buddy has it...how do I keep him interested? He says he likes me but always cancels our meets...it annoys the crap out of me but it keeps me on my toes.

Lots of other traits of a narcassist...how do I keep it going so he doesn't get bored?"

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"I think my fuck buddy has it...how do I keep him interested? He says he likes me but always cancels our meets...it annoys the crap out of me but it keeps me on my toes.

Lots of other traits of a narcassist...how do I keep it going so he doesn't get bored?

I agree with others - if someone is cancelling meets all the time, you need to find a new fb to start with!

Narcissism is not an on off switch, it is a sliding scale, we all have some narcissistic tendancies, maybe only in certain areas, or in certain situations...

The truth is of course that they are just more deeply damaged.

hey why do you keep subjecting yourself to it"

You misunderstand - the man I describe is a dancing buddy not a meet. We ring each other up when we feel like dancing together, and when we do we have the most fabulous fun nights out in town and long deep chats about our love lives over coffee in soho at 3 am. He has no power over me and causes me no pain, so its a win win situation.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Have b you seen that picture with the Couple sat down looking upset with each other? The woman is thinking of all sorts of reasons why he's not talking to her, something she's done? Something she didn't do? Is she pretty enough? Etc etc. He's just wondering why his motorbike has a miss-fire.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think my fuck buddy has it...how do I keep him interested? He says he likes me but always cancels our meets...it annoys the crap out of me but it keeps me on my toes.

Lots of other traits of a narcassist...how do I keep it going so he doesn't get bored?

Imagine the two of you are in a giant elastic band and want to keep the tension to keep it interesting- one of you is gonna be slightly pulling away from the other. If its always him pulling away maybe you need to develop other interests x"
yes but this is a common problem so many people don't have an interest ,shopping TV and drinking don't count find yourself a meaningful pastime so you're not always reliant on the other person ,turn him down occassionally see what happens

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think my fuck buddy has it...how do I keep him interested? He says he likes me but always cancels our meets...it annoys the crap out of me but it keeps me on my toes.

Lots of other traits of a narcassist...how do I keep it going so he doesn't get bored?"

Just ditch him and find someone without a personality disorder as he will bring you down and destroy your life

He will exploit you in some way and their feeling that they are entitled to something is soul destroying , especially if they don't or won't work

If you have kids and he comes into contact with the kids His personality could damage them

The most worrying part is their ability to be the centre of attention in which they don't particularly want you 24/7 but they will do their best to make sure you only have them , friends just stop calling, then family, then they try to get rid of your kids ,

You are worth a decent partner and even though you think you are shit and have nothing to offer , there are loads out there that will worship the ground you walk on .

Depends how bAd the npd is as to how easy it is to escape from his clutches

You mentioned that you are worried about him losing interest . As long as you feed his narcissism when he is with you he will always come back . They crave the attention , when you stop feeding I he will do anything to gain the attention wether it's good or bad things

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"I think my fuck buddy has it...how do I keep him interested? He says he likes me but always cancels our meets...it annoys the crap out of me but it keeps me on my toes.

Lots of other traits of a narcassist...how do I keep it going so he doesn't get bored?"

The older I get the less drama I'm prepared to tolerate. Wouldn't give him a second thought.

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"I couldn't be arsed with that, I would just ditch him

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

as someone who has said many times that I love myself and am totally self absorbed, I often read with sadness threads where the need to start with yourself and build your self esteem and self respect. It is truly staggering at times, not exclusive to the OP but many threads....

if you always do what you always did......

you will always get what you always got.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

self worth is paramount in this world......

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"Have b you seen that picture with the Couple sat down looking upset with each other? The woman is thinking of all sorts of reasons why he's not talking to her, something she's done? Something she didn't do? Is she pretty enough? Etc etc. He's just wondering why his motorbike has a miss-fire....."

Lol, yea that's just venus and mars, women always think relationally, men topically.

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By *osweet69Couple
over a year ago

portsmouth

"Walk away! Have some self-respect."

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"self worth is paramount in this world......"

And paradoxically that which is most lacking in many cases.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why would you want to keep anything going with a man who clearly seems to be bored, disinterested & gives you the runaround?

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

"self worth is paramount in this world......

And paradoxically that which is most lacking in many cases."

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"Bloody hell a lot of dangerous assumptions made about someone, the only thing he's actually guilty of is cancelling meets and we've got him diagnosed and the op in therapy

dangerous behaviour when we don't know the full story

Not just me then thinking wft?!!

Hope some of the above don't get called for jury service as they'll reach a guilty verdict before all the charges are read!

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"What are the personality traits of a narcissist?

Some would say me! Some being the psychotherapist consultants in the uni were I did my diploma in psychotherapy and counselling. Said I have the dark triad personality.

It's a disgusting trait and I hate it!

But would a true narcissist recognise it's a disgusting trait and hate it?

You are probably the most open person on the forums. You are upfront about everything you want in a man and about yourself. It's a very admirable quality.

I wonder how rare self-aware narcissists actually are? Were you always able to dissociate and observe yourself or was that an acquired skill, I'm intrigued?

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By *andy_tomMan
over a year ago

wolverhampton

Find a replacement fuck budy lover,

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"as someone who has said many times that I love myself and am totally self absorbed, I often read with sadness threads where the need to start with yourself and build your self esteem and self respect. It is truly staggering at times, not exclusive to the OP but many threads....

if you always do what you always did......

you will always get what you always got."

Wasn't it Einstein who said the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again but expecting different results?

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

Even in NSA sex, self respect is allowed....get yourself some and delete his number

I am not sure why he is narcissist because he cancelled though, but interesting reading from people discussing it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've just come out of a relationship with one, does my head in x

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"Even in NSA sex, self respect is allowed....get yourself some and delete his number

I am not sure why he is narcissist because he cancelled though, but interesting reading from people discussing it

There is a long back story apparently, I don't know it, so am just taking the post at face value as a valid subject for discourse.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

"Even in NSA sex, self respect is allowed....get yourself some and delete his number

I am not sure why he is narcissist because he cancelled though, but interesting reading from people discussing it

There is a long back story apparently, I don't know it, so am just taking the post at face value as a valid subject for discourse.

Yeah I know, I just meant it is an interesting discussion on narcissism

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"Even in NSA sex, self respect is allowed....get yourself some and delete his number

I am not sure why he is narcissist because he cancelled though, but interesting reading from people discussing it

There is a long back story apparently, I don't know it, so am just taking the post at face value as a valid subject for discourse.

Yeah I know, I just meant it is an interesting discussion on narcissism

Yeah, it's fascinating. I find all psychology so.

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By *eliciousladyWoman
over a year ago

Sometimes U.K

This is so right and exactly what happened to me. At first he was telling me about his female stalker who wouldn't leave him alone, next it was me being the 'crazy stalker'

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What are the personality traits of a narcissist?

Some would say me! Some being the psychotherapist consultants in the uni were I did my diploma in psychotherapy and counselling. Said I have the dark triad personality.

It's a disgusting trait and I hate it!

But would a true narcissist recognise it's a disgusting trait and hate it?

You are probably the most open person on the forums. You are upfront about everything you want in a man and about yourself. It's a very admirable quality.

I wonder how rare self-aware narcissists actually are? Were you always able to dissociate and observe yourself or was that an acquired skill, I'm intrigued?"

From what i've observed most narcissists are not self aware, the hypocritical ones definitely aren't because they will slag off other people for doing what they do themselves. The braggarts and fantasists also aren't aware. They don't see anything wrong with their actions ever and tend to believe their own bullshit, if they are aware they definitely don't care about it. If you ever find yourself listening to one and thinking wtf then they probably are not aware.

Not too sure about covert ones, they know what they're doing is wrong so am guessing that makes themselves aware of what they are doing. You'll never truly know what they're thinking because they hide that.

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By *llebWoman
over a year ago

Poulton Le Fylde

"I do like a challenge though...it's infuriating but also damn sexy too...think Christian Grey!hey if he sees this thread and he is a narcissist he may be upset with you xx

He is so vain, he will probably think this thread is about him!"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"From what i've observed most narcissists are not self aware, the hypocritical ones definitely aren't because they will slag off other people for doing what they do themselves. The braggarts and fantasists also aren't aware. They don't see anything wrong with their actions ever and tend to believe their own bullshit, if they are aware they definitely don't care about it. If you ever find yourself listening to one and thinking wtf then they probably are not aware.

Narcissists who are self-aware can sometimes be diagnosed as sociopaths instead - depending on other symptoms.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

I do find it strange that some people on here know so many with narrsism it is actually a pretty uncommon diagnosis and unless you work in that field I'd actually be questioning why I'm attracted so many

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Bloody hell a lot of dangerous assumptions made about someone, the only thing he's actually guilty of is cancelling meets and we've got him diagnosed and the op in therapy

dangerous behaviour when we don't know the full story

Not just me then thinking wft?!!

Hope some of the above don't get called for jury service as they'll reach a guilty verdict before all the charges are read!

Don't look at this topic as a trial, look at it as victim support (that is often underfunded).

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I do find it strange that some people on here know so many with narrsism it is actually a pretty uncommon diagnosis and unless you work in that field I'd actually be questioning why I'm attracted so many"

Been brought up by one, they aren't all diagnosed. They don't seek help, after all they're perfect, it's their victims who usually seek out help with their mental health after all the damage they cause. Ironically my dad used to love slagging off his sister for being mentally ill (she had a nervous breakdown and got medical treatment for that), he'd slag her off for things he did himself and was oblivious to his own hypocrisy.

It's actually now thought that 16% of men and 8% of women have NPD. It really is that common. Most of our politicians and media idols are them, you got used them being seen as what they think they are rather than what they actually are.

When you're brought up by one it does make you highly susceptible to them yeah. Many of them don't want kids coz it takes away the focus/limelight from themselves, but the ones who have kids do not see them as individuals and a person in their own right, they see them as trophies or scapegoats mainly.

I've only just found out about them a few months ago, so much makes sense now of everything, some of my family, my ex who never bothered with his kids but still thought he could control my life. My sisters exes. I also found out empaths and co-dependents are their perfect victims and the NPD does use tactics to find out if you're one of these.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

It can destroy lives and I hope I'm not on the receiving end of one of your layman's diagnosis.

I d hate to have someone like you in my life watching, over thinking everything I said.

This thread was started by an op who said a guy cancelled meets he had arranged. We don't even know if that's true or whether the op is the manipulative one making up lies( I'm not saying she is but none of us know) yet straight away her side is taken.

What if someone said they had been sexually abused would their side be taken without knowing facts could a potentially innocent persons life be destroyed because people where prepared to listen to one persons side of the story.

Very very dangerous and not something to be played at.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't think narcissisism exists its a label we all love ourselves to a certain degree some obviously more than others ,people's egos are expanded on here due to attention levels ,which accentuate sometimes unjustly a persons ego and self worth ,in the ops case maybe although I think she looks gorgeous ,maybe she has a low opinion of hers and likes the guy ,the best way to treat guys like him is to let them down to

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"I do find it strange that some people on here know so many with narrsism it is actually a pretty uncommon diagnosis "

No, it's not - the bottom end of the wedge can be a bit too much self-centredness, and we all know self- absorbed or vain people.

New med students often go through an initial hypochondriac phase when they discover all the pathology in the world and think half of it applies to them. It's a natural process of re-adjusting to new knowledge - that does not make gaining new knowledge a bad idea.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sounds to me like this guy is either married or at the very least hitched. If you want something bad enough you will make it happen and no amount of excuse would stop you.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

"I do find it strange that some people on here know so many with narrsism it is actually a pretty uncommon diagnosis

No, it's not - the bottom end of the wedge can be a bit too much self-centredness, and we all know self- absorbed or vain people.

Yesterday I was full of myself, today I'm feeling a bit bleaugh, should everyone who looks at themselves in the mirror be diagnosed with a medical condition.

My argument is this thread started by something someone said that there is no evidence off, the guy has been diagnosed with a condition so serious that the victim has been told she needs counselling. All based on something said in a forum post where noone knows anything about either party.

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

Yup, but knowing you are doing something wrong is not the same as perceiving yourself - ie understanding why you are doing it. Sam Vaknin, who is fascinating to listen to, reckons they are very rare.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why is diagnosing people even necessary? Work on yourself, your own self worth and who you allow into your life and then people have little power over you. I'm pretty sure I've never met anyone who could be diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I couldn't be arsed with that, I would just ditch him

yeah, this for me too

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

"Why is diagnosing people even necessary? Work on yourself, your own self worth and who you allow into your life and then people have little power over you. I'm pretty sure I've never met anyone who could be diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder. "
you've just restored my faith in normality

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just bin him

Move on. You can have your pick hun.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think my fuck buddy has it...how do I keep him interested? He says he likes me but always cancels our meets...it annoys the crap out of me but it keeps me on my toes.

Lots of other traits of a narcassist...how do I keep it going so he doesn't get bored?"

Beer flavoured nipples?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Most narcissists aren't self aware.

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

Yesterday I was full of myself, today I'm feeling a bit bleaugh, should everyone who looks at themselves in the mirror be diagnosed with a medical condition.

This forum is full of ill-advised crap - it's always 'caveat emptor', that goes without saying, I'm not gonna ram a cucumber up my ass just because someone on here tells me I should do so to become a properly rounded human being!

The OP has thought about it, seen some information, come to a conclusion and asked for help. I have passed her on some links where she can find further information if she wants, and she has told me there is a far bigger back story - but it's up to her as adult to find what she needs and discard the rest.

I am not suggesting everyone with a normal degree of narcissistic tendancies is labelled, of course not, but I think learning self-awareness and increasing one's understand of psychology is a always positive thing, yes. A bit more of it around here would certainly not go amiss it's a veritable smorgesbord of psychopathology this place, lol!

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

Well, I am glad for you Ruby, but the fact is that apparently confident, successful people with good self-esteem can still be suckered in by these people as they have an ability to deceive which is unparalleled, and can sustain deception for many, many years.

Sure, if ANY pattern repeats itself in our lives then we need to ask ourselves why - and often there is something within us that needs to be identified. Possibly always.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It can destroy lives and I hope I'm not on the receiving end of one of your layman's diagnosis.

I d hate to have someone like you in my life watching, over thinking everything I said.

Very very dangerous and not something to be played at."

I haven't even diagnosed him, i am treating her as what she represented herself as and that is a victim of someone with narcissism. I don't even know the guy and i've also had to point this out previously in the topic.

I think it's particularly important to take anyone who is a victim of narcissism seriously. If i'm wrong then no harm done, if she's right then at least she knows someone believes her.

Many abuse victims never receive any justice for what happened to them because most abusers are also manipulative and know what they're doing. I will take them seriously if i want to.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"I think my fuck buddy has it...how do I keep him interested? He says he likes me but always cancels our meets...it annoys the crap out of me but it keeps me on my toes.

Lots of other traits of a narcassist...how do I keep it going so he doesn't get bored?"

Just carry on with the door mat look and dancing to his tune. He'll always be back......

- when there's no one else around.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"What are the personality traits of a narcissist?

PSYCHOLOGY

extreme selfishness, with a grandiose _iew of one's own talents and a craving for admiration, as characterizing a personality type.

PSYCHOANALYSIS

self-centredness arising from failure to distinguish the self from external objects, either in very young babies or as a feature of mental disorder.

I understand the psychology part but I'm not sure I understand "failure to distinguish self from external objects"

He thinks he's a door knob.

But he's just a knob.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sure, if ANY pattern repeats itself in our lives then we need to ask ourselves why - and often there is something within us that needs to be identified. Possibly always.

I completely agree. But that works for the victims too. If there are things in your personality that attract people who will manipulate and deceive you, and you identify that, then that deserves to be worked on, you owe it to yourself. So getting back to the OP, if you think someone is a narcissist, why on earth wouldn't you just walk away immediately?

But I think putting a disorder onto behaviours inappropriately is sometimes a way of excusing both their behaviour and your own. Sometimes someone is just actually acting like a twat. And sometimes it's because people let them.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"keeps me on my toes

Shhhhhhhhhh . Made me chuckle.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Everybody has narcissistic traits to one extent or another.

Narcissism as a diagnosis (as in NPD) is exceptionally rare in this country, applying to only a small percentage of forensic patients.

The Dark Triad (Narcissism, psychopathy and machiavellianism) is mostly a made-up internet thing (in the US) with no valid research and is not used diagnostically anywhere in the world, nor will it ever be. It's a ridiculous and unusable concept.

Hope it works out for you OP - but perhaps you need to work on your dependant traits as much as he needs to work on his narcissistic ones

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

Sure, if ANY pattern repeats itself in our lives then we need to ask ourselves why - and often there is something within us that needs to be identified. Possibly always.

Exactly, that's what I meant - and the two links I sent the OP were about precisely that! In the end we are all responsible for our own feelings and what we allow in our lives - whether he is a 'normal twat' or a 'raging narcissist' only she knows the deal and what it is worth to her or if she should walk away now. I would not stand for having meets cancelled on me, but that's just where I am in my walk.

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By *awty MaxWoman
over a year ago

Edinburgh

"I couldn't be arsed with that, I would just ditch him

Same here

You don't mention the excuses he's giving you but if it's 'always' it doesn't sound good to me and pretty disrespectful if you ask me. You organise your live (kids, work, etc...) and he doesn't respect that.

I would look for someone who appreciate you and is interested in you. Yes, you like him but it shouldn't be a one way street, a girl has needs and you should go out there and grab what you deserve.

I am French so I hope this makes sense to you OP. But imo, noone deserve to be a 'stand-by' or a second choice when there's nothing better for a guy to do.

Wishing you good luck OP

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Narcissists who are self-aware can sometimes be diagnosed as sociopaths instead - depending on other symptoms."

Forgot to say thanks for that, it's got quite busy on here today.

Nice to see you back also.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

ladylover32 - if your FB won't pay you enough attention, move on and find one that will. It's a difficult thing to do, but you're a very attractive lady and should have no shortage of offers. Life's too short to play games. Find someone else that will give you what you need

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

AffectionateBitch, your posts on this thread have been really informative and I've enjoyed (if that's the correct term) reading them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think until you have been a victim of a narcissist you never really unserstand exActky what it's like .

If your ever unfortunate enough to have a relationship with some one who has npd it will take years to get over it and you never trust again. The emotional abuse is extremely damaging

People can diagnose narcissism from looking at the net and apply this to everyone or anyone because of any reason and lets face it people can be jerks and selfish .

But being selfish or unreliable or vain does mot make them a narcissist

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"AffectionateBitch, your posts on this thread have been really informative and I've enjoyed (if that's the correct term) reading them.

Thanks. I think it's important to inform people. Unfortunately i learnt a lot of this stuff (and more) first hand, with help i'm over it and coping with it better.

There is so much more to this than what i put here, those links to the fb group and guy on youtube would help anyone needing to know more.

Other people have posted important info too, and i see some people have even experienced some of what i said, which is crap for them but at least they can look into it more if they want to.

I think they should look into it, abusers often blame their victims for what they did to them, about time we all get ourselves informed about their reality and then telling them to just fuck right off.

We didn't deserve it and we don't want it.

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

Thank you. I was beginning to think only Diamond and I hadn't lost the plot!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thank you. I was beginning to think only Diamond and I hadn't lost the plot!"

The OP said he had traits of a narcissist. Giving information about that subject will help the OP to figure out if he might be, and how to react to that.

There's been a lot of really good information on the thread.

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By *sla69Woman
over a year ago

coventry/Leicestershire border

"I think my fuck buddy has it...how do I keep him interested? He says he likes me but always cancels our meets...it annoys the crap out of me but it keeps me on my toes.

Lots of other traits of a narcassist...how do I keep it going so he doesn't get bored?

You don't have to 'keep him interested'. Either he's interested or he's not."

This

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By *exycouplemmmmCouple
over a year ago

Surrey

"Ditch him, mind games suck!"

This!

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

"self worth is paramount in this world......"

Totally agree

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thank you. I was beginning to think only Diamond and I hadn't lost the plot!

The OP said he had traits of a narcissist. Giving information about that subject will help the OP to figure out if he might be, and how to react to that.

There's been a lot of really good information on the thread. "

All interesting stuff indeed. However the OP wanted to know how to keep him interested. Not "I'm the victim of a narcissist and need help". If someone thinks someone is a narcissist but doesn't care and wants to keep having sex with them, I don't really understand how all the other stuff about their manipulative power is even that relevant.

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By *iSTARessWoman
over a year ago

London

Girl, dust yourself down and move on.

If you're into D/s games, find a Dom who will play them properly and respect you.

Christian Grey is not a good Dom.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

Maybe the OP will return and advise what she is going to do with any advice given

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

Thank you. I was beginning to think only Diamond and I hadn't lost the plot!

The OP said he had traits of a narcissist. Giving information about that subject will help the OP to figure out if he might be, and how to react to that.

There's been a lot of really good information on the thread.

The back story is not that simple, but regardless - 'Forget it, it's a hopeless cause' may not in and of itself be enough information to convince someone who may just be waking up to the complex situation they are in - if that is indeed the case. Narcissism and the abuse that follows it are very complex issues, and by the time someone realises they may be very deep in a tangled web.

I agree with the Affectionate one (I can't call you Bitch hun lol!)- knowledge is power, and understanding is the first step towards something better.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

To be fair, if there is such a back story that we don't know, any advice asked for, or given is futile.

Good luck to her

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thank you. I was beginning to think only Diamond and I hadn't lost the plot!

The OP said he had traits of a narcissist. Giving information about that subject will help the OP to figure out if he might be, and how to react to that.

There's been a lot of really good information on the thread.

Just because you don't understand, doesn't mean no-one else does.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thank you. I was beginning to think only Diamond and I hadn't lost the plot!

The OP said he had traits of a narcissist. Giving information about that subject will help the OP to figure out if he might be, and how to react to that.

There's been a lot of really good information on the thread.

I agree with the Affectionate one (I can't call you Bitch hun lol!)- knowledge is power, and understanding is the first step towards something better."

Granted I don't know whatever this long and complicated back story is, but if someone is saying "he's a narcissist" I don't see how they are being deceived or manipulated in any way.

Words like "abuse" are being thrown around when all that's been stated is that he keeps cancelling on her.

Which is precisely why it appears to me that there probably aren't actually narcissists in this situation, just a bloke who's not that interested in someone who is interested in him.

There are undoubtedly narcissists out there (but they are rare) and people who suffer greatly at their hands and I feel like it makes a bit of a mockery out of a serious personality disorder when everyone reckons they've met one and every man and his dog who displays the slightest hint of vanity or self-obsession is being diagnosed in absentia.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thank you. I was beginning to think only Diamond and I hadn't lost the plot!

The OP said he had traits of a narcissist. Giving information about that subject will help the OP to figure out if he might be, and how to react to that.

There's been a lot of really good information on the thread.

Just because you don't understand, doesn't mean no-one else does."

Clearly.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Maybe the OP will return and advise what she is going to do with any advice given

If she can make head or tail of it. I'm wondering what he's doing that keeps her interested. I'd be bored with him and wouldn't give him any brain time if he kept cancelling on me.

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

I'd be bored of the games...why waste time, time is percious and shouldn't be wasted on those who enjoy the thrill of the chase.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thank you. I was beginning to think only Diamond and I hadn't lost the plot!

The OP said he had traits of a narcissist. Giving information about that subject will help the OP to figure out if he might be, and how to react to that.

There's been a lot of really good information on the thread.

Like i already said, that question has no proper answer. You can't keep him interested, if he is a narchole. All he gives a shit about is himself and his needs, not hers, she isn't even a person to him.

Only one person in this whole thread has given advice on how to keep him interested. I've given more realistic advice, that is all. Don't see anyone else being questioned about telling him to do one.

You don't need to understand it, or me, or how forum topics work. I'm here for the OP, and myself because as an empath you tend to care about keeping people safe. As the victim of abuse you can tend to want abuse to stop. That's all you need to know, you don't need to understand why a forum topic has gone off topic like they often do, but seeing as i like to see people informed there you go, that is why.

I did write a lot more but deleted it. I'm not making a mockery out of anything. You wouldn't even know most covert narcissists, they hide everything, they're usually really nice people from the outside and put a lot of effort into presenting themselves as nice people with a high standard of morals, but to anyone close to them knows what they're really like. They are more common than you'd think but they specifically target co-dependents and empaths because these make good targets for their type of abuse.

Yeah i've answered quite a lot in here, this is something i'm interested in, not like i've just been coming and talking to myself (for a change).

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

Granted I don't know whatever this long and complicated back story is, but if someone is saying "he's a narcissist" I don't see how they are being deceived or manipulated in any way.

Unless they have only just realised it after a number of years for instance? Maybe he has only just started cancelling - I don't know the full details, so I will give the OP the benefit of the doubt and simply help her find further information.

I disagree narcissism is rare, I think it is pretty common, there is loads evident on here for instance. Maybe you simply cannot recognise it?

I just looked on one paper on PubMed researching prevalence and 7.7% of men was quoted, concluding "NPD is a prevalent personality disorder in the general U.S. population". I am sure there are other papers that will differ, but that is not a rare condition in my book.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The American system of diagnosis and the British one differ significantly, particularly in the area of PD. My opinion is that the British tool is far superior.

This is my particular area of work and research - diagnosing through the internet and/or individual perception is not a good idea generally.

As I said before, we all have narcissistic traits to a greater or lesser extent. We don't need to diagnose illness in order to make a point - indeed it can be self-defeating to do so.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Granted I don't know whatever this long and complicated back story is, but if someone is saying "he's a narcissist" I don't see how they are being deceived or manipulated in any way.

I disagree narcissism is rare, I think it is pretty common, there is loads evident on here for instance. Maybe you simply cannot recognise it?

I agree. Treating other people like objects happens a fair bit on here. Sense of entitlement to a fuck happens a lot on here too. Acting like the people on here are only good enough for a fuck but not a relationship, huge clue there.

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

This is my particular area of work and research - diagnosing through the internet and/or individual perception is not a good idea generally.

As I said before, we all have narcissistic traits to a greater or lesser extent. ."

Indeed, a point I have made several times too. I don't think anyone has diagnosed anything to be honest, they have just shared information with enthusiasm - it's life changing stuff for many, as I am sure you know.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

But are they not just unpleasant character traits of nasty people who should be avoided? How does slapping a disorder label onto it and medicalising it help?

I feel that in general the mass medicalising of character traits often has some dubious motivations and sometimes acts as an excuse for behaviours so I'm very wary of it. Both for the perpetrator of those behaviours and for the people impacted by them. Label someone as something and they will have no motivation to change the way they behave. Call someone a narcissist and they have a personality disorder to blame all of their actions on.

If you want to see narcissists and psychopaths all around you in the world, you probably will.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

From a rather one sided OP the threads been an interesting read, so thanks AB, Frisky & SandB

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"But are they not just unpleasant character traits of nasty people who should be avoided? How does slapping a disorder label onto it and medicalising it help?

I'm not suggesting anything of the kind - narcissism some would say runs from a normal self-interest all humans go through in development to a full blown psycho-pathology, and I see no harm in discussing either amongst consenting adults!! I think you are over-reacting to the discussion.

No-one here is trying to help a narcissist, by all accounts that is a lost cause anyway, but people who have suffered as a result of an association with them can benefit a great deal by understanding the complex issues involved - I would not belittle that personally.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

whatever you do make sure you are doing it for yourself not anyone else

and you are making the decision yourself And not been influenced by anyone

Good luck

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