FabSwingers.com forum: Picking up the pieces...

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

How do you do it?

I have issues with depression - as previously mentioned on here before - and I've had the past few weeks from hell. So I both really mentally & emotionally collapsed at the weekend, did something stupid and I was admitted into hospital.

Thankfully I'm out & feeling better, but it's helped me stop and kind of reevaluate what I'm doing... I'm trying to take time out for me, decide who & what I need... but that feels utterly selfish. Thankfully I have super lovely friends, but during down times I feel selfish on them too.

I'm trying to fill my life with good things for me - creativity, love, friends, family, getting better - until the New Year where I plan to work more on the non-urgent things. But from this side of things it's slightly terrifying.

Help, tips from anyone who's gone through similar things...?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can't really give advice as I never get depressed. I had a shit initial 18 years to life so its hard to break me now.

I'm sending you some hugs and positive thoughts though lovely xxx

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I can't really give advice as I never get depressed. I had a shit initial 18 years to life so its hard to break me now.

I'm sending you some hugs and positive thoughts though lovely xxx"

Thank you chicken xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I can't really give advice as I never get depressed. I had a shit initial 18 years to life so its hard to break me now.

I'm sending you some hugs and positive thoughts though lovely xxx

Thank you chicken xx"

Try and get surrounded by people or things that make you happy and just roll with it. Depression is a shame but theyre ways to help you get happy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Take one day at a time.

Google mindfulness.

Do talking therapy.

Get a pet for company x

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By *aucy tiggerWoman
over a year ago

Back where I belong

Its difficult but sometimes you have to be selfish and put yourself first. Take one day at a time and accept all the help that's offered.

Good luck xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I make up a box of my favourite things. Maybe a bath bomb, DVD, new set of pyjamas etc. When I'm having a bad time I open it and it helps with the self care a little.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How do you do it?

Help, tips from anyone who's gone through similar things...?"

I sent u a pm. Hope u don't mind

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Personally, if I didn't have my son to think about, I don't know if I'd carry on living at the moment.

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By *ucsparkMan
over a year ago

dudley

"How do you do it?

Help, tips from anyone who's gone through similar things...?"

It's really hard to explain how I manage, my mother says its pig headed determination and belief that I can. I been lucky when I was at my lowest family and then friends helped me. Never been able to find the solution to my problems at the bottom of a bottle & I really did try. Find someone you trust and talk their heads off. Much love and hugs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Is it bad that "and build a Lego house" popped into my mind?

But in seriousness I've been depressed and gone through a lot of stuff and I did what it sounds like u do? And isolated myself and pushed people away until I felt alone and made myself feel worse!

Believe me your friends want you to be happy it might feel selfish but tell them how you're feeling. If you need a rant ask them for someone to talk to. If u need to cry do it (it's actually a stress reliever). Worse case scenario I'm sure there's plenty of people to speak to on here.

I'm sorry for how you're feeling and sending hugs your way you sound like you've set the right goals for yourself so just take some time to look after u

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By *oc-robMan
over a year ago

Sunderland

"Take one day at a time.

Google mindfulness.

Do talking therapy.

Get a pet for company x"

Small steps and realistic goals

Talkng therpy saved me

You can get through it x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm not sure of the extent of your depression or what triggers it for you...do you have a key worker or a follow up outpatient appt from the weekend that you could talk to?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's always best to have someone to talk to, I'm terrible for holding things in and not letting them go. Like at the moment I'm just not very happy at work but so is the OH so I don't want to burden her, it's a strain on me not having someone to chat to about it. But I'm always ears for others if they are down.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My ex suffers from depression and is very vulnerable emotionally the slightest setback trivial to most, is like the end of the world to her.

There really are no rules or cure for depression the mind is such a complex thing. What is right for one person who suffers from depression could be the complete opposite for another sufferer.

You just have to try and remain positive and concentrate on the good things in your life. Sorry I can't offer any good advice and I hope you beat your demons soon.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A wise man once told me "look after yourself first, if you don't you are fuck all use to anyone else! "

Sending you strength, and remember only one way to go from where you are and that's up....it gets better xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Personally, if I didn't have my son to think about, I don't know if I'd carry on living at the moment."

This is me most of the time. But then I think if I didn't have the stresses of my family I could stay mentally healthy. In reality,without them keeping my mind bust,I would sit and cry all day. I'm not good at having nothing to think or worry about.

Keep your mind busy but learn how to deal with it not being busy. You need to be able to be happy when you don't have lots on your mind. I find that researching recipes somehow makes me happy,I don't know why because I don't cook them. Try something creative,make new clothes from old. As obvious as it sounds,meet someone from here for a cup of tea/coffee/drink and talk. I try different things at different times,depending on how I feel,how much time I have and the weather. I will say don't get wrapped up in watching television or spending too much time on here,staring at the screen. You can get better

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thank you all for the lovely comments & the lovely in boxes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm trying to rebuild myself after a similar episode in August/September. I was referred for a mental health assessment, and was assigned an occupational therapist and referred to a psychiatrist for meds. The hardest part was asking the NHS for help, but I don't feel so alone now so it was worth it.

I already practiced mindfulness and exercised and ate well etc, but it wasn't enough and I needed professional help too.

Big hugs. It's a horrible place to be xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You have to look after yourself first, to be able to look after others. Only you know what's best to make you come out of this.

Mindfulness is good, taking time out for yourself, long walks, talking to friends, healthy food, keeping a positive notes,sleep and making sure your meds are right.

It all takes time to workout, you didn't get like this in 5mins so just take one day at a time. get into a routine and plan want to do. Only you can make yourself feel better and try and stay positive!!

Best of luck and big hugs xxxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Keep a diary or journal, write down how you're feeling, happy or sad, then write down what led to you feeling either of those emotions. See if there's a pattern, a person, a certain day, a memory, even a traffic jam or any everyday stressors that led you to feel like that. From there you can work on coping mechanisms. You've tried to hurt/harm yourself so I assume someone saw you at the hospital, did they prescribe you anything or refer you for cbt? If not see your gp and ask how you can arrange for some cognitive behavioural therapy.

Don't really know the ins and outs of your depression so it's hard to advise.

But to anyone feeling down talk about how you're feeling even if it's just on here. Sometimes you'll get the best help and advise from strangers/swingers/pervs or whatever we are!

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By *an_WoodMan
over a year ago

Stafford

Thanks for being open. Good advice from the others. All I can add is one day at a time and if troubles return don't hesitate to talk to someone quickly and don't delay in seeing GP or nursing staff for help. Hug from me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I too suffer with depression, just recently had a minor episode, nothing dangerous apart from maybe losing my job through not being able to go to work.

Talking does help and definitely do not keep it a secret especially from close friends and family. I am also due to take a course of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, which helps you think differently and gives you mental tools to deal with the bad times.

One thing to think of is the long winter nights, these can naturally depress anyone as the amount of sunlight you get affects brain chemistry. Try looking for an SAD lamp to help combat that.

I have also found meditation can be good and there are many youtube videos that help and advise with that. Another thing can be exercise, more can help. Some local GPs, in conjunction with local sports facilities can issue a prescription for exercise that will give you reduced rates and some support to work out a plan. Mostly used for over weight people but open to any one looking for support in getting fit and healthy.

If you ever need to rant the forums would be a great place, just make sure you inform people that this is a relief rant, lol.

take care and remember there are many people who suffer as you do.

xxxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Put youself first.

Accept all the help offered.

If you have good helpful family and friends then use them to help you.

I am lucky that i have a fantastic hubby and 2 brilliant (grown up) children that help me. Life has thrown some dreadful things at us as a family and i always feel i should be the strong one and be there for them all. But sometimes i have to let them help me.

Good luck xx

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By *lectrumMan
over a year ago

south shields

Could I ask the people that have posted on this thread who have admitted suffering various mental anguish. Was your condition brought on by drug use in your younger years or other factors in your life?.myself personally started using illegal substances from an early age e.g cannabis ecstasy lsd amphetamine cocaine,and I so wish I hadn't (drugs are for mugs)

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Could I ask the people that have posted on this thread who have admitted suffering various mental anguish. Was your condition brought on by drug use in your younger years or other factors in your life?.myself personally started using illegal substances from an early age e.g cannabis ecstasy lsd amphetamine cocaine,and I so wish I hadn't (drugs are for mugs)

For me, other factors.

I'll be put on the naughty step if I tell the full story, but something pretty horrific happened when I was 17 & 18 and then someone close to me killed themselves when I was 19.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Mine was nothing to do with drug use.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I inherited biological depression from my mother, she was bi polar. I am lucky in that its not that serious, just means i sometimes cannot deal with life and tend to hide away, mainly in bed.

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By *razedcatMan
over a year ago

London / Herts

I've learned to combat depression in three ways.

Sense of accomplishment - try and complete at least one task each day, to keep your self esteem up.

Pleasure - Find a way of getting a regular endorphin release. Gym, sports, any physical activity really. I'd advise against swinging whilst in a fragile state, though.

Fake it till you make it - just pretending things are okay may actually cause your situation to improve.

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By *d871Man
over a year ago

nowhere

In addition to the good advice already given. If you find yourself feeling down change your environment (eg go for a walk) or your activity.

Google "Great Dreams" some useful stuff on the action for happiness Web site.

Chin up!

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By *onia1969Woman
over a year ago

Bridgwater

"How do you do it?

Help, tips from anyone who's gone through similar things...?"

I suffer with depression anxiety and post traumatic stress. I find talking therapy helps. I have a great go to. Also try some sort of art therapy a colouring book iis a good start. Listen to music. Reelaxing music is good. Go for walks.

I'm lucky where I live I'm close the countryside and 6 miles from nearest beach

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"How do you do it?

Help, tips from anyone who's gone through similar things...?

I'm lucky where I live I'm close the countryside and 6 miles from nearest beach

I have colouring books coming out of my ears! I'm a writer too, so having a rant in my journal helps.

Where I live, I'm literally two minutes away from the North Bay & about fifteen minutes in the other direction to South Bay.

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By *adybee77Woman
over a year ago

MAMOBA, miles and miles of bugger all (Aberdeenshire)

Try some exercise. It really does help.

Everything else I would have suggested is already up there, and remember any medication can take weeks to kick in and start to help, so stick with it if they prescribed some.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Big hugs. Also someone who is depressive from time to time. Mindfulness helps. So does being a cheeky git here and in real life. So does playing guitar. You just gotta find your niche that works for you. I'm also happier having admitted I'm bi and exploring that side of me. So, not just mindfulness, but accepting the parts of me I don't understand, or, in this case, I thought was wrong of me.

So,I hope you find your niche

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By *carlet_heavenWoman
over a year ago

somewhere in the sticks

Having compassion towards yourself is underestimated in these situations, I believe.

I always have to go back to basics by doing the one thing on the list a day thing.

I spend time with horses who will just see your soul and accept you as you are, no bs.

Just do what you can each day and don't create pressure for yourself from the expectations of other people and if you believe in Angels, ask them to help you.

All good things

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Try some exercise. It really does help.

Everything else I would have suggested is already up there, and remember any medication can take weeks to kick in and start to help, so stick with it if they prescribed some."

So many people forget to just try being physically healthier. There's so many articles on higher activity/fitness levels linking to better mood.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I never really figured out what got me out of my latest bout but during I often find exercise is useful to me. Fill your days with anything and everything, try not to give yourself enough time to let your mind wander as during downs it'll wonder just in the wrong direction

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There isn't a complete cure out there. Just your ability, with help, to control it.

. Accept any therapy that's offered to you and,there is a little book available which you may find helpful (Black Dog).

Sending you genuine best wishes for some smiley days'. x x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"There isn't a complete cure out there. Just your ability, with help, to control it.

. Accept any therapy that's offered to you and,there is a little book available which you may find helpful (Black Dog).

Sending you genuine best wishes for some smiley days'. x x

I would listen to led Zeppelin on repeat while reading that. Or have the prisoner of azkhaban on the telly. I love linking things in such ways

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Be selfish whenever you feel like you need that, it's ok to look after yourself and put yourself first. If anyone wants to make you feel bad about it then they have some kind of selfish motive and don't really care about you.

Be there for those who do care about you, it's ok to be selective about who you choose to be there for.

Dump all toxic people out of your life, it's really ok to just not give a shit about them and their drama, self pity, neediness, negative selfishness, or anything that makes you feel bad for being around them or involved with them.

Like yourself. Enjoy your own company, that way you'll never need others and can fuck them off like that. There's nothing wrong with being you, being there for yourself, and looking after yourself. If you have things you need to work on then work on them, for yourself, and to make you feel good about yourself. Anyone who tries to guilt trip you has their own agenda for that, you don't have to be a part of anyone elses agenda. You have one life, make it yours.

I used to be the least selfish person i know, until i burnt out. Then i learned it's ok to put myself first and anyone capable of looking after themself doesn't need me to look after them an can fuck off if they expect me to do this. If you have dependents then make sure you get a break from them to recharge. Never been happier.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Also, if you have therapy and don't like your therapist ask for a different one.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"There isn't a complete cure out there. Just your ability, with help, to control it.

. Accept any therapy that's offered to you and,there is a little book available which you may find helpful (Black Dog).

Sending you genuine best wishes for some smiley days'. x x

I would listen to led Zeppelin on repeat while reading that. Or have the prisoner of azkhaban on the telly. I love linking things in such ways"

OH MY GOD IT'S JUST TAKEN ME A DECADE TO GET THE HARRY POTTER REFERENCE.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How do you do it?

Help, tips from anyone who's gone through similar things...?"

Awh shit, im getting up in a few hour to work at a fire station so I'm going to keep this as short as possible...

Self harm is worthless, find someone neutral! Not a friend, not anyone close who has been though a similar shitty time and kik/number/whatapp them, you're looking for someone who wont plicate you and will tell you you're being a stubborn cunt.

While you're at it find the one thing that keeps you occupied, me it was running, K is was making jewellery, G it was pleasing others, B took up engineering, L had 6 kids.

Some people do anti depressants, they don't work on me... Thankfully endorphins from sex or exercise do and last a while.

Sorry i meant to say more but I'm so tired, hopefully I'll remember this thread and be back.

I'll pm you a link that might help, it did for me. Sooo tired!

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By *oshbird69Woman
over a year ago

Ipswich

Hope it's ok but sent u a pm x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So strange, webpage doesn't exist anymore... I'll look again tomorrow x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 25/11/15 02:25:57]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can highly recommend you a few books that will help xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How do you do it?

Help, tips from anyone who's gone through similar things...?"
it must be horrible Sweety hey maybe you need someone positive like me ,constant ,attentive ,loving and thoughtful if you had that maybe you would feel a little more content ,hope you feel better in yourself soon and nothing wrong with seeing to YOU you are the most important thing so look after you first x

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By *ce WingerMan
over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

Sorry, but the only thing I can add is this..www.youtube.com/watch?v=3aGBXrJ6e34

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