FabSwingers.com forum: A sense of purpose.....

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Fabbers, what gives you yours?

As someone who is attempting to regain the status of 'fully-functioning member of society' after a breakdown, it has become apparent that this is something I struggle with.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Family, friends, colleagues but above all else, me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Currently... nothing. Empty shell

Though I'm currently being bullied into being more creative that DOESN'T involve colouring books.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In all honesty, I'm not sure that you necessarily need a sense of purpose. Sometimes just being is enough.

For myself, I think that looking at everyday injustices drive me to act, in the larger picture.

-Courtney

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My sense of purpose comes from my work, both paid and voluntary, my family and friends provide the love, support and context I need to continue doing it when it gets tough.

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By *lashheartMan
over a year ago

shrewsbury

Family and a new found post divorce lust for travel

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Fabbers, what gives you yours?

As someone who is attempting to regain the status of 'fully-functioning member of society' after a breakdown, it has become apparent that this is something I struggle with.

I always have something on the go. Learning something at evening classes, writing a short story, compiling a reading list and working through it making notes on each book (failing at that lol), making Christmas gifts, in short I always have a project of some sort in hand. At the moment we're doing our newly purchased house up.

A sense of purpose is vital to well being in my opinion.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't seem to have a sense of anything at the moment

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My children give me a sense of purpose and confidence.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My family and my job. I don't have time for much else.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You know what, I don't feel I really have one. I just try to do my best, I'll make mistakes in my professional and personal life but most of what I do will be for the right intentions and if I go wrong I'll try and learn from my mistakes and be a better person.

If other people like or dislike that, well I really don't care. If I upset people unintentionally I'll apologise but other than that, I'm just drifting doing my thing will no real sense of purpose

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"In all honesty, I'm not sure that you necessarily need a sense of purpose. Sometimes just being is enough.

-Courtney"

Took the words out of my mouth. If you get to a place where you just love life then there's really no need for a purpose.

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By *ary_ArgyllMan
over a year ago

Argyll

"Fabbers, what gives you yours?

As someone who is attempting to regain the status of 'fully-functioning member of society' after a breakdown, it has become apparent that this is something I struggle with.

Sorry to hear about your breakdown but it sounds like you are trying to rebuild which must be the firt step. Unless you are religious I don't think there is any purpose other than that which you create - for a lot of people it might be family but not everyone has that, it could be anything really if you can find something which gives you a feeling of satisfaction and being valued. Hope you find your path ...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"In all honesty, I'm not sure that you necessarily need a sense of purpose. Sometimes just being is enough.

-Courtney

Took the words out of my mouth. If you get to a place where you just love life then there's really no need for a purpose."

I;d echo this too. I spent years looking for a sense of purpose and it's simply not there. And then when I was at one of my darkest places, someone taught me how to find joy and happiness in the most trivial of things and that will do for me

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By *ildt123Man
over a year ago

Huddersfield

"Fabbers, what gives you yours?

As someone who is attempting to regain the status of 'fully-functioning member of society' after a breakdown, it has become apparent that this is something I struggle with.

Really all you need is to look yourself in the mirror and be happy, not physically, tho that helps, Nell you have a huge head start there

, but like the person looking back at you. Can't be happy if you don't like you, learn to love you first the rest is just stuff. Stuff to make you smile or cry or frustrated or fulfilled whatever. Some stuff is more important but it's still stuff, do stuff from how would I like to be on the receiving end angle be comfy with you and be happy xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

ive had a few real lows - a breakdown after divorce and then a massive grief to cope with - my kids gave me a reason to carry on

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By *carlet_heavenWoman
over a year ago

somewhere in the sticks

The unconditional love you get from animals as this cuts through all the bs you can have to deal with from people.

Seeing the universe through the eyes of children.

Meaningful films, books & poetry that make you consider the human condition.

Being in nature…its amazing

The best advice I can give is to listen to your soul…find what speaks to you when you have those moments of really being alone and when nothing else is going on…& then pursue that…but don't expect it all to happen in one day.

Courage

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

Social injustice and just being there for my sister and her family.

The days I struggle to want to live I remember that my purpose is just to be there for my sister and her family and as I have a purpose there I should use the rest of the time to do something to help others.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"In all honesty, I'm not sure that you necessarily need a sense of purpose. Sometimes just being is enough.

-Courtney

Took the words out of my mouth. If you get to a place where you just love life then there's really no need for a purpose.

Travelling abroad helps. Go see the lives others have and it becomes much easier to appreciate the daily benefits we have.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thank you for your replies. They're giving me much to consider and I appreciate it hugely, including the comment about my big head!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No purpose, just happy existing & even more so being fortunate enough to be living where i am (Uk) as opposed to being brought up in a war torn country i'd have to escape from.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Fabbers, what gives you yours?

As someone who is attempting to regain the status of 'fully-functioning member of society' after a breakdown, it has become apparent that this is something I struggle with.

Been here. Best advice I got was 'learn to love yourself' good luck to you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'll be hinest, I find the advice of 'learn to love yourself' quite simplistic. Everyone knows they need to do that, the issue is how to do it.

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By *oxy_minxWoman
over a year ago

Scotland - Aberdeen

I'm trying to build a purpose and find my new one for next year, quite scary when you on your own, BUT I do need people to give me a kick up the arse now and again.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

None,I lack any kind of commitment or motivation to see anything through.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

For my job I help people lose weight, and during that process change all their bad habits and teach them the right way to live, what their body actually needs....this gives me purpose.

It might seem a little sad but from the moment my clients walk through my door to the day I release them and then I see them months later and they are so God damn happy... That and that alone makes me feel I've come here for a reason.

I get told often I change lives and I guess I do xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't have a "big picture" sense of purpose I just enjoy life and living it and would like to keep doing all of that as I currently do. I don't think there has to be a master plan. I probably won't have children so there's no sense of purpose around passing on genes or whatever. I don't see that there needs to be one.

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

My daughter.

Also, I know if I don't get up to go to work I won't be able to earn enough to pay for the lovely holidays I go on.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I serve a purpose for my family because they need me. Without them I wouldn't bother breathing. I should feel grateful for being alive and for having the opportunity to have a life,but I don't.

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By *sianmale89Man
over a year ago

Stockport

"Fabbers, what gives you yours?

As someone who is attempting to regain the status of 'fully-functioning member of society' after a breakdown, it has become apparent that this is something I struggle with.

I don't know.....I guess it comes down to what drives you and makes you get out of bed in the morning.

I recently not so long ago failed a few assessments/interview after my second attempt at trying to get into something I wanted to do career wise..

now for the fourth time in my life I have to change what I want to do career wise after all three previous things I tried failed but I don't know whatever works out I suppose...

it's not like I have an actual life full of healthy social interactions or relationships now is it? guess the only thing that keeps me going is trying to fix my life....that and a few television shows and reading books.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Fabbers, what gives you yours?

As someone who is attempting to regain the status of 'fully-functioning member of society' after a breakdown, it has become apparent that this is something I struggle with.

Been here. Best advice I got was 'learn to love yourself' good luck to you "

The thing is I DO like myself. As people go I'm pretty ok, not extraordinary but not awful either. My breakdown wasn't a result of self-loathing or a sense of worthlessness, but a response to having too much to deal with all at once.

I don't mean for this thread to facilitate a need for attention or reassurance, I'm genuinely just interested in how others perceive and gain their sense of purpose.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thank you for your replies. They're giving me much to consider and I appreciate it hugely, including the comment about my big head!

I'm greatly motivated by all the people that love and support me and as such everyday I strive to make them proud and myself happy.

My mum says that you never really know the residual impact that you might have on those around you so make sure that it's a positive one. So whilst my purpose in life might not be Epic it may just be a simple as offering someone a smile, a kind words or some of my to time.

Don't overwhelm yourself just take it a moment at a time and try to find the joy in things.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Fabbers, what gives you yours?

As someone who is attempting to regain the status of 'fully-functioning member of society' after a breakdown, it has become apparent that this is something I struggle with.

I don't know.....I guess it comes down to what drives you and makes you get out of bed in the morning.

I recently not so long ago failed a few assessments/interview after my second attempt at trying to get into something I wanted to do career wise..

now for the fourth time in my life I have to change what I want to do career wise after all three previous things I tried failed but I don't know whatever works out I suppose...

Why completely change career cause you failed a test.

Go revise and resit.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't seem to have a sense of anything at the moment

Think it's the time of year

Currently single after my marriage of 24 years ended earlier in the year

Moving and downsizing in July

Then the icing on the cake. Being made reduduant 8 weeks ago

But I still have my health

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By *sianmale89Man
over a year ago

Stockport

Why completely change career cause you failed a test.

Go revise and resit."

I failed twice okay and I did revise and study both times in depth the results were still the same.

the other two things I tried earlier on in my life went down the utter shit heap even after I tried and put an effort into them okay?... not my fault bad luck follows me around like the fucking plague sometimes now is it?

I already have something else sort of in works But I don't know if that does not work out then I guess it's dead end job till I retire I suppose..

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By *awandOrderCouple
over a year ago

SW London

"Fabbers, what gives you yours?

As someone who is attempting to regain the status of 'fully-functioning member of society' after a breakdown, it has become apparent that this is something I struggle with.

I think having a sense of purpose can be over rated, because before you have one you have to know and accept and love yourself. It took me seven years to find myself, plus a good deal of therapy before that (thank goodness I was in California, where every sane person has therapy, I would not have got it over here, because I was fully functioning). Now I have a sense of purpose, but then I was just driven to doing things just to fill the void inside ... and you need to get to a point where there is not a void, and that takes time and self healing. I don't think such things can be forced or done to someone else's agenda. It took me this long to get into having sex again and even longer, four years on fab, to get into a relationship. All things come in time, but they need a strong foundation ... so take tome to listen to and find who you are, then your sense of purpose will come ... on an aside, and perhaps a little more spiritual note, I look for messages and signals which tell me the direction I should go, so ask, and if you listen and connect, you will hear what you need to, perhaps here. But if you don't like looking at it like that, its a bit hippy ish, but its just me.

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

Friends, family, my pets and my work

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My children and my dreams. I've so much I want to do.

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By *oward1978Man
over a year ago

Rotherham

"Fabbers, what gives you yours?

As someone who is attempting to regain the status of 'fully-functioning member of society' after a breakdown, it has become apparent that this is something I struggle with.

I want to be happy. I want a woman. I want love. I want a career. I want to have some fun in my life. After years of drifting along with many personal problems and grief, chasing all these things now is giving my life great purpose. Knowing I too can taste these pleasures one day, gives me a reason to get up in the morning. For the first time ever my life has a purpose!

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

"I want to be happy. I want a woman. I want love. I want a career. I want to have some fun in my life. After years of drifting along with many personal problems and grief, chasing all these things now is giving my life great purpose. Knowing I too can taste these pleasures one day, gives me a reason to get up in the morning. For the first time ever my life has a purpose!"

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By *awandOrderCouple
over a year ago

SW London

"Fabbers, what gives you yours?

As someone who is attempting to regain the status of 'fully-functioning member of society' after a breakdown, it has become apparent that this is something I struggle with.

These things will come. If the universe knows you are ready, or should I say when, they will come ...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Our work and close family and friends not forgetting our animals

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By *oward1978Man
over a year ago

Rotherham

"Fabbers, what gives you yours?

As someone who is attempting to regain the status of 'fully-functioning member of society' after a breakdown, it has become apparent that this is something I struggle with.

These things will come. If the universe knows you are ready, or should I say when, they will come ..."

That's a nice way to look at it. I like to think I'm ready...or at least I'm finally heading in the right direction.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Fabbers, what gives you yours?

As someone who is attempting to regain the status of 'fully-functioning member of society' after a breakdown, it has become apparent that this is something I struggle with.

I don't have one, but I have an idea what I'd like mine to be

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By *ancs MinxWoman
over a year ago

Burnley

"Fabbers, what gives you yours?

As someone who is attempting to regain the status of 'fully-functioning member of society' after a breakdown, it has become apparent that this is something I struggle with.

Glad your on the up!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To crush my enemies, see them driven before me, and to hear the lamentation of their women.

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

Why completely change career cause you failed a test.

Go revise and resit.

I failed twice okay and I did revise and study both times in depth the results were still the same.

I already have something else sort of in works But I don't know if that does not work out then I guess it's dead end job till I retire I suppose.."

Change your own narrative and you might find your 'luck' changes.

Of the many 'no such thing as failure' quotes I like the one that ends with 'there's just giving up too soon' and the one that says 'just waiting for success'.

Post It Notes are the result of a failure. A simple change in thinking about what that glue could do led to what is now an office (life, in my case) essential.

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By *mumaWoman
over a year ago

Livingston

Instilling in people that being in a wheelchair does not make me invisible or any less of the person I was before!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't feel there's anything driving my life forward. I do have a life goal, and that is to try and spend more time doing things that I enjoy than doing things I don't. Even if at the end of it all I've spent 49% of my life doing things I don't enjoy at least I've spent more time enjoying myself.

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By *sianmale89Man
over a year ago

Stockport

Change your own narrative and you might find your 'luck' changes.

Of the many 'no such thing as failure' quotes I like the one that ends with 'there's just giving up too soon' and the one that says 'just waiting for success'.

Post It Notes are the result of a failure. A simple change in thinking about what that glue could do led to what is now an office (life, in my case) essential.

I appreciate your's and thx118's advice but it is time to change as I have been trying for nearly 2 years now for what I recently failed on again..

something else is already in sight which I might have a better chance at getting in so hopefully that will pan out/work out for me in the end and that is what will keep me going in life and give purpose.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

One of many things I've also struggled with for years.

The short answer is I don't have one.

I just try and keep myself occupied with *attempting* to be a better person, make some progression, and find things that amuse me (if only for a moment) along the way.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I don't feel there's anything driving my life forward. I do have a life goal, and that is to try and spend more time doing things that I enjoy than doing things I don't. Even if at the end of it all I've spent 49% of my life doing things I don't enjoy at least I've spent more time enjoying myself. "

I like this view of things very much.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A sense of purpose doesn't need to be a permanent thing either. Several years ago I had bereavement counselling and was told to find something to do purely for me. So I trained for a bike race that I never thought I'd be fit enough to do. Trained like a nutter for 4 months and it gave my life focus and motivation when I needed it most

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

Change your own narrative and you might find your 'luck' changes.

Of the many 'no such thing as failure' quotes I like the one that ends with 'there's just giving up too soon' and the one that says 'just waiting for success'.

Post It Notes are the result of a failure. A simple change in thinking about what that glue could do led to what is now an office (life, in my case) essential.

I appreciate your's and thx118's advice but it is time to change as I have been trying for nearly 2 years now for what I recently failed on again..

Good luck. Trying things and finding that they are not right for you is all part of the journey to finding what is right.

I could have earned a lot more money if I had stayed in one area of work but I found it morally bankrupt and so I tried lots of other things before finding my passions.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Striving to succeed and be able to provide a decent life for myself and Mrsdpt, also have a little fun along the way

We're doing pretty well so far, although this year has been rather shit.

I've been diagnosed with aChronic illness which took me out for months, I find purpose in not letting it beat me and therefore control me...this sometimes backfires as I end up passing out with fatigue and zonking out for a few hours but onwards and upwards as they say

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By *sianmale89Man
over a year ago

Stockport

Good luck. Trying things and finding that they are not right for you is all part of the journey to finding what is right.

I could have earned a lot more money if I had stayed in one area of work but I found it morally bankrupt and so I tried lots of other things before finding my passions.

thank you, I hope the job you are in now is better and you are more comfortable in doing it..

if the previous job you found to be morally bankrupting you it's probably best you left it then if you did not feel comfortable doing it as when that happens in a job then you can't perform and the mind is not into it.

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

Good luck. Trying things and finding that they are not right for you is all part of the journey to finding what is right.

I could have earned a lot more money if I had stayed in one area of work but I found it morally bankrupt and so I tried lots of other things before finding my passions.

thank you, I hope the job you are in now is better and you are more comfortable in doing it..

I know. I have had a long and glittering career doing some wonderful things. Now that I'm coming to the end I think about what I want to do for the next 10-15 years to see me through to death.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What gives me a sense of purpose.

My job , I love what I do and the people who I work with .

The pooch , our walks and being surrounded in the countryside I love and know so well.

Also mindfulness, being happy with who I am and how I feel

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've struggled with my place in society for around a year now, from going from having a husband and everything else that followed to not having him, moving away from my kids and leaving my job has been a major struggle this year, it was only last month I actually felt sorted and happy, I found a home near to my kids (actually seeing them more than when I lived with them) and doing a job I loved.

Then two weeks ago given notice on my room (due to the landlady being pregnant and wanting the room back) I now and back living with my ex until after Christmas as I just can't afford to life until after then.

I now feel like I've gone backwards entirely, the only thing keeping me sane right now? As lame as this sounds and not having any friends that I can chat to about what's going on in my life as me and the ex share friends, is here, as stupid as it sounds, chatting to randoms and stuff is my little bit of happiness right now x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Fabbers, what gives you yours?

As someone who is attempting to regain the status of 'fully-functioning member of society' after a breakdown, it has become apparent that this is something I struggle with.

I've felt and often feel much the same way, and think you need some time to reflect on your life and yourself.

Is there anything you've always been drawn to?

Can you make it work for you, and others?

Will pursuing it make you happy?

See if you can answer those three questions positively...

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By *ad_DriverMan
over a year ago

Driffield

life isn't easy...if it was we'd all be able to do it well....

finding something you enjoy doing helps..being able to focus on it may not happen given the delights of work (hopefully finding you like that helps too)

doing nothing might be the easy option...but getting out and about at exploring the world we live in will invariable help you find purpose greatly...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"One of many things I've also struggled with for years.

The short answer is I don't have one.

I just try and keep myself occupied with *attempting* to be a better person, make some progression, and find things that amuse me (if only for a moment) along the way."

The main reason I have sex with men I barely know is for that fleeting moment of being alive and feeling some amusement.

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By *sianmale89Man
over a year ago

Stockport

I know. I have had a long and glittering career doing some wonderful things. Now that I'm coming to the end I think about what I want to do for the next 10-15 years to see me through to death.

whatever suits You I suppose and most importantly what will benefit you too in the long run a big plus would be if you enjoy doing it too..

not sure about the death part though I mean not the best thing to think about but I suppose it is inevitable but for now let's just concentrate on the now and not the end.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"One of many things I've also struggled with for years.

The short answer is I don't have one.

I just try and keep myself occupied with *attempting* to be a better person, make some progression, and find things that amuse me (if only for a moment) along the way.

The main reason I have sex with men I barely know is for that fleeting moment of being alive and feeling some amusement. "

Wow

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"One of many things I've also struggled with for years.

The short answer is I don't have one.

I just try and keep myself occupied with *attempting* to be a better person, make some progression, and find things that amuse me (if only for a moment) along the way.

The main reason I have sex with men I barely know is for that fleeting moment of being alive and feeling some amusement.

Wow"

Why 'wow'?

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

Lot of lost people here it seems.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"One of many things I've also struggled with for years.

The short answer is I don't have one.

I just try and keep myself occupied with *attempting* to be a better person, make some progression, and find things that amuse me (if only for a moment) along the way.

The main reason I have sex with men I barely know is for that fleeting moment of being alive and feeling some amusement.

Wow

Why 'wow'?

I'm not judgemental I promise but I hope you have other moments of feeling alive and amused. I'm 38 and today I rolled down a massive hill like a 5 year old you should try it's awesome

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Family and a new found post divorce lust for travel "

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By *awandOrderCouple
over a year ago

SW London

"One of many things I've also struggled with for years.

The short answer is I don't have one.

I just try and keep myself occupied with *attempting* to be a better person, make some progression, and find things that amuse me (if only for a moment) along the way.

The main reason I have sex with men I barely know is for that fleeting moment of being alive and feeling some amusement. "

Was there ever any other time you felt alive ... what does this mean, feeling totally intense, you, at one with nature? If this was how i felt, I would interrogate it more ...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Do we all need a sense of purpose, what happens when that is taken from you, do you give up or carry on?

Sometimes just being 'you' is enough.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Change your own narrative and you might find your 'luck' changes.

Of the many 'no such thing as failure' quotes I like the one that ends with 'there's just giving up too soon' and the one that says 'just waiting for success'.

Post It Notes are the result of a failure. A simple change in thinking about what that glue could do led to what is now an office (life, in my case) essential.

I appreciate your's and thx118's advice but it is time to change as I have been trying for nearly 2 years now for what I recently failed on again..

Out of curiosity what is it that after two years of studying you couldn't pass?

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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago

yumsville

Rather than looking at it as a sense of purpose. Look at it as what you have and are. If you look at it as what what you want to do/be and you dont achieve it - say astronaut, you are setting yourself to fail. If you have been over loaded, why try and load yourself back up? It is good to have direction sure as it keeps a moral compass, but too much focus can aimed at the wrong goal.

A lot of meditative techniques try to emphasise the childish energy of "the now", where a future path is unwritten. Boundless energy is available as no time or energy is wasted thinking of consequences. By appreciating the simple things like what you have and what is before you - available in the everyday - we are then not bound by the rules that create negative energy.

Look up: Gautam Jain; On the Nature of Mind (it's better explained in the vid

)

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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago

yumsville

^ he does not say that you should not be focused, just that your focus should be applied to make the best of it.

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

I just appreciate what there is and get on with it. Some might say not much purpose.

I think it's too easy to compare ourselves to others - and it's often not done so that it uplifts us, but knocks us.

I had a terrible time after my dad died a while ago. I was really overwhelmed. I'm beyond that now and back to my older self.

I mainly live and take each day as it comes. I keep things simple and not burdened for me, as much as possible. If I have a purpose, it's to have a sound and strong foundation to my life and that comes in part from respect for me.

Like the grains of sand on a beach I've let go of much that others seek. Fools gold is more commonplace than stuff of value. I hope you rebuild strength and contentment and discard the unimportant that can distract you.

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By *sianmale89Man
over a year ago

Stockport

Out of curiosity what is it that after two years of studying you couldn't pass?"

cant really talk about it on here tbh, it wasn't studying though it was a job thing where you could only have re attempts ever 6 months..

that and it was just 3 assessments..anyway its in the past what happened has happened it is what it is now is the time to focus on the future.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Currently... nothing. Empty shell

Though I'm currently being bullied into being more creative that DOESN'T involve colouring books."

Try origami?

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