FabSwingers.com forum: loved ones who are gone

By *nked_kitten OP Woman
over a year ago

Ankh Morpork

Today is my mum's birthday and she passed away a few years ago. How do people cope on these kinda days?

Do you actively go vist the resting place or just think about them?

I deal with things in my own way and sometimes others disagree with that process. Over the years ive been told a few times that im wrong and should be coping/doing things in a different way.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hi. I light a candle for my Mum on her birthday.

The grieving process is a very individual thing though so you should do whatever works best for you.

People say that time is a healer but I disagree. The pain never goes away, you just learn to live with it.

Sending you a big hug.

Mrs xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What business is it of anyone else how you cope with it? We all deal with grief in our own way. I lost my brother in a road accident 21 years ago and i could probably count on one hand the amount of times i've been to his grave. He's not there. He's in my heart and my memories. Just keep doing what you do! xxx

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By *litterbabeWoman
over a year ago

hiding from cock pics.

I also lost my mum a few years ago and her birthday is also my birthday.

She did used to say that I will always remember her sadly on our birthday.

I spend my birthday celebrating the fact that I had her in the first place and remembering nice things about her. I enjoy my birthday for both of us, and somehow managed to keep positive about it and remember all the good things about shared birthdays together rather than the pain of missing her more intensly that day.

I miss her everyday anyway.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've lost both my grandfather's, my dad my son, my uncle and best friend over the years.

It's hard and as the OP has stated we deal with it in our own way. I lost my father and grandfather in the same year. It was tough and not a day goes by when I don't think about them.

Hugs to each and everyone of us that's lost someone close x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

All brilliant advice.

You do what ever it takes to get you through the day - it's very hard very

Light a candle

Go to the grave with some flowers

Have a chat with them - might seem mad but it does work

Everybody handles grief in different ways so you do what ever makes u feel good

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I lost a very close friend 21 years ago in tragic circumstances and on his anniversary, I write a poem and out it in a plastic wrapper and lay it on his grave.

My ex mother in law who I was extremely close too also passed away on Halloween so I can never forget. I tend to put flowers on her grave but this year I sat down, lit a candle and had a drink of brandy which was her favourite tipple.

We all cope with things differently and I hope that you find some comfort today.

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By *nked_kitten OP Woman
over a year ago

Ankh Morpork

thanks everyone, hugs to you all for having to have gone through it.

I like to remember more than go there. Sometimes if im struggling and need to have a release of emotion i go but most of the times when i go I get caught up in crying and bad emotions and that drains me horribly

I try to remember happy times rather than feel sorry for myself.

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By *nked_kitten OP Woman
over a year ago

Ankh Morpork

My dad and my cats ashes are in the same spot, so when i go there its really my whole family i go to talk to (my grandparents are gone but not there) and i talk to them all actually. Even the cats.

Its in a beauitiful country park and was unsure if i was going to go visit or not today but the weather is nice so i might go later

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By *oward1978Man
over a year ago

Rotherham

"What business is it of anyone else how you cope with it? We all deal with grief in our own way. I lost my brother in a road accident 21 years ago and i could probably count on one hand the amount of times i've been to his grave. He's not there. He's in my heart and my memories. Just keep doing what you do! xxx"

This is right. We all deal with grief in different ways. You do whatever you need to do to get through it. There is no right or wrong way to do it.

I find myself, when anniversaries come up, trying to just not think about it too much. Which then tends to have the effect of it getting to me even more. It's still too painful to face even after all these years. I usually just have a quiet day by myself. Alone with my thoughts. I really hate those days though.

Like someone else said, it never leaves you. It's still as painful as ever. I carry the grief around with me 24/7. You just find a way to get through the day but it's always there. You just find ways to cope the best you can.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Today is my mum's birthday and she passed away a few years ago. How do people cope on these kinda days?

Do you actively go vist the resting place or just think about them?

I deal with things in my own way and sometimes others disagree with that process. Over the years ive been told a few times that im wrong and should be coping/doing things in a different way."

I've never even back to my father's grave, 24 years after burying him. He wouldn't want me to. I don't even know the date he died. He wouldn't be bothered. He thought to dwell on these aspects of death was morbid, and he preferred to celebrate life instead. I think about him a lot, usually when I'm doing things with my kids and thinking how good a grandfather he would have been, unlike the other three remaining grandparents who show no real interest in my kids. Still don't know why the good die young.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hi. I light a candle for my Mum and Dad on their birthdays.

The grieving process is a very individual thing though so you should do whatever works best for you.

People say that time is a healer but I disagree. The pain never goes away, you just learn to live with it.

Sending you a big hug.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Mum died nearly 10 years ago after a long illness, and each year on her birthday I put red roses (her favourite) on her grave. I stand there and think about all the happy times and smile, and thank mum for making me the person I am today.

Sending you a massive hug OP, and know you are not alone xx

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

Grieving in your own way is not "wrong" it is just different to the next person. Do whats best for you to be able to cope.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Today is my mum's birthday and she passed away a few years ago. How do people cope on these kinda days?

Do you actively go vist the resting place or just think about them?

I deal with things in my own way and sometimes others disagree with that process. Over the years ive been told a few times that im wrong and should be coping/doing things in a different way."

Every year, mid October, myself and my father go to my grandparents grave and clean it, replace the gravel, plant flowers and generally tend it.

The Poles have a tradition of celebrating all saints day and it would have been important to them.

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By *uby0000Woman
over a year ago

hertfordshire

my dads would be birthday on 22nd we will put flowers on his grave

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