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At a loss

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

My hubby & I have been married 22 years...we got married very young, I was just 19. We have been through some shit just like most married couples.

We have always struggled with mismatched libidos...I have always been the one with the stronger sex drive. But with the help of some very fun toys, we make it work. However, lately it seems that when he turns down my advances I take it much more personally...I know it has to do with other BS/drama that has gone on in the past few months but I have to get past getting my feelings hurt when he is not in the mood to have sex with me....Any advice?

BTW, he is a part of this account but rarely, if ever, gets on here...and even if he does, he knows about my feelings with this issue.

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

Don't take it personally - he's not having sex with anyone not just not with you.

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

OP, he may know about your feelings about the issue but it's a whole different ball game to bring others into the discussion.

Talk to each other as adults who love and respect each other.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

You are right....I think it's hard to reconcile the belief that men are always in the mood for sex (everyone has heard that men think of little else) with the reality

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham


"You are right....I think it's hard to reconcile the belief that men are always in the mood for sex (everyone has heard that men think of little else) with the reality "

It's really not true

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My hubby & I have been married 22 years...we got married very young, I was just 19. We have been through some shit just like most married couples.

We have always struggled with mismatched libidos...I have always been the one with the stronger sex drive. But with the help of some very fun toys, we make it work. However, lately it seems that when he turns down my advances I take it much more personally...I know it has to do with other BS/drama that has gone on in the past few months but I have to get past getting my feelings hurt when he is not in the mood to have sex with me....Any advice?

BTW, he is a part of this account but rarely, if ever, gets on here...and even if he does, he knows about my feelings with this issue."

I've been in a similar situation seemed like whenever I was horny she wasn't and visa versa she did say one thing that I found true though "I may not always want to cum, but I always enjoy watching you cum".

So if he doesn't want sex you may find he'd be very happy to have you intimately close curled up into him while you use a toy and some cuddling afterwards.

Otherwise maybe get a boot call on speed dial lol

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

We have and do talk about this....I just don't know how to rein in the rejection I'm feeling

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You are right....I think it's hard to reconcile the belief that men are always in the mood for sex (everyone has heard that men think of little else) with the reality "

I don't have any advice but you do have my sympathy. My now ex had a very low sex drive and during the 18 years we were together we had two drought spells each lasting 18 months and I found it soul destroying. He insisted that sex wasn't the be all and end all of a relation but to me it was still bloody important. I hope you manage to sort out your differences before it becomes too big a problem that it pushes you apart. X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

sex is as much a mental stimulant if not more than a physical one imo.If you have drama and bullshit going on then everything brakes down.22 years you say?No doubt you'll come through it again

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just a question / thought - given you mentioned that there has been other 'BS' going on, do you think that could have affected his sex drive and that he may be suffering from mild anxiety / depression?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Talk to the doctors depression and low libido go hand in hand if the love is there things can work out x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"We have and do talk about this....I just don't know how to rein in the rejection I'm feeling"

Mindfulness. You know you feel rejected, that is a natural response. Does it really need reining in, or can it be allowed to exist as a natural emotion?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

LOL...I laugh because I actually asked him if he was depressed. I think I have a bigger problem with anxiety than he does. Our mismatched sex drive is really not new but my hyper sensitivity to his rejection is....I have recently lost 20 pounds and I feel awesome about where I am physically and honestly he has been great telling me I look good and supporting my diet and exercise choices.... typing all this out truly makes it seem to me that I am being unreasonable....thank you for the input, everyone

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"LOL...I laugh because I actually asked him if he was depressed. I think I have a bigger problem with anxiety than he does. Our mismatched sex drive is really not new but my hyper sensitivity to his rejection is....I have recently lost 20 pounds and I feel awesome about where I am physically and honestly he has been great telling me I look good and supporting my diet and exercise choices.... typing all this out truly makes it seem to me that I am being unreasonable....thank you for the input, everyone "

Is he rejecting just sex or intimacy too?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It maybe his insecurities too x

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"LOL...I laugh because I actually asked him if he was depressed. I think I have a bigger problem with anxiety than he does. Our mismatched sex drive is really not new but my hyper sensitivity to his rejection is....I have recently lost 20 pounds and I feel awesome about where I am physically and honestly he has been great telling me I look good and supporting my diet and exercise choices.... typing all this out truly makes it seem to me that I am being unreasonable....thank you for the input, everyone

Is he rejecting just sex or intimacy too?"

He is making a real effort to be more affectionate....the rejection is mostly sex

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"LOL...I laugh because I actually asked him if he was depressed. I think I have a bigger problem with anxiety than he does. Our mismatched sex drive is really not new but my hyper sensitivity to his rejection is....I have recently lost 20 pounds and I feel awesome about where I am physically and honestly he has been great telling me I look good and supporting my diet and exercise choices.... typing all this out truly makes it seem to me that I am being unreasonable....thank you for the input, everyone "

Ive been married over 30 years, at the age of 19 too. Our sex life stopped 17 years ago and is one of the reasons im on here, but not the main one. We have never discussed the lack of sex with each other.

I would just say yes rejection is horrible and it hurts, in any situation. Dont end up like us, not talking about anything apart from family and house stuff, talk to each other. I lost four stone five years ago, for myself, I felt great, people said I looked great, the only time he said I looked great was if other people asked him, so its great your husband says this to you.

Congratulations on your weight loss, you do look great.

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound


"LOL...I laugh because I actually asked him if he was depressed. I think I have a bigger problem with anxiety than he does. Our mismatched sex drive is really not new but my hyper sensitivity to his rejection is....I have recently lost 20 pounds and I feel awesome about where I am physically and honestly he has been great telling me I look good and supporting my diet and exercise choices.... typing all this out truly makes it seem to me that I am being unreasonable....thank you for the input, everyone "

A big change like such a great weight loss might make him feel anxious.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It took me a long time to understand that I was suffering depression - for me, its seasonal depression that begins to tug at me as the leaves turn on the trees.

Sometimes its difficult to recognize depression within yourself.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"LOL...I laugh because I actually asked him if he was depressed. I think I have a bigger problem with anxiety than he does. Our mismatched sex drive is really not new but my hyper sensitivity to his rejection is....I have recently lost 20 pounds and I feel awesome about where I am physically and honestly he has been great telling me I look good and supporting my diet and exercise choices.... typing all this out truly makes it seem to me that I am being unreasonable....thank you for the input, everyone

Ive been married over 30 years, at the age of 19 too. Our sex life stopped 17 years ago and is one of the reasons im on here, but not the main one. We have never discussed the lack of sex with each other.

I would just say yes rejection is horrible and it hurts, in any situation. Dont end up like us, not talking about anything apart from family and house stuff, talk to each other. I lost four stone five years ago, for myself, I felt great, people said I looked great, the only time he said I looked great was if other people asked him, so its great your husband says this to you.

Congratulations on your weight loss, you do look great. "

Thank you! And we'll make it thru this, after typing all this out I realize that the problem is just as much my reaction as it is his "inaction"...we have been through some very good times and very bad times and we've always done it together, I think I just needed to step back and remember that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"LOL...I laugh because I actually asked him if he was depressed. I think I have a bigger problem with anxiety than he does. Our mismatched sex drive is really not new but my hyper sensitivity to his rejection is....I have recently lost 20 pounds and I feel awesome about where I am physically and honestly he has been great telling me I look good and supporting my diet and exercise choices.... typing all this out truly makes it seem to me that I am being unreasonable....thank you for the input, everyone

Ive been married over 30 years, at the age of 19 too. Our sex life stopped 17 years ago and is one of the reasons im on here, but not the main one. We have never discussed the lack of sex with each other.

I would just say yes rejection is horrible and it hurts, in any situation. Dont end up like us, not talking about anything apart from family and house stuff, talk to each other. I lost four stone five years ago, for myself, I felt great, people said I looked great, the only time he said I looked great was if other people asked him, so its great your husband says this to you.

Congratulations on your weight loss, you do look great.

Thank you! And we'll make it thru this, after typing all this out I realize that the problem is just as much my reaction as it is his "inaction"...we have been through some very good times and very bad times and we've always done it together, I think I just needed to step back and remember that."

He does seem to care very much about ya, hope things work out between the two of you

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Thank you! Even after 22 years, we are a work-in-progress. And now with our children nearly grown, I think we're having to adjust to our new reality....one that doesn't include making sure the kids are fed & bathed every nite. And though we do still love each other, I think we may both be wondering if there is more out there, and if we should explore that more together or on our own....

To be clear we have discussed all this too, and we do intend to stay together, I just had a moment of major insecurity today and didn't really know where to turn. Thank you, Kind Fabbers, for letting me ramble

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