FabSwingers.com forum: helping to being safe .

By *leasureDome OP Man
over a year ago

all over the place

we all know there are unsavioury characters in all communities ..even swinging ..

with this in mind does anyone have any tips to ensure a meet is a safe and happy one ..

here a few of mine ..primarily for women meeting alone .

a couple of things i feel is..that a professional guy in a suit is not necessarily a civilised man or cultured man ..

be careful what you say on msn ,be absolutely clear if it is a social meet that you reserve the right as always to say no you do not wish to play .

at the end of an evening and when saying goodnight really do have one of those personal attack alarms handy .on a set of car keys is good ..as this is normally a point where things have the potential to get complicated .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

and as I have just posted elsewhere, try not to drive home first, you may get followed.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Single girls should meet for Lunch maybe.... Open busy place, same in an evening and maybe even arrange for a friend to pick them up.. or take a taxi to where you left your car!! Driver will ensure your safety..

Thankfully problems are very very rare!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Take Simon Cowell's bodyguard with you - seen him ? He looks like he can deal with trouble.

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By *etillanteWoman
over a year ago

If you have a friend, let them know where and when you are meeting, contact details.

Have a draft message in your phone, to text that you're ok

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have just read with interest your other thread on this woman's attack and am absolutely gobsmacked!

A) that she had to go thorugh this ordeal, and

b) that she isnt going to report it!

By doing so, he is still about and could do it to others!

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By *resh freddieMan
over a year ago

Penistone

"I have just read with interest your other thread on this woman's attack and am absolutely gobsmacked!

A) that she had to go thorugh this ordeal, and

b) that she isnt going to report it!

By doing so, he is still about and could do it to others!

If you get attacked the only option is the Police. There are specific units that are understanding on these issues. Ok so there wont always be a prosecution but the guy will get interviewed and the police may have other cases pending over the same man.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have just read with interest your other thread on this woman's attack and am absolutely gobsmacked!

A) that she had to go thorugh this ordeal, and

b) that she isnt going to report it!

By doing so, he is still about and could do it to others!

My thoughts to honey, I think the fear of it happening to another female would be the driving force behind me reporting it, if I found out it had happened to someone else how bad would that be.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have just read with interest your other thread on this woman's attack and am absolutely gobsmacked!

A) that she had to go thorugh this ordeal, and

b) that she isnt going to report it!

By doing so, he is still about and could do it to others!

My thoughts to honey, I think the fear of it happening to another female would be the driving force behind me reporting it, if I found out it had happened to someone else how bad would that be."

I totally agree and really think this guy should be reported to the police.

I do understand PD that your friend may not want to have to re-live it in that way, but what is letting him off the hook going to achieve?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I always let someone know where I'm going and arrange to ring them during the meet so they know I am ok.

I also always meet for a social meet first these days as I am much more cautious than I used to be after a woman I knew on another site was murdered by a man she met on facebook.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It would seem, correct me if I am wrong, that most murders and rapes are carried out by people who already know their victim - that is, spouses, stepparents, parents, uncles, neighbours, etc. Strangers seem to be further down the list.

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By *leasureDome OP Man
over a year ago

all over the place

to be honest with you ..outing anyone to anyone is not an option however i have some sympathy to what you say .,.but it is simply not in my hands and that is it and to be honest if it were i would never predjudice a case by posting on here in the first place ...it is best now to concentrate on how women in particular can be made safer on first meets ..i believe thankfully it is a rare occurance in swinging.

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By *prite128Woman
over a year ago

maidstone

let not forget it happens to men too , though statistically its more likely to happen to women.

only today the news carries a story of a young lad raped by a taxi driver in manchester.

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By *resh freddieMan
over a year ago

Penistone

"let not forget it happens to men too , though statistically its more likely to happen to women.

only today the news carries a story of a young lad raped by a taxi driver in manchester.

We had a case when a young recruit went out in Pool and he went back with a girl and was raped and he was a fit lad and been through basic training so could look after him self so every one has to take precautions.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i read the other post and as i stated on there, if that happened to me, i would of mailed the single fems on here stating who it was, personally, keeping it quiet who it was( so called attacker) is like saying, crack on, theres plenty more fems on here for u to do it to.

He's probably reading this saying yep. next!!... talk about sticking together !!

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By *resh freddieMan
over a year ago

Penistone

"i read the other post and as i stated on there, if that happened to me, i would of mailed the single fems on here stating who it was, personally, keeping it quiet who it was( so called attacker) is like saying, crack on, theres plenty more fems on here for u to do it to.

He's probably reading this saying yep. next!!... talk about sticking together !!"

You really need to report any assault to the authorities then he will get what he deserves.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

He's probably reading this saying yep. next!!... talk about sticking together !!

You really need to report any assault to the authorities then he will get what he deserves."

The sad thing is, he probably wouldnt get what he deserved, the law is an ass.

yes i know its wrong, but if anyone did that to me, it would be me dealing with them.

I would take the law into my own hands, and deal with the consiquences later..

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By *resh freddieMan
over a year ago

Penistone

He's probably reading this saying yep. next!!... talk about sticking together !!

You really need to report any assault to the authorities then he will get what he deserves.

The sad thing is, he probably wouldnt get what he deserved, the law is an ass.

yes i know its wrong, but if anyone did that to me, it would be me dealing with them.

I would take the law into my own hands, and deal with the consiquences later.."

Its very tempting to take things into our own hands, it does teach people a lesson but ultimately you can get in trouble your self. you could if you wished set uo a social network page with the same name as here so peeps could google and name and shame him. But i would never condone that on here lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

and then he could sue the ISP and all contributors, and make a mint

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By *leasureDome OP Man
over a year ago

all over the place

"let not forget it happens to men too , though statistically its more likely to happen to women.

only today the news carries a story of a young lad raped by a taxi driver in manchester.

yeah i saw that it was shocking ..but to be honest i still think within swinging its rare.

If we pool strategies and tactics -ideas etc thet the people in the community use, it would help make people safer.

here is a couple of things i have thought of .

1.always let someone know who your meeting and where ,when and check in your ok at beginning of meet ,midway and at end of meet when you have arrived home .

2.Save your msn converstations and post off fabs until after your meet

3 look at verifications.

4. meet as many people as you can at socials and events ..

5 .trust your gut feeling until proven wrong

just my tuppence worth

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By *resh freddieMan
over a year ago

Penistone

"let not forget it happens to men too , though statistically its more likely to happen to women.

only today the news carries a story of a young lad raped by a taxi driver in manchester.

yeah i saw that it was shocking ..but to be honest i still think within swinging its rare.

If we pool strategies and tactics -ideas etc thet the people in the community use, it would help make people safer.

here is a couple of things i have thought of .

1.always let someone know who your meeting and where ,when and check in your ok at beginning of meet ,midway and at end of meet when you have arrived home .

2.Save your msn converstations and post off fabs until after your meet

3 look at verifications.

4. meet as many people as you can at socials and events ..

5 .trust your gut feeling until proven wrong

just my tuppence worth "

your spot on with the meetings. Often some place with CCTV is a bonus. I did have a scare a few weeks back when i was with someone and she wanted her fella to listen in on the phone. With hindsight not a good move on my part but we all do things we shake our heads about later.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Even the nicest of people can turn into an absolute arse when things don't go their way... Seen it happen with my own eyes and that was with me there PD...

One bad in a lawn makes the whole thing a mess, best to root the little fookers out... keeps things all ship shape eh!

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By *resh freddieMan
over a year ago

Penistone

"Even the nicest of people can turn into an absolute arse when things don't go their way... Seen it happen with my own eyes and that was with me there PD...

One bad in a lawn makes the whole thing a mess, best to root the little fookers out... keeps things all ship shape eh!"

Your not wrong there frustration can be a dangerous element. Personally i have too much pride as to get frustrated and far happier to smile and say goodbye than loose control, but that's me i guess we are all different.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"1.always let someone know who your meeting and where ,when and check in your ok at beginning of meet ,midway and at end of meet when you have arrived home .

2.Save your msn converstations and post off fabs until after your meet

3 look at verifications.

4. meet as many people as you can at socials and events ..

5 .trust your gut feeling until proven wrong

just my tuppence worth "

I thought no. 1 was always a rule of thumb, particularly for singles but I guess sometimes people become overly trusting and forget to make themselves safe.

I have in the past offered to send people a scan of my driving license so they can give a friend the details, and know they are real details. That way I hope to prove I am no threat as they know exactly who I am. Noone so far has been worried enough for me to do so.

As for no.2, well I am just finishing a degree in forensic science and I can tell you it makes little odds. Everything you have ever done on your computer is there and can be found. The information can be written over at least 8 times and still be recovered. Though I guess it can't hurt and could make life a bit easier.

I think no. 1 is the best tactic, I was also thinking... perhaps if the person is verified from meeting you could try inquiring if it would be possible speak to them? One of my past meets offered to do this for me, saying she would happily chat on the phone if any of my potential meets wanted to... can't hurt to ask!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

not sure how a driving licence scan proves anything though. Just do a Photoshop job and send it through, could still be anybody, photo matches you but all else on the scan is fake.

Computer records, let them recover whatever, what does it show, that a meeting was arranged and, er, what ? It's not as if some violent person is going to write a log about it. On second thoughts, actually, some of them do. I retract that bit.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"not sure how a driving licence scan proves anything though. Just do a Photoshop job and send it through, could still be anybody, photo matches you but all else on the scan is fake.

Take your point on the license, not on the msn stuff. You can prove things. What if the girl had said to the guy she had a rape fantasy and she wanted him to turn up and no matter what she said (i.e no, stop etc) that she wanted him to carry on? There are some grey areas there don't you think?

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By *leasureDome OP Man
over a year ago

all over the place

"not sure how a driving licence scan proves anything though. Just do a Photoshop job and send it through, could still be anybody, photo matches you but all else on the scan is fake.

or indeed if a bloke had a rape fantasy ...fropm either sex

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Take your point on the license, not on the msn stuff. You can prove things. What if the girl had said to the guy she had a rape fantasy and she wanted him to turn up and no matter what she said (i.e no, stop etc) that she wanted him to carry on? There are some grey areas there don't you think?"

well, in that case, the computer records would be used in his defence, surely ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yep, but just saying they could have a use. I'm sure there are examples for it the other way round....

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By *resh freddieMan
over a year ago

Penistone

"not sure how a driving licence scan proves anything though. Just do a Photoshop job and send it through, could still be anybody, photo matches you but all else on the scan is fake.

or indeed if a bloke had a rape fantasy ...fropm either sex "

i had a woman text me about a rape fantasy, i was pretty keen until i got that then it was Ohhh no no no no. you just can't take the risk as a bloke. I kept the texts as i was genuinely a little un nerved by it all. Thats the sort of thing you come out with after a couple of meets or i would presume so.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't think it's something I'd be offering to help anyone with in a rush, that's for sure.

Thing is it's often coupled with the stranger thing, you can't really act out a rape fantasy with some you know... bit off topic this anyway.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

well for singlys like myself, i reckon its safer at first to meet at a club that way if anything happens with said individual, someone will escort him out.

i tend to stick to who i know now anyways and will probably meet anyone else? if that happens at chams

and go with your gut instinct always

and carry a big brick

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If a woman was attacked on a meet I'd be very suspicious if she rushed back to post the details of it on here. Surely her immediate concerns would be for her initial safety after the attack, ensuring that her loved ones knew she was ok, going for a medical (if she sustained physical injury or penetrative sex took place) and basically making sure she was both physically and mentally ok in the days following the attack.

Messages about an ALLEGED attack posted on a website like this and then compounded with the admittance that no report had been placed lead me to believe that the 'attack' either wasn't as serious or is a complete figment of her imagination.

Even saying that "I'm a tough old bird and I chalked it down to experience." doesn't wash with me as most strong0minded women I've come across would be furious that a man would do that to her and get away with it.

I firmly believe that these types of posts/threads should be removed by Admin asap as they are unfounded and only present one side of the story.

If it is a genuine rape/assault then it is a matter for the police - not here.

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By *resh freddieMan
over a year ago

Penistone

you have a very valid point there. It is a matter for the police and not speculation or a witch hunt.

Admin should remove the postings. I do think there should be an area people can log issues that are not generally visible to the public. They Can then if a specific member has so called lots of black marks take issues with said individual.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"you have a very valid point there. It is a matter for the police and not speculation or a witch hunt.

That is a great idea. Easy to set up too. All they need to do is add an Admin-Only recipient function to the new post page. If Admin receive enough reports from different people concerning the same individual then they'll know something suspicious is going on.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

"you have a very valid point there. It is a matter for the police and not speculation or a witch hunt.

Any posts of that type are removed.

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By *thwalescplCouple
over a year ago

brecon

As a couple, we have a list of rules we follow, most of which could be applied as a singly. Even as a guy who's done martial arts, has a military background and isnt afraid to stand his ground, I will avoid confrontation or potential "risk scenarios".

1. Never have sex with anyone you wouldnt want to have as a friend.

2. Always treat any profile with a degree of scepticism.

3. Always get proof of "status" before a meet, (i.e. if they say they are a cpl, cam or chat on phone with both to prove it).

4. Check their "friends" list against their "verifications", and if at all unsure, contact a random selection and ask.

5. Socialise..... a lot!!! Going to clubs, social meets, and socialising with swinging friends and their swinging friends means you get to know, and talk about, lots of people. Word of mouth is the best recommendation!

6. Never give out contact details (MSN, personal email, phone etc) unless you are sure. It may be easier, but its also more risky.

7. Be prepared to say no, no matter how good looking/sexy/friendly they seem to be. "Gut instinct" is often spot on, dont ignore it.

8. Meet in a public, crowded space, cafe, pub etc first, then take it from there.

9. Have an "exit strategy", dont leave it until you need to walk away to decide how you are going to do it.

10. Approach every meet with the opinion that you are there to meet and make friends, anything else is a (nice!) bonus.

I know it sounds like a lot of hassle, but what is the alternative?

Luckily most of our meets are at parties, clubs etc, so most of the above dont apply, but we are still very cautious.

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