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Funniest chat up line

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

So been talking to a guy at work who was talking about chat-up lines

So I wanna know what's the best/funniest/cheesiest chat up line you've heard or used?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Nice tits

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Nice tits"

That's just a comment lol xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 06/11/15 17:18:41]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

One I've used with success gave me a chuckle.

I saw a girl i liked in a bar, i walked over, took an ice cube out of my drink, put it on the floor and stamped on it then said "now we've broken the ice lets get down to business."

I couldn't believe my luck!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Nice tits

That's just a comment lol xx"

No I believe this may be a chat up line used by many!

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By *r TriomanMan
over a year ago

Chippenham Malmesbury area

I sometimes ask woman to describe there nipples; it amazing how many actually do - even more amazing are those that show me! It's a great ice-breaker

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Nice tits

That's just a comment lol xx

No I believe this may be a chat up line used by many!"

Lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was asked if my breasts were real .Then asked to get them out .Didn't work

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I saw a guy in a club telling women he is doing a touch sure of how many women have pierced nipples I was amazed how many women let him feel!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Nice tits"

but so we're clear they are very nice tits

but not a great opening chat up line

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I was asked if my breasts were real .Then asked to get them out .Didn't work "

I bet a woman 2 quid i could guess what size her boobs were just by feeling them. I had a squeeze, cupped them, felt around for a good 30 seconds. She said "go on then, what size are they?"

I gave her the 2 quid, said "no idea, but it's the best 2 quid i ever spent."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Where's mrfae when you need him he has some brilliant ones! There was one about "your like my little toe cause I'm gonna bang you later on the coffee table"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So been talking to a guy at work who was talking about chat-up lines

So I wanna know what's the best/funniest/cheesiest chat up line you've heard or used?"

nice legs what time do they open

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i asked a girl off hollyoaks if she wanted to go halves on a bastard. And i told another hollyoaks girl "I'm going to have you one way or another tonight, so you might as well be there."

They laughed. At me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

unfortunately been from bradford originally. . . most people struggle to grsp basic english all you get is a series of grunts . . arm gestures and innappriote advances lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Nice tits

That's just a comment lol xx

No I believe this may be a chat up line used by many!"

I have used it, then she turned around and introduced her self as Derek from Rochdale, a 63yr old ice cream man...... But im still seing him as I get free choc ices

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By *redo40Man
over a year ago

Manchester

Don't cross your legs you could be crushing my dinner

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

This guy wanted to eat my muff as bad as Paddington bear with his snout in a jar of marmalade, I've never laughed so much.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Never forget a guy coming up to a mate while we were on the dancefloor in a club years ago and saying to her 'what's a pretty girl like you doing not wearing any earrings' still don't get it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Put some lipstick on to give me something to aim for

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm no meteorologist, but you can expect six inches tonight

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Nice legs, what time do they open?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Or do you want to see my elephant????

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I did have someone use the old "here's 10p go phone your mum tell her you won't be home" line on me once. Proper cringe

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've not stopped laughing all the way through this thread! There are some absoloute corkers!!!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

What has 148 teeth and hold back the Incredible Hulk m? My flies

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By *r TriomanMan
over a year ago

Chippenham Malmesbury area


"I was asked if my breasts were real .Then asked to get them out .Didn't work

I bet a woman 2 quid i could guess what size her boobs were just by feeling them. I had a squeeze, cupped them, felt around for a good 30 seconds. She said "go on then, what size are they?"

I gave her the 2 quid, said "no idea, but it's the best 2 quid i ever spent."

"

That is so brilliant - taking a hand full of £2 coins out of my piggy box and hitting the town tonight.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you was a washing machine, I would put my dirty load inside you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm wondering which is easier: you getting into those tight jeans or for me to get you out of them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I love your smile but it's not the best thing you can do with those lips

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I was asked if my breasts were real .Then asked to get them out .Didn't work

I bet a woman 2 quid i could guess what size her boobs were just by feeling them. I had a squeeze, cupped them, felt around for a good 30 seconds. She said "go on then, what size are they?"

I gave her the 2 quid, said "no idea, but it's the best 2 quid i ever spent."

That is so brilliant - taking a hand full of £2 coins out of my piggy box and hitting the town tonight. "

Might remember that if I ever go thirsty Thursday again loo £2 a drink lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I was asked if my breasts were real .Then asked to get them out .Didn't work

I bet a woman 2 quid i could guess what size her boobs were just by feeling them. I had a squeeze, cupped them, felt around for a good 30 seconds. She said "go on then, what size are they?"

I gave her the 2 quid, said "no idea, but it's the best 2 quid i ever spent."

That is so brilliant - taking a hand full of £2 coins out of my piggy box and hitting the town tonight.

Might remember that if I ever go thirsty Thursday again loo £2 a drink lol"

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By *annooWoman
over a year ago

Hastings


"I was asked if my breasts were real .Then asked to get them out .Didn't work

I bet a woman 2 quid i could guess what size her boobs were just by feeling them. I had a squeeze, cupped them, felt around for a good 30 seconds. She said "go on then, what size are they?"

I gave her the 2 quid, said "no idea, but it's the best 2 quid i ever spent."

"

This was on a mug my brother had when I was a kid

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If I asked you for a shag would your answer be the same as the one for this question?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"If I asked you for a shag would your answer be the same as the one for this question?"

That's like the "if I told you u had a beautiful body would u hold it against me?"

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By *annooWoman
over a year ago

Hastings

Was out with mates one eve and these two guys tried to pick up my mates...they thot I was shy so left me alone with one.we were stood under a bus shelter and it was pissing down with rain and his words were "lovely weather were having tonight" his voice was sarcastic his face said he was being genuine

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Was out with mates one eve and these two guys tried to pick up my mates...they thot I was shy so left me alone with one.we were stood under a bus shelter and it was pissing down with rain and his words were "lovely weather were having tonight" his voice was sarcastic his face said he was being genuine"

Should has said mmmmm wet

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Skip the fight go straight to make up of sex.bend doon show me yer moon.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"unfortunately been from bradford originally. . . most people struggle to grsp basic english all you get is a series of grunts . . arm gestures and innappriote advances lol "

Well clearly, since you've now moved, it's much better.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My buddies bet me that I wouldn't be able to start a conversation with the most beautiful girl in the bar. Wanna buy some drinks with their money?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"My buddies bet me that I wouldn't be able to start a conversation with the most beautiful girl in the bar. Wanna buy some drinks with their money?

"

I'm not a woman so I don't know but I think that's a cracker xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

All the time I've a face you will have some where to sit . Still make me laugh

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"All the time I've a face you will have some where to sit . Still make me laugh "

Did u take him up on the offer thou? X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"All the time I've a face you will have some where to sit . Still make me laugh

Did u take him up on the offer thou? X"
lol but made a friend for life

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By *ozzy87Man
over a year ago

Crawley

"Bend over and touch your toes I'll show you where the monster goes"

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By *nFairnessMan
over a year ago

The Four Corners

ive posted on these before.... i like....

you remind me of my little toe.... you're small, you're cute...and ill probably bang you on my coffee table later.

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By *osieWoman
over a year ago

Wembley

HIM: I have a thing for tall blonde women

ME: So do I

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Once heard I bloke say to a girl you would look lovely sat on my cock'

She replied with( in a George accent) 'why? Is ya nose bigger than ya cock like'

Totally pissed on his bonfire lol

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I may not be mr right. But I am mr right now!

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By *izzyRascalWoman
over a year ago

North Hants

I once had a guy ask me "If you were a pirate where would your parrot sit?". He tapped me on my shoulder and said " Here" and then he put his arm around my shoulders to tap the other one "Or here". This obviously left him with his arm around me and I cracked up as it was so smooth lol.

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By *anejohnkent6263Couple
over a year ago

canterbury

hi my lovely fancy a fuck.....NO....well mind lying down while I have one

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By *izzyRascalWoman
over a year ago

North Hants

Just read a cracker!

Some people will make your day ... I will make your hole weak

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Love this... Ive lost my teddy bear.

Can I sleep with you instead?

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By *aucy tiggerWoman
over a year ago

Back where I belong

I've had, " have you seen a doctor recently? Because you look as though you need vitamin ME!"

No it didn't work

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By *errynjuneCouple
over a year ago

Barnsley

Ey up love , just got to say, for a fat bird you don't sweat a lot.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh my god you poor thing

Looks at me in amazement

No seriously you poor thing did you fall over

No looks at me as of mental

Your jeans are ripped so I thought I would ask

She says I bought them like that

I say tell you what give me your number and I will arrange a date and I will show you the shops that don't sell second hand ripped clothes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Oh my god you poor thing

Looks at me in amazement

No seriously you poor thing did you fall over

No looks at me as of mental

Your jeans are ripped so I thought I would ask

She says I bought them like that

I say tell you what give me your number and I will arrange a date and I will show you the shops that don't sell second hand ripped clothes "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sat chatting to girl see her look at fat old bloke who obviously has drink problems

Say to her checking out my competition Again . It's ok I don't mind guys fancying girls I date . Mind you at your age if you don't go home with me he is your best option here

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By *otlovefun42Couple
over a year ago

Costa Blanca Spain...

In the words of the immortal song.

"Do you fuck on first dates? Or does your Dad own a brewery? Can I feel your tits? Or will you just show them to me?"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"One I've used with success gave me a chuckle.

I saw a girl i liked in a bar, i walked over, took an ice cube out of my drink, put it on the floor and stamped on it then said "now we've broken the ice lets get down to business."

I couldn't believe my luck!"
and a sense of humour

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Walking down street with girl she goes to grab hand I move away she does it again I do it again .

I see a lamp post or chair coming up I grab hand and keep walking toward it so she walks into it not me

Say what's wrong and laugh

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sat down minding my own business girl comes asks me take glasses etc

I say that is one shit chat up line if you wanted to give me your number just do it

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By *redo40Man
over a year ago

Manchester

[Removed by poster at 24/01/17 12:48:53]

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By *redo40Man
over a year ago

Manchester


"So been talking to a guy at work who was talking about chat-up lines

So I wanna know what's the best/funniest/cheesiest chat up line you've heard or used?"

Don't cross your legs you could be crushing my dinner

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By *iamondjoeMan
over a year ago

Glastonbury


"Nice tits"

That's my cliché. Cheeky beggar.

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By *redo40Man
over a year ago

Manchester

Get ya gums round me plums love

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