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burning calories...why arent I anorexic?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

The Act of Insertion

If the man is ready (same vice-versa) 1/4 calories

If the woman is not (same vice-versa) 274 calories

Satisfying Partner (organ size)

Normal size 22 calories

Oversize 15 calories

Tremendous 8 calories

Teensy-weensy 163 calories

Positions

Man on top, woman on bottom (facing each other) 20 calories

Woman on top, man on bottom

(Many women find that in addition to its inherent sexual possibilities, this position affords a better view of the clock.) 25 calories

From the rear (Mysterious variation) 40 1/2 calories

Standing: Both partners of equal height 18 calories

Standing: Woman 1 foot taller than a man 90 calories

While in traction

(very useful during ski season) 124 calories

Locations

On a bar stool 20 calories

Rear of a Honda Civic 38 calories

In a phone booth, standing 14 calories

In a phone booth, lying down 274 calories

On an airliner, aisle seat 24 calories

On an airliner, middle seat 42 calories

On an airliner, window seat 30 calories

On an airliner, in the lavatory 100 calories

Possible Side Effects of Intercourse

Bouncing 7 calories

Sliding around 9 calories

Serious Skidding 12 calories

Full cartwheel 20 calories

Whiplash 27 calories

Knee burn 6 calories

Chafed elbows 5 calories

Chafed nose 11 calories

Sex Related Noises

Short gasps (per gasp) 3 calories

Wheezing 5 calories

Squeals 4 calories

Ecstatic moaning 11 calories

Low growling 8 calories

Squishing 10 calories

Shouting 16 calories

Screaming 18 calories

Urgent begging 22 calories

Any short speech giving partner directions

("Please don't stop," "Faster," "Just a little more" are common examples.) 25 calories

Approaching Orgasm

Letting go 5.5 calories

Controlling yourself 79 calories

Digging nails into your partner's back 11 calories

Trembling 15 calories

Shaking 20 calories

Shuddering 25 calories

Trying to keep eyes open 33 calories

Orgasm

Real 27 calories

Faked 160 calories

Orgasmic Intensity Scale

Expression didn't change 1/2 calorie

Face turned purple 15 calories

Orchestra swelled 6 calories

Magical explosions 10 calories

Blazing Sheets 25 calories

Earth moved 30 calories

Vesuvius erupted 47 calories

You began moaning in Latin 60 calories

Pulling Out

After orgasm 1/4 calorie

A few moments before orgasm 500 calories

Special Orgasms

Clitoral. 15 calories

Vaginal 21 calories

Penile 21 calories

Scrotile 15 calories

Rectal 25 calories

Oral

(can also occur during an especially good meal) 30 calories

Consequences of Premature Ejaculation

For Women

Frustration 8 calories

Anger 15 calories

Violent mood swing 20 calories

Surpressing rage 25 calories

Not surpressing anger

(In extreme cases, this can include cursing, nose tweaks, and gently massaging partner's head with a tire iron.) 65 calories

For Men:

Cursing 10 calories

Apologising 3 calories

Snivelling 5 calories

Pleading for mercy 8 calories

Begging for another chance

(Note how unfair: Men never seem to mind if a woman has an orgasm after 3 seconds of sex.) 15 calories

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

FUCK me!!!

How many calories is that??????????

lol

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"FUCK me!!!

How many calories is that??????????

lol"

thats only half the page lol, i got bored after that lol

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By *resh freddieMan
over a year ago

Penistone

Bugger that i choose Bulimia !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"FUCK me!!!

How many calories is that??????????

lol

thats only half the page lol, i got bored after that lol"

hehehe

I meant how many calories is just "fuck me"

lol

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By *prite128Woman
over a year ago

maidstone

omg where do you get half of this stuff!

wonder if we can market a new diet plan on the back of this information?

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Well i reckon it must be because spunk has about a million calories in it lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Well i reckon it must be because spunk has about a million calories in it lol"

as per other thread - about 5 calories per mouthfull......lol

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"omg where do you get half of this stuff!

wonder if we can market a new diet plan on the back of this information?"

im very sad and enjoy looking at wierd and wonderful things on the internet when i am bored...unfortunately I have a mind that needs constant stimulation or I unleash havoc lol

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By *prite128Woman
over a year ago

maidstone


"Well i reckon it must be because spunk has about a million calories in it lol

as per other thread - about 5 calories per mouthfull......lol"

what if you have a big mouth

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By *resh freddieMan
over a year ago

Penistone


"Well i reckon it must be because spunk has about a million calories in it lol

as per other thread - about 5 calories per mouthfull......lol"

Question for you. Does a person with Bulimia yack up after a BJ ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Well i reckon it must be because spunk has about a million calories in it lol

as per other thread - about 5 calories per mouthfull......lol

what if you have a big mouth "

Then less calories per sq metre.....lol

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By *prite128Woman
over a year ago

maidstone


"

...unfortunately I have a mind that needs constant stimulation or I unleash havoc lol"

i dont think those are mutually exclusive where you are concerned Ruby lol

xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Well i reckon it must be because spunk has about a million calories in it lol

as per other thread - about 5 calories per mouthfull......lol

Question for you. Does a person with Bulimia yack up after a BJ ?"

No - they just do a massive Cum Burp

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire


"Well i reckon it must be because spunk has about a million calories in it lol

as per other thread - about 5 calories per mouthfull......lol

Question for you. Does a person with Bulimia yack up after a BJ ?

No - they just do a massive Cum Burp"

oh i did a cum burp the other day in fact i did two hadnt noticed before lol. It was the cum burp thread that made me realize lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Anyone else think this rubytheridiculousrubenesquerodgerer is half female, half machine, here solely to overload the fab forums with the most random of banter?

Don't your fingers ever get tired hun? lol

....wait, please don't answer that!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Anyone else think this rubytheridiculousrubenesquerodgerer is half female, half machine, here solely to overload the fab forums with the most random of banter?

Don't your fingers ever get tired hun? lol

....wait, please don't answer that! "

lol...you will miss me when im gone lol

and no they dont

and yes I am lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Anyone else think this rubytheridiculousrubenesquerodgerer is half female, half machine, here solely to overload the fab forums with the most random of banter?

Don't your fingers ever get tired hun? lol

....wait, please don't answer that! "

BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUPRRRRRRRRRRRRRRP

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By *resh freddieMan
over a year ago

Penistone


"Anyone else think this rubytheridiculousrubenesquerodgerer is half female, half machine, here solely to overload the fab forums with the most random of banter?

Don't your fingers ever get tired hun? lol

....wait, please don't answer that!

lol...you will miss me when im gone lol

and no they dont

and yes I am lol"

Me well i think she is a little dark yet angelic at the same time

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Anyone else think this rubytheridiculousrubenesquerodgerer is half female, half machine, here solely to overload the fab forums with the most random of banter?

Don't your fingers ever get tired hun? lol

....wait, please don't answer that!

lol...you will miss me when im gone lol

and no they dont

and yes I am lol

Me well i think she is a little dark yet angelic at the same time"

angelic!!!!!!....smiles

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By *resh freddieMan
over a year ago

Penistone


"Anyone else think this rubytheridiculousrubenesquerodgerer is half female, half machine, here solely to overload the fab forums with the most random of banter?

Don't your fingers ever get tired hun? lol

....wait, please don't answer that!

lol...you will miss me when im gone lol

and no they dont

and yes I am lol

Me well i think she is a little dark yet angelic at the same time

angelic!!!!!!....smiles"

Where are your wings and what colour are they then?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I am afraid I don;t have wings...im a fallen angel

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By *resh freddieMan
over a year ago

Penistone


"I am afraid I don;t have wings...im a fallen angel "

You can have mine as im scared of heights. That and the vicar giving me grief for low level bombing

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I am afraid I don;t have wings...im a fallen angel

You can have mine as im scared of heights. That and the vicar giving me grief for low level bombing"

prefer to keep my feet on the ground

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