FabSwingers.com forum: Judged by cheaters

By *iSTARess OP Woman
over a year ago

London

I'm very up for open, poly and swinging relationships but refuse to see cheaters. Amusing when they contact, calling me judgemental and arrogant for not giving them a chance.

Everyone has their own reasons for cheating but it's not something I want in my private life. I block and move on but what annoys me most is the sadness I feel for their partner.

What's that all about?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As someone who has been cheated on I feel the same way.

Relationships are about trust and cheating on someone breaks that trust

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

I don't like them either.

I've been cheated on it's not great. However it's nothing moral about why I won't meet them.

Luckily I have not had this happen but a friend has - the wife/gf finds you in the guy's phone and you get the abuse

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By *awandOrderCouple
over a year ago

SW London

I have been cheated on, but I don't judge anyone. I think there are a fair few couples on here where one of the partners has been reluctant to be involved and started swinging to keep their partner happy, feeling emotional blackmail .... I think the boundaries between cheating or swinging couples are as cut and dried as people like to think. I have come to this conclusion being here ... and seeing what I see at parties. It was not something I though would be apparent. I don't mind who judges me because it's my life and my moral stance and I think about my behaviour and how it affects my loved ones

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't think it's a good idea to allow the behaviour of other people to influence your emotions to that extent in this environment...

Surely a swinging life-style shouldn't results in the accumulation of emotional baggage,,,,,,

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I find some people react like this regardless of the reason for turning them down.

It's certainly not a trait confined to one 'group' of people.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have been on both sides of the fence and feel I have no room to judge anyone as at the time due to several reasons I was tied to a very unhappy relationship I saw no way out of but found solice n comfort in the arms of a man who showed me care rightly or wrongly

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The amount of people who 'want a chance'...didn't know this site was a charity that gives away fucks.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't like them either.

I've been cheated on it's not great. However it's nothing moral about why I won't meet them.

Luckily I have not had this happen but a friend has - the wife/gf finds you in the guy's phone and you get the abuse

Iv had this! You'd think the person in question would think to do better than get caught

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

There was an I interesting article in the Guardian about a woman who had an affair while her husband was suffering from dementia due to a type of Parkinson's. She said it was the only way she could cope with caring for him as he descended further into the hellish illness.

I felt only sympathy for her.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

You just move on but feel the need to start a thread. You have been around to know it gets discussed every week

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Everyone has a different backstory and journey as to why they're here. It's rarely as simple as 'black and white' so I don't judge anyone on their status or indeed preferences / kinks etc.

But I also agree that everyone has the right NOT to meet whoever they want as well, so if you're getting hassle or abuse for standing by your morals or preferences that's very wrong!

My simplistic _iew of the world is that there's a place for everyone on this site, single or attached. But make that transparent so people can make informed choices. And if you're turned down / refused by someone because of your status, just suck it up and accept it - don't be a dick and give them abuse, respect their choices too!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Our swinging relationship is based on trust and openness.

That's why we wouldn't knowingly arrange to meet someone playing away.

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By *ngel n tedCouple
over a year ago

maidstone

If someone is on here cheating on a partner, it's safe to say they are way past the "feeling very guilty stage" and have moved on to the "i don't give a fuck about my partner, what the eyes don't see, the heart don't grieve over, i'll do as a please" stage, so would feel as though they were, for all intents and purposes, single on here, thus lending themselves to swaning around the site with the same sense of entitlement and judgementalness as many others

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By *iSTARess OP Woman
over a year ago

London

"You just move on but feel the need to start a thread. You have been around to know it gets discussed every week

No, what I was questioning was my feeling bad for their cheated partner. Different thing entirely to a 'damn those pesky cheaters' thread

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was cheated on by my abusive husband throughout our 30 year relationship. I didn't and still don't want anyone's sympathy or pity.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You just move on but feel the need to start a thread. You have been around to know it gets discussed every week

No, what I was questioning was my feeling bad for their cheated partner. Different thing entirely to a 'damn those pesky cheaters' thread"

It's called empathy, or caring about others. Might even be sympathy, putting yourself in their shoes.

Don't question that, it's a good quality to have.

Most people don't like liars, it shatters their illusion of trust and vulnerability.

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

I do feel sad for the unknowing partner too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Its all about 'informed choice'... As the last post mentioned....isnt what this site is fundamentaly about?Mature honesty about your sexuality..how wonderful is that!!

Bad apples always ruin the cart...

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By *ummersun99Woman
over a year ago

North Yorkshire by the Sea

I appreciate there are exceptions like the Lady in the Guardian, but so often thats not the case. Hassle of leaving, children, assets like houses, having your cake and eating it, thrills are the reasons I've heard here, so I just don't want to be complicit or contribute to the hurt of people or condone deceit. I feel similar to you OP, sad for their partners being made a mug of.

Plus the risk of partners finding out about me also makes their 'no strings sex' suddenly seem at risk of very messy strings...

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