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I've been and gone and done it!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I've fallen in love with someone on here and it's killing me. He wouldn't want what I want, so it's pointless me telling him how I feel. I need to knock it on the head and move on, get on with my life. Will someone please tell me how to handle this in a diplomatic and sensitive way. I guess it could mean the end of our friendship, but I can't live like this any more. Someone please advise and please no stupid remarks or jokes, I'm hurting enough.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

just tell you have developed feelings for him and if he doesn't feel the same, it's best to part.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No advice really. The same happened to me. Self-respect is essential.xxx

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"No advice really. The same happened to me. Self-respect is essential.xxx"

Thank you. What do you mean? Not making myself look stupid or something? x

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

Have you checked that he doesn't feel the same way?

Otherwise I found stopping seeing them was the only way.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Have you checked that he doesn't feel the same way?

Otherwise I found stopping seeing them was the only way."

Thank you, I'm guessing this is the only way too. It's killing me thinking about it, but it's the only way I can see of moving on and being able to get on with my life x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I've fallen in love with someone on here and it's killing me. He wouldn't want what I want, so it's pointless me telling him how I feel. I need to knock it on the head and move on, get on with my life. Will someone please tell me how to handle this in a diplomatic and sensitive way. I guess it could mean the end of our friendship, but I can't live like this any more. Someone please advise and please no stupid remarks or jokes, I'm hurting enough."

You have answers your own question .

He wouldn't want what you want ....

So play the field , meet some new people , try and forget about him for a while .

If he contacts you for a meet , tell him you are busy with another meet . Say perhaps another time . No matter how much you may want to see him , avoid him for a bit .

You will only end up hurting more than you already do if you keep seeing him .

Good luck

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What View said x

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By *uxom redCouple
over a year ago

Shrewsbury

Talk to him , you never know he may feel the same . Either way don't beat yourself up over it .

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Speak to him in a straightforward way about it, tell him you expect nothing in return and to preserve your sanity you have to stop seeing him.

If he tells you he wants to still see you ensure that it's on terms acceptable to you both not just him.

Good luck.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Tell him you've fallen for him, ask him if he feels the same. If he does, brilliant! If not, then tell him you can't see him any more and cease all contact.

Staying friends won't help you move on.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I've fallen in love with someone on here and it's killing me. He wouldn't want what I want, so it's pointless me telling him how I feel. I need to knock it on the head and move on, get on with my life. Will someone please tell me how to handle this in a diplomatic and sensitive way. I guess it could mean the end of our friendship, but I can't live like this any more. Someone please advise and please no stupid remarks or jokes, I'm hurting enough.

You have answers your own question .

He wouldn't want what you want ....

So play the field , meet some new people , try and forget about him for a while .

If he contacts you for a meet , tell him you are busy with another meet . Say perhaps another time . No matter how much you may want to see him , avoid him for a bit .

You will only end up hurting more than you already do if you keep seeing him .

Good luck "

Thank you, I appreciate your comments. I think this would be better than completely ruining our friendship. Avoiding him for a while will probably do me the world of good and I will also stop feeling so sad too, a good thing obviously lol x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"No advice really. The same happened to me. Self-respect is essential.xxx

Thank you. What do you mean? Not making myself look stupid or something? x"

No, just base any decisions with your emotional well-being in mind. If they don't feel the same the temptation to carry on seeing someone 'just in case' they may return your feelings one day is detrimental to you. I've never been bothered about saving face or looking stupid by opening up to someone. Do it, but look after yourself.x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Talk that's all the advice I can offer but chin up hunni xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"No advice really. The same happened to me. Self-respect is essential.xxx

Thank you. What do you mean? Not making myself look stupid or something? x"

I take self respect to mean self love and looking after yourself before anyone else.

I fell for someone on here, he said he felt the same and said it before i said anything, but thinking about it more he was just a user and i think he manipulated me into falling for him. Some guys do that.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Talk that's all the advice I can offer but chin up hunni xx"

Thank you x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"just tell you have developed feelings for him and if he doesn't feel the same, it's best to part."

I agree with this.

You can't be sure he doesn't feel the same. I was in the very same situation almost ten years ago and i was sure the guy didn't feel the same as me. I hadn't been looking for love either so it was a big shock.

However we managed to each let the other know their true feelings, we moved in together and are now married ... one of the best things i ever did

X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Talk to him. It's the same advice I give on pretty much everything. Communication is the key.

You might be pleasantly surprised.

Good luck xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"No advice really. The same happened to me. Self-respect is essential.xxx

Thank you. What do you mean? Not making myself look stupid or something? x

I take self respect to mean self love and looking after yourself before anyone else.

I fell for someone on here, he said he felt the same and said it before i said anything, but thinking about it more he was just a user and i think he manipulated me into falling for him. Some guys do that."

I sometimes think he has manipulated me into a situation, then I'm not so sure. I do feel used for sure but because of the way I feel I stupidly let it continue. Thank you x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Tell him you've fallen for him, ask him if he feels the same. If he does, brilliant! If not, then tell him you can't see him any more and cease all contact.

Staying friends won't help you move on."

I agree with bright.

And I have to say cold turkey is the best way to go, otherwise you just prolong your pain.

I would block him, then you can't keep checking if he is online...or worse, torturing yourself with noticing he is having meets.

Tell him beforehand your doing this if it makes you feel better.

It's very hard, so take it one day at a time xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

possible outcomes -

you dont say anything just drift away - you end up without his company and friendship

or

you say something or hint to see if he feels the same - if he runs a mile you also end up without his company and friendship

or

you chat - want to stay friends cos its one sided - this will maybe drift apart eventually but friends are worth effort

or

you talk and he feels the same - win win

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Talk to him. It's the same advice I give on pretty much everything. Communication is the key.

You might be pleasantly surprised.

Good luck xx"

Thank you x

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

the guy manipulated ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"No advice really. The same happened to me. Self-respect is essential.xxx

Thank you. What do you mean? Not making myself look stupid or something? x

I take self respect to mean self love and looking after yourself before anyone else.

I fell for someone on here, he said he felt the same and said it before i said anything, but thinking about it more he was just a user and i think he manipulated me into falling for him. Some guys do that.

I sometimes think he has manipulated me into a situation, then I'm not so sure. I do feel used for sure but because of the way I feel I stupidly let it continue. Thank you x"

If you feel used then he doesn't love you back, he probably isn't capable of love. Users aren't. Trust your gut instinct, all of it - even the bad feelings, maybe especially the bad feelings.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"the guy manipulated ?"

Yeah people can manipulate anything, even the way you feel about them. They spend a lot of time doing so as well, it benefits them overall.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

and I have said on many thread where people are declaring their vulnerabilities, mostly for faux hugs and kisses that there are people who manipulate others on here....

and if people are then manipulated, it sits with them.

Learn from it, the public declarations of every aspect of your life fuels this.

Good luck

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire


"the guy manipulated ?

Yeah people can manipulate anything, even the way you feel about them. They spend a lot of time doing so as well, it benefits them overall."
but doesn't there come a time when you have to take responsibility for your own actions and not blame others

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"the guy manipulated ?

Yeah people can manipulate anything, even the way you feel about them. They spend a lot of time doing so as well, it benefits them overall.

but doesn't there come a time when you have to take responsibility for your own actions and not blame others

"

You don't need to accept blame, they'll blame you for it anyway.

If you're own actions are being vulnerable, caring, naive, and kind and someone sees that as an opportunity to take anything from you that they want then they have to accept some blame for it too, more so actually because they knew what they were doing and knew you didn't know.

If a person didn't know how to handle money you wouldn't act like you're helping them out while stealing their money would you? Well some people would, they'll steal whatever they want and pretend they're giving what you needed in the process.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Option 1: tell him how you feel, he might have similar feelings

Option 2: don't say anything, break things off and don't see him again.

Which seems to have the most likely probability of a positive outcome.

Hope things work out for you

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By *ancs MinxWoman
over a year ago

Burnley


"Tell him you've fallen for him, ask him if he feels the same. If he does, brilliant! If not, then tell him you can't see him any more and cease all contact.

Staying friends won't help you move on."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Anne and I met on here. After first meeting, we met again. And again. We chatted a lot in between times, several times a day. There came a time when Anne told me she loved me. It was a risk - but isn't it in the vanilla world? One person tells the other without knowing how the other will react. But, without taking the risk, no one would ever meet their partner.

My advice? Take the risk. Tell him how you feel. He may run for cover but he may well already know how you feel and may feel the same as you! When Anne told me, I already knew. And knew I felt the same. If she hadn't said it in time I would have!

Hope it works out. J x

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Anne and I met on here. After first meeting, we met again. And again. We chatted a lot in between times, several times a day. There came a time when Anne told me she loved me. It was a risk - but isn't it in the vanilla world? One person tells the other without knowing how the other will react. But, without taking the risk, no one would ever meet their partner.

My advice? Take the risk. Tell him how you feel. He may run for cover but he may well already know how you feel and may feel the same as you! When Anne told me, I already knew. And knew I felt the same. If she hadn't said it in time I would have!

Hope it works out. J x"

Thank you, I appreciate your comments. I guess I'm scared to tell him in case he runs off, but then if he runs off that says it all. I'm just going to have to bite the bullet and tell him how I feel x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Anne and I met on here. After first meeting, we met again. And again. We chatted a lot in between times, several times a day. There came a time when Anne told me she loved me. It was a risk - but isn't it in the vanilla world? One person tells the other without knowing how the other will react. But, without taking the risk, no one would ever meet their partner.

My advice? Take the risk. Tell him how you feel. He may run for cover but he may well already know how you feel and may feel the same as you! When Anne told me, I already knew. And knew I felt the same. If she hadn't said it in time I would have!

Hope it works out. J x

Thank you, I appreciate your comments. I guess I'm scared to tell him in case he runs off, but then if he runs off that says it all. I'm just going to have to bite the bullet and tell him how I feel x"

Good luck. You don't want to think "What if...?" years down the line. If he does run for cover, you at least know where you stand and, long term, that will make the sense of loss easier to overcome. But, of course, there is the other outcome and you could be embarking on a new and exciting relationship. Fingers crossed for you x

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Anne and I met on here. After first meeting, we met again. And again. We chatted a lot in between times, several times a day. There came a time when Anne told me she loved me. It was a risk - but isn't it in the vanilla world? One person tells the other without knowing how the other will react. But, without taking the risk, no one would ever meet their partner.

My advice? Take the risk. Tell him how you feel. He may run for cover but he may well already know how you feel and may feel the same as you! When Anne told me, I already knew. And knew I felt the same. If she hadn't said it in time I would have!

Hope it works out. J x

Thank you, I appreciate your comments. I guess I'm scared to tell him in case he runs off, but then if he runs off that says it all. I'm just going to have to bite the bullet and tell him how I feel x

Good luck. You don't want to think "What if...?" years down the line. If he does run for cover, you at least know where you stand and, long term, that will make the sense of loss easier to overcome. But, of course, there is the other outcome and you could be embarking on a new and exciting relationship. Fingers crossed for you x"

Thank you. I'm too sad thinking about the consequences. But I know it's for the best x

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By *rumfun1965Man
over a year ago

Halifax

Imagine if you walk away without asking him,and find out later that he did feel the same way but didn't open up ? Scary i know,but you owe it to yourself to find out. At least your mind will be clear,good or bad,you can move forward. Good luck

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Imagine if you walk away without asking him,and find out later that he did feel the same way but didn't open up ? Scary i know,but you owe it to yourself to find out. At least your mind will be clear,good or bad,you can move forward. Good luck "

Thank you. I'm so scared of telling him. I have practised a few messages and deleted them lol. If I don't do it today, I never will x

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

why would you message him, it surely is better face to face

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Talk to him and tell him how you feel, depending on his reaction the next move may not be yours to control, it maybe his.

You're already torturing yourself & I don't think it will improve until you either tell him or remove him from your life. I'm not sure staying friends is an option for you.

Good luck x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Imagine if you walk away without asking him,and find out later that he did feel the same way but didn't open up ? Scary i know,but you owe it to yourself to find out. At least your mind will be clear,good or bad,you can move forward. Good luck

Thank you. I'm so scared of telling him. I have practised a few messages and deleted them lol. If I don't do it today, I never will x"

Best of luck lady.hope it works out for you.hugs

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"why would you message him, it surely is better face to face"

I don't see him that often, but perhaps you have a point, thanks x

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Imagine if you walk away without asking him,and find out later that he did feel the same way but didn't open up ? Scary i know,but you owe it to yourself to find out. At least your mind will be clear,good or bad,you can move forward. Good luck

Thank you. I'm so scared of telling him. I have practised a few messages and deleted them lol. If I don't do it today, I never will x

Best of luck lady.hope it works out for you.hugs"

Thank you, so do I. So so scared of the outcome, but I know it's for the best x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I've fallen in love with someone on here and it's killing me. He wouldn't want what I want, so it's pointless me telling him how I feel. I need to knock it on the head and move on, get on with my life. Will someone please tell me how to handle this in a diplomatic and sensitive way. I guess it could mean the end of our friendship, but I can't live like this any more. Someone please advise and please no stupid remarks or jokes, I'm hurting enough."

is he married?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Talk to him and tell him how you feel, depending on his reaction the next move may not be yours to control, it maybe his.

You're already torturing yourself & I don't think it will improve until you either tell him or remove him from your life. I'm not sure staying friends is an option for you.

Good luck x"

Thank you, torture is the operative word here. I'm going to say something today, I have to x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Do you think he might already know ? And if he pops on the forum this thread will probably of confirmed it ? He might be playing dumb to it as if he's unaware ? I've actually done that before !!

It's hard to say you love someone and it's hard to say you don't(Del Amitri lyric.....sorry). Either way regardless of advice you're only gonna do what you feel is right in the end

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I've fallen in love with someone on here and it's killing me. He wouldn't want what I want, so it's pointless me telling him how I feel. I need to knock it on the head and move on, get on with my life. Will someone please tell me how to handle this in a diplomatic and sensitive way. I guess it could mean the end of our friendship, but I can't live like this any more. Someone please advise and please no stupid remarks or jokes, I'm hurting enough.

is he married?"

No x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"the guy manipulated ?

Yeah people can manipulate anything, even the way you feel about them. They spend a lot of time doing so as well, it benefits them overall.but doesn't there come a time when you have to take responsibility for your own actions and not blame others

"

In my experience I'm not sure manipulation is the right word to use. Sometimes people can read way too much into a situation (ive been one of them) & create scenarios that weren't really there in the 1st place.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"the guy manipulated ?

Yeah people can manipulate anything, even the way you feel about them. They spend a lot of time doing so as well, it benefits them overall.but doesn't there come a time when you have to take responsibility for your own actions and not blame others

In my experience I'm not sure manipulation is the right word to use. Sometimes people can read way too much into a situation (ive been one of them) & create scenarios that weren't really there in the 1st place."

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Do you think he might already know ? And if he pops on the forum this thread will probably of confirmed it ? He might be playing dumb to it as if he's unaware ? I've actually done that before !!

It's hard to say you love someone and it's hard to say you don't(Del Amitri lyric.....sorry). Either way regardless of advice you're only gonna do what you feel is right in the end "

He may have an inkling he may not, but I'm pretty sure he doesn't come on the forums. Saying that I'm probably totally wrong and he already knows! And your comment about advice is very true, only I will do what feels right, thank you x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"the guy manipulated ?

Yeah people can manipulate anything, even the way you feel about them. They spend a lot of time doing so as well, it benefits them overall.but doesn't there come a time when you have to take responsibility for your own actions and not blame others

In my experience I'm not sure manipulation is the right word to use. Sometimes people can read way too much into a situation (ive been one of them) & create scenarios that weren't really there in the 1st place."

I wasn't talking about that, i was talking about guys (and women) who do manipulate.

OP has actually said in this topic that she feels used, this might be her own way of thinking about the whole situation but i find it quite strange that she is in love with someone who makes her feel used. This is just my opinion obviously, i'm not OP so don't know why she feels that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

you did however break your own rule to quote

looking for lots of sex with a bit of passion thrown in, definitely NOT a relationship

Love is funny, we fall in we fall out. is it lust or love do you get jealous of him on here or not bothered are your feelings true or confused?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"the guy manipulated ?

Yeah people can manipulate anything, even the way you feel about them. They spend a lot of time doing so as well, it benefits them overall.but doesn't there come a time when you have to take responsibility for your own actions and not blame others

In my experience I'm not sure manipulation is the right word to use. Sometimes people can read way too much into a situation (ive been one of them) & create scenarios that weren't really there in the 1st place.

I wasn't talking about that, i was talking about guys (and women) who do manipulate.

OP has actually said in this topic that she feels used, this might be her own way of thinking about the whole situation but i find it quite strange that she is in love with someone who makes her feel used. This is just my opinion obviously, i'm not OP so don't know why she feels that."

Maybe used was the wrong term, we see each other mainly on his terms and that's why I feel used (I think). Falling in love happens in many strange ways and situations. But I do know that I love him, believe me x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"the guy manipulated ?

Yeah people can manipulate anything, even the way you feel about them. They spend a lot of time doing so as well, it benefits them overall.but doesn't there come a time when you have to take responsibility for your own actions and not blame others

In my experience I'm not sure manipulation is the right word to use. Sometimes people can read way too much into a situation (ive been one of them) & create scenarios that weren't really there in the 1st place.

I wasn't talking about that, i was talking about guys (and women) who do manipulate.

OP has actually said in this topic that she feels used, this might be her own way of thinking about the whole situation but i find it quite strange that she is in love with someone who makes her feel used. This is just my opinion obviously, i'm not OP so don't know why she feels that.

Maybe used was the wrong term, we see each other mainly on his terms and that's why I feel used (I think).

Falling in love happens in many strange ways and situations. But I do know that I love him, believe me x"

It's ok, you don't have to justify anything, especially not to me. I know that when you feel love then that's real, it's when you feel loved it might not be real.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"you did however break your own rule to quote

looking for lots of sex with a bit of passion thrown in, definitely NOT a relationship

Love is funny, we fall in we fall out. is it lust or love do you get jealous of him on here or not bothered are your feelings true or confused?"

I know, the last thing I want is a relationship and never figured for a minute I would fall in love on this site. I'm not jealous of his movements as such, I just wish he would open up to me. Not knowing his feelings are also killing me. All I know is I do love him but it can't be a one way street x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'll shut up now as well, putting a right downer on something that might be nice and could be a happy occasion.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Express your feelings to him and if he don't feel the same way, than its up to you either you stay or go, but no need to be into something your not happy being in, so if you settle, than you'll know what your settling with....where your from

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"the guy manipulated ?

Yeah people can manipulate anything, even the way you feel about them. They spend a lot of time doing so as well, it benefits them overall.but doesn't there come a time when you have to take responsibility for your own actions and not blame others

In my experience I'm not sure manipulation is the right word to use. Sometimes people can read way too much into a situation (ive been one of them) & create scenarios that weren't really there in the 1st place.

I wasn't talking about that, i was talking about guys (and women) who do manipulate.

OP has actually said in this topic that she feels used, this might be her own way of thinking about the whole situation but i find it quite strange that she is in love with someone who makes her feel used. This is just my opinion obviously, i'm not OP so don't know why she feels that.

Maybe used was the wrong term, we see each other mainly on his terms and that's why I feel used (I think).

Falling in love happens in many strange ways and situations. But I do know that I love him, believe me x

It's ok, you don't have to justify anything, especially not to me. I know that when you feel love then that's real, it's when you feel loved it might not be real."

I do feel loved which is bizarre, he just doesn't say anything which is frustrating. Sorry "believe me" is just a term I use x

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I'll shut up now as well, putting a right downer on something that might be nice and could be a happy occasion."

Awww you've been lovely and I appreciate your comments and advice. I'm on a downer already so you couldn't make it any worse lol. Thank you x

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By *irtyGirlWoman
over a year ago

Edinburgh

I don't know if this is diplomatic or sensitive but try doing things on your own terms. Take responsibility for yourself. From the outside looking in, based on what you've said, it's time to put your big girl pants on and take control of the situation for your own self respect if nothing else.

You can't help who you fall for, you can help how you deal with it. If he doesn't feel the same, which it doesn't sound like he does if he's manipulating you to suit himself and someone who loved you wouldn't do that, then you're better off knowing.

Its hard to give advice with not much to go on but like others have said, communicate and self preservation are important. If you continue to see him/allow him to manipulate you then who do you think will suffer when the feelings aren't reciprocated?

Good luck, I hope you work it out for yourself.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

and over an hour has passed and you are still in the very same position...

pick up the phone and start the process.

good luck

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'll shut up now as well, putting a right downer on something that might be nice and could be a happy occasion.

Awww you've been lovely and I appreciate your comments and advice. I'm on a downer already so you couldn't make it any worse lol. Thank you x"

You're welcome.

I suppose my replies have a bit a wariness in them, it's just how i am right now.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"and over an hour has passed and you are still in the very same position...

pick up the phone and start the process.

good luck"

Who's to say I haven't started the process, I might have taken your advice and waiting to talk to him! Thank you x

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn


"and over an hour has passed and you are still in the very same position...

pick up the phone and start the process.

good luck

Who's to say I haven't started the process, I might have taken your advice and waiting to talk to him! Thank you x"

good

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was in this situation at the beginning of the year. My advice is speak to him face to face. Not via message. He can tell you anything via a message. Tell him how you feel. If he doesn't feel the same way the best thing to do is walk away and cut all ties with him. Thankfully the guy I fell for felt the same way. But it was short lived. And now we have no contact. But good luck

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Prehaps if you tell him your getting a little fed up with meeting different people and are thinking of taking a long break and see what his reaction is.If he does like you too you may get answers.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm not the best for giving out advice I admit but as others have said talk to him.

It's scary I know but at least then you will know how he feels about you.

I hope it works out ok for you and I'm sending you a big hug

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