FabSwingers.com forum: All was going well....

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

As some of you know, my dear old mumsie has spent the last 14 weeks in hospital...she came ouy on Tuesday afternoon, and we had a little celebration welcome home party for her!

After just a few days, she's now back in bloody hospital again

Looking very much like she will need 24 hour care in a home now, a very hard decision to have to make, but one that will benefit her the best.

Anyone else been in this situation, and how did you handle it?

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

all the best to you both

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No I haven't, but Iv promised my parents they won't be going into a home for as long as I can manage without one.

I am sorry for your bad news.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I haven't but I've been on the other end welcoming a new residents to their new home, it's a hard choice to make, if you want any advice about anything pm me xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Been through it with a grandparent (I had to organise the estate stuff). She was mostly gone due to advanced dementia so it wasn't a difficult decision.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The most difficult part was choosing a suitable home. A lot get a bad reputation for poor treatment so do research.

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By *ancadamMan
over a year ago

Stockport

very sad but a normal progression of elderly life.you need to have contact with social services for recommended care homes.visit them yourself not by appointment.Google each one and see if there are re_iews.if your mother needs clinical care the type of home you choose is different.ask the hospital.you should also immediately claim attendance allowance at the higher rate.age concern will help you access this.good luck in making the best decisions and pm me if you ever need to....

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Over the last 14 weeks we have been in contact with about 9 different care homes (short stay) but seeing as mums broken ankle had healed, she wanted to go home to her own house.

Social services are trying to help, but the homes they wanted to put her in ALL had BAD reputations.

I cannot afford £800/£1000 a week to put her in a good one though

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By *awandOrderCouple
over a year ago

SW London

We are going through the same thing as we have a parent in and out of hospital. We try to share helping her with care and have an agency in to do some of the care too, but it is tricky if you are both working, have teenage kids and no siblings or those who are just too busy to look in on their mum. Its a tough balance - we have not yet considered any homes ... but have thought about selling her house to pay for this type of care.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The most difficult part was choosing a suitable home. A lot get a bad reputation for poor treatment so do research. "

This

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

One of the toughest things to do but stay strong

Best wishes to you and all Catherine family concerned

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

It's hard to keep strong all the time, I just want to scream sometimes!

Thank you everyone for the support, it is much appreciated.

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By *ove bi guysWoman
over a year ago

Birmingham

Can she have care at home ?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

She had care at home, 2 people 4 times a day, they went in this morning and called me for advice, too much to detail here but she is in a bad way again.

They called an ambulance and they took her back into hospital.

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By *ove bi guysWoman
over a year ago

Birmingham

It's a v difficult situation. My family have gone through this and managed with 4 x care visits a day from care workers and family helping .... tiring and emotionally draining but thankfully there was 3 of us able to help.

Thoughts are with you x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thank you bigal.

Think I may need a care home for myself soon! Stress with mum all the time, and trying to work at the same time.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ahhh buggar thats terrible. I am sure you will do whats best for everyone just make sure you get a lovely care home

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By *ove bi guysWoman
over a year ago

Birmingham

I hear ya.... mom ended up reducing her hours just to stay sane.

V difficult, balancing what mom wants and what you believe is best and keeping yourself standing too.

PM if you want to discuss / let off some steam

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

this is my job - i work in a specialist home for dementia, emi and brain injury - i dont know what is the problem but we help the families and friends come to terms with a member coming into our home - its a difficult decision but quality of life improves for them - we deal with end of life as a matter of fact - it is going to happen to us all lets face it - there are good homes but theyre usually full with a waiting list - you can see cqc reports on carehomes online for your peace of mind -

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

The problem is, mum is not dementia, and the homes I looked at over the last 14 weeks (temp basis) were all full of them.

I have said all along that mum needs a nursing home, but social services will not listen to me.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

UPDATE ON MUM

She's now on a ward and 'comfortable' as the staff nurse says.

Gonna have a meeting during the week with social services, mum is definitely not going to be allowed back home, she will have to go into a nursing home... this is what I will be suggesting, and see how we go from there.

Thanks again for everyone's input and support. X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hope she gets the help she needs.xxx

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thanks Nell

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Suggest you insist on a formal needs assessment. This will take some time to organise and you some time to think. You could go slowly and let your mum stay in hospital. It may be the best place for you both for the time being. Do not be pushed into making any decisions . Visit homes, just turn up to look around so you see the true picture. Go with gut feel. Everyone tells a bad story in preference to a good

one. Good luck, been there.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Got to see a specialist tomorrow afternoon, hope we can finally get something sorted for her best needs.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"As some of you know, my dear old mumsie has spent the last 14 weeks in hospital...she came ouy on Tuesday afternoon, and we had a little celebration welcome home party for her!

After just a few days, she's now back in bloody hospital again

Looking very much like she will need 24 hour care in a home now, a very hard decision to have to make, but one that will benefit her the best.

Anyone else been in this situation, and how did you handle it? "

I am lurching headlong towards it with both Mum & Dad

You have to do what is best for her and your family.

I agree, it's heart wrenching

In some respects though, we are blessed. Many people are robbed of their parents before old age and such decisions must be considered.

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By *oddyWoman
over a year ago

between havant and chichester

read the cqc report as well which you will find online

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"read the cqc report as well which you will find online "

Thanks, will be reading lots on different places

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Good luck such a difficult decision to make just make sure you read them cqc reports, go and speak to residents, visit the home at different times of the day. Its important to do your research as its where your Mum is going to spend the rest of her life and you want peace of mind x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Problem is speaking to residents, all the places social services have offered so far have 95% dementia residents that dont talk.

Hopefully a nursing home mau ne different, won't know until I get some places to look at though.

Thanks for everyone's input

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"As some of you know, my dear old mumsie has spent the last 14 weeks in hospital...she came ouy on Tuesday afternoon, and we had a little celebration welcome home party for her!

After just a few days, she's now back in bloody hospital again

Looking very much like she will need 24 hour care in a home now, a very hard decision to have to make, but one that will benefit her the best.

Anyone else been in this situation, and how did you handle it? "

A v sad situation for you and hope you get sorted. Personally (as others have said) would never put any parent in a home (have had evidence of the treatment not being the best with other relatives). Difficult, very difficult sometimes but would always look after them personally (and give up job if needs be) - the very best of luck and fingers crossed for you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry to hear that OP, obviously a very difficult decision to reach but one I'm sure is in her own best interests! Hope it all goes well for her, and the family

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i see every day how much heartbreak it causes to put a family member into care - but if they were ill you let them go into hospital - dementia requires specialist care and some of our residents need 3 or 4 people just to toilet wash and dress - sometimes you have to let go of that responsibility - they can become too aggressive or confused and people really cannot cope with the care needed

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By *onbons_xxMan
over a year ago

Bolton

Not had any direct experience of this but best of luck to you and your mum with this. Agree with doing your research with the cqc reports, I don't think that much of the cqc at times but the more info the better I'd say.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My thoughts are with you Bud .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Problem is speaking to residents, all the places social services have offered so far have 95% dementia residents that dont talk.

Hopefully a nursing home mau ne different, won't know until I get some places to look at though.

Thanks for everyone's input

It doesnt matter if people cant communicate.....there are other pointers that you can look for when you visit.....had to do the same for my family and have worked in most areas of care......pm.me if you need to.x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've been through some ting similar with my mum. My dad was her carer however when he died her health declined further. Being an only child it was then down to me. I struggled for 3 years with her in her own home and in and out of hospital constantly. Eventually she moved into sheltered housing. It's been a god send and taken the pressure off me in a lot of ways. They manage all her medication and provide 2 main meals per day. They help with bathing and personal care. Staff are on site but she's able to still have some independece when she is well enough to. They tailor a care package to suit.

I don't know of your mums needs though so it may not be any good for her.

Also financial help is available. I work full time and have 3 children. I couldn't afford to pay for care for my mum.

I wish you the best of luck going forward x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

All very helpful posts guys amd girls.... it is appreciated more than you can imagine.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Mum is a lot better today

but I am still going to insist on a care home for her, she cannot manage herself so it's the best option for her

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

*update*

Well mum insisted that we let her go back home, so her wish has been granted, came home this afternoon and all is ok..... so far!

Told her if she goes back into hospital then she will NOT ve allowed back home again.

Let's see if she can keep up how she has been today

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"*update*

Well mum insisted that we let her go back home, so her wish has been granted, came home this afternoon and all is ok..... so far!

Told her if she goes back into hospital then she will NOT ve allowed back home again.

Let's see if she can keep up how she has been today

Is it possible for someone to stay with her for a few days ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"As some of you know, my dear old mumsie has spent the last 14 weeks in hospital...she came ouy on Tuesday afternoon, and we had a little celebration welcome home party for her!

After just a few days, she's now back in bloody hospital again

Looking very much like she will need 24 hour care in a home now, a very hard decision to have to make, but one that will benefit her the best.

Anyone else been in this situation, and how did you handle it? "
I have mate and it's hard. Good luck mate just do what you feel right for your mum

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Is it possible for someone to stay with her for a few days ? "

I have a brother that lives with her, but unfortunately he is not much use to her.

Just left her now, she is going to sleep, will be back round there in the morning to see if all is ok still.

Thanks again everyone for your support and input.

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By *aucy tiggerWoman
over a year ago

Back where I belong

Thinking of you xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

At the age of 21 my parents split up, I moved in a new flat with my mum about 6months after she was diagnosed with brest cancer

I was working at the time but had a good boss who let me take every other afternoon off so I could go to the hospital with her.

After a year of treatment I was told the treatment was not working and the cancer was spreading thru her body and would need 24hour care and should look at putting her in a care home!

Later that day after lots of tears I phoned our doctor to see if there was anyway I could look after her at home as she wasn't bedridden at the time and we were managing ok, our doctor was great he arranged Macmillan nurses to call and wheelchairs a airbed and free prescriptions ect and his home number in case we needed anything.

My boss told me not to go to work and he would take care of timesheets so I got full pay for as long as possible!.

It was hard work getting a new flat sorted as she was still divorcing my dad and money was short.

She had to go into hospital for 3 days, I used this time to decorate and get everything in place for her return with the help of friends.

On her return i managed to persuade her to take a Holliday in Spain for 3weeks at amates place, it was the first time she had been to spain and it worked wonders and back home i spent as much time as i could arranging to do all the things she dreamed of doing but couldn't in the passed. I continued to care for her for the next 2 years until she lost the fight for life. I valued the time we spent together its not easy but I think she had a better quality of life at home than in a care home with people she didn't know.

Iv the utmost respect for those that work in homes just me mum was to independent to be in one!

If you can I'd care for your mum, life's much nicer when your with ppl you love around you. Good luck op n a (((Huge hug to you both)))

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"At the age of 21 my parents split up, I moved in a new flat with my mum about 6months after she was diagnosed with brest cancer

I was working at the time but had a good boss who let me take every other afternoon off so I could go to the hospital with her.

After a year of treatment I was told the treatment was not working and the cancer was spreading thru her body and would need 24hour care and should look at putting her in a care home!

My boss told me not to go to work and he would take care of timesheets so I got full pay for as long as possible!.

It was hard work getting a new flat sorted as she was still divorcing my dad and money was short.

She had to go into hospital for 3 days, I used this time to decorate and get everything in place for her return with the help of friends.

Iv the utmost respect for those that work in homes just me mum was to independent to be in one!

If you can I'd care for your mum, life's much nicer when your with ppl you love around you. Good luck op n a (((Huge hug to you both)))

Thank you, and sorry for your loss too.

I would love to give up work for a few years and be mums full time carer, but she wouldn't allow it, I have just started my own business up and it is demanding a lot of time, mum realises this and appreciates every hour I am with her.

Good times when I am there for her, and she tells be to F.O. home at the end if the evening!

Her humor hasn't left her obviously!

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