FabSwingers.com mobile

Join us FREE, we're FREE to use

Web's largest swingers site since 2006.

Already registered?
Login here

Back to forum list
Back to The Lounge

cynicism

Jump to newest
 

By *uzy444 OP   Woman
over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

it could be said that cynicism, is a defense mask, for previous or past unresolved hurt or pain..do you agree?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Well for some maybe, I prefer to remain unjaded apparently it's one of my better qualities

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

No I don't agree as far as I'm concerned. I'm cynical about certain things because experience has taught me to be but it doesn't have to be painful or unresolved.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sometimes it is.

Sometimes it's just realism that optimists try to hide away with a negative label.

Sometimes it's just an excuse for something else entirely, like laziness.

-Courtney

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *uzy444 OP   Woman
over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside


"Well for some maybe, I prefer to remain unjaded apparently it's one of my better qualities

"

thank you, you do it very well x

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *uzy444 OP   Woman
over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside


"No I don't agree as far as I'm concerned. I'm cynical about certain things because experience has taught me to be but it doesn't have to be painful or unresolved."

but those experiences i presume made you like it so i would say its not your natural state at all..in order not to relive them again, you took on something to avoid that..just a thought x

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *uzy444 OP   Woman
over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside


"Sometimes it is.

Sometimes it's just realism that optimists try to hide away with a negative label.

Sometimes it's just an excuse for something else entirely, like laziness.

-Courtney"

what is 'real' if you are the creator of your own world? to say optimist is surely a projection that someone elses world doesnt fit your own perception..has nothing to do with whether its real to them or not, only that its not 'real' to you...

thankyou xx

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"No I don't agree as far as I'm concerned. I'm cynical about certain things because experience has taught me to be but it doesn't have to be painful or unresolved.

but those experiences i presume made you like it so i would say its not your natural state at all..in order not to relive them again, you took on something to avoid that..just a thought x"

Yes that's true but none of us is in our natural state our experiences have shaped us. For instance I tend to treat flattery and over complimentary people on here with cynicism because experience has taught me that it isn't wholly genuine, I'd say that's a good thing

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"it could be said that cynicism, is a defense mask, for previous or past unresolved hurt or pain..do you agree?"

Not at all, well not for me people are different situations are different. Being cynical is like judging a book by its cover. I would risk being hurt or pain and if it leads to that pick myself up wipe my nose and carry on

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

For me its more of a wariness...the acceptance and knowledge that you are only ever presented with a biased presentation of something or someone based on their opinions/faults/plans/mindset and objectives.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *uzy444 OP   Woman
over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside


"No I don't agree as far as I'm concerned. I'm cynical about certain things because experience has taught me to be but it doesn't have to be painful or unresolved.

but those experiences i presume made you like it so i would say its not your natural state at all..in order not to relive them again, you took on something to avoid that..just a thought x

Yes that's true but none of us is in our natural state our experiences have shaped us. For instance I tend to treat flattery and over complimentary people on here with cynicism because experience has taught me that it isn't wholly genuine, I'd say that's a good thing "

ok i get your point..id prefer to remain open and unaffected by it all though, rather than take on a 'mindful' approach..but thats me, id rather remain open and be myself at all times..thats my natural state and i like that about me.. x

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Sometimes it is.

Sometimes it's just realism that optimists try to hide away with a negative label.

Sometimes it's just an excuse for something else entirely, like laziness.

-Courtney

what is 'real' if you are the creator of your own world? to say optimist is surely a projection that someone elses world doesnt fit your own perception..has nothing to do with whether its real to them or not, only that its not 'real' to you...

thankyou xx"

I think that things are. Cynicism and optimism are negative and positive ways of _iewing things that are. Without those _iewpoints, you have realism. And I think it often happens that optimists accuse realists of being cynics because reality can suck sometimes and they can't handle that.

But then, I see myself as a realist, so who am I to judge.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"No I don't agree as far as I'm concerned. I'm cynical about certain things because experience has taught me to be but it doesn't have to be painful or unresolved.

but those experiences i presume made you like it so i would say its not your natural state at all..in order not to relive them again, you took on something to avoid that..just a thought x

Yes that's true but none of us is in our natural state our experiences have shaped us. For instance I tend to treat flattery and over complimentary people on here with cynicism because experience has taught me that it isn't wholly genuine, I'd say that's a good thing

ok i get your point..id prefer to remain open and unaffected by it all though, rather than take on a 'mindful' approach..but thats me, id rather remain open and be myself at all times..thats my natural state and i like that about me.. x"

I hope that I'm my real self at all times

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ce WingerMan
over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

Can agnostics post on this thread

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"Sometimes it is.

Sometimes it's just realism that optimists try to hide away with a negative label.

Sometimes it's just an excuse for something else entirely, like laziness.

-Courtney

what is 'real' if you are the creator of your own world? to say optimist is surely a projection that someone elses world doesnt fit your own perception..has nothing to do with whether its real to them or not, only that its not 'real' to you...

thankyou xx

I think that things are. Cynicism and optimism are negative and positive ways of _iewing things that are. Without those _iewpoints, you have realism. And I think it often happens that optimists accuse realists of being cynics because reality can suck sometimes and they can't handle that.

But then, I see myself as a realist, so who am I to judge. "

Yes I'd say I'm a realist too.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Sometimes it is.

Sometimes it's just realism that optimists try to hide away with a negative label.

Sometimes it's just an excuse for something else entirely, like laziness.

-Courtney

what is 'real' if you are the creator of your own world? to say optimist is surely a projection that someone elses world doesnt fit your own perception..has nothing to do with whether its real to them or not, only that its not 'real' to you...

thankyou xx

I think that things are. Cynicism and optimism are negative and positive ways of _iewing things that are. Without those _iewpoints, you have realism. And I think it often happens that optimists accuse realists of being cynics because reality can suck sometimes and they can't handle that.

But then, I see myself as a realist, so who am I to judge.

Yes I'd say I'm a realist too. "

I dont mean to offend but where is the excitement in being a realist

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *uzy444 OP   Woman
over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside


"Can agnostics post on this thread "

of course

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Sometimes it is.

Sometimes it's just realism that optimists try to hide away with a negative label.

Sometimes it's just an excuse for something else entirely, like laziness.

-Courtney

what is 'real' if you are the creator of your own world? to say optimist is surely a projection that someone elses world doesnt fit your own perception..has nothing to do with whether its real to them or not, only that its not 'real' to you...

thankyou xx

I think that things are. Cynicism and optimism are negative and positive ways of _iewing things that are. Without those _iewpoints, you have realism. And I think it often happens that optimists accuse realists of being cynics because reality can suck sometimes and they can't handle that.

But then, I see myself as a realist, so who am I to judge.

Yes I'd say I'm a realist too.

I dont mean to offend but where is the excitement in being a realist "

Reality can be pretty exciting.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"Sometimes it is.

Sometimes it's just realism that optimists try to hide away with a negative label.

Sometimes it's just an excuse for something else entirely, like laziness.

-Courtney

what is 'real' if you are the creator of your own world? to say optimist is surely a projection that someone elses world doesnt fit your own perception..has nothing to do with whether its real to them or not, only that its not 'real' to you...

thankyou xx

I think that things are. Cynicism and optimism are negative and positive ways of _iewing things that are. Without those _iewpoints, you have realism. And I think it often happens that optimists accuse realists of being cynics because reality can suck sometimes and they can't handle that.

But then, I see myself as a realist, so who am I to judge.

Yes I'd say I'm a realist too.

I dont mean to offend but where is the excitement in being a realist "

I think you might mistake being a realist for not being able to see the joy or excitement in anything. Seeing what I perceive to be the reality of any situation means that I can see real joy, real excitement as well as real pain or real deception.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *uzy444 OP   Woman
over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

[Removed by poster at 23/10/15 00:37:46]

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Sometimes it is.

Sometimes it's just realism that optimists try to hide away with a negative label.

Sometimes it's just an excuse for something else entirely, like laziness.

-Courtney

what is 'real' if you are the creator of your own world? to say optimist is surely a projection that someone elses world doesnt fit your own perception..has nothing to do with whether its real to them or not, only that its not 'real' to you...

thankyou xx

I think that things are. Cynicism and optimism are negative and positive ways of _iewing things that are. Without those _iewpoints, you have realism. And I think it often happens that optimists accuse realists of being cynics because reality can suck sometimes and they can't handle that.

But then, I see myself as a realist, so who am I to judge.

Yes I'd say I'm a realist too.

I dont mean to offend but where is the excitement in being a realist

Reality can be pretty exciting. "

I completely agree however dont you like taking a risk or just going with you gut feeling just on the off chance you may come across something wonderful.

I am Mr Smiley Positive

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *uzy444 OP   Woman
over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside


"Sometimes it is.

Sometimes it's just realism that optimists try to hide away with a negative label.

Sometimes it's just an excuse for something else entirely, like laziness.

-Courtney

what is 'real' if you are the creator of your own world? to say optimist is surely a projection that someone elses world doesnt fit your own perception..has nothing to do with whether its real to them or not, only that its not 'real' to you...

thankyou xx

I think that things are. Cynicism and optimism are negative and positive ways of _iewing things that are. Without those _iewpoints, you have realism. And I think it often happens that optimists accuse realists of being cynics because reality can suck sometimes and they can't handle that.

But then, I see myself as a realist, so who am I to judge.

Yes I'd say I'm a realist too.

I dont mean to offend but where is the excitement in being a realist

Reality can be pretty exciting. "

to me its joyful my expression of joy is down to my perception of whats 'real' real for everyone i know is different because its based on learned experience and behaviour..however my feeling is, it that if you believe in duality you will create it..if you find a place of no conflict within, without polarity, the joy of it all, comes into play..thats my reality because thats what ive learned and embodied x

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Sometimes it is.

Sometimes it's just realism that optimists try to hide away with a negative label.

Sometimes it's just an excuse for something else entirely, like laziness.

-Courtney

what is 'real' if you are the creator of your own world? to say optimist is surely a projection that someone elses world doesnt fit your own perception..has nothing to do with whether its real to them or not, only that its not 'real' to you...

thankyou xx

I think that things are. Cynicism and optimism are negative and positive ways of _iewing things that are. Without those _iewpoints, you have realism. And I think it often happens that optimists accuse realists of being cynics because reality can suck sometimes and they can't handle that.

But then, I see myself as a realist, so who am I to judge.

Yes I'd say I'm a realist too.

I dont mean to offend but where is the excitement in being a realist

Reality can be pretty exciting.

I completely agree however dont you like taking a risk or just going with you gut feeling just on the off chance you may come across something wonderful.

I am Mr Smiley Positive "

Mr Smiley Positue, eh? Haha

No. I go with facts, not my gut. That has already led me to some pretty wonderful things

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Sometimes it is.

Sometimes it's just realism that optimists try to hide away with a negative label.

Sometimes it's just an excuse for something else entirely, like laziness.

-Courtney

what is 'real' if you are the creator of your own world? to say optimist is surely a projection that someone elses world doesnt fit your own perception..has nothing to do with whether its real to them or not, only that its not 'real' to you...

thankyou xx

I think that things are. Cynicism and optimism are negative and positive ways of _iewing things that are. Without those _iewpoints, you have realism. And I think it often happens that optimists accuse realists of being cynics because reality can suck sometimes and they can't handle that.

But then, I see myself as a realist, so who am I to judge.

Yes I'd say I'm a realist too.

I dont mean to offend but where is the excitement in being a realist

Reality can be pretty exciting.

to me its joyful my expression of joy is down to my perception of whats 'real' real for everyone i know is different because its based on learned experience and behaviour..however my feeling is, it that if you believe in duality you will create it..if you find a place of no conflict within, without polarity, the joy of it all, comes into play..thats my reality because thats what ive learned and embodied x"

I get you Suzy. I don't think I agree, but I get you.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"it could be said that cynicism, is a defense mask, for previous or past unresolved hurt or pain..do you agree?"

Nah its just a sensible and realistic aproach to the unknown.

Assuming the best can result in being exposed to much greater risk.

An example would be you get in your car and you put your seat belt on, it serves no purpose but to protect you in a crash it exists for purely cynical reasons as it assumes the word will happen.

Doesn't mean you expect it to just that it's better to be prepared than go blindly assuming only good things will happen.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"it could be said that cynicism, is a defense mask, for previous or past unresolved hurt or pain..do you agree?

Nah its just a sensible and realistic aproach to the unknown.

Assuming the best can result in being exposed to much greater risk.

An example would be you get in your car and you put your seat belt on, it serves no purpose but to protect you in a crash it exists for purely cynical reasons as it assumes the word will happen.

Doesn't mean you expect it to just that it's better to be prepared than go blindly assuming only good things will happen."

But wouldnt that approach possibly stopping a hood thing happening in your life ??

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ce WingerMan
over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ


"[Removed by poster at 23/10/15 00:37:46]"

Well I'm not sure whether you really meant that

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"it could be said that cynicism, is a defense mask, for previous or past unresolved hurt or pain..do you agree?

Nah its just a sensible and realistic aproach to the unknown.

Assuming the best can result in being exposed to much greater risk.

An example would be you get in your car and you put your seat belt on, it serves no purpose but to protect you in a crash it exists for purely cynical reasons as it assumes the word will happen.

Doesn't mean you expect it to just that it's better to be prepared than go blindly assuming only good things will happen.

But wouldnt that approach possibly stopping a hood thing happening in your life ?? "

How would it?

You're not avoiding anything you're simply putting in risk mitigation measures.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs


"it could be said that cynicism, is a defense mask, for previous or past unresolved hurt or pain..do you agree?"

I think it is a self-protection, but can be simply a preventative tool based on past experience of a particular reality, unresolved pain is not required.

I am an optimist by nature, wildly hopeful at times, but I hope I would temper that with some caution, even skepticism, to avoid disappointment rather than cynicism per se.

I would not want to go too far the other way and be naive and gullible either.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"it could be said that cynicism, is a defense mask, for previous or past unresolved hurt or pain..do you agree?

Nah its just a sensible and realistic aproach to the unknown.

Assuming the best can result in being exposed to much greater risk.

An example would be you get in your car and you put your seat belt on, it serves no purpose but to protect you in a crash it exists for purely cynical reasons as it assumes the word will happen.

Doesn't mean you expect it to just that it's better to be prepared than go blindly assuming only good things will happen.

But wouldnt that approach possibly stopping a hood thing happening in your life ??

How would it?

You're not avoiding anything you're simply putting in risk mitigation measures.

"

Can you ever really mitigate risk ? So why not risk it and just go for it ?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"it could be said that cynicism, is a defense mask, for previous or past unresolved hurt or pain..do you agree?

Nah its just a sensible and realistic aproach to the unknown.

Assuming the best can result in being exposed to much greater risk.

An example would be you get in your car and you put your seat belt on, it serves no purpose but to protect you in a crash it exists for purely cynical reasons as it assumes the word will happen.

Doesn't mean you expect it to just that it's better to be prepared than go blindly assuming only good things will happen.

But wouldnt that approach possibly stopping a hood thing happening in your life ??

How would it?

You're not avoiding anything you're simply putting in risk mitigation measures.

Can you ever really mitigate risk ? So why not risk it and just go for it ?"

Of course you can??

Your name is eagerrDOM a major part of your role in an SM relationship is risk mitigation?

For instance would you use an impact cane over someone's kidneys?

Would you use knots that self tighten for restraining someone's wrists or ankles for an extended session?

We mitigate risk in every in we do, we don't remove it but we reduce its ability to harm us.

Example person A tells me they're completely clear of stds

Cynical response = wear a condom just in case for both of us.

The engine tells you the winch on the overhead crane is ultra safe

Cynical response = no one is allowed to pass under and elevated load just in case

Because you cannot remove risk entirely does not mean you shouldn't take measures to reduce its impact I'd the worst happens.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"it could be said that cynicism, is a defense mask, for previous or past unresolved hurt or pain..do you agree?

Nah its just a sensible and realistic aproach to the unknown.

Assuming the best can result in being exposed to much greater risk.

An example would be you get in your car and you put your seat belt on, it serves no purpose but to protect you in a crash it exists for purely cynical reasons as it assumes the word will happen.

Doesn't mean you expect it to just that it's better to be prepared than go blindly assuming only good things will happen.

But wouldnt that approach possibly stopping a hood thing happening in your life ??

How would it?

You're not avoiding anything you're simply putting in risk mitigation measures.

Can you ever really mitigate risk ? So why not risk it and just go for it ?

Of course you can??

Your name is eagerrDOM a major part of your role in an SM relationship is risk mitigation?

For instance would you use an impact cane over someone's kidneys?

Would you use knots that self tighten for restraining someone's wrists or ankles for an extended session?

We mitigate risk in every in we do, we don't remove it but we reduce its ability to harm us.

Example person A tells me they're completely clear of stds

Cynical response = wear a condom just in case for both of us.

The engine tells you the winch on the overhead crane is ultra safe

Cynical response = no one is allowed to pass under and elevated load just in case

Because you cannot remove risk entirely does not mean you shouldn't take measures to reduce its impact I'd the worst happens.

"

I totally get what you mean with what you have put above and i agree in a practical setting.

They way you make it sound is a project management exercise.

Where does the spontaneity come with your emotions just because something hurt in the past or it caused you pain it doesnt mean it will again. I am talking from an emotional _iew point

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"it could be said that cynicism, is a defense mask, for previous or past unresolved hurt or pain..do you agree?

Nah its just a sensible and realistic aproach to the unknown.

Assuming the best can result in being exposed to much greater risk.

An example would be you get in your car and you put your seat belt on, it serves no purpose but to protect you in a crash it exists for purely cynical reasons as it assumes the word will happen.

Doesn't mean you expect it to just that it's better to be prepared than go blindly assuming only good things will happen.

But wouldnt that approach possibly stopping a hood thing happening in your life ??

How would it?

You're not avoiding anything you're simply putting in risk mitigation measures.

Can you ever really mitigate risk ? So why not risk it and just go for it ?

Of course you can??

Your name is eagerrDOM a major part of your role in an SM relationship is risk mitigation?

For instance would you use an impact cane over someone's kidneys?

Would you use knots that self tighten for restraining someone's wrists or ankles for an extended session?

We mitigate risk in every in we do, we don't remove it but we reduce its ability to harm us.

Example person A tells me they're completely clear of stds

Cynical response = wear a condom just in case for both of us.

The engine tells you the winch on the overhead crane is ultra safe

Cynical response = no one is allowed to pass under and elevated load just in case

Because you cannot remove risk entirely does not mean you shouldn't take measures to reduce its impact I'd the worst happens.

I totally get what you mean with what you have put above and i agree in a practical setting.

They way you make it sound is a project management exercise.

Where does the spontaneity come with your emotions just because something hurt in the past or it caused you pain it doesnt mean it will again. I am talking from an emotional _iew point "

Meh I have no choice in my emotions they are what they are. I love, I hate I feel joy or sadness irrespective of my desire.

But I don't give my pin number to every girl I have an emotional connection with :p

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs


"it could be said that cynicism, is a defense mask, for previous or past unresolved hurt or pain..do you agree?

Nah its just a sensible and realistic aproach to the unknown.

Assuming the best can result in being exposed to much greater risk.

An example would be you get in your car and you put your seat belt on, it serves no purpose but to protect you in a crash it exists for purely cynical reasons as it assumes the word will happen.

Doesn't mean you expect it to just that it's better to be prepared than go blindly assuming only good things will happen.

But wouldnt that approach possibly stopping a hood thing happening in your life ??

How would it?

You're not avoiding anything you're simply putting in risk mitigation measures.

Can you ever really mitigate risk ? So why not risk it and just go for it ?

Of course you can??

Your name is eagerrDOM a major part of your role in an SM relationship is risk mitigation?

For instance would you use an impact cane over someone's kidneys?

Would you use knots that self tighten for restraining someone's wrists or ankles for an extended session?

We mitigate risk in every in we do, we don't remove it but we reduce its ability to harm us.

Example person A tells me they're completely clear of stds

Cynical response = wear a condom just in case for both of us.

The engine tells you the winch on the overhead crane is ultra safe

Cynical response = no one is allowed to pass under and elevated load just in case

Because you cannot remove risk entirely does not mean you shouldn't take measures to reduce its impact I'd the worst happens.

I totally get what you mean with what you have put above and i agree in a practical setting.

They way you make it sound is a project management exercise.

Where does the spontaneity come with your emotions just because something hurt in the past or it caused you pain it doesnt mean it will again. I am talking from an emotional _iew point

Meh I have no choice in my emotions they are what they are. I love, I hate I feel joy or sadness irrespective of my desire.

But I don't give my pin number to every girl I have an emotional connection with :p"

Haha, on that note I'm turning in!!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By * TRUE GENTMan
over a year ago

west bromwich

Well I started to read the comments _uzy444 as so written on this forum .just endeavoured me to have a read of her verification and her written profile having not even seen a picture of her you can read that this lady is a sublime intelligent and an Intriguing lady .You could envision it would be a unique and desirable moment of time in life to meet this sensual and capsulating lady

Fondness happiness

Glenn

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Well I started to read the comments _uzy444 as so written on this forum .just endeavoured me to have a read of her verification and her written profile having not even seen a picture of her you can read that this lady is a sublime intelligent and an Intriguing lady .You could envision it would be a unique and desirable moment of time in life to meet this sensual and capsulating lady

Fondness happiness

Glenn

"

See the cynic in me wants to day all sorts of things about that post lol

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *moothies.Couple
over a year ago

Woodthorpe


"Well I started to read the comments _uzy444 as so written on this forum .just endeavoured me to have a read of her verification and her written profile having not even seen a picture of her you can read that this lady is a sublime intelligent and an Intriguing lady .You could envision it would be a unique and desirable moment of time in life to meet this sensual and capsulating lady

Fondness happiness

Glenn

See the cynic in me wants to day all sorts of things about that post lol"

Mine is screaming CREEP

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"it could be said that cynicism, is a defense mask, for previous or past unresolved hurt or pain..do you agree?

Nah its just a sensible and realistic aproach to the unknown.

Assuming the best can result in being exposed to much greater risk.

An example would be you get in your car and you put your seat belt on, it serves no purpose but to protect you in a crash it exists for purely cynical reasons as it assumes the word will happen.

Doesn't mean you expect it to just that it's better to be prepared than go blindly assuming only good things will happen.

But wouldnt that approach possibly stopping a hood thing happening in your life ??

How would it?

You're not avoiding anything you're simply putting in risk mitigation measures.

Can you ever really mitigate risk ? So why not risk it and just go for it ?

Of course you can??

Your name is eagerrDOM a major part of your role in an SM relationship is risk mitigation?

For instance would you use an impact cane over someone's kidneys?

Would you use knots that self tighten for restraining someone's wrists or ankles for an extended session?

We mitigate risk in every in we do, we don't remove it but we reduce its ability to harm us.

Example person A tells me they're completely clear of stds

Cynical response = wear a condom just in case for both of us.

The engine tells you the winch on the overhead crane is ultra safe

Cynical response = no one is allowed to pass under and elevated load just in case

Because you cannot remove risk entirely does not mean you shouldn't take measures to reduce its impact I'd the worst happens.

I totally get what you mean with what you have put above and i agree in a practical setting.

They way you make it sound is a project management exercise.

Where does the spontaneity come with your emotions just because something hurt in the past or it caused you pain it doesnt mean it will again. I am talking from an emotional _iew point "

Unfortunately the human brain constantly risk assesses everything you do based on learned experience. I bet you haven't deliberately touched a hot iron twice.

A lot of accidents/deaths that we see can be attributed to people wilfully ignoring that internal process.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"it could be said that cynicism, is a defense mask, for previous or past unresolved hurt or pain..do you agree?"

Most probably. Or put another way a reflection of your own life experience. So things I might be cynical about might be different to those that you or someone else might be depending on the lemons that life has served me compared to others.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not necessarily. I think some people are just naturally more cynical than others, it's hard wired into them. I can be quite cynical, my approach tends to be to expect the worst because then I can't be disappointed or caught off guard - but I don't have a history of people disappointing me, I've just always been that way.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I find its much better to keep an open mind and heart .

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Not necessarily. I think some people are just naturally more cynical than others, it's hard wired into them. I can be quite cynical, my approach tends to be to expect the worst because then I can't be disappointed or caught off guard - but I don't have a history of people disappointing me, I've just always been that way."

Maybe it's the reason you don't have that history :p

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *igeiaWoman
over a year ago

Bristol

A healthy dose of cynicism is no bad thing. I'm a natural optimist but my cynicism balances it out to make me a realist. You can be both. Expect the best but prepare for the worst.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Not necessarily. I think some people are just naturally more cynical than others, it's hard wired into them. I can be quite cynical, my approach tends to be to expect the worst because then I can't be disappointed or caught off guard - but I don't have a history of people disappointing me, I've just always been that way.

Maybe it's the reason you don't have that history :p"

Very true, so my plan worked!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"A healthy dose of cynicism is no bad thing. I'm a natural optimist but my cynicism balances it out to make me a realist. You can be both. Expect the best but prepare for the worst."

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"it could be said that cynicism, is a defense mask, for previous or past unresolved hurt or pain..do you agree?

Nah its just a sensible and realistic aproach to the unknown.

Assuming the best can result in being exposed to much greater risk.

An example would be you get in your car and you put your seat belt on, it serves no purpose but to protect you in a crash it exists for purely cynical reasons as it assumes the word will happen.

Doesn't mean you expect it to just that it's better to be prepared than go blindly assuming only good things will happen."

Great example.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"A healthy dose of cynicism is no bad thing. I'm a natural optimist but my cynicism balances it out to make me a realist. You can be both. Expect the best but prepare for the worst."

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"it could be said that cynicism, is a defense mask, for previous or past unresolved hurt or pain..do you agree?

Most probably. Or put another way a reflection of your own life experience. So things I might be cynical about might be different to those that you or someone else might be depending on the lemons that life has served me compared to others.

"

I can understand that this is a common response to upsetting or traumatic events but it's not a pattern followed by all. I'm very open, innocent and trusting and prefer to look for the best in people, despite undergoing a horrific childhood. It hasn't jaded me.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"it could be said that cynicism, is a defense mask, for previous or past unresolved hurt or pain..do you agree?"

All I know is it's a bugger to say when you've had a few drinks

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't think cynicism should be seen as a negative thing, it only is if it overtakes all else. I just see it as a healthy dose of realism and "if it seems to good to be true it probably is". It doesn't mean I'm not capable of love or trust.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I don't think cynicism should be seen as a negative thing, it only is if it overtakes all else. I just see it as a healthy dose of realism and "if it seems to good to be true it probably is". It doesn't mean I'm not capable of love or trust."

I believe that's different to cynicism. You described listening to your gut, or using intuition. If something doesn't feel right then be wary until you know for sure what the situation is. Cynicism is:

an inclination to believe that people are motivated purely by self-interest; scepticism.

This has nothing to do with intuitive feelings or realism and everything to do with a negative and jaded world _iew.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I don't think cynicism should be seen as a negative thing, it only is if it overtakes all else. I just see it as a healthy dose of realism and "if it seems to good to be true it probably is". It doesn't mean I'm not capable of love or trust.

I believe that's different to cynicism. You described listening to your gut, or using intuition. If something doesn't feel right then be wary until you know for sure what the situation is. Cynicism is:

an inclination to believe that people are motivated purely by self-interest; scepticism.

This has nothing to do with intuitive feelings or realism and everything to do with a negative and jaded world _iew."

But I listen to my gut and use intuition because people are mostly (not purely) motivated by self interest and I'm sceptical about people and situations until proved otherwise. I just don't think that's negative or jaded - it's been shown time and again in the world that, on the whole, people act in their own self interest. I know I do, so I expect others to as well.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I don't think cynicism should be seen as a negative thing, it only is if it overtakes all else. I just see it as a healthy dose of realism and "if it seems to good to be true it probably is". It doesn't mean I'm not capable of love or trust.

I believe that's different to cynicism. You described listening to your gut, or using intuition. If something doesn't feel right then be wary until you know for sure what the situation is. Cynicism is:

an inclination to believe that people are motivated purely by self-interest; scepticism.

This has nothing to do with intuitive feelings or realism and everything to do with a negative and jaded world _iew.

But I listen to my gut and use intuition because people are mostly (not purely) motivated by self interest and I'm sceptical about people and situations until proved otherwise. I just don't think that's negative or jaded - it's been shown time and again in the world that, on the whole, people act in their own self interest. I know I do, so I expect others to as well. "

Of course everyone behaves out of self interest and that's ok and normal. The cynical person will believe that that is the sole motivation behind anything anyone ever does.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

ok i get your point..id prefer to remain open and unaffected by it all though, rather than take on a 'mindful' approach..but thats me, id rather remain open and be myself at all times..thats my natural state and i like that about me.. x"

To be open and unaffected by previous experiences, would that be called folly and naivety?

Does it fall into learned behaviour to have our _iew point changed by experiences?

I see it like a child who touches a hot stove and burns their hand. They are then in future wary of hot stoves.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

I see optimism/realism/cynicism as some sort of continuum - we all default to a particular point as standard, vary somewhat in different circumstances sometimes, and perceive everyone else relative to our starting point, resulting in self-perceived realists being regarded as cynics by slight optimists.

For example, I see myself as moderately cynical, but within reach of realism. Others see me as massively cynical...

In general, most of us will be in the middle 80% of the distribution curve of that continuum - and that's fine. The ones to worry about are the 10% at each end who are either bitter and twisted or horribly naiive...

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think most people have a sense of self preservation - where past events have taught us to be cynical about things that have hurt us or caused us discomfort in the past.

I would love to have an unjaded outlook on life, almost childlike where excitement and wonder are the main emotions - instead of presuming to already know the outcome before it has happened!

It's difficult to leave yourself open - especially to things that have hurt us in the past, to do them again and maybe get a different more positive result.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd agree. Healthy scepticism is useful in a world with so much smoke and mirrors, but cynicism seems to me to have underlying bitterness that may well come from repressed anger and sadness.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'd agree. Healthy scepticism is useful in a world with so much smoke and mirrors, but cynicism seems to me to have underlying bitterness that may well come from repressed anger and sadness."

....and fear

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'd agree. Healthy scepticism is useful in a world with so much smoke and mirrors, but cynicism seems to me to have underlying bitterness that may well come from repressed anger and sadness.

....and fear"

Not really I think that's just the way people _iew it to help themselves with their denial that their own actions got them in trouble "well it's not my fault I'm just not a cynic" etc.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

The cynic in me may well have predicted how this thread would go .

There are not many of us who are totally cynical in our approach to the world most of us who admit to being cynics apply it appropriately and selectively, perhaps that isn't cynicism maybe it's scepticism.

My approach to life doesn't come from a place anger, fear or pain and I'm bemused that anyone would think that.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"The cynic in me may well have predicted how this thread would go .

There are not many of us who are totally cynical in our approach to the world most of us who admit to being cynics apply it appropriately and selectively, perhaps that isn't cynicism maybe it's scepticism.

My approach to life doesn't come from a place anger, fear or pain and I'm bemused that anyone would think that."

I would never describe you as cynical. Healthy sceptic, savvy, worldly-wise but not cynical

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"The cynic in me may well have predicted how this thread would go .

There are not many of us who are totally cynical in our approach to the world most of us who admit to being cynics apply it appropriately and selectively, perhaps that isn't cynicism maybe it's scepticism.

My approach to life doesn't come from a place anger, fear or pain and I'm bemused that anyone would think that.

I would never describe you as cynical. Healthy sceptic, savvy, worldly-wise but not cynical"

I was thinking on this while I was washing up and I think you're probably right, I have described myself as a cynic without actually thinking about its real definition. Other people have described me as cynical though.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

I think I'm more realistic than cynical.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'd agree. Healthy scepticism is useful in a world with so much smoke and mirrors, but cynicism seems to me to have underlying bitterness that may well come from repressed anger and sadness.

....and fear

Not really I think that's just the way people _iew it to help themselves with their denial that their own actions got them in trouble "well it's not my fault I'm just not a cynic" etc.

"

I think that may be gullibility or naivety not the absence of cynicism necessarily. Cynical is a word I'd use to describe an overdone strength that is dysfunctional rather than functional

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"The cynic in me may well have predicted how this thread would go .

There are not many of us who are totally cynical in our approach to the world most of us who admit to being cynics apply it appropriately and selectively, perhaps that isn't cynicism maybe it's scepticism.

My approach to life doesn't come from a place anger, fear or pain and I'm bemused that anyone would think that.

I would never describe you as cynical. Healthy sceptic, savvy, worldly-wise but not cynical

I was thinking on this while I was washing up and I think you're probably right, I have described myself as a cynic without actually thinking about its real definition. Other people have described me as cynical though."
That sounds like they were projecting

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"The cynic in me may well have predicted how this thread would go .

There are not many of us who are totally cynical in our approach to the world most of us who admit to being cynics apply it appropriately and selectively, perhaps that isn't cynicism maybe it's scepticism.

My approach to life doesn't come from a place anger, fear or pain and I'm bemused that anyone would think that.

I would never describe you as cynical. Healthy sceptic, savvy, worldly-wise but not cynical

I was thinking on this while I was washing up and I think you're probably right, I have described myself as a cynic without actually thinking about its real definition. Other people have described me as cynical though. That sounds like they were projecting"

That sounds cynical

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"The cynic in me may well have predicted how this thread would go .

There are not many of us who are totally cynical in our approach to the world most of us who admit to being cynics apply it appropriately and selectively, perhaps that isn't cynicism maybe it's scepticism.

My approach to life doesn't come from a place anger, fear or pain and I'm bemused that anyone would think that.

I would never describe you as cynical. Healthy sceptic, savvy, worldly-wise but not cynical

I was thinking on this while I was washing up and I think you're probably right, I have described myself as a cynic without actually thinking about its real definition. Other people have described me as cynical though. That sounds like they were projecting

That sounds cynical "

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"it could be said that cynicism, is a defense mask, for previous or past unresolved hurt or pain..do you agree?

Nah its just a sensible and realistic aproach to the unknown.

Assuming the best can result in being exposed to much greater risk.

An example would be you get in your car and you put your seat belt on, it serves no purpose but to protect you in a crash it exists for purely cynical reasons as it assumes the word will happen.

Doesn't mean you expect it to just that it's better to be prepared than go blindly assuming only good things will happen.

But wouldnt that approach possibly stopping a hood thing happening in your life ??

How would it?

You're not avoiding anything you're simply putting in risk mitigation measures.

Can you ever really mitigate risk ? So why not risk it and just go for it ?

Of course you can??

Your name is eagerrDOM a major part of your role in an SM relationship is risk mitigation?

For instance would you use an impact cane over someone's kidneys?

Would you use knots that self tighten for restraining someone's wrists or ankles for an extended session?

We mitigate risk in every in we do, we don't remove it but we reduce its ability to harm us.

Example person A tells me they're completely clear of stds

Cynical response = wear a condom just in case for both of us.

The engine tells you the winch on the overhead crane is ultra safe

Cynical response = no one is allowed to pass under and elevated load just in case

Because you cannot remove risk entirely does not mean you shouldn't take measures to reduce its impact I'd the worst happens.

I totally get what you mean with what you have put above and i agree in a practical setting.

They way you make it sound is a project management exercise.

Where does the spontaneity come with your emotions just because something hurt in the past or it caused you pain it doesnt mean it will again. I am talking from an emotional _iew point

Unfortunately the human brain constantly risk assesses everything you do based on learned experience. I bet you haven't deliberately touched a hot iron twice.

A lot of accidents/deaths that we see can be attributed to people wilfully ignoring that internal process."

I think I'd argue that's not cynicism but rather risk awareness

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"The cynic in me may well have predicted how this thread would go .

There are not many of us who are totally cynical in our approach to the world most of us who admit to being cynics apply it appropriately and selectively, perhaps that isn't cynicism maybe it's scepticism.

My approach to life doesn't come from a place anger, fear or pain and I'm bemused that anyone would think that.

I would never describe you as cynical. Healthy sceptic, savvy, worldly-wise but not cynical

I was thinking on this while I was washing up and I think you're probably right, I have described myself as a cynic without actually thinking about its real definition. Other people have described me as cynical though. That sounds like they were projecting"

Possibly. It's usually when I raise a wry eyebrow at an outlandish claim by a politician.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"The cynic in me may well have predicted how this thread would go .

There are not many of us who are totally cynical in our approach to the world most of us who admit to being cynics apply it appropriately and selectively, perhaps that isn't cynicism maybe it's scepticism.

My approach to life doesn't come from a place anger, fear or pain and I'm bemused that anyone would think that.

I would never describe you as cynical. Healthy sceptic, savvy, worldly-wise but not cynical

I was thinking on this while I was washing up and I think you're probably right, I have described myself as a cynic without actually thinking about its real definition. Other people have described me as cynical though. That sounds like they were projecting

Possibly. It's usually when I raise a wry eyebrow at an outlandish claim by a politician."

Who wouldn't? Don't answer that

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs


"The cynic in me may well have predicted how this thread would go .

There are not many of us who are totally cynical in our approach to the world most of us who admit to being cynics apply it appropriately and selectively, perhaps that isn't cynicism maybe it's scepticism.

My approach to life doesn't come from a place anger, fear or pain and I'm bemused that anyone would think that.

I would never describe you as cynical. Healthy sceptic, savvy, worldly-wise but not cynical

I was thinking on this while I was washing up and I think you're probably right, I have described myself as a cynic without actually thinking about its real definition. Other people have described me as cynical though. That sounds like they were projecting

Possibly. It's usually when I raise a wry eyebrow at an outlandish claim by a politician.

Who wouldn't? Don't answer that "

Yes, there comes a point where cynicism is a logical response to a predicatible reality!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I see optimism/realism/cynicism as some sort of continuum - we all default to a particular point as standard, vary somewhat in different circumstances sometimes, and perceive everyone else relative to our starting point, resulting in self-perceived realists being regarded as cynics by slight optimists.

For example, I see myself as moderately cynical, but within reach of realism. Others see me as massively cynical...

In general, most of us will be in the middle 80% of the distribution curve of that continuum - and that's fine. The ones to worry about are the 10% at each end who are either bitter and twisted or horribly naiive..."

This makes sense. I see the extreme of naivety as just as damaging as the extreme of cynicism too.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"The cynic in me may well have predicted how this thread would go .

There are not many of us who are totally cynical in our approach to the world most of us who admit to being cynics apply it appropriately and selectively, perhaps that isn't cynicism maybe it's scepticism.

My approach to life doesn't come from a place anger, fear or pain and I'm bemused that anyone would think that.

I would never describe you as cynical. Healthy sceptic, savvy, worldly-wise but not cynical

I was thinking on this while I was washing up and I think you're probably right, I have described myself as a cynic without actually thinking about its real definition. Other people have described me as cynical though. That sounds like they were projecting

Possibly. It's usually when I raise a wry eyebrow at an outlandish claim by a politician.

Who wouldn't? Don't answer that

Yes, there comes a point where cynicism is a logical response to a predicatible reality! "
at which point I'd call it wisdom rather than cynicism

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs


"The cynic in me may well have predicted how this thread would go .

There are not many of us who are totally cynical in our approach to the world most of us who admit to being cynics apply it appropriately and selectively, perhaps that isn't cynicism maybe it's scepticism.

My approach to life doesn't come from a place anger, fear or pain and I'm bemused that anyone would think that.

I would never describe you as cynical. Healthy sceptic, savvy, worldly-wise but not cynical

I was thinking on this while I was washing up and I think you're probably right, I have described myself as a cynic without actually thinking about its real definition. Other people have described me as cynical though. That sounds like they were projecting

Possibly. It's usually when I raise a wry eyebrow at an outlandish claim by a politician.

Who wouldn't? Don't answer that

Yes, there comes a point where cynicism is a logical response to a predicatible reality! at which point I'd call it wisdom rather than cynicism "

Haha, very wise.......

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *iamondjoeMan
over a year ago

Glastonbury

Allow me, if you will, a short digression on the meaning of Cynicism.

Cynicism (Greek: ????sµ??) is a school of Ancient Greek philosophy as practiced by the cynics.

For the cynics, the purpose of life was to live in virtue, in agreement with nature.

As reasoning creatures, people could gain happiness by rigorous training and by living in a way which was natural for themselves, rejecting all conventional desires for wealth, power, sex, and fame (I like all of this except the no sex part).

Instead, they were to lead a simple life free from all possessions.

By the 19th century, emphasis on the negative aspects of cynic philosophy led to the modern understanding of cynicism to mean a disposition of disbelief in the sincerity or goodness of human motives and actions.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

Each of us is going to create our own individual constellations of our experiences, that influence our reactions to subsequent life events or interpersonal relationships. Whatever our behaviour, it is purposeful, even if it doesn't foster the best relationships.

Cynicism isn't inherently negative and how we'd each do this, as well as why, will differ - so I'd feel it inappropriate to label it a defense mechanism, as it'll be driven differently. The op may not have asked about cynicism - I've been interrupted whilst writing, but the same holds firm for their point.

We're by nature questioning beasts, seeking accuracy in the meanings that we make. We become uncomfortable if we don't get things right, so this drive for meaning is powerful. It doesn't need to follow that this sort of behaviour seeks to protect us.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Each of us is going to create our own individual constellations of our experiences, that influence our reactions to subsequent life events or interpersonal relationships. Whatever our behaviour, it is purposeful, even if it doesn't foster the best relationships.

Cynicism isn't inherently negative and how we'd each do this, as well as why, will differ - so I'd feel it inappropriate to label it a defense mechanism, as it'll be driven differently. The op may not have asked about cynicism - I've been interrupted whilst writing, but the same holds firm for their point.

We're by nature questioning beasts, seeking accuracy in the meanings that we make. We become uncomfortable if we don't get things right, so this drive for meaning is powerful. It doesn't need to follow that this sort of behaviour seeks to protect us. "

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 
 

By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

or it reflects a sense of realism....

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
Post new Message to Thread
back to top